I’ve been journaling since I was a grumpy teenager. It all started when I received a Christmas present of a 5-Year Diary. I was underwhelmed until I noticed that it had a lock with a little golden key. That lock inspired me to start writing and to start processing my hormonal storm of emotions.

My mom used to gaze longingly at my diary… no doubt wondering if it held the secret to managing her grumpy teenager!

More than 50 years later, and I’m still journaling. The only time I stopped was when my alcohol dependence was at its worst. A true sign that I’d lost myself.

As I (finally) began my path to an alcohol-free life, I began to journal again. It was an indispensable tool to reconnect with myself and track my life changing journey.

Here are 7 reasons to journal.

Process Your Emotions and Take Action

Journaling is a powerful tool which can literally transform your thoughts, feelings, fears and worries into something you can work with in a calm and organised way, freeing up your mind and creating space in your heart. 

You can grump and complain and whinge onto the page until you feel better.

You can process your anger by writing it down, enabling you to deal with the source of your anger in a calm and rational way.

You can reflect on your day and record what went well and what could have gone better. If you think you could have handled a situation in a different way, then write about it and begin to explore and recognise your patterns of behaviour.

Do you get irrationally angry with your husband if he doesn’t listen to you? Is this linked to the fact that you felt “unheard” as a child of busy parents?

If this is the kind of thing you discuss with your therapist, then think of your journal as a second therapist or use it as prep for your therapy sessions.

Improve Your Health

In the 1980s, Professor James Pennebaker discovered the astonishing link between expressive writing and improved health. The idea is to set aside 15 minutes a day to write about any worries that keep you up at night. The benefits range from improving the immune system to better sleep and better scores on exams and cognitive tests.

Keep your journal beside your bed, and if you can’t sleep, list your worries, clear your mind and it should be easier to get back to sleep.

Apart from physical health benefits, our mental health will improve as our anxiety reduces. Many of us “overthink” everything that happens to us and end up in a nonstop cycle of obsessive thinking and brooding. Journaling can help us break out of that cycle and regulate our emotions.

Studies have shown that expressive writing can even have a positive effect on your social life – get all those worries out of your head into your journal, and you can connect better with others and be a better listener.

Kickstart Your Creativity

Are you worried that you are “not a writer”? A “writer” in the true sense is someone who writes things down to find their way out of emotional pain and discomfort. A much healthier way than using alcohol, drugs or food to numb our pain.

One of the best ways to find your voice as a writer is to read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. She explains the magic of doing “morning pages” every day. First thing in the morning, grab a notepad and just write. Write about your dreams, whatever thoughts are in your head, and how you feel about the day ahead. It may feel strange at first, but eventually you will fill a couple of pages without difficulty and this fluency will carry over into your journaling practice.

We may not know what we are going to write until we start writing – that’s when the magic happens. Throw away your morning pages when they are done – they are for your eyes only, as is your journal.

Track Your Transformation

Your journal is a place to pour out your heart and soul in all of its many forms. It’s where the transformation will begin.

If you have experienced trauma in your life, then it may be painful to write about it but experiencing pain leads to personal growth. Documenting traumatic events will ultimately become a valuable part of the acceptance process. Acceptance is a valuable and effective way of getting unstuck, of freeing yourself to move forward. We can drain our pain of its rawness.

We can look back at what we’ve written and get perspective on our journey.

At the very core of journaling is the practice of getting to know yourself better and discovering why you do what you do and what is happening in your life. What changes do you truly want to see? How do you want to feel? What is missing? What is taking up too much space and energy?

Combine with Your Gratitude Practice

Reflecting on things in your life that you are thankful for is always beneficial and can be incorporated into your journal. Shifting your focus from what is lacking to what you already have can enhance your mood and lead to a greater sense of contentment. Expressing gratitude for others in your life will enhance your relationships. Showing appreciation fosters a sense of connection and deepens your bond.

A daily gratitude practice results in better self-esteem and increased resilience as we focus on our achievements. Mindfulness is a by-product of journaling as we become more aware of our emotions and better at living in the moment.

Even sitting quietly and reflecting on what to include in your gratitude list will trigger those happy brain chemicals and if you include “because” after each item it will enhance the depth and effectiveness of your practice.

Self-Knowledge: Be a Scientist in Your Own Life

I love the analogy of a journal as a laboratory. A place to experiment and explore. The key to personal growth, self-discovery and understanding.

Become an observer in your own life. Let your page become a laboratory in which to try out new ideas. A place to understand your pain, safely explore your dreams and guide you to a beautiful future.

Be curious and willing to learn from your experiences. Journaling will allow you to discover your patterns, gain new perspectives and uncover hidden aspects of your character.

Narrative therapy teaches us that we use stories to make sense of our lives, and what better place to document those stories than your journal? As we travel through our lives, we may go through tough times and wonder what it all means, but later in life we can look back and realise it was for a reason.

My personal experience of a tough time eventually becoming a gift was my struggle with alcohol dependence. From the darkest period in my life came the birth of Tribe Sober which has been giving me purpose and joy since 2015.

A Treasure Trove

Most of us spend a lot of time on our computers, so purchasing a beautiful notebook and physically writing up our journal can provide a tactile and grounding experience. Handwriting provides a creative outlet, and you can personalize your diary with sketches and doodles.

Noting your favourite quotes, affirmations and ideas in your journal will transform it into something you’ll want to treasure. One of our Tribe Sober members used to doodle during her coaching sessions and then developed those doodles into beautiful drawings in her journal. She’s published it digitally – it’s called TOTS (the other 12 steps) – so whether you’re interested in her journey to sobriety or just want to see an example of a beautiful journal you can email me at janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you a copy.

If you’d like a bit of help and inspiration to get started with journaling, why not check out the Tribe Sober Journalling Course we’re running from 28^th August to 1^st September. We’ll be happy to see you there!

Let’s Have a Conversation

Do you journal? If yes, then what benefits have you experienced? If not, have you ever thought about it? What stopped you from journaling? Have you heard about the benefits of a gratitude practice? Are you sober curious and wondering if journaling would be useful to learn more about your relationship with alcohol?

Recently I got the pleasure of sitting down with one of my favorite sources for celebrity news and gossip OK! Magazine to chat about all things Real Housewives of New York fashion. Check out my take on the women’s style and weigh in with your favorites and takes in the comments!

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click here to read which Real Housewife Lauren thinks has had the biggest fashion glow up

Originally posted at: BBH x OK Magazine: #RHONY Fashion Breakdown

I am six weeks into my new life back in the UK, and how interesting this stepping stone is proving to be! I decided to invest in a small lodge near the Cornwall coastline to nurture my need as a Piscean to be close to the force of the ocean, and it has, indeed, been a good decision: I always aspire to listen to my intuitive voice.

Divorce in one’s 60s is not for the faint hearted, and whilst I have had quite a number of friends (male and female) who have previously been in the same situation, albeit mostly prior to their 60s, we handled this life changing event in very different ways.

Most of them were done and dusted and had moved on within a matter of months, embracing the dating scene, and diving into new relationships wholeheartedly. It took me two and a half years to be at peace with contemplating a new significant other in my life going forward, and even now I’m not sure what that represents at this point in my life.

I do find myself more recently embracing the term “uncoupling” (courtesy of Gwyneth Paltrow) because somehow it feels less harsh than the term “divorce.” I happen to like my two ex-husbands, so that sits well with me. However, a conventional life of marriage seems rather obsolete to me now, and my innermost thoughts and daily chat with myself tell me that marriage is a thing of my past.

To be honest, though, I have rather isolated myself in these past weeks, and it seems like the right time to reemerge from my self-imposed life of being a recluse. I am always in awe of and admire those who are so content with their single status, but I am simply not wired to consistently dwell in solitude.

I do miss a tactile connection, the comfort of a bond that has been created through years of togetherness, and I do crave the comfort zone of a significant other “having my back” when life throws its curveballs.

Nurturing My Soul in My 60s

In my previous life, my husband and I lived in a rambling seven bedroom home for 12 years (he still does), and I can honestly say there was never a time that I walked through that front door, and it felt like home to me. It was his pride and joy, not mine.

I have always found my comfort zone in “small,” compact spaces, tiny homes, petite jewelry, small portions. I think my paternal grandmother’s gypsy blood coursing through my veins is accountable for this quirk of mine: a lack of desire for unnecessary material possessions and a cozy gypsy caravan or wagon have always felt unequivocally appealing. Thus I think it was only natural that I would gravitate towards my current version of a true life Wendy House.

Smaller spaces help me to contemplate, think, ponder, listen to music, exercise, write, paint… They enable my creative juices to flow. I feel somewhat lost in vast spaces; like I’m rattling around, unable to touch the walls for a grounding force, and somehow this renders me out of whack.

Being the Best Version of Me in My 60s

If you find yourself in the same situation in your third and final act, please, please, please, be kind to yourself. I buy myself beautiful flowers; I wear perfume and makeup so that I feel feminine; I always cook myself a nice meal once a day (I know I deserve better than TV dinners just because I am not cooking for anybody else); I take long walks in nature because it feeds my soul; I listen to the music that evokes positive emotion; I seek out cat purrs and their soft warmth; I pursue fulfillment and a sense of purpose by seeking to help others.

I practice the discipline of promptly making my bed and cleaning the dishes; I get in my daily steps. I think it is important to keep up these routines for my own dignity, my sense of self-esteem. Whatever your version of treating yourself kindly, make it a priority because it will keep your spirits high in times of heading for a low.

I got comfortable in my own skin, and it doesn’t have to be defined by a significant other, either showing their approval or their disapproval of how I choose to live my life. Yet I do find myself manifesting new beginnings that include a relationship, in some form, so that I feel ready to move on from hiding out in my She Shed, my Lady Lair, my Fem Den.

But for now, I will continue to enjoy the confines of my woman cave and the reassurance its four small walls bring me. I just had a thought: maybe I am regressing to being in my mother’s womb; now that’s deep.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Why do we refer to a man cave, but not a woman cave? Where is your happy place? Is less more, in your eyes? How have you handled a divorce in your 60s?

I was devastated. A few days before I turned 60, I was suddenly a widow. But really, I was typical. Surprisingly, the average age at which a wife becomes a widow is 59.4.

About 1 million women a year in the U.S. experience what may be the most stressful event in their life. With almost 16 million widowed persons in the country today, 77% are female.

The death of a spouse brings on a flood of financial responsibilities, further complicating matters. Because their husbands frequently handled significant money issues, many widows aren’t as familiar with investing, insurance policies, taxes, or estate planning, even though they may have managed day-to-day household finances well.

New widows are likely overcome by grief and despair initially. As a result, financial issues might get pushed to the side.

Stages of Widowhood

In my prior experience as a financial advisor and researcher, I’ve observed three stages that widows travel through, including myself. It’s been 15 years since my late husband died, and I’m still on my journey. The graphic below summarizes these three stages:

Stage 1: Grief

This stageis a numb period when a widow realizes her husband is gone forever. Her grief can resemble what some call a “brain freeze.” Weak memory, short attention span, and trouble with decision-making are typical. My Social Security number eluded me. Where did I put my car keys? I questioned whether I was crazy. I wasn’t. I was simply a grieving new widow.

Widows can benefit from focusing on self-care, with supportive listening by others to help stabilize their situation. This stage can be a precarious time. Widows may become ill, especially if they were a primary caregiver for an ailing spouse. Only take necessary action and delay making major, irrevocable financial decisions.

She may refer to her thinking as “Jelly brain.” It’s a vulnerable time. Significant decisions like moving from her home immediately should be delayed. Some critical financial issues will need attention, including applying for Social Security benefits if applicable, getting a picture of her cash flow situation, making sure bills are paid, applying for death benefits, knowing a broad view of her financial assets, and more.

It’s a time to breathe, to use a yoga term. The day I picked up my husband’s ashes from the mortuary was also the day I started my first yoga class.

A woman can face a double whammy after her spouse’s death if her knowledge of financial matters isn’t strong and her emotions are raw. Here are five suggestions for new widows after their partner’s passing:

1. – take your time.
2. – selling inappropriate investments.
3. – don’t move to escape memories.
4. – it’s different now.
5. – including family, friends, and new “boyfriends.”

By the end of Stage 1, most widows will want to focus on financial actions outlined in Financial Steps for Recent Widows, a free eBooklet on my website.

Stage 2: Growth

Growthis when the widow is ready to consider more broad-based financial planning matters once she can think more clearly. A widow will make necessary updates to her estate plan, assess the possibility of repositioning investment holdings, and monitor her tax situation. Housing decisions are essential before and after retirement, including whether to stay or move. In the words of a yoga proponent, it is a time of balance.

Moving from Stage 1 to Stage 2 is not a straightforward linear progression. Sometimes, progress is two steps forward and one step back. Or move three steps around and one ahead.

Unfortunately, some widows don’t move past the first stage but stay in grief. The phrase “staying stuck” has been used to describe them. They were “joined at the hip” with their spouse, doing everything together, and are typically elderly. They may pass away within a few years of their partner’s death. You’ve probably heard stories of couples dying, sometimes just a few days or hours apart. A surviving spouse might soon die from heartbreak. Research validates this “broken heart syndrome.”

So how long does it take to go from that grief stage to the growth stage? That depends on several factors. For example, a sudden and unexpected death, like a 60-year-old fellow on the tennis court, would be much different from the 89-year-old husband who died peacefully in his sleep.

The older gentleman had lived “on borrowed time” for several years with dementia, according to his widow. She started her grieving process even before her husband died. She moved from Stage 1 to Stage 2 in six months. However, the tennis husband’s wife took almost a year to transition. Each widow’s journey is different. Indeed, for some widows, that middle stage is a comfortable place, and they may be content to remain there.

In a future article, I’ll say more about specific financial actions in this second stage of widowhood.

Stage 3: Grace

The third stage is the stage of grace, or as some prefer to call it, transformation. It took me five years to get there; as I wrote in my journal one day, “I’m much more than a widow. I am an independent woman!”

This stage can be beautiful when a widow’s new life evolves with reinvention, renewal, and repurposing. There can be new people, new experiences, and new opportunities. It’s a time of taking care of more. These women often enjoy advanced planning concepts, such as legacy and charitable planning related to family and others they love. It may involve a new business or hobby. New friends and new communities are possible. There may even be a new romantic love.

In an upcoming article about Stage 3, I’ll share how widows can lead a fulfilling, rich, and rewarding life after the death of their spouse. That includes my personal story, 15 years after my late husband’s death. Stay tuned!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

If you’ve experienced widowhood, what stage are you at now, and how is life going for you? If your mother, aunt, sister, daughter, cousin, or friend is a widow, what have you learned by observing their journey? Please share your responses with our Sixty and Me community.

It was the middle of the night, and I had gotten up to pee. I noticed a light coming from downstairs. That’s strange, I thought. No one else here but my sleeping husband. Oh dear, I will need to go down and turn it off.

That was the immediate plan.

I leaned over the banister to see which light was on, and the next thing I knew I was on my backside falling, or perhaps sliding, and sliding and sliding on the carpeted stairs. I must stop, I said to myself, but couldn’t think how to do so.

The next thing I knew I was at the bottom of the staircase and quite taken aback.

I called out to my husband, who had been woken by my exclamations, and asked if I was OK.

And, strangely, I was.

The Immediate Aftermath

I stood up and seemed to be able to do so. Nothing was hurting really badly, although there were mild aches and pains all over the place. I twiddled my fingers and toes and moved my arms and legs, and everything seemed to be working.

Indeed, I limped slightly and managed to turn the offending light off.

It’s then when it hits you – a terrible sense of shock. I am sure-footed, I don’t fall down the stairs. Yes, I am 81, but I am in reasonable shape. How could this be?

I figured that I would be covered in bruises and looked online to see what to do about bruising. Everyone said to use ice. So, I collected some ice cubes into freezer bags and went to lie down on the spare bed, so as not to keep my husband awake.

I knew I wouldn’t sleep for ages, because if you want a way to become really wide wake in the night, falling down the stairs is a good solution!

I am no doctor, but I assume the shock of the event brings the adrenaline, and the adrenaline makes you completely awake. I lay there with the ice bags pressed against various parts of my body and listened to a podcast. (My husband, bless him, went back to sleep. That was fine, there was nothing else that he could do.)

Medical Check

The NHS (National Health Service in England) gets a lot of flak these days for not keeping up with the job, but sometimes it is brilliant – and this was one of them.

My GP (General Practitioner) group practice has a system where you can phone at 8 a.m. and ask for an ‘emergency’ appointment, and I did so the next morning, somewhat bleary eyed for lack of sleep. I was asked if I could make an 8.40 a.m. appointment and, with enormous haste, succeeded in doing so. The practice is fairly close by.

By 9 a.m., I was walking out of the building with a clean bill of health from the GP, a young woman who I particularly like. Nothing broken or sprained. Everything checked. Just a few bruises and a couple of burns where my skin had rubbed along the carpet.

And doctor’s advice that I should ‘take it easy’ for a day or two. Not difficult to follow that.

Falls Among Older People

I used to be a social researcher, and I learned lots of useful (and not-so-useful) information in my time. Although I never did any direct research on the topic, I certainly learned that old people have frequent falls, and it is not good news when they do.

A quick check on Google informed me that, in the UK, one in three adults over age 65 (and half of people over 80) have at least one fall in the course of a year. Ten per cent of such falls result in a fracture, including a few (2%) of the hip. It can take months to fully recover.

The information from the US suggested that more than one in four adults age 65 and over experiences a fall each year. Falls are the leading cause of fatal and non-fatal injuries among older adults.

The consequences of a fall go much farther than the physical problems that ensue. Older people can lose confidence after a fall and may fear going out on their own. This leads to isolation and possible depression.

Now, mine wasn’t a full fall, in the sense of falling in the street and landing any which way. More of a slide.

But nonetheless, I was very lucky.

Read 3 TIPS FOR RECOVERING FROM A FALL AND FINDING YOUR CONFIDENCE AGAIN.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you had a fall? How did it happen? What was the result? Is falling something you are worried about?