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Originally posted at: Kenya Moore’s White Cowboy Boots and Turtleneck Dress

I’ll never forget the day I realized it wasn’t the holding on that was killing me. It was being dragged. Mostly through the mud, which was wet and messy. Over my life, I have learned to manage the mud. A stiff dirty martini, some retail therapy, and a nice long shower and I was good to go again. I mean mud is good for the skin, and obviously the soul.

But is it?

Now in my 60s, I am sick of getting in my own way. What do I mean by that? I am tired of old patterns and ways of reacting and responding that don’t serve me anymore. That doesn’t improve my relationships or bring me joy.

The Non-Soulmate Story

Let me tell you about it through a story. Another story about my soulmate who wasn’t to be. Today we will call him NS = non-soulmate.

“It’s simple,” he said. “You just have to listen…”

My mouth involuntarily opened and yet I chose not to speak. After months of fighting, we were finally getting along, and I was careful not to blurt out my first thoughts that would land me back into the mud.

I desperately wanted to say:

“But you never say anything that makes sense.” Adding, “And when I ask for you to explain, you just repeat yourself. Like if you say it louder and more forcefully, I will understand.”

I had spent months trying hard to figure out where our relationship veered off the path. I was old enough to know that every love has disappointment built into it and too stubborn to believe we couldn’t fix it.

Instead, I said: “How about a hot chocolate?” It was a chilly September evening, and I walked away from the fire pit, running from being dragged.

Saving the Coffee Pod

Lost in my thoughts, I put a pod into my Keurig, closed the lid, pressed the middle button for the easiest hot cocoa on the planet, stared into space, thinking about what had just happened, and panicked. I’d put in a coffee pod instead of the cocoa.

Acting quickly, in this life-and-death situation to save the pod, I swiftly raised the lid, rescued the pod, only hesitating for a moment, and placed it into a to-go coffee cup for tomorrow.

This time, before placing the next pod in the machine, I double-checked and sat back to wait for the roasting chocolate smell to fill the kitchen.

My eyes keyed in on the pod in the to-go cup, and I noticed it was dripping and might not make it through the night. I grabbed a mug out of the cabinet and placed the pod in the mug, ready to be used in the morning.

I started making the second cup of cocoa, again my eyes keyed in on the pod, now in the mug. It was leaking too. What to do? What to do to save the coffee pod? I decided the best course of action was to make the coffee now, so I pulled out a clean jar and placed it in the machine. This way I could save the pod and have iced coffee in the morning.

Then I thought, It’s getting a little chilly for iced coffee and when I make iced coffee, I like a different brand than the pod. Oh well, I can make an exception.

And as the black smooth liquid filled the clear mason jar, a vision floated in front of my eyes…

… I will be grabbing something from the fridge and will accidentally knock over the jar with the coffee. Somehow the lid has become loose over the last 7 days since my vow to drink the coffee to save the pod. Every day, after unscrewing the lid, I recall I don’t like this coffee iced and decide that maybe I’ll be in the mood later. I put it back in the fridge. Over the week, I move the jar around to reach other stuff until it finally spills from the top shelf, trickling down to every shelf below. I spend 20 minutes, and a roll of paper towels, cleaning the refrigerator. Finally, I ruin the expensive microgreens I bought at the Farmers Market, all because I was trying to save a 34-cent coffee pod.

I Finally Realized I Was the One with Issues

Just as my attempt came to an end and I tossed it into the garbage, my NS (non-soulmate) came through the door.

“I can’t believe it took so long for that fire to go out. Jeez it’s cold out there.”

It’s only been a minute, I thought, and started pushing the nozzle to put whipped cream on the hot chocolates. No steam.

“How long do you think it takes a hot chocolate to get cold for the whipped cream not to melt?”

“8 minutes or so,” he said without flinching, used to my bizarre line of questioning. He slid into a seat at the breakfast bar across from me.

I stood up facing him, our height difference neutralized. With absolute clarity, I looked into his eyes and said, “You are not going to believe what I just did.”

As I retold the coffee pod rescue story, his body stiffened, his head backed away from me, his soft smile, noticeably turning into a frozen, deer-in-the-headlights look. His eyes darted back and forth. His body was stuck with no place to run. It was fear. I leaned in closer still going on about how I spent 15 minutes of my life saving a 34-cent pod that I just realized I was never going to use.

NS was still frozen, his eyes darting widely.

A lightning bolt hit me. I softly said, “Is this what you have been trying to tell me for all these months? How I spin out of control on things that don’t matter?”

He snapped right back into focus and said, “Did you just get that?”

I was now the deer in the headlights and weakly said, “Yes.”

The Daughter Story

The next day I called my daughter to tell her about the NS episode. I finally found the reason why NS broke up with me, what he had been trying to explain.

“Oh my god!” she literally screamed, “He is the luckiest man alive, he can break up with you because I have been telling you about this for years, and I am stuck with you for life because you are my mother!”

After all these years, I started looking at my attempts to be frugal in my spending, especially around food and groceries.

Several months later, I went down to the City and visited my daughter in her new apartment. We ordered in Chinese food. And while cleaning up, I asked, “Honey what do you want to do with the extra chopsticks and sauces?”

“I like to toss them,” she said. I could tell she must have practiced it in therapy, her house – her rules, not my house anymore. I picked them up, walked over to the garbage and threw them out.

She gasped. “Where is my mother and what have you done with her?” In my house, where she grew up, I had a large-sized full kitchen drawer with leftover Chinese food supplies. Now it was my daughter’s turn to be speechless.

Frankly, so was I.

The Art of Getting Out of My Own Way Starts with Letting Go

Letting go is scary because I never know where I will end up. I didn’t want to write about wasting my time on saving one coffee pod. Hell, I don’t even want to admit I have a Keurig. I want to live in San Diego, bop out of my house, hop on my bike, and get a flat white at an organic coffee shop on a skinny side street on the bay. Sit at a small café table, watching others come and go and get their coffee. But that’s not my life; that’s vacation.

Sustaining that is, well, unsustainable. The coffee pod became the unexpected vehicle that showed me one of the behaviors that no longer serves me. I don’t want to keep living with a scarcity mindset that messes up my relationships.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you see in your life that you can let go and not live that way anymore? Who serves as a mirror into how your thinking drives you off course and makes others crazy? Where do you see the ways you twist and turn and can’t get out of your own way? What do you do that adds no value to your everyday routine? What is your unexpected vehicle? What’s your 34-cent Keurig pod?

There’s no shortage of world-class museums and galleries in Italy but a visit to a lesser-known, smaller attraction delivers a crowd-free and often equally enriching alternative. These hidden pint-sized gems don’t have the size and grandeur of the country’s big hitters but they’re a great way to step straight into the local culture and history and are often full of unexpected surprises.

From wine to mosaics and motorcars, these are some of our favourites, with many included on our gastronomic walking tours in Italy.

Unique Wine Museum, Piedmont

Wine aficionados everywhere will love the Banca del Vino, where you’ll find over 100,000 bottles from 300 different producers from all over the Italian peninsula. The brainchild of Carlo Petrini, the founder of the global Slow Food movement, the Wine Bank is housed within Italy’s University of Gastronomic Sciences in the village of Pollenzo in Piedmont. Enjoy guided tastings of specific regions and curated pairings with salami, cheese or chocolate.

The Royal Castle of Racconigi

Also in Piedmont, the extraordinary UNESCO World Heritage Royal Castle of Racconigi overlooks 170 hectares of parkland in the province of Cuneo. Highlights of the palace include the Salone d’Ercole, the Gallery of Portraits and the Chinese apartments.

But it’s in the landscape gardens that the French influence on what was formerly the summer residence of the Carignano line of the House of Savoy is most obvious. In fact, the gardens were designed in the 17^th century by the Parisian André Le Notre who also designed the gardens of the Palace of Versailles.

The Mosaics Masterpieces of Ravenna

Despite the status awarded by UNESCO to eight of Ravenna’s Early Christian monuments, this extraordinary city is often overlooked by visitors to Italy. Gaze upon dazzling displays of precious marble, stuccos and mosaics that reflect the political and religious events of the fifth, sixth and seventh centuries.

Highlights of the city include the multi-coloured mosaics in the cupola of the Neonian Baptistery and the Byzantine architecture and lavish interiors of the Basilica of San Vitale.

The Piero Della Francesca Trail in Tuscany

Leave the big cities behind to really explore the magnificent legacy of Piero della Francesca, one of the most important Italian painters of the 15^th century. While his iconic ‘Duke and Duchess of Urbino’ portrait can be seen in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence, it’s in the smaller towns of Arezzo, Monterchi and Sansepolcro that you’ll find most of his masterpieces.

In Arezzo, highpoints include the ‘Legend of the True Cross’ fresco cycle in the church of San Francesco and the ‘Mary Magdalene’ fresco in the Duomo.

Go Underground in Orvieto

Few Italian hilltop towns match Orvieto when it comes to exploring what is effectively an underground museum. Choose from several tours that will guide you through a tangle of underground passageways and staircases that date back to Etruscan times. One of the most remarkable underground sights is Pozzo della Cava, a labyrinth of underground passages and a cave complex that encircle an antique well.

Ötzi the Iceman, Bolzano

If you’re an outdoor enthusiast, you may well have been drawn to the peaks of the Dolomites, but the border town of Bolzano, the gateway to the Dolomites, is also well worth a visit.

Step right back in time with a visit to the city’s South Tyrol Museum of Archaeology, which is home to Ötzi, a glacier mummy who was discovered by chance by hikers in 1991. Despite his existence pre-dating the Egyptian pyramids, Ötzi is displayed alongside his clothing and equipment.

National Automobile Museum, Turin

You don’t need to be a motorhead to enjoy a visit to the National Automobile Museum in Turin (MAUTO). Founded in 1933 and opened to the public in 1960, the museum has been ranked among the 50 most beautiful museums in the world.

Telling the history of cars through original documentation, monographs, automotive publications and an impressive permanent collection of 150 cars, the museum’s appeal reaches way beyond motoring enthusiasts.

Top tip: for a truly special experience, pre-book tickets to the Open Garage in the museum basement where a treasure trove of around 70 extraordinary cars are restored and maintained.

Siena’s Contrade Museums

The Palio horse race in Siena’s magnificent shell-shaped Piazza del Campo has been the beating heart of the city for hundreds of years, with planning for the event running throughout the year. And if you’ve been lucky enough to experience it, you’ll certainly be aware that it’s about so much more than a horse race.

The race is undertaken by 10 of the 17 ‘contrade’, each of which represents an area of the city with its own unique emblem and colours, and each with their own personal museum displaying their winning ‘drappellone’ (silk painted banner), historical anecdotes and costumes and keepsakes.

Even if you’re unable to visit Siena during the Palio, incorporating a trip to these museums as part of a general tour in Tuscany is the next best way we know to find out what makes Siena tick.

Matera’s Cave Dwellings

Stroll through Matera’s ‘Sassi’ quarter in Italy’s Basilicata region and experience what it is to walk through a living museum. The historic area is a jumble of narrow passageways and alleyways punctuated by buildings and rock churches that cling precariously to the hillside, and cave dwellings that were inhabited up until the 1950s.

Today, many of the cave dwellings have been converted to hotels, thus breathing back life into the ancient centre, but the sense of walking through history remains. For a more conventional museum environment, visit MUSMA, the Museum of Contemporary Sculpture of Matera.

Napoleon’s villa, Island of Elba

Head across the water from Tuscany’s western shores to the pretty island of Elba, and you’ll find far more than wonderful beaches. This was Napoleon’s home for just 300 days when he was exiled to the island in 1814. Today, you can still visit his main residence, the Palazzina dei Mulini, set between the forts of Falcone and Stella in the capital city of Portoferraio.

Explore rooms containing relics and furniture used by Napoleon, together with part of an extensive book collection that was subsequently donated by him to the Community of Portoferraio.

Read 7 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT TUSCANY.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been to any of these museums and attractions? Would you recommend them? Can you recommend any other off-the-beaten track museums that you’ve discovered on your travels?

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Originally posted at: Best of July