Month: August 2023

Welcome – almost – to fall in my part of the world! Recently, I chatted with a woman over lunch at a café. Our conversation steered to books.

“I only read non-fiction,” she said to me. “I want a book that’s thought-provoking.”

I raised my eyebrows and politely pointed out that novels can also be intellectually stimulating. Almost every book carries surprises and treasures inside the pages.

From the following five novels I learned fun facts about bees, ecosystems, octopus (or is it octopi?), and underwater rescues reminiscent of this summer’s Titan submersible tragedy.

“Fiction, too, can be thought-provoking,” I said.

She smiled. “That’s what my daughter tells me.”

The Last Beekeeper by Julie Carrick Dalton

What would our world look like if the tiny honey bee ceased to exist? For those fans loyal to non-fiction books, this novel reads a bit like non-fiction. This treasure trove of fascinating bee facts is not forced on the reader but woven into the story in an intriguing manner.

During The Great Collapse, pollinators disappeared from the planet. The power grid failed, agriculture crumbled, and the economy imploded.

What were Sasha and her imprisoned father’s roles in the demise of the last known honey bee colony? Sasha returns to her childhood home and discovers her life could have turned out differently if only…

Filled with interesting factoids, this novel motivates me to do my part to save the honey bee – and beetles and butterflies too – from depletion.

The River Runs South by Audrey Ingram

I enjoyed so many things about this novel from Alabama native and former lawyer Audrey Ingram. The southern setting, the quiet pace, the family drama, the characters, and learning about Alabama’s fragile ecosystem with an approach that wasn’t heavy-handed.

After her husband dies unexpectedly, D.C. attorney Camille and her young daughter pack up and head to her coastal hometown. She needs space to grieve, time with family, and a plan to rebuild her shattered life.

She meets Mack, a local fisherman immersed in an environmental lawsuit against a group of individuals, including her father. As Camille joins her father’s defense team, she struggles with loss, love, and what she wants next.

This novel hits bookstores on September 5.

Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt

“The deal is never anyone’s fault. But you control the way you play.”

This tender, heartwarming story had me from page one. You may think you can’t get into a story where a giant Pacific octopus, living out his final days in a Seattle-area aquarium tank, is a narrator. But, please. Give the novel a chance.  

Seventy-year-old Tova’s husband passed away, and her son died decades ago. She has nothing left in her world except an aquarium job, a shopkeeper acquaintance, and two remaining Knit Wits.

Cameron can’t hold a job, has no idea who his father is, and mourns the deadbeat mom who left him. Following a flimsy lead, he heads to Sowell Bay to uncover his roots.

I fell in love with Marcellus, the witty octopus who spews interesting facts about his species, humans, and life in general.  

Same Time Next Summer by Annabel Monaghan

Since I LOVED last year’sNora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan, the author’s next novel was an automatic read for me. Romance is not my typical genre, but sometimes we crave light and happy and fun. This delightful beach read checks all those boxes, and I devoured it on one long-haul flight.

Spending summers at their parents’ Long Island beach houses, Samantha and Wyatt grew up together. And we never forget our first loves… Even when the relationship implodes, and we don’t communicate for a decade.

Now Sam is engaged to Jack, a doctor who is writing – and following – the script for their perfect life together. Sam cannot imagine letting loose of her tightly-wound self and allowing a day to unfurl. It’s so much easier to continue doing what she’s supposed to do.

She and Jack leave Manhattan – and their buttoned-up ways – to visit her parents at the beach. And guess who else is there? Readers might predict where the story leads, and I promise you the path is an enjoyable one.

Drowning by T.J. Newman

Whoa! Hold on to the edge of your seats! Readers anxious about flying may want to pass on this one, but it is an engaging, research-packed, and thrilling ride.

Minutes after taking off from Honolulu, Flight 1421 crashes into the Pacific Ocean. During the evacuation, twelve passengers remain onboard the plane which sinks 200 feet below the surface. With passengers fighting for their lives, the heroic rescue mission may remind readers of the submarine disaster that dominated the news earlier this summer.

Will and daughter Shannon are among the survivors trapped underwater. Rescue diver wife Chris will do whatever it takes to save them. Their family has been dismantled by tragedy once, and she vows it will not happen again.

The author, a former flight attendant, has sold the rights (in a huge auction) to Warner Brothers. I’m now off to read Falling, Newman’s blockbuster debut and another major motion picture deal.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you a fiction or non-fiction reader? Have you read any of these books? What novel had an informative bent?

Let’s talk about one of the most common obstacles that stop us from moving on after divorce, especially after a long-term marriage.

Fairness. Unfairness. The feeling like we’re ripped off after all the sacrifices we made during our years – even decades – of marriage.

You know exactly what I’m talking about. Do any of the following sound like things you have said or thought?

• “It’s not fair that my ex has already moved on, and I’m stuck here with nothing.”
• “It’s not fair that he’s out having a great time while I’m here heartbroken. Didn’t all those years of marriage mean anything to him?”
• “It’s not fair that my adult children are going to be in my ex’s wedding, and they don’t understand what I’m going through.”
• “It’s not fair that I will have to work for another 10 years instead of retiring next year.”

Many of us have stewed in the injustice of it all, thinking that our ex should be punished for all the bad things they did. But I am here to tell you something.

You’re Right. Divorce After 50 Is Not Fair. But Now What?

Here’s where the fairness trap gets us. We see something about the divorce situation that is not fair, and we choose to shape our lives and our outlook on that injustice. We get so infatuated with it that we can’t even move on because all we’re doing is thinking about something that we cannot control.

You’re right: it’s not fair that your ex has moved on, and you’re still feeling bad.

You’re right that it’s not fair he has the beach house now while you’re stressing about being able to make ends meet on your limited income.

You’re right that you made a bunch of personal and professional sacrifices during the marriage, and you’re not getting credit for it.

Nobody is denying that an injustice has been done to you. It sucks, and it’s not right, but grounding yourself in that unfairness and choosing to let it influence how you view life will get you nowhere.

If you focus on the unfairness of your situation, it’s like insisting on driving a car with a flat tire. It’s not going to get you anywhere. You’ll continue damaging your car and putting yourself at risk.

There is actually something you can do about it. Instead of being angry at the flat tire and thinking it’s unfair that the tire is flat, what do you do?

You get the tire changed.

The Same Thing Goes with Letting Go of the Notion of Fairness

Instead of dwelling on how unfair it is that your ex didn’t get punished for the crap they pulled, you do something about it. Remaining pissed off and stewing in that injustice gets you nowhere.

You put your emotional well-being and the next chapter of your life at risk by letting the unfairness consume you. And there is always something you can do about it.

You need to throw out that flat tire that is unfairness, and change it to something better – an easy step for overcoming that sense of unfairness, so you can continue to make a better life for yourself as a divorcee.

Exercise: Escaping the Fairness Trap Like the Queen You Are

Step 1 – List the Events That Took Place During the Divorce or Separation Which You Think Are Unfair

If you need some help, take a look at my own examples!

It’s not fair that I had to share my savings when I worked my ass off to put most of the money into that account. We’d never have as much in it had it not been for me.

It’s not fair that now I have to watch every nickel and dime on a fixed income.

Be honest and complete on this part – the more feelings of unfairness you harbor, the harder it is to move on. So list them away!

Step 2 – List What You Can Actually Do About Those Feelings

Remember that you can’t “make” your ex do something or feel something. The healing comes from changing your own outlook.

The fact that I have a reduced savings now is merely a fact. That’s all. Reduced savings is reduced savings. The situation being unfair is immaterial to how I can move on.

Watching my money is just a change in circumstance. Thinking it’s unfair and dwelling on that does not solve anything.

Step 3 – Change the “Unfair” into Something Actionable That Will Move You Forward to the Next Amazing Part of Your Life

Instead of thinking about how unfair my new situation is, I am going to focus on ways I can save more money to rebuild my savings.

Instead of thinking how unfair it is that my ex and their new partner are having a great time, I am going to focus on how I am going to practice self-care and put myself first for a change.

Remember that letting go means making a concerted effort to change the current thought patterns that do not serve you. Although you are grappling with a perceived injustice in your life, you are not powerless. You have everything you need to overcome these thoughts of unfairness and start the new, amazing life that you deserve.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you recovering from divorce after 50? What do you feel is unfair about the process? What have you done to overcome that feeling of unfairness? Please share your thoughts and experiences below!

This spring and summer my husband and I spent three months in Maiori, Italy, a town on the Amalfi Coast. After the grueling air flight, complete with stopovers, delays, and upright airplane seats, we made it there!

Finding our 3-month rental apartment from the directions was not simple. We wheeled our suitcases on the cobblestones, looking like the typical tourists with bags falling and confused looks on our faces. Once we located the building, we met our Italian landlord. Through broken English and our limited Italian, we had all our questions answered and we settled in.

The Location

The interior of the apartment was updated, even though the exterior of the building was old and worn from standing proudly for many years by the sea. The town itself was quaint, stunningly beautiful, walkable, and situated right on the Adriatic Sea. The streets throughout the town were narrow, some barely accessible by car. Almost all were paved with old cobblestone, that survived through many centuries.

In the town center there was a triple wide street and center median area where tables with large umbrellas were set up. On several occasions we enjoyed cappuccino, gelato, or a restaurant’s evening meal under those umbrellas.

Deep dark espresso with its fragrant aroma could be found in many coffee bars. Italians stand at the bar to have coffee (1.20 Euros) while tourists like me usually end up sitting at a table like we do in American coffee shops. A seat at a table adds a few coins to the bill. Several Patisseries lined the streets, making for endless possibilities of various sweet and savory additions to the espresso!

Travel Came in Many Options

Without a car, the train, bus, or water ferry were our choice to get around from town to town. The water ferry gave us an incredible view of the Italian coast. As I close my eyes right now, I can envision the rock formations, cliffs and caves, and the sea as it washed up on the coastal shores. I will never forget those beautiful views.

Italians Are Just Different

Many times, we wondered why the local Italians were so kind and gracious to us. We came to find that they are just that… kind and gracious. After three months we found it sad to leave them to come back to our home in the US. Some of our new acquaintances had tears in their eyes as they gave us their final hug and Italian kisses.

Surprise Observations from Our Time in Italy

Here’s are some things learned about Italy while living there.

Unique Town Patron

Every town has a patron saint that they adore. Celebrations center around bringing a statue of this saint on a parade route, as the Italians follow behind.

Daily Grocery Shopping

Grocery stores are typically small and visited almost daily by Italians. Fresh is best, with fruit and veggies supplied directly from nearby countryside farms. Products have different names, not just Italian names, but could be called something quite different altogether. Several products I have grown to depend on in my cooking could not be found at all, such as chicken broth, rotisserie chicken, and premade meals.

Greeting Everyone

The most compelling and surprising part of our stay were the Italians themselves. Every day we were greeted by almost everyone we met on the street with a heartfelt “Buonjiorno!!” Shop owners wanted to know our names and then they remembered them.

Random Invitations

One day as we sat on a bench, enjoying a morning in a park, an Italian woman came over for a chat. She spoke very little English, and we spoke very little Italian, but we spent the next 45 minutes talking and laughing together (with the help of our phone translator). She invited us to join her in her home for homemade tiramisu. What an honor to be invited into a local home, treated with tiramisu made from her long-held family recipe.

Everyone Knows Everyone

All the shop owners and locals really do know each other. This small Italian town of about 5000, knew the sons and daughters of neighbors and shop owners. It sometimes took a long time to walk a short distance with an Italian as they stop to catch up with friends, shop owners, and neighbors who walk by.

On the 3^rd anniversary of the death of a young man who lived and grew up in Maiori, locals posted a large sign in his memory. Tourists had no idea who this person was, and why he was being honored, but would find out that the town had lost a young person that everyone knew, and everyone still grieved this loss years later.

Families Own Businesses and Work Together

We were surprised to learn that coworkers were all related in some way: siblings, cousins, parents, grandparents. The beautiful lemon and olive groves that lined the mountains have been in family hands for generations. The owners use their family secrets for harvesting and supplying the world with the delicious fruits of their labor.

Italians work hard together, and many live together, or close, to care for each other. Shops close from approximately 1:30 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. to have time off in midday for lunch with family or to rest before going back to work for the evening.

Celebrating Traditions

Celebrations and parades are based on years of traditions that made no sense to us. Some of the parades were quite weird and odd looking to foreigners yet loved by and very important to the locals. One thing we could not understand was the frequent fireworks. Almost every night we could hear them, with no obvious reason given. We came to learn that fireworks are used to celebrate large and small events and are very much part of Italian tradition.

Soccer Games

The Italian Soccer Team (football) won the world cup during our stay. The entire town celebrated with whoops and hollers, singing and fireworks! This celebration was spread out over several days. All this action happened without the overuse of alcohol, as it is frowned upon to drink heavily in public.  

No Crime

The locals would always respond “no crime,” when we asked them questions about the current crime rate. We were skeptical of this answer, but we asked various people around town, and they responded the exact same way. We researched and found the crime rate is very low, which was obvious by how people leisurely walked the town center after their evening meals.

Moms pushing strollers, little kids walking with parents, older people out for a stroll enjoying gelato is normal after dark and after the late evening meal. This was the most refreshing for us. We didn’t think or worry about gun shootings, car jackings, or any number of violent things that were happening in the US while we were gone. It just didn’t exist there.

Work Background Doesn’t Matter

Italians were not interested in what we did for jobs or how we made a living. We were never asked to answer this. What they wanted was for us to enjoy living. They readily explained or gave information on anything we asked, and then wanted to give us espresso or feed us something! No wonder living in Italy is called “the dolce vita!” (The good life.)

Read about my previous experience in Italy here.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What observations have you made from living in a different country? Are the locals similar to what you’re used to, or are they quite different? In what ways? What did you love the most about your foreign stay?

Welcome – almost – to fall in my part of the world! Recently, I chatted with a woman over lunch at a café. Our conversation steered to books.

“I only read non-fiction,” she said to me. “I want a book that’s thought-provoking.”

I raised my eyebrows and politely pointed out that novels can also be intellectually stimulating. Almost every book carries surprises and treasures inside the pages.

From the following five novels I learned fun facts about bees, ecosystems, octopus (or is it octopi?), and underwater rescues reminiscent of this summer’s Titan submersible tragedy.

“Fiction, too, can be thought-provoking,” I said.

She smiled. “That’s what my daughter tells me.”

The Last Beekeeper by Julie Carrick Dalton

What would our world look like if the tiny honey bee ceased to exist? For those fans loyal to non-fiction books, this novel reads a bit like non-fiction. This treasure trove of fascinating bee facts is not forced on the reader but woven into the story in an intriguing manner.

During The Great Collapse, pollinators disappeared from the planet. The power grid failed, agriculture crumbled, and the economy imploded.

What were Sasha and her imprisoned father’s roles in the demise of the last known honey bee colony? Sasha returns to her childhood home and discovers her life could have turned out differently if only…

Filled with interesting factoids, this novel motivates me to do my part to save the honey bee – and beetles and butterflies too – from depletion.

The River Runs South by Audrey Ingram

I enjoyed so many things about this novel from Alabama native and former lawyer Audrey Ingram. The southern setting, the quiet pace, the family drama, the characters, and learning about Alabama’s fragile ecosystem with an approach that wasn’t heavy-handed.

After her husband dies unexpectedly, D.C. attorney Camille and her young daughter pack up and head to her coastal hometown. She needs space to grieve, time with family, and a plan to rebuild her shattered life.

She meets Mack, a local fisherman immersed in an environmental lawsuit against a group of individuals, including her father. As Camille joins her father’s defense team, she struggles with loss, love, and what she wants next.

This novel hits bookstores on September 5.

Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt

“The deal is never anyone’s fault. But you control the way you play.”

This tender, heartwarming story had me from page one. You may think you can’t get into a story where a giant Pacific octopus, living out his final days in a Seattle-area aquarium tank, is a narrator. But, please. Give the novel a chance.  

Seventy-year-old Tova’s husband passed away, and her son died decades ago. She has nothing left in her world except an aquarium job, a shopkeeper acquaintance, and two remaining Knit Wits.

Cameron can’t hold a job, has no idea who his father is, and mourns the deadbeat mom who left him. Following a flimsy lead, he heads to Sowell Bay to uncover his roots.

I fell in love with Marcellus, the witty octopus who spews interesting facts about his species, humans, and life in general.  

Same Time Next Summer by Annabel Monaghan

Since I LOVED last year’sNora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan, the author’s next novel was an automatic read for me. Romance is not my typical genre, but sometimes we crave light and happy and fun. This delightful beach read checks all those boxes, and I devoured it on one long-haul flight.

Spending summers at their parents’ Long Island beach houses, Samantha and Wyatt grew up together. And we never forget our first loves… Even when the relationship implodes, and we don’t communicate for a decade.

Now Sam is engaged to Jack, a doctor who is writing – and following – the script for their perfect life together. Sam cannot imagine letting loose of her tightly-wound self and allowing a day to unfurl. It’s so much easier to continue doing what she’s supposed to do.

She and Jack leave Manhattan – and their buttoned-up ways – to visit her parents at the beach. And guess who else is there? Readers might predict where the story leads, and I promise you the path is an enjoyable one.

Drowning by T.J. Newman

Whoa! Hold on to the edge of your seats! Readers anxious about flying may want to pass on this one, but it is an engaging, research-packed, and thrilling ride.

Minutes after taking off from Honolulu, Flight 1421 crashes into the Pacific Ocean. During the evacuation, twelve passengers remain onboard the plane which sinks 200 feet below the surface. With passengers fighting for their lives, the heroic rescue mission may remind readers of the submarine disaster that dominated the news earlier this summer.

Will and daughter Shannon are among the survivors trapped underwater. Rescue diver wife Chris will do whatever it takes to save them. Their family has been dismantled by tragedy once, and she vows it will not happen again.

The author, a former flight attendant, has sold the rights (in a huge auction) to Warner Brothers. I’m now off to read Falling, Newman’s blockbuster debut and another major motion picture deal.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you a fiction or non-fiction reader? Have you read any of these books? What novel had an informative bent?

Photo: @ubah

Originally posted at: Ubah Hassan’s Blue Cutout Shirt Dress