Month: September 2023

Click Here for Additional Stock in Her Top / Click Here for More Stock / Click Here for Even MORE Stock / Click Here for More

Photo + ID: @erindanalichy

Originally posted at: Erin Lichy’s Nude Confessional Bodysuit

Originally posted at: Ubah Hassan’s Ivory Crochet Corset Dress

Do you feel that you are always expected to be the good listener and to show an interest in others’ lives? And do you feel frustrated when others don’t listen to what you want to share?

A number of women have told me that those whom they had just listened to often turned downright rude when the speaker/listener role switched. They were interrupted when they started to share their own story or point of view.

Do you feel the same way? Being interrupted in a conversation appears to be a major problem for many older women.

What Can We Do to Get Listened to?

It is hurtful to give your time and listen lovingly to another and then be refused the same courtesy. That got me thinking of ways to get your needs met. So this is what I came up with. Can you imagine turning to the person you’ve just listened to and saying, “It feels good to be listened to, doesn’t it? Would you be willing to listen to me? I’d like you just to listen.”

Or perhaps you could say, “I would love to get your feedback on how I feel about something. It will help me if you keep me company while I think out loud.”

Maybe the others have never realized that you, too, need empathy and caring. Chances are, if you’re the one who always listens, they perceive you as having no troubling issues. Try out some variation of the above and let Sixty and Me readers know what happens.

In a Meeting or at Work

Have you had the experience of being in a meeting and offering your thoughts on the issue at hand? Expecting some acknowledgement, you realize that nobody was really listening to you? Worse, minutes later, someone else says the same thing and everyone thinks it’s a great idea.

If this is happening to you, think about the sound of your voice. I witness many intelligent, competent women sounding like children instead of grown women. That’s because their voices sound like little girls’. Perhaps, in their minds, they’re wanting not to appear bold. In reality, they give the impression they’re not to be taken seriously.

If you think this could be happening to you, practice taping your voice. Do you sound like someone who would have good ideas? Do you have a tone of authority when you speak?

Find a Listening Partner

Recognize the sad fact that most people have no idea how to listen effectively. Pair with a friend who would also like to be listened to and who is willing to learn a new way of listening. The two of you can practice. This way you’ll be training with someone who will listen to you.

It’s wonderful to have a listener into your life. Get together regularly in person, on Skype or on the phone. The following are some guidelines for your partnership.

Rules for the Listener

Set aside all your own concerns and all your knowledge about a particular subject. You want to be fully present for the person you’re listening to. Ask no questions and give no advice. Just help the person get clearer about their inner thoughts by listening closely and repeating back the essence of what they’ve just said. Don’t worry if you don’t get it just right. The person will correct you and get even clearer on his or her meaning. Say back what you hear now.

Rules for the Speaker

Take a minute to check inside and find what feels comfortable to talk about. Don’t worry about being polite or hurting the listener’s feelings. What matters is that you get heard. Don’t accept advice, questions, interpretations or judgments. Don’t let your listener rush in to “fix” it.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you good at listening to other people? Do you often feel that you are not being listened to in a conversation? Do you sometimes feel that your comments are not taken seriously? What do you say when you are interrupted? Do you speak with authority and confidence? Please leave your comments below and let’s have a conversation.

My friend survived another trip around the sun, and I searched for an appropriate birthday card to send her.

I noticed that many cards contained exaggerated, pathetic caricatures that resembled cruel and unusual punishment for still being alive. An entire industry now creates snarky greeting cards and ready-made emails that mock seasoned women. I’m not going to buy or send them.

One card was particularly egregious as it portrayed a group of aging women with this crude caption: “You know you’re old when all your friends smell like urine.” I enjoy a good joke and love to laugh, but that one wasn’t worth a small chuckle.

I believe that every year past age 60 is a gift. My father died at 60, and my friend died from breast cancer at 59. I’ve lived more years than they did, and I want to make each year count. I want to enjoy more fun for them because they couldn’t. Funny cards are great but humiliating messages are not.

Although it’s tempting to send a sassy card to longtime friends, I’ve decided to concentrate on tailoring future greetings to fit the person. My friends know we’re probably not taking a cruise to some exotic location to celebrate the special day, but we can plan something festive that is more meaningful than a quick email.

Here are some suggestions for proper birthday salutations for those over age 60.

Send Positive Greetings

If you can’t find a good card, create a feisty, positive message that celebrates the annual recognition of a friend’s birth. This can range from, “Hooray! You’re one of my oldest friends!” to “So, you achieved another year of being fabulous!” What about, “How do you look so darned good?” I would appreciate receiving those letters. Include a photo of the two of you together or an inexpensive gift card.

Don’t Focus on the Negative

Stay positive and don’t elaborate health issues, family problems, or brighter days from the past. If your friend is past 60, she knows about those issues and prefers to focus on pleasant distractions and a better future. Personal visits and phone calls can be the best gifts to give. Borrow an old Rolodex tip and write down the names of your friend’s children and grandchildren. Invite her to talk about them. You could also ask her about her family history. We’re usually so busy, we really don’t know our friends.

Don’t Send Anything with Political Characters

If you want to irritate your friends, send those uncreative cards featuring politicians they don’t like. What’s the point?

Don’t Assume an Email Relieves You of Further Action

If you really care about the person, invite her or him to lunch or coffee. Prepare some homemade treats or suggest a concert, movie, or community event. Try something unusual and spontaneous. What about a gentle yoga class at a local fitness club followed by a soak in the hot tub? A class in painting, woodworking, writing, or photography could prompt a creative spark for your friend.

For one birthday gal, I copied family photos from her social media page and made a cute booklet. For another, I sent photos I took of her daughters’ weddings. If you go for a meal together, remember to order dessert, preferably with a candle and applause. Make it a true celebration.

Be Sensitive to Passing Time

Acknowledge that by age 60 you probably enjoyed more birthdays than you’ll have again (unless you live beyond age 120.) We don’t know how many celebrations are in our future, but this fact shouldn’t cause us to mope and exchange sad greetings. Reality reminds us to say “Happy Birthday” with conviction. Note the word “Happy.” If you or a friend are apprehensive about a pending birthday, take time to acknowledge the range of emotions. Then go eat a cake.

At my last birthday, an acquaintance gave me a card and large badge that said, “Over the Hill!” I responded in due fashion. “I am not over the hill,” I exclaimed. “I couldn’t climb a hill taller than a plate of cookies, even with sturdy tennis shoes and an industrial crane.” We laughed. Then I suggested we take a walk and go to lunch. Dessert would be on her.

If your birthday is drawing near and you’re out of ideas how to celebrate it, read this article 60TH BIRTHDAY IDEAS FOR WOMEN FROM YOUR OLDER SISTERS.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you celebrate the birthday of a good friend? What was the best birthday card you ever received? How do you wish your friends Happy Birthday on Facebook? Please join the conversation below.

House sharing can add a lot of fun and adventure to your life. It can also be a huge challenge if you’re not prepared. To make sure you and your roommates are comfortable, it’s important to make sure your home is roommate-ready. This comprehensive guide will help you make your living space the perfect place for your roommates to call home.

When Is House Sharing a Good Idea?

Several weeks ago, a girlfriend approached me about the idea of house sharing. She asked if I’d be interested in sharing her large home with a few other friends. Also, she asked me if I would assist her with redesigning a few of the areas in her home so that she could prepare her 3,500 square-foot home for house sharing.

She, like many other single women in their 50s, 60s, and 70s are thinking of ways they can re-purpose and leverage their biggest asset to generate additional income in retirement, while also creating a small, vibrant community of women who can thrive as they age. 

Why Try House Sharing

Granted, house sharing is a unique alternative lifestyle that is not everyone’s cup of tea, but it is definitely an option that many single women 60+ are considering for a variety of reasons and concerns.

1. Financial

“Will I run out of money in retirement?”

House-sharing is an emerging trend as one solution to more affordable housing for women aging alone. It is also a viable option to senior living facilities that the average middle-class women cannot afford. Many factors contribute to roommates later in life after divorce, loss of a spouse or partner, lack of support system, or adult children not in the area, but the most common reason for older women to consider living together is financial.

With the cost of housing and healthcare being at an all-time high, and with inflation and recession pressure, it makes sense to share housing and living costs. Financial stability and sustainability are very real concerns for divorced, widowed, never married solo agers.

2. Community

“I don’t want to grow old alone.”

Studies show that isolation and loneliness are two of the greatest silent killers of a longer and happier life. Without social connection or very little human interaction, we are likely to die 5 years sooner than those who have a support system that includes family and friends.

Living alone in the suburbs and rural settings might provide the comfort of living in the home where you raised your children, but it may not be conducive to aging well.

3. Companionship

“Who will care about me as I age?”

House sharing is not care giving, but it does provide an opportunity to develop friendships, people who care about you, who will drive you to doctors’ appointments, help you shop or go to church with you. Transportation dependency is a big deal if we want to remain independent as long as possible. For those who do not have children, or those children live away, the comfort and companionship in home sharing settings certainly helps.

4. Starting Over

“What if my spouse or partner dies before I do?”

Suddenly alone, having to start over later in life and rebuild your new life as a single is not only an emotional challenge, it is also a financial dilemma that presents many questions.

Where will I live? What can I now afford? Is it wise to age alone, while coping with emotional loss?

In many ways, given certain circumstances, house sharing might be a wise choice at this stage of your life.

5. Living Your Best Life Now

“I want to thrive in my third act.”

At this stage of life, we have more freedom and flexibility than we’ve had in years. Personal growth, making a difference, living our best life now is often top of mind.

Living with roommates with similar interests, who enjoy similar activities, and have great expectations and aspirations help us find new meaning, purpose, and zest for life.

Reasons Why Being a Roommate Might Make Perfect Dollars and Sense

Sharing Your Own Home

• You have several unused or underutilized rooms and spaces in your home.
• Your home is too big to live alone, too difficult and expensive to maintain.
• You’re experiencing ongoing financial stress trying to make ends meet.
• You have done due diligence to comply with any community laws and restrictions and have consulted with an Attorney to draw up rental agreements.
• You are ready to declutter excess items in your home to make room for roommates.
• You’re willing to do minor or possibly major renovations to accommodate roommates who will help offset expenses.
• You’re lonely, feeling isolated and longing for companionship.
• You’re emotionally prepared to share your home and give up some of your privacy.

Sharing Someone Else’s Home as a Roommate

• You are stressed about money and worried that you will outlast your money. House sharing will help relieve some of the financial stress.
• While house sharing may not be the lifestyle you dreamed of, your life has changed if you have divorced or if you have experienced death of a spouse and you realize that now your options have also changed.
• You are excited about experiencing a new Golden Girls type lifestyle.
• You are realistic about living in a communal setting with several other women.
• You are committed to sharing expenses, as well as chores as part of the house sharing agreement.
• You are prepared to sacrifice some of your privacy and freedom in exchange for financial peace of mind, community, and companionship.

Top 10 Essential Design Tips to Make Your Home Roommate Ready

While every home and space is uniquely different, these design tips will generate ideas on how to divide the space in your home, providing for your roommates’ needs while protecting each others’ privacy and while living together in a shared setting.

1. Divide the Common Area into Zones

Rearrange furniture in communal spaces to have multiple functions: hang out, rest, watch TV, eat, entertain, work.

Example: A work table can provide space to eat, entertain, meet, play games, and work.

2. Divide Open Space 

Create semi private spaces by using room dividers, folding screens, French doors, pocket doors, barn doors. Divide the open plan to allow for multiple activities.

Example: TV viewing, private conversations, reading, working, entertaining.

3. Increase Storage Throughout

Max out storage by using built-ins, bookcases, wall mount shelving, storage cabinets. Also, outfit closets to max out storage.

4. Create a Multi-Functional Bedroom Suite with Private Bath

Re-purpose your master bedroom and bath to create a larger private suite.

If you have two adjoining rooms, break through to create a suite by adding French doors, barn doors, or pocket doors. You might also want to incorporate a small eating area/conference area/game table and kitchenette. This may require either a small or larger renovation.

5. Other Bedrooms

Use multi-functional furniture to max out the bedroom without overcrowding. Use storage headboards, bookcase headboards, under bed storage, Murphy beds, with fold down desk, lounge chairs, and storage ottomans.

6. Bathrooms

If renovating or retrofitting your bathrooms, use universal design principles that provide for ADA compliant spaces and fixtures. As an example, curbless shower with seat, grab bars, and hand-held shower.

Depending upon your space, you might want to incorporate a Jack and Jill bathroom with shared sinks, walk-in shower, and linen storage.

7. Kitchen Banquette

Max out kitchen space with additional seating, that might incorporate banquette seating and dining table that can be used for additional seating, lounging, work area, game table, TV viewing.

8. Miscellaneous Rooms/Nooks

If your home has unique nooks and crannies, use these spaces to include library, kitchenette, game area, reading area, or additional storage.

9. Communication Center

Centrally mount a chalkboard or whiteboard to post activities, doctors’ appointments, shopping trips as well as shopping lists, chore schedules, menus, cooking and cleaning schedules.

10. Outside Spaces

As we experienced during Covid, outdoor spaces became a critical part of our lifestyle. Create sanctuary-like spaces that include garden, comfortable seating, intimate dining spaces. These can be used for working, entertaining, getaway space when you want and need privacy.

While many of these design tips are low-cost decorating and furniture ideas, if you are considering having long-term roommates, it may be well worth investing in a solid design and plan for a renovation that best accommodates the needs of older adult roommates.

Golden Girls Lifestyle Revisited

Perhaps you remember tuning in to watch the Golden Girls TV series during the late 80s. You probably recall the fun and lively conversations with Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia, roommates from different walks of life, sharing a home together in their 60s and 70s.

Back then, you may not have imagined that you’d ever entertain the thought of having roommates in your 60s and 70s, but as our lives change, so must we challenge our thinking to at least consider a real-life Golden Girls’ lifestyle. In this era of economic uncertainty, home sharing and cost sharing may provide the freedom you want and need to experience an easier and more fulfilling lifestyle in your golden years.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Would you consider sharing your house with a roommate? What about being a roommate in someone else’s house? Why or why not? Have you tried house sharing before? To what results?