Month: September 2023

Estrangement from a child is a profoundly emotional and heart-wrenching experience, regardless of age. For parents over 60, the added layers of age-related concerns can make this situation even more complex. As you embark on this challenging journey, you must prioritize your physical well-being to ensure you can face this difficult time with resilience and strength.

In this blog, we’ll delve deeper into practical tips and strategies to help you maintain your physical health while dealing with estrangement.

Prioritize Self-Care: A Gift to Yourself

Amid estrangement, we often forget the importance of self-care. Let me remind you, dear parents, that self-care is not a luxury; it’s a gift you deserve. Make self-care a daily ritual, a cherished part of your routine.

Take time to do things you love, whether reading a good book, tending to your garden, or simply savoring a warm cup of tea. These small moments of self-indulgence can nurture your body and soul and build emotional resilience.

Savor the Nourishment of a Healthy Diet

Eating well is crucial for your overall health and vitality and can significantly impact your mood and energy levels. Imagine your body as a garden; it needs nutrients to thrive. Ensure your diet includes a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats.

These foods not only support your physical health but can also provide a sense of comfort and nourishment during trying times. And remember to stay hydrated; a well-hydrated body can help combat stress and fatigue.

Embrace Movement for Body and Soul

Physical activity is not just about maintaining your body; it’s also about caring for your soul. Regular exercise can help reduce stress, boost mood, and improve overall well-being. Find an exercise routine that brings you joy and suits your age and fitness level.

Whether it’s gentle yoga to soothe your spirit, tai chi to harmonize your body and mind, leisurely walks in the park, or the soothing embrace of water through swimming, let movement be a form of self-expression and self-love.

The Beauty of Rest: A Healing Balm

Estrangement can be emotionally draining, and in times of turmoil, your body needs rest more than ever. Prioritize getting 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night. Establish a soothing bedtime routine, create a comfortable sleep environment, and avoid stimulating activities before bedtime.

Think of sleep as a healing balm for your weary soul, allowing you to wake up each day with renewed strength to face the challenges ahead.

Reach Out and Share

Coping with estrangement can be profoundly isolating, but you need not bear this burden alone. Contact friends, family, or support groups who can provide emotional support and a warm and empathetic listening ear. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others who understand can be immensely comforting, like finding a warm blanket of empathy to wrap around your heart.

The Art of Stress Relief

Stress is a natural response to estrangement, but chronic stress can affect physical health. Consider embracing stress-relief techniques like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or mindfulness. These practices can help you stay grounded, reduce anxiety, and provide moments of tranquility amid the storm.

Health Checkups

As you gracefully age, regular health checkups become increasingly important. Ensure you see your healthcare provider for routine checkups and screenings to catch any health issues early. Additionally, share your emotional struggles with your healthcare provider; they can offer guidance and resources to assist you in managing stress while nurturing your physical health.

Seek Solace in Therapeutic Interventions

Therapeutic interventions, such as counseling or therapy, can be valuable tools for managing the emotional impact of estrangement. A trained therapist can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work towards acceptance and healing.

Think of therapy as a haven where your emotions can be explored, validated, and embraced. Specialized estrangement coaching can offer pointed measures to address your well-being and help you cope with your estranged situation.

Focus on What You Can Control: A Journey Within

Estrangement often involves elements beyond your control, which can be incredibly frustrating. Instead of dwelling on these aspects, channel your energy into areas you can influence. Imagine this journey as an inner exploration, a chance to rediscover your passions, embark on personal growth, and build new relationships, even if they are not blood-related. It’s an opportunity to redefine your life on your terms.

Conclusion

Dealing with estrangement is deeply challenging, especially for parents over 60. However, as you embark on this path, remember that nurturing your physical well-being is a profound act of self-love. By practicing self-care, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, seeking support, and focusing on what you can control, you equip yourself to cope with estrangement while staying physically and emotionally resilient.

Throughout this journey, be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, and it’s crucial to extend the same warmth and compassion to yourself that you would offer to a beloved friend. Your physical well-being is a vital part of your healing process, and by nurturing it, you are taking a significant step toward finding peace and acceptance amidst the challenges of estrangement. In the warmth of self-love and care, you’ll find the strength to face each day with renewed hope and resilience.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What self-care practices have you prioritized to help you? How has self-care assisted you in being less stressed about your estranged condition?

As a former non-profit director, I used to help raise money for teaching and learning. One of our most successful fund-raising campaigns was a donor wall. Those who contributed a certain amount would forever have their names inscribed on a beautiful wall visible in the community. What a great way to secure your legacy!

Not surprisingly, the donor wall was especially appealing to older individuals and couples. Adult development literature explains this appeal by pointing out that as we start recognizing our mortality, we tend to be more focused on leaving a legacy.

Leaving a legacy is one way we can know our lives have had impact. In a way, leaving a legacy is like communicating beyond the grave. It tells those we leave behind how we cared for them and how we tried to make their lives better.

Here are three legacy opportunities worth considering:

No Matter How Little You Have, Communication Matters

Two sisters sat side-by-side at their beloved mother’s funeral. Because their mother had very limited means during her latter years, she didn’t think a will was necessary.

Yet, she owned one possession that had a lot of sentimental value even though it wasn’t worth much in money. She possessed a simple, silver locket that both sisters had wanted.

The older sister assumed she would end up getting the locket. When she discovered her younger sister had taken the locket after their mother’s death, she was furious. The sisters feuded for years because of an unresolved matter that could have easily been addressed before their mother’s passing.

My husband and I have led a fairly modest life. What property we have is jointly owned. Any policies or other financial documents have beneficiaries listed. We both have grown children from previous marriages, and we have had discussions with them about any sentimental items they might want.

However, we drug our feet when it came to putting a will together. We thought we had everything covered. When we started working with an attorney to prepare our will, we realized how helpful this document will be for those we eventually leave behind.

As it turns out, my husband and I aren’t the only ones who have procrastinated creating a will. As reported by many sources, only 51% of Americans between 55 and 64 actually have a signed will in place.

I suspect there are a number of reasons why people don’t get around to write their own will. Like us, some might not think they have a need for a will. For others, talking about their own mortality might be difficult.

Another factor for some people might be the cost, as it’s not exactly cheap to work with an attorney. For some of them, inexpensive online wills might be sufficient.

Because my husband and I both think of ourselves as responsible people, we discussed the need for a will as a matter of being responsible.

Once You Are Gone, Your Actions Will Have Spoken Louder than Your Words

One of my favorite women in history is Susan B. Anthony. She spent the majority of her life advocating for women’s right to vote. She continued fighting for her cause until she took her last breath in 1906. I know my life is better because of the legacy Ms. Anthony left.

When it comes to the legacy I want to leave, it primarily involves investing in others. For instance, when I spend time with my grandchildren, I want them to remember that I loved them.

I also spent a quarter century investing in students as a community college speech instructor. Every student who found their voice because of the investment I made in them has become part of my legacy.

Another part of my legacy will be to help Baby Boomers navigate the non-financial aspects of retirement planning. I want others to have the same tools I’ve discovered that have allowed me to plan, as a wise woman expressed it for me, “A life that I never want to retire from.”

For me, the most important part of my legacy will be the investment I make in other people. This kind of investment will last long after I’m gone.

Personal Messages Can Create Our Connections Beyond Lifetime

When I was studying for my professional retirement coaching certification, I was introduced to another type of legacy. It involves sharing parts of your life with loved ones by creating a written (or recorded in video or audio format) account of important parts of your life you may never have completely expressed.

For example, what do you want your family and future generations to know about your values, some of your challenges and some of your life lessons? What advice would you like to leave for future generations?

Even though I’ve shared much of this information with my family, I plan to attach a letter to my will that could answer some questions future generations might have about who I was.

I want my posterity to know I cared deeply about family, being responsible, being a life-long learner and learning to live without regrets.

I’ll also advise them not to take themselves too seriously. I hope they’ll learn to laugh, love and live with a full heart. That’s what I want my life to communicate after I’m gone.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which kind of legacy do you think is most important? How do you go about putting those legacies into action? Are there any actions you can take during the next week to leave a lasting impact? Let’s start a discussion in the comments below.

The vermilions, salmon and raspberry shades of spring give way to the greens of summer and then autumn’s tangerine, yellows and scarlets remind us about grounding and identity. This is the place the Queen knows well for she has harnessed all her power and magic with the growing ripeness of spring and summer.

Autumn reminds us to celebrate the power of our own inner Queen. While the fresh beauty of the maiden is exquisite, and the fecundity of motherhood is beautiful, I would not wish for spring in winter. Every mother who has weaned her children knows this is the time for her.

The recurrent archetype of the moon is seen in a woman’s lifecycle. The maiden is the new moon, all innocence and dressed in white. The mother representing the fullness of the moon, fecundity, our mothering when we give to all – children, work, family and friends. Then the Crone, the going within, the waning dark moon associated with winter, finds us in our 60s, sometimes earlier, or later.

But then there is another stage in the life of a woman, The Queen.

The Queen

The Queen rests in her abundance, strength and authority. It is the last stage of gathering before Samhain, the harvest, and in Celtic mythology, when it becomes the reaping of the fairies after October 31.

The corn is chopped and the fields gleaned. Persephone, eternal Spring, descends to Hades just like the sun has been descending in the Northern hemisphere since midsummer. Demeter, her mother, relaxes on her throne with a goblet of wine waiting for her consort in winter to visit her at her invitation, for all men must climb the hill to her. She is blessed for she knows her daughter will return because nature, and life, is all about transition: birth, life, death, and rebirth.

I delay starting my wood stove, just like the last crickets delay the end of summer, because once the crackling of the sweet smell of locust, maple, and apple wood warm my bones, I am married to it until spring. The hint of winter is banished by the warm and hot crackling fire.

I snuggle in safety. While I might bank the embers on an Indian summer day, I stoke those orange embers at night as the salamanders of the fire wrap themselves around me and my farmhouse.

Hanging from the oak beams above me are comfrey, mullen, motherwort, chamomile, elderberry, calendula, nettle, sweet Annie and fragrant geranium. I have dried tomatoes and peppers. Stored pumpkins, squash, potatoes, cabbages. Greens might come up all winter long. A reminder that nothing ever dies in the cold of winter, not even us.

Luckily, in the Autumn of my life, I am aware of my place in the wheel of the year, and I celebrate. This is a sweet place to be in. I am beholding to no one, and I choose who I will befriend, sleep with, and love. I have set the stage for my old age, and I in this time before infirmity, I dictate the pace of my days for I have built my resume. Perhaps, as we look into our crone years, we can become the models for the world’s daughters. Honor your Queen. You came here by hard work and honor.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What did you learn about yourself in each of the four stages of your life? Now, in your 60s and after, what does the Autumn of your life look like? What does your Queen look like?

Originally posted at: Erin Lichy’s Grey Lace Trim Pajamas

Are you scared to date someone long-distance because you believe distance is the beginning of the end of any relationship? Do you refuse to date men unless they live within a certain geographic radius from your home?

To date or not-to-date long distance has been a burning question for many single women over 60. It may surprise you to learn that long-distance relationships can be more successful for older daters than for our younger counterparts.

While relationships may have been driven by our libidos in our younger years, now that we’re more mature we can better balance our physical and emotional needs. For many, being able to hop into bed with someone is no longer a top priority. Still, long-distance relationships require an additional layer of time and attention at any age to make them flourish. But for many it’s worth it.

*If you and your partner only communicate via text, you have a pen-pal not a relationship. Do Not send money to anyone you haven’t met in person, regardless of how long you have been texting or what he tells you his needs are. If he asks for money, even $1, he is a scammer.

According to 2023 research, the average long-term relationships last approximately 4.5 months. If you’re looking for a romantic connection while you still maintain your independence here are some tips to help you extend your happiness:

Come to an Agreement

If you met each other on a dating app or while traveling and don’t want to leave your hometown right now, try to set a timeline as to when you’ll reunite as a couple. It can be you moving to him, him moving to you, or both of you moving to a new location so you can enjoy your next chapter together. You could even decide to split your time in half, spending six months at your home and six months at his.

If neither one of you is willing nor able to move, calling this a relationship might be a bit of a stretch. If you know from the beginning that relocation is not an option for you, dating locally will save you some heart break. Knowing what you want from a long-term relationship before you fall in love will keep you from getting hurt.  

Make Time to Share Your Day

The best way to feel like you’re both part of each other’s lives is to set down some ground rules regarding how often you’ll connect with each other during the day. Make sure he agrees to put forth some effort as well, so you aren’t the only one reaching out. You still want him to pursue you – it helps to keep things spicey. Nothing dims the flame of attraction like inattention.

It doesn’t need to be a 60-minute phone call every day. Sometimes quick texts or photos help you feel like you’re part of his life. Show him your new haircut, send a photo of something from your garden, etc. You want to share your everyday life with each other as much as possible to help maintain the continuity and passion in your relationship.

Mix things up and take advantage of all the available technology. Combining a quick text, a longer phone call, and sharing dinner together with a video chat can keep things interesting and fun.  

Nothing Replaces Physical Touch

Depending on your distance, schedules, and budgets, it’s a good idea to make a plan for when you will see each other. Chatting is fine, but nothing is better than spending time in person.

You want to decide if you’ll be together for birthdays and holidays? Will you see each other once a month? Who goes to see whom, when? These are the types of things you want to discuss at the beginning of your relationship. As you design your plan, keep it flexible enough to allow for fun surprises.

Having specific dates to see each other on your calendar will give you something to look forward to and make the time apart seem less painful. When you manage your expectations, it helps cut down on disappointments.

This is where many women go wrong in relationships in general. They do too much for their partner and over-give, which then turns into neediness. You always want to keep your life rich and juicy whether you have a long-term partner or not. This is especially important if you’re dating long-distance. Your partner is the cherry on top of life, not the entire ice cream sundae.

Before you begin a long-distance relationship make sure this is what you really want. You could always decide to remain casual with your long-distance friend while you continue dating locally. Remember, dating is all about finding someone you like who will love you the way you want to be loved. If you feel like you’re making too many allowances for love, maybe he’s not the right man for you. And if he’s not, there is someone out there who is.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What are your thoughts on dating long distance? Is it something you would recommend? Was it fun and fulfilling? What tips can you share that helped it work for you?