Sometimes it’s very hard to think nice thoughts when your hip is in constant pain. Your hair is getting thinner and your waist is getting thicker. To top it all off, you woke up this morning with a spikey black whisker on your chin!

Where the heck did that come from? Did it spring up overnight? Or has it been around for days, taunting onlookers who were kind enough to pretend it wasn’t there?

Staying motivated is tough. Getting older isn’t always about carefree living, travelling, and exciting new adventures. Sometimes it’s about living day to day with health issues, money problems, chronic pain, and an ever-shrinking world. To get unplugged, we try reading articles that promote the “10 Senior Secrets,” but nothing’s working.

There are days when we need a good kick in the bloomers to get unstuck from feeling that our quality of life is melting away faster than a double scoop on a hot summer day.

Keep Aging in Perspective

There have been many articles and comments written on Sixty and Me about the joys and challenges of aging. We all do what we can to support each other and be the best we can be as we deal with the crusty rusty years.

But if our thoughts are not in a good place, we can find it difficult to read about others who seem to be managing so much better than we are. Living our lives can become a challenge when we have to compromise or eliminate activities that bring us joy.

Find Inspiration through Poetry

Recently, I found an ancient poem written over one thousand years ago by the Chinese poet Hanshan. It came on a day I needed it most and spoke volumes to me in its simplicity. I would like to share it with you:

Bugs in a Bowl

We’re just like bugs in a bowl.
All day going around never leaving their bowl.

I say, That’s right! Every day climbing up
the steep sides, sliding back.

Over and over again. Around and around.
Up and back down.

Sit in the bottom of the bowl, head in your hands,
cry, moan, feel sorry for yourself.

Or. Look around. See your fellow bugs.
Walk around.

Say, Hey, how you doin’?
Say, Nice Bowl!

Choose What We See

When I sent the above poem to a friend of mine, she said, “It makes you want to think ‘nice’.”

Sometimes it’s hard for us to think ‘nice’ all the time. Especially when we’re in pain and have to limit our activities. But Hanshan reminds us to practice mindfulness and stay connected to our world. To stay in touch with our fellow bugs. His simple words suggest that moping and feeling sorry for ourselves can lead to isolation and despair.

Studies have shown that social interaction is critical for our well-being and ongoing mental development as we age. Regardless of our limitations, we need to remember to interact with others and continue doing things we love.

And that usually means being in a constant state of renewal, as we adjust and regroup into our newly morphed selves on any given day.

10 Ways to Get Inspired

As I continue to Live with Lupus and my limitations seem to grow daily, I am determined to enjoy life, regardless of the ever-changing view. Here are some things I do that work for me:

• Attend a monthly book club meeting I organized right here in my condo building.
• Reach out to the online community by blogging about what matters to me.
• Call my out-of-town sisters for marathon telephone conversations.
• Relax my mind and body through meditation and visualization exercises.
• Practice gentle yoga and deep breathing exercises every day.
• Water-dance to music in the pool with my waterproof iPod.
• Share a glass of wine and a good meal at home with my husband, family, and friends.
• Enjoy every minute I can with my daughter and granddaughter.
• Read good books which inspire and broaden my world.
• Play online scrabble with people from around the world.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

So to all my fellow bugs out there – Hey! How you doin’? What things do you do to stay happy and connected in your bowl? Do you prefer meeting online or in person? Which of your interests have inspired the greatest friendships over the years? Please leave a comment and join the conversation.

Today I cry at the drop of a hat. I never used to be a walking water works, but something has triggered this faucet and I cannot seem to control it.

I first noticed my unexpected tears at a performance of Ghost, the musical play, that I attended early this summer. There I sat in my audience cocoon watching a play I’d never seen. I had also never seen the Patrick Swayze movie. Crying so hard at times, I was certain the people around me were as embarrassed as I was. I was crying at a musical?

I NEVER cry. Honestly. I was one of those people who just did not shed tears. I felt sad many, many times over my 70+ years. I might get a lump in my throat during a sad movie or stressful time but no eye leakage. Some tears dropped when I initially learned of the death of someone close but to actually sit and weep? No, it just did not happen.

Growing Up, Tears Were a Sign of Weakness

I grew up believing that tears were a sign of weakness. Men did not cry, and I was as strong as any man. Ergo, I did not cry. I was Kathryn Hepburn and John Wayne rolled into one dry-eyed lady.

I remember girls sobbing in the restrooms at high school because some boy did not ask them to the prom. I had friends who would cry from frustration when they did not do well on exams. And there were those who cried at every movie, song or book that evoked some emotion.

There were the manipulative criers who used tears to get what they wanted. I exclude little children; though my theory is that crying worked so well with some kids, they never outgrew the habit.

Some people cried at all sad triggers, others included tears of joy. Just swallowing the lump in my throat, I moved on. Feeling great empathy with others who cried for whatever reason, no tears came from me unless I was chopping an onion.

Emotional Tears Now Flow So Easily

So why am I suddenly the Niagara Falls of emotions? Weeping with songs and movies from my past is not unusual. I did not cry publicly at my daughter’s wedding but shed many tears in private. Tears of joy for her future. Tears of sadness for the times that slipped away.

This week, back at the theatre, my tears flowed through most of Mama Mia! When I saw the movie in 2009, I came out a Dancing Queen. This time, sobbing with Dancing Queen, I went home, watched the movie and blubbered again!

Strength Expresses Itself in Deep and Emotional Ways

This is a new phase of my life. Single for six years after a long marriage, I am creating a new life. Apparently, that new life is much more emotional than my old life. Not only do I feel the sadness and happiness of the moment, I am expressing those feelings in surprising ways.

I am still as strong, emotionally, as any man or woman. But for some reason, not afraid to express deep emotions. There was no conscious decision to become a weeper; it just happened. I cry alone. I cry with my daughter. I cry with friends. Sometimes it’s cleansing. Sometimes it’s a shroud I carry. But the tears are real. It is me. And I’m ok with it.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When do you cry? How does it make you feel? Are you embarrassed by your tears? Do your tears sometimes catch you by surprise? Please join the conversation.

When I began my reductionist initiative a few years ago, I assumed I would actually end up with fewer things to think about. Less stuff to worry about and more emotional freedom. Seemed a logical expectation at the time and in fact was my motivation in getting started. I knew it would be overwhelming but truly believed physically removing the unwanted items in my life would dissolve the fact they had ever existed.

But after opening up box after box, drawer after drawer and finding things that I could not even remember buying, my life felt more crowded than ever. Instead of being overwhelmed with an abundance of possessions, it was consumed with a cacophony of memories. They filled every single cell in my body.

Memories Are Amplified When the Things Are Gone

Downsizing is like opening a Pandora’s box. This container, by the way, is defined as, “A process that, once begun, generates many complicated problems.” So true. When you first start a downsizing process, especially as an older woman, you first look at the neutral items that you need to reduce. Things like shoes, hats, jewelry, and clothes seem relatively easy to release.

Pictures, handmade items, children’s art and personal treasures are more emotionally loaded. Often, when everything is neatly packed up in garbage bags and charity shop donation boxes, you quickly find yourself weighed down and surrounded by memories.

So, then you need to embark on a whole new kind of downsizing! What can you do to clear the clutter of Pandora’s memories?

Appreciate True Abundance

You may have collected hundreds of items in your life that brought you great pleasure and joy at the time. But as you let them go, you realize that the true power of the abundance often lives in the memories. When you let them go, it is important to allow the memories to make you smile, but for them not to become the replacement possession. Memories are like waves that caress and nourish but their abundance should be gentle and deep.

Embrace Complexity

Life is complex at any age, but as we get older the sheer amount of personal experience, relationships and connection can be overwhelming. Things defined our life and reflected our decisions. We may have saved for years to purchase a home that was lost in a financial crisis or surrendered in a divorce.

We may have bought a dress for a special event that turned out to be a sad memory. The complexity of our lives helps to enable growth and allow a wiser, stronger person to emerge. As I learned to simplify my life, the softening of memories was part of my downsizing process.

Welcome the Tears

Crying is a good way to surrender to memories and acknowledge that the tears are the last manifestation of the things you are letting go. When I went through the exercise of throwing away pictures, after scanning them to my computer, external hard drives and the cloud, I cried for hours.

I celebrated the memories with those tears. I appreciated the intensity of their power but knew the next chapter of my life was to make new memories with less stuff. I was looking forward to memories grounded in relationships and experience and not in things.

Transform the Memories

As I downsized the memories associated with tangible items, I realized that the deepest recollections moved to the top of my mind and were transformed into something lighter and less overwhelming. They were part of my being, instead of something I carried.

Even the memories associated with my marriage and divorce took on a lighter presence in my life. Instead of missing the items that I had downsized, I focused on the woman I had become because of that experience. Letting go of some of the memories made me feel more in control, lighter and hopeful for a future based on truly experiencing more life with less stuff.

I am not suggesting that we deny or repress memories or erase them from our mind. The suggestion to simply tone down their amplification. To let them become part of who you are, rather than control you and hold you back from a simpler, more meaningful life.

Read 5 REASONS DOWNSIZING IS ONE OF THE MOST COURAGEOUS THINGS YOU CAN DO!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you found yourself held back by memories associated with the items you have let go on your downsizing journey? How have you transformed those memories into something positive in your life?

Photo: @LisaBarlow14

Originally posted at: Lisa Barlow’s Celine Crop Top and Leggings