Month: October 2023

It’s Halloween season! I know because a walk down the streets of our quiet neighbourhood means bumping into a few skeletons if not disembodied heads. While this is the time for us to think about the light side of death, our western attitude about death is so tinged with fear that we miss the opportunity to consider our own death or that of others whom we love.

A couple of weeks after Halloween, I will celebrate my and my late husband’s wedding anniversary, bringing back memories of him. So, of course, around this time at the end of each year death is on my mind.

Learning from Other Cultures

While thinking about death may sound morbid, I think that we can learn lessons from other cultures’ attitudes and beliefs around death. Understanding and embracing death can offer valuable insights and guidance during life’s transitions, especially for mature women.

South Asia

As a keen student of yoga, I have been learning more about the South Asian approach to these topics which emphasizes the cyclical nature of life and rebirth. The emphasis is to find your purpose and to provide selfless service related to that purpose. This purpose may go beyond this lifetime so that when you die, it is like taking off an old coat. Your body goes away but your essence and purpose continue only to be reborn through the karma cycle of birth and rebirth. The ultimate objective is moksha, the spiritual liberation that is our supreme goal.

Central America

A very different but related approach comes to us from Central America where the celebration of the Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos) is celebrated the day after Halloween on November 1. This is a celebration which combines native religions with the Catholicism of the conquistadors and honours our ancestors. Through these celebrations death is seen as a natural part of life, and maintaining a connection with the dead becomes part of everyone’s life from the youngest to the oldest family members.

This is the time in our lives when we face our own death as well as the death of many of those who are close to us. Understanding that our spouses, relatives and friends who die before us are part of a universal life force can be comforting as well as help us find peace in these life transitions.

Using Death for Personal Growth

Some practical ways to use these various approaches to death include:

Ancestral Heritage

Explore your ancestral heritage and the death-related traditions and wisdom within your family backgrounds. This self-discovery can provide a deeper connection to your own lives and transitions. I feel that I have come closer to my maternal grandmother as I have explored her life. Honouring her with passing on my knowledge about her to the younger members of our family has been very satisfying.

Write Your Own Obituary

What are the important things that you want to be remembered for? How much of these characteristics and actions are true now? While this may seem morbid, it can be a real revelation. Try it.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Practice mindfulness and meditation techniques that help you stay present and delight in this very moment. For the yoga culture, this is a way to find the true essence in you. At the very least, it can help you find a peace that you may not have found yet.

Understanding and accepting death can be a powerful tool for personal growth and transformation. I wrote about this in a blog from a few years ago called Four Ways to Deal with the Loss of a Loved One. Thinking about how we want to be remembered and what life force we want to emit can direct us in this important part of our lives propelling us through this time of transition.

Suggested read THINKING ABOUT DYING DOESN’T HAVE TO BE MORBID.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you thought about your death, or do you consider this too morbid a topic to ponder? What tradition did you grow up in, and how does death and dying factor in that tradition? Would you say your understanding of death is different at this time of your life?

The age-old saying “it takes a village” rings especially true when it comes to raising children. In today’s dynamic family structures, grandparents often play a significant role in the upbringing of their grandchildren, either by providing essential support or even assuming the role of primary caregivers. A staggering 2.7 million grandparents dedicate long hours to the upbringing of another generation in the US, even after they’ve bid farewell to their own child-rearing days.

While other family members often play a role in this support network, there are currently one million children who have their grandparents as their primary parental figures. Interestingly, only 150,000 kids are being raised solely by their grandfathers, and a significant 55% of devoted grandmothers who maintain households for their grandchildren are under the age of 55.

It’s noteworthy that two-thirds of families supported by at least one grandparent also include the child’s parents in their lives. In total, a staggering 2.7 million grandparents in the United States are stepping up to the plate to raise their beloved grandchildren, emphasizing the importance of understanding the rights and responsibilities they hold in this critical role.

It is crucial for grandparents to be aware of their rights and responsibilities. Knowing where they stand legally is essential to ensure the best possible care and upbringing for the grandchildren they are dedicating their time, love, and energy to. This understanding not only supports the well-being of the children but also helps maintain harmonious family dynamics in the modern, extended family landscape.

What Are Grandparents’ Custody Rights?

Laws will vary from state to state. In a state such as Ohio, grandparents have certain rights when it comes to their relationship with their grandchildren, but these rights are not as extensive as those of parents. Ohio law recognizes the importance of maintaining the grandparent-grandchild bond, especially when it is in the best interests of the child. In certain circumstances, grandparents have the right to claim visitation or custody over their grandchildren; however, certain criteria must be met first.

Grandparents can seek visitation rights under specific circumstances; however, the court will evaluate whether granting visitation to the grandparents is in the child’s best interests. It’s important to note that these rights can be subject to various conditions and requirements, and the specific circumstances of each case play a significant role in determining the outcome.

Therefore, grandparents may want to consult with an attorney to better understand and navigate their legal rights regarding visitation with their grandchildren.

Requirements to Request Grandparents’ Rights for Visitation

It’s important to understand that not every grandparent has unfettered visitation rights to their grandchildren. There are certain requirements that must be met in order for grandparents to seek custody rights for visitation. At least one of the following factors must be met in order to claim grandparents’ rights in a State such as Ohio.

Dissolution or Termination of Marriage by Parents

One of the key requirements for grandparents to claim visitation rights is when the married parents have divorced, separated, or terminated their marriage. This condition allows grandparents to seek companionship or visitation rights by filing a motion during or after:

• Divorce
• Dissolution of marriage
• Legal separation
• Annulment
• Child support proceedings

The reason for this is to ensure that the child’s well-being remains a top priority, even in the midst of family transitions. When the court evaluates such requests, it takes into account the grandparents’ genuine interest in the child’s welfare and determines whether granting visitation is indeed in the child’s best interests.

In making this decision, the court considers specific factors that help inform what is most advantageous for the child’s physical, emotional, and psychological development, emphasizing the paramount importance of the child’s welfare in the legal process.

It’s worth noting that grandparents’ rights may be subject to various conditions and requirements, and the unique circumstances of each case will heavily influence the outcome. Given this legal complexity, grandparents may find it beneficial to seek the counsel of a child custody lawyer who can provide guidance and help them navigate the intricacies of their legal rights regarding visitation with their grandchildren.

A Parent Passes Away

One of the circumstances, under which grandparents may claim visitation rights, is when a child’s parent has tragically passed away. In such cases, a parent of the deceased individual has the option to file a complaint for companionship or visitation rights in the county’s court of common pleas where the child resides.

It’s important to note that this provision recognizes the emotional significance of maintaining a connection between the child and their deceased parent’s family, including grandparents. The court, however, carefully considers several factors and primarily focuses on what is in the best interests of the child.

While the loss of a parent is a deeply emotional event, it doesn’t automatically mean that the grandparents on that side of the family will never have the opportunity to see and spend time with their grandchild again. The court’s decision hinges on the child’s welfare, ensuring that any granted visitation is in their best interest. This legal framework acknowledges the importance of preserving family connections and providing stability in the child’s life even in the face of such a profound loss.

The Child’s Mother Is Unmarried

In certain states, a key requirement for claiming grandparent visitation rights is that the child’s mother is unmarried. This provision allows both maternal and paternal grandparents to seek companionship or visitation through a legal process.

If a child’s mother was unmarried when the child was born, maternal grandparents can file a complaint in the court of common pleas in the county where the child resides. Similarly, if the child’s father acknowledges paternity, or if paternity is established through a parentage action, paternal grandparents also have the right to file a complaint for companionship or visitation.

The court, in its evaluation, will consider various factors and ultimately grant companionship or visitation rights if it deems it to be in the child’s best interest.

What Factors Do the Courts Consider When Determining Grandparents’ Rights?

When determining grandparents’ visitation or custody rights, the court might evaluate various factors in the child’s best interests. These factors include:

• The quality of the grandchild’s relationships with grandparents, parents, and other relatives.
• The grandchild’s own wishes and the preferences of the parents.
• The age and developmental stage of the grandchild.
• The geographical distance between the grandparent’s home and the child’s primary residence.
• The health and specific needs of the grandchild.
• The grandchild’s relationships with their siblings.
• Parents’ schedules and availability.
• The child’s adjustment to their current residence, school, and community.
• The mental and physical health of everyone involved.
• Investigation of evidence of child abuse, neglect, or domestic violence within the family.

How to Get Grandparents’ Custody Rights

When it comes to determining grandparents’ custody rights, the legal process is both complex and highly considerate of the child’s well-being. While visitation rights are one aspect, grandparents may also explore the option of obtaining legal custody if the grandchild’s current living situation is deemed unsafe or unstable. However, it’s important to note that Ohio courts prioritize the rights of biological parents when it comes to the care of their children.

To assert grandparents’ custody rights, the courts typically need to establish that the child’s parents are unsuitable or unfit to have primary custody. This determination arises when a parent has been proven to be neglectful, abusive, or otherwise unfit to provide proper care. Courts take this matter very seriously, and such unfitness must be demonstrated concerning both parents for a grandparent to be considered for primary custody.

Once the court determines parental unfitness, their next step is to assess whether it is in the child’s best interests to grant primary custody to the grandparent. Pursuing primary custody is a significant decision, as it can have profound implications, potentially affecting the relationship between the grandparent and their adult child.

Therefore, this step should only be taken when it is unquestionably in the best interests of the grandchild, prioritizing their safety and welfare above all else. Since laws vary from state to state, it’s always best to speak with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights.

How to Prove a Parent Is Unfit

Proving a parent is unfit is a complex process, and it’s important to understand the specific criteria that the court considers. Here’s a listicle example outlining what does not constitute unfitness in the eyes of Ohio law specifically:

Economic Status

Economic limitations, such as a parent’s inability to afford luxuries or reliance on government or monetary assistance, do not make a parent unfit.

Emotional Abuse

While emotional abuse, like favoritism or cruel comments, is harmful, it doesn’t automatically render a parent unfit under Ohio law.

Lifestyle Choices

Personal choices like promiscuity, having multiple children with different partners, or other decisions unrelated to a child’s well-being are generally not considered factors of unfitness.

Education

Homeschooling, personal beliefs about education, or religious and political choices are left to the discretion of parents and don’t determine unfitness as long as truancy guidelines are being followed.

Supervision

Allowing children to watch certain content or stay up late doesn’t necessarily indicate unfitness.

Personal Activities

Choices like getting a tattoo or engaging in certain recreational activities do not inherently make a parent unfit.

To prove that a parent is unfit in order to obtain custody rights in Ohio, grandparents must prove at least one of the following:

Serious Harm

A parent causing serious and direct harm to a child is a strong indicator of unfitness.

Substance Abuse

Drug and alcohol dependency are common reasons for a parent to be deemed unfit.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse of a child may or may not lead to unfitness, depending on circumstances and the parent’s willingness to seek help.

Sexual Abuse

A parent committing, or them allowing another individual to commit, sexual abuse against their child is likely to be considered unfit.

Criminal Convictions

Parents facing prison sentences can be considered unfit, while those on active military duty are not.

Mental Illness

If a parent’s mental illness negatively impacts the child’s well-being, it can be grounds for unfitness.

Proving a parent is unfit is a crucial step for grandparents seeking custody of a child. It’s important to recognize that merely believing a grandparent can provide a better upbringing is insufficient. The parent must be proven to be unfit in a serious manner to justify a custody transfer.

This list can serve as a guideline for understanding what factors do and do not constitute unfitness when navigating such complex legal matters.

Determining Grandparents’ Rights with Abused, Neglected, and Dependent Children

In cases involving abused, neglected, or dependent children, determining grandparents’ custody rights can be a complex matter due to the legal framework.

For instance, when a child is in temporary custody, these agencies must facilitate visitation or communication opportunities for siblings and significant others if it’s determined to be in the child’s best interest. However, the rules remain silent regarding grandparent visits and communication in situations where:

• Permanent custody is granted to a PCSA or PCPA.
• A child is placed in a planned permanent living arrangement.
• Legal custody is awarded to someone other than the parents.
• A child is placed under protective supervision.

In this context, it is unlikely that the court would conclude that grandparents have an inherent right to visits or communication in cases of abuse, neglect, or dependency. This interpretation is primarily because the Ohio Supreme Court has previously held that if grandparents are to have companionship or visitation rights, these rights must be expressly provided for in statute, and they cannot be assumed as a matter of course.

Therefore, the determination of grandparents’ custody rights in cases involving abused, neglected, or dependent children is contingent on the specific circumstances and the legal provisions established by Ohio law.

How a Child Custody Lawyer Can Help with Grandparents’ Rights

Navigating the complex legal landscape of grandparents’ rights or custody can be a challenging endeavor. This is where the expertise of a qualified child custody lawyer becomes invaluable. They can help grandparents understand the specific legal requirements and criteria necessary to establish their rights or file for custody of their grandchild. This includes guiding them on what constitutes a valid claim for custody, visitation, or companionship based on the child’s best interests, as well as addressing potential challenges.

Additionally, a child custody lawyer can assist in the preparation and filing of necessary legal documents, ensuring that all relevant paperwork is complete, accurate, and submitted within the appropriate timeframes. They can also represent grandparents in court proceedings, presenting a compelling case that demonstrates the child’s welfare as the paramount concern.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever considered filing for custody rights of your grandchildren? Do you think transfer of custody to a grandparent could be a solution for a better future for the child? Do you think the child should have a say in such disputes?

The beauty of aging is that we get to take time to reflect on who we are and what we want out of the rest of our life. It can be a time when our lives blossom. Here are some observations from the many conversations I have had with aging women.

The thoughts below are just thoughts. Happiness is experienced in the moment. For a thought to become a habit, it requires awareness, intention and dedicated action. If you choose to embrace any of these thoughts and make them habits, it will definitely create space for a happy and thriving life.

1. They feel comfortable in their own skin. They have “come into their own being.”

2. They never stop learning.

3. They feed their intellect and soul with a new, beautiful awareness of themselves and the world, every day.

4. They don’t sweat the small stuff. They see the larger picture.

5. They are always trying new things. They don’t believe in the saying that “curiosity killed the cat!”

6. They appreciate “alone time.” They understand the difference between lonely and alone.

7. They live for the journey, not the destination.

8. They spend time in nature because they know nature is a reflection of their own beauty and gives them a larger context in which they live and love.

9. They know the value of friendship and are always growing and seeking new friends.

10. They are not afraid of emotions. They feel deeply and definitely don’t see emotions as a sign of weakness.

11. They do not sit in judgment of others or of themselves.

12. They understand the sacred nature in each person that makes up their world.

13. They do not spend their time on relationships where people do not nurture and nourish one another.

14. They have healthy personal boundaries, not walls.

15. They respect their children’s boundaries and admire their successes.

16. They do not blame others because in doing so they give away their power.

17. They seek love.

18. They take care of their bodies and leave the shame of not having the ‘perfect’ figure for the younger generations. If possible, they are physically active.

19. They are invested in the greater good and seek to make some kind of contribution in the world.

20. They know their wisdom and speak it.

21. They have a creative aspect of their life – be it writing, music, a hobby or craft.

22. They don’t sweat the small stuff. They always trust they will find a way through or around a troubling issue.

23. They understand that it is okay to ask for help.

24. They see the glass as half-full and not half-empty.

25. They laugh, sing, dance, read and celebrate every moment of their life.

26. They have a vision and intention for each day, week, year and decade. They set an intention each day for thriving.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have habits that bring you happiness? Which ones are you especially proud of? Please share in the comments below.

Mature women are not that much different than their younger counterparts when it comes to dating. They want to love and be loved. Yet, because they’ve had decades to master the art of dating, they often pick up some bad habits along the way.

Dating Habit #1 – Falling for a Bad Boy

Oh, those bad boys. They make you feel amazing, don’t they? And they have an exciting vibe about them which makes normal nice guys look boring, right?

The problem with falling for a bad boy is he knows how to charm you, but his words are rarely followed up by any kind of action. And that is a problem.

Bad boys are always on the hunt for the next conquest. And they can come back again and again between those conquests convincing you once again with their mastery of using words that they only want you. You forgive them. Things are good again, then they leave again and break your heart.

Nice guys may feel flat to you, but they will be the ones who bring you a glass of wine at the end of a hard day or go to the store and bring you chicken soup when you have a cold. You want a man whose actions follow his words. That man is a keeper for the long haul.

Dating Habit #2 – Thinking You’ll Know He’s “The One” When You Meet Him

First of all, this rarely happens. Yes, you’ll hear stories about women who’ve said they just knew he was The One when they met their husbands.

What you’re not hearing are the stories about women who thought they’d found the one. But then, after some time passed and the chemistry wore off, they found he wasn’t even remotely close to who they wanted to spend the rest of their life with.

This is why you want to take the time to get to know a man, especially if he’s nice and treats you well. And that’s pretty hard to do unless you give him a chance with more dates to see what he has to offer the relationship.

Dating Habit #3 – Falling in Love with a Man’s Potential Versus His Reality

Did you know men fall in love with the real you; quirks and all? But we as women fall in love with a man’s potential and that leads us to trying to mold him into his best self.

One of men’s biggest pet peeves is about women they’ve dated who were always trying to change them whether it was the clothes they wore, the food they ate, or how they did their job.

If you don’t like who a man is, do both of you a favor and let him go. There are other men out there who will be a better match for you just the way they are.

Dating Habit #4 ­– Looking for Chemistry or Immediate Attraction to Decide if He’s “The One”

This dating habit is the NUMBER 1 HABIT that can keep you from finding the right man to share your heart and life with. You see, instant chemistry is nothing more than the release of oxytocin, also known as the bonding hormone. It feels amazing, and that’s why we look for it.

But the thing is, you can have amazing chemistry with a man who might not be the right man for you. And the bonding hormones keep you from seeing that right away because being near him feels so good. Chemistry also causes you to trust men who might not be so trustable.

As you get to know a man, chemistry can grow, especially when you get clear on how he treats you and whether or not you share the same values in life.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What Dating Habits are you holding onto that are keeping you from finding love after 50? Are there other bad habits that you’ve developed over the years? We would love to hear your stories!

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