Month: October 2023

The reason we struggle with trust after a divorce is because we feel like we’ve been betrayed. It’s a crappy weight to have on your shoulders. Similar to its other invasive cousins – anger, guilt, and resentment – losing trust after your long-term marriage keeps you from getting your life back.

But, like all the other feelings, you have the power to break free from its hold and regain control of your life as you start its next chapter. Let’s discover how!

Trust and the Source of Betrayal

Many times, lack of trust comes from a sense of betrayal – which is exactly what you feel at the end of a long-term marriage.

Whether the betrayal came from simply growing apart or from more insidious things like abandonment, abuse or infidelity, it’s no wonder why you may feel like you cannot put your faith in anyone anymore.

As if that’s not bad enough, loss of trust can be nasty because it makes us doubt ourselves during a time when we need to be strong. Despite the difficulty this situation creates, there is one thing you must remember – the source of your betrayal stinks, but it does not get to define the rest of your future.

What Happened to You Does Not Define You

Subconsciously, we know that nothing we experience during divorce defines us, but we tend to forget that. Instead, we may think that everybody is out to get us, that we can no longer trust any of our relationships and that we will not be able to depend or trust anything in our lives ever again.

But, though betrayal is painful, it is not your death sentence. It does not mean that nothing good will come your way again or that you will not be able to heal.

If anything, the betrayal of a divorce, no matter how crazy or earth-shattering it may have been, actually shines a light on the toxicity of that relationship. It shows you that you deserve better than to doubt the genuineness of your now-ex partner.

The next time you feel hurt when mistrust creeps into your thoughts, you must remember the following:

• Trusting yourself is the foundation to trusting again.
• You are not alone in this world.
• There are people who love you.
• There are people who are rooting for you.

Exercise: Rebuilding Trust

If learning to trust again after the end of your decades-long marriage is something you have been struggling with, take a look at this simple exercise!

Answer the following questions:

What and Who Can I Depend on That I Sometimes Overlook?

It may not seem like much, but I know that my dog Oliver is always there for me. Whenever I come home after a long day of work or if I’m feeling sad, he can always sense it, and he comes over with his tail wagging as he sits in my lap to snuggle.

My little sister has always been there for me. As we have gotten older, she has become a confidant, and a shoulder to cry on. She makes a great thinking partner when I am struggling with a problem.

What Will I Do to Acknowledge and Celebrate My Helpers?

I will continue to care for and spoil Oliver, who brings so much love into my life. And the next time I talk to my little sister, I will let her know how much I appreciate her.

How Will I Embrace Those Special Individuals When I Feel Mistrust and Betrayal as I Continue to Heal?

When that wave of mistrust washes over me – which often happens when I think about my failed marriage – I will put that feeling on pause and remind myself of the many wonderful individuals in my life that I can depend on.

I will write their name down on a list, and if I am physically near one of them, I will reach out to them. For example, I will hug my dog and take him on a walk to clear my head. Or I will text my sister to see how she’s doing.

Redirecting the negative feelings of betrayal into something positive will gently remind you that there are people and other creatures in this life that you can depend on, who also depend on you. Celebrate that trust and focus on that love instead.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Who are the individuals in your life that you can depend on? How can you draw on their energy to heal and build trust again? What can you do this week to celebrate the confidence you have in them? Please share in the comments below.

Click Here for Additional Stock / Here for More Stock

Photo: @drnicolemartin

Originally posted at: Nicole Martin’s Beige Sleeveless Top

The post-divorce era is no doubt a time for reflection, certainly a time of change, and likely a crossroads of where one has been, and what comes next. Sage advice is not to make any major life changing decisions for at least a year after such a huge life event; however, on a personal level, I felt a sense of some urgency to “get on with it” now that I am in the third and final act!

Nothing earth shattering, but I knew that I was keen for a new career path that would bring purpose into my single life. I needed to give back in some way after living such a privileged life for so long.

Stay Alert to New Possibilities

I found a new path purely by chance. Last year I attended the funeral of my uncle. I remembered talking with the celebrant afterwards and thinking what a valuable contribution she had made to the service. You see, ask most people and they do not know what a celebrant is. In layman’s terms, it is a person who performs or officiates ceremonies, be it human funerals, pet funerals (my specialty), weddings, naming ceremonies, or vow renewals: and not in a religious context, rather a spiritual one.

I liked that a lot, it resonated with me, and after doing some extensive research I decided to invest in a reputable training course. Not technically mandatory, but I believe showing credibility is worth its weight in gold. Hence, a five-day intensive in-house training course ensued, and it was illuminating for so many reasons.

There were 20 of us on this course aged anywhere between 25 and 75. It was fascinating to meet people from different walks of life, coming together in this short space of time for the same reason, but processing the experience in vastly different ways.

To the point that those of us in the more “senior” age group showed compassion, empathy, wisdom, understanding, and plain common sense that the “younger” age group simply lacked and through no fault of their own. Because life events carve the path to experience and knowledge, and we simply have to earn all the valuable lessons: we can’t buy them or take a shortcut.

That is why I am always puzzled that there is such rampant ageism in the workplace (whichever country I have lived in, and there have been many). Employing competent seniors should be viewed as the jewel in the crown, not the valueless fake gem, as it so often is. 

The Fruits of the Challenge

One of my first services was for the loss of a son of one of my oldest friends. Needless to say, it was difficult for me to keep it together, yet somehow I did (after a small wobble). Shortly afterwards, I held a pet ceremony for the loss of a dog, and pet losses are definitely just as impactful for many people as human loss.

I realized that I enjoyed this line of work so much because it enabled me to connect with, and offer a helping hand, in times of need for those who are grieving. Thus, I found a line of work that suited me well, and it felt good to get out there and learn something new, thereby building my confidence, and finding a sense of achievement by challenging myself. If you wish to understand more about celebrants, I can be found at www.gypsysoulcelebrant.com 

So, my advice to you is to listen to that old cliche of “it’s never too late.” Go find that special something that speaks to your soul, and remember that collectively we have put in years of blood, sweat and tears to earn the badge that makes us so valuable in the workplace. That is true whether we choose to cultivate a small business of our own, or we are out there as employees; seniors bring value to the table.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What would be your chosen new career path? Do you feel undervalued in your senior years? What would be your dream job in your sixties?

In a world where travel is becoming increasingly popular, there is something truly special about discovering hidden travel gems, those lesser-known destinations that remain off the beaten path. If you’re seeking a unique and authentic experience, where you can immerse yourself in untouched beauty and rich cultural traditions, then these extraordinary places should be on your travel radar.

Albania: A Jewel of the Balkans

Situated on the west coast of the Balkan Peninsula, Albania offers a delightful blend of historical sites, picturesque landscapes, and warm hospitality. From its stunning Albanian Riviera to the UNESCO-protected town of Berat, this hidden gem captivates with its ancient ruins, idyllic coastlines, and vibrant local culture.

Immerse yourself in the vibrant city of Tirana, wander through the charming streets of Gjirokastër, or venture into the untouched landscapes of the Albanian Alps. Albania will leave you awe-inspired and wanting more.

Matera: The City of Stone

Situated in the southern region of Basilicata, Italy, Matera is a city like no other. Recognized as a UNESCO World Heritage Site, it boasts a unique urban landscape sculpted from ancient caves, known as Sassi.

Explore the labyrinthine streets, marvel at the cave churches, and witness the breathtaking views from the Civita, the highest point in town. Matera’s architectural marvels and timeless charm make it a hidden gem that deserves a spot on your travel bucket list.

Uruguay: South America’s Hidden Treasure

Nestled between Brazil and Argentina, Uruguay remains an undiscovered gem in South America, beckoning travelers with its unspoiled charm. From the colonial splendor of Colonia del Sacramento to the vibrant capital city of Montevideo, Uruguay offers a delightful blend of history, culture, and natural beauty.

Relax on pristine beaches, indulge in world-class wines, or venture into the sprawling wetlands of the UNESCO-listed Quebrada de los Cuervos. Uruguay promises to surprise and enchant even the most seasoned travelers.

Bhutan: The Land of Happiness

Nestled in the eastern Himalayas, Bhutan is a hidden paradise renowned for its untouched landscapes, vibrant Buddhist culture, and the pursuit of Gross National Happiness. This mystical kingdom beckons adventurers with its extraordinary monasteries, breathtaking mountain vistas, and pristine wilderness.

Explore the capital city of Thimphu, hike to the famous Tiger’s Nest Monastery, or witness the vibrant festivals that bring the country to life. A visit to Bhutan is a transformative experience that will leave you with a renewed sense of serenity.

Mongolia: Where Nature Knows No Bounds

Unleash your inner nomad and venture into the unspoiled wilderness of Mongolia. This vast and enchanting country mesmerizes with its sweeping grasslands, snow-capped mountains, and rich nomadic traditions.

Immerse yourself in the cultural heartland of Ulaanbaatar, explore the legendary Gobi Desert, or witness the spectacle of the Naadam Festival. Mongolia offers a genuine escape from the modern world, immersing travelers in a world where nature takes center stage.

Wakayama, Japan: Discover the Spiritual Side

Leave the crowds behind and explore the spiritual haven of Wakayama, located in the Kii Peninsula of Japan. Home to ancient shrines, tranquil gardens, and sacred pilgrimage routes, this hidden gem allows visitors to connect with nature, tradition, and their inner selves.

Experience the ethereal beauty of Mount Koya, hike the Kumano Kodo pilgrimage trails, or rejuvenate in the soothing waters of hot springs. Wakayama offers a serene and rejuvenating escape from the hectic pace of modern life.

These hidden gems undoubtedly deserve a place on every travel enthusiast’s wish list. Albania, Matera, Uruguay, Bhutan, Mongolia, and Wakayama, Japan, invite you to go beyond the well-trodden paths and to embrace the undiscovered, the authentic, and the extraordinary.

Are you ready to embark on a journey of a lifetime and uncover the hidden treasures that await? Start planning your next adventure today and let these remarkable destinations leave a lasting impression on your heart and soul.

Also read 6 SLOW-PACED TOURS FOR SENIORS.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What hidden gems have you visited? How did you learn about them? What makes them gems, in your opinion?

Originally posted at: Madison LeCroy’s Ivory Half Zip Sweatshirt