Month: October 2023

Many of us love to travel, but we don’t like it when simple travel mistakes cause us unnecessary stress. Travel can involve long days, unexpected delays, missed connections and long lines at security checkpoints. Days spent in transit can leave us feeling frustrated and exhausted. We don’t need avoidable issues.

Fellow traveler John Steinbeck once joked, “A journey is like a marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you can control it.”

It is absolutely true that no matter how hard we try, we can’t control all aspects of our travel. We can’t control the weather, or mechanical issues with our plane. We can’t control striking train workers or the crying baby sitting behind us.

Fortunately, there are aspects of travel that we can control. There are simple procedures and travel techniques that can make our journey easier. As a rookie traveler, I made a lot of tourist mistakes.

I learned through my struggles, and when I travel today, I feel more relaxed knowing that I have controlled what I can.

As a frequent traveler, I’ve seen many people make simple, avoidable mistakes while journeying. Here are 7 travel mistakes you might be making – and the easy way to fix the situation.

Bringing Your Overstuffed Wallet

One of the keys to easier traveling is to be able to find the papers, tickets and money you need when you need it. We have all been held up in a line while someone digs through their purse trying to find the correct change or their boarding ticket.

Clean out your wallet before you leave home so that you only take the essentials. You won’t need your grocery store loyalty card or your library card.

You probably have credit cards you won’t be using when you travel. Pull out all of the old cards, receipts and papers, put them in a large envelope, and leave them at home. This will make it easier to quickly find the things you need.

Not Having RFID Protection

Unfortunately, technology has allowed criminals to use sophisticated means to grab your personal information from your cards. You can prevent this with an RFID wallet, RFID card protector sleeves or bags with RFID technology in some of the pockets. I find the security and peace of mind worth the upgrade to a new wallet or bag.

When I purchased a new wallet, I also chose one with two separate money compartments. That way, when I travel I can keep my home currency on one side and the currency of my travel destination on the other side. I have found this to make handling money while traveling much easier.

Carrying an Open Bag

Another thing I often see is people carrying an unsecured bag. I’ve seen things fall out of open totes and roll down the aisles of a plane. I’ve seen people carry open purses or unzipped back backs, both of which seem to be begging for a pickpocket.

Depending on where you are going, you might want a secure travel bag. At the very least, get something that closes tightly. I carry a cross body travel bag with steel in the straps and fabric that cannot be cut.

I was in a group once where several of our party had their bags slashed from the bottom. Fortunately, I was not one of them. My bag is in front of me and I can secure it with my arms when I am in a crowd.

I’ve also been in crowds with pickpockets. Yes, they are clever and anyone could be the victim, but I think they will go for the low hanging fruit – why mess with a bag secured in front of someone’s body if you can just grab something out of an open tote?

Read 5 BEST ANTI-THEFT TRAVEL BAGS FOR OLDER WOMEN.

Not Paying Attention to Liquid Carry-On Rules

Every single time I go through a security line at the airport I see people struggling with their liquids. Airport personnel are serious about the rules. They will not think twice about making you throw away your expensive face cream because it did not fit in the clear, quart sized bag.

Rules about what constitutes a liquid or gel can be a bit inconsistent. I have had my solid deodorant and Chapstick confiscated, while my solid face soap was allowed through. When in doubt, it is better to be overly careful.

Get sample or travel sizes, and make sure anything liquid or gel goes in the bag. Trying to sneak an extra lip stick through in your carry-on only results in having security stop and search your bag. These are the kind of small time wasters and inconveniences that make travel unpleasant.

Not Using Waterproof Cosmetics Bags

If you are planning to check a bag, you have more freedom for the cosmetics and personal care items you can bring. However, don’t be like me and succumb to a beautiful cosmetic bag that doesn’t have a waterproof liner. It never fails that something in my cosmetic bag will implode during travel.

I once had a shampoo bottle leak shampoo through my cosmetics bag, into my suitcase and onto my clothes. Now, I generally put bottles in zip lock bags before I put them in my makeup case. It is not fun to have to wash out your clothes before you’ve even worn them on the trip!

Bringing More Luggage Than You Can Handle

I generally travel with a 21-inch carry-on and a cross body tote bag. I can handle them both myself and rarely check a bag. Some people prefer to check a bag. Even if you opt for that option, you should be able to pull or carry it yourself.

Yes, there are porters, luggage carts and bellhops who will carry things for you. At some point, however, you are going to arrive at your destination late at night, after a delay and find helpful personnel sparse.

I once dragged a huge suitcase, my carry-on and my tote bag through a street in Ecuador, across a couple of blocks and onto a bus. I barely made the bus, and shudder to think of dragging all of that luggage even further.

“He who would travel happily must travel light,” warned Antoine de St. Exupery. I learned my lesson. Less is enough.

Not Bringing Money in Small Denominations

Most of us will go to the bank or ATM before a trip and get cash, but often the cash is in larger bills. You will need money for small incidentals and tips. It is also helpful to have some money in the currency of the country you are visiting.

My husband and I landed in Ireland early one morning, parched from a long night of travel. As we stood in line for our rental car, we stared longingly at a vending machine. We would have loved to have purchased a couple of bottles of juice, but realized that neither of us had any small bills or change for the machine.

ATM’s are wonderful and provide an easy way to get cash wherever you are. Credit or debit cards work almost everywhere, too. But you are going to want small bills in order to tip a cab driver or the bellman who brings your bags to your room.

You should keep in mind that you will also need money on the way home. I was embarrassed one time at the end of a trip to Mexico when a man from the transfer bus company took us through the airport to find the correct entrance.

I sheepishly gave him the only cash I had, a one-dollar bill. Once again, I learned my lesson, and I vowed to always have enough small cash with me.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you experienced traveling mishaps that might have been avoided? Have you learned any tips or tricks that make travel easier and less stressful? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

I’ve seen so many intelligent singles make simple errors that hamper their chances with online dating. Before you say, “Online dating does not work,” (it does) or “It will not work for me,” (why not?) or “My friends tell me horror stories,” (believe me, they are doing something wrong – it’s them, not the app/site), here are some things to think about:

An Error-Free Profile

When you create your app profile, make sure it is grammatically perfect with no mistakes. Yes, people read these, and if they see you using “there” and “their” wrong, they very well may skip right over you. My recommendation: Write it in a word document first. Then run spell check it.

A Unique Profile

Short and sweet is what you’re aiming for. No one wants to read a long monologue. Yesterday, working with a client, we saw an attractive, accomplished man who used two paragraphs to describe how wonderful his wife had been. He listed all her amazing traits. However, she had passed away 5 years ago, and while we felt for this man, he was obviously not ready to date. He probably wonders why he is not getting any responses!

We bumped into this profile also that I thought was succinctly and cleverly written by a man:

“YES: vanilla, rosemary, Buenos Aires, humility, Barnes & Noble browsing, bourbon, cilantro, dogs, generosity, bikes, empathy, skates, skis, boats.

NO: beets, videoconference dates, whining about online dating apps, Red Wings, selfishness, arrogance, snakes.

I can’t grow a bougainvillea to save myself. It grows like a weed here and I can’t keep it alive for 10 days.”

Ok, there was a bit more to his profile but he clearly and with humor got across his likes and dislikes. Of course, I had my client message this man!

Messages

If I hear one more woman tell me the man should reach out first, I’ll lose it! No, no, no, is my emphatic answer. Men love when you make the first move. Men love when you are not afraid to reach out first. In fact, they are bummed if they have to do all the first-time messaging all the time. Almost as bad is when they receive a like/heart/wink with no message.

This is the area where many singles fail. If they do send a message, it can be one of two big mistakes:

1. It’s a short generic message.
2. It’s a 3-paragraph novella where you get cross-eyed by the end with way too much information. Just like a long profile, nobody reads long messages.

This is my favorite area to coach clients on! Here’s how it goes: We are on the site/app together, and for the first few weeks of coaching, I type the message, then read it to my client before hitting send. Sometimes I hear a sharp intake of breath followed by “What? Are we really sending this?” Yes, and I explain why!

Most of my clients quickly get the hang of it, though I do wake up to a few texts each morning with screen shots saying, “Help, how should I respond to this person,” which I must admit, I love crafting messages that get responses!

The Phone Thing

Pre-date, why do you need to chat on the phone? Here are the issues with that:

1. A 45–60-minute call gets people all excited. They have deduced they have so much in common with the other person, and their first date expectations have risen astronomically. Very few dates can measure up now.
2. A short, awkward call and no date ensues. This is a bummer because the other person may just not be good on the phone – perhaps a bit reserved, shy, etc. This could have been the right person for you!

The only time I encourage a phone call is if there is significant distance. Let’s say you live in Los Angeles and he lives in Laguna Beach. The traffic is rough! Then I encourage a 10-minute call first. Here’s how I recommend that you phrase it in a message: “I’m totally interested in meeting you. Let’s do a 10-minute chat to see if we’d like to meet in person. My number is XXX.”

This way, we have put in place two boundaries: the call will be 10 minutes and the reason for the call is an in-person date.

You live within 20 minutes of each other. Go on the date. It’s coffee or a drink. It’s an hour. Let’s stop with all these time-wasting phone chats. You would be surprised, but people do complain about meeting someone for a short date. Why? The response I get is, “I have to get dressed.” Well, get dressed and go!

Your Photos

Nobody – yes, nobody – goes to your profile first. Photos make or break you.

If you are serious about online dating and going on good dates or perhaps beginning a relationship, 5-6 great photos are a necessity. And by that I do not mean filtered, air brushed, highly edited photos. I just mean you at your very best. And current – as in from the past year. And what you will look like when you show up on your date.

I vet client photos. In my experience, about 50% of my clients already have online-ready photos. The other 50% I recommend they go to photo service that is reasonable, takes two hours, and they turn around the photos to us within 48 hours.

And the type of photos? After your Zoom call with me, I give you a photo shot list. And it’s not your LinkedIn or fancy, boring in-studio poses. It’s you – in action! What do you enjoy? That’s what we need captured in photos. I had an NYC Wall Street type juggling as he enjoys it. Plus, he bowls. (It seems no one bowls and that grabbed a bit of attention). Not the stereotypical private equity guy, right?

I hope this helps you a bit on your search to a great next date.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Where do you need help with online dating? Do you think online dating will work for you? If not, why not? What do you write when you initiate a message to men?

While on break from my classes, I took advantage of a free flu shot offered through the college where I teach. When I popped into the small conference room crammed with colleagues and nervous laughter, a young 20-something woman handed me a form that I completed and returned.

The woman looked at me and said in a loud, slow voice, “Since you’re a senior citizen, you’ll need an extra-strength dose.” I had been cut from the herd. I looked at my colleagues – all in their 30s and 40s – and I suddenly felt like the ghost from Christmas past.

In his book, Better with Age: The Psychology of Successful Aging, author Alan Castel reports that our subjective age is often 20% younger than our actual age.

I don’t feel much different than I did a decade or two ago. When I look in the mirror, I see the same image I saw the day before. Yet I am aware that not only do others see me through a different lens, I really am different in some significant and interesting ways.

Grappling with the ‘Senior’ Thing

Yesterday, I made a telephone appointment for a mammogram. After taking a minute to look up my patient records, the scheduler asked if I needed assistance walking and wondered if I could stand without any support.

I was initially surprised that anyone would ask me these questions. I live an active, healthy life and still jog four miles or more most days. Yet, I’m in my late-60s and am considered a senior.

I’m grappling with what it means to be a ‘senior’ when I still think of myself as ‘forever young’. Because of better healthcare and increased knowledge about aging and taking care of ourselves, many of us can anticipate living much longer, heathier lives than previous generations could have imagined.

According to the U.S. Social Security Administration, those of us who make it to our 65th birthdays have a one in four chance of living until we are at least 90. Relatively speaking, 60-something isn’t all that old.

Adjusting to Natural Changes

Balance

Even though we may feel younger than our actual age, aging does usher in a number of changes. For example, maintaining our physical balance can become an issue as we age.

I was jogging the first time I lost my balance. I told myself that I had fallen because I slipped on loose gravel. But when I lost my balance a couple more times within the next few months, I realized something had changed.

My daughter-in-law, who has her doctorate in physical therapy, told me that one of the most important things we can do as we age is to work on our balance.

Over the past year, I’ve been working on my balance and can report that it has improved. I’ve also read some helpful articles, such as one exploring if balance can prolong life by Dr. Anna Lamnari.

Physical Activity

In addition to experiencing some changes in our balance, many of us simply can’t move as fast as we once did. I’ve been jogging for over 30 years and used to cover a mile in about seven minutes.

Last year, while out jogging like I’ve always done, a woman in a car pulled up alongside me, rolled her window down and said in what sounded like a rather patronizing tone, “Good for you, sweetie. Keep it up.” Then she flashed a ‘thumbs up’ as encouragement.

Instead of feeling encouraged, I was initially insulted. Why was this woman talking to me like I was some sweet little old lady shuffling down the road? It wasn’t until later that I realized that over the years I had slowed down to about a 14-minute mile and indeed did tend to shuffle at times.

General Health

I used to see a nurse practitioner who once told me that we have ‘wiggle room’ in our 40s when it concerns our health. But as we reach our 50s and beyond, there isn’t much wiggle room left.

When I was younger, I thought I could get away with missing sleep, working in high stress environments, or eating too much processed food. Now I’m out of wiggle room. I cannot ignore my physical, emotional, or mental health needs.

Last week, while dealing with a number of stressful situations, I developed a heart arrhythmia problem that persisted over four days. It scared me. I once thought of myself as invincible. I’m not. I saw my doctor and got some help.

Discovering New Opportunities

Even though aging does require adjusting to natural changes, it also represents new opportunities. I have friends who are discovering their inner artist-selves in their 60s. These women no longer fear what others think about their creative works.

One of my other friends has become a published poet. Another is starting a part-time business because she likes a challenge. After she retired, one of my neighbors discovered that she had a passion for social activism and also had a gift for mobilizing people. A couple other neighbors have formed walking groups.

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t care for the ‘senior citizen’ because it is associated with a lot of negative connotations. However, I do recognize that aging requires some adjustments. Yet it also offers a whole new world of opportunities.

We really do have an opportunity to live our best lives now. It just means learning how to do it.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What are some ways you are adjusting to natural aging so that you can live your life to the fullest? Do you think that labels such as ‘senior citizen’ limit how others might see any of us? What are some of the most positive aspects of aging that you are currently enjoying? Please share in the comments below.

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Originally posted at: Erin Lichy’s Striped Fringe Sweater Dress

As a mediator and divorce financial analyst, I often meet with one spouse who is on board with mediating but must convince their spouse to go that same route. If you are approaching divorce, there are many reasons why the better choice is to mediate instead of using attorneys for everything.

The Attorney Issues

First, when you each hire attorneys, it can turn into a “you vs. me” contest very quickly. It is crucial to understand that attorneys are bound by a cannon to work in their client’s best interests and that is not conducive to settlement. Many attorneys will throw out a settlement offer that is far more than they really expect to get, but they want room to negotiate. That can make your spouse furious and matters can quickly escalate and get out of your control.

You may have had the intent to settle quickly when you hired your attorney, but having your case flip to an adversarial divorce is not uncommon. You have probably known people who ended up hating each other after their divorce, and if you have children, this can put your children in between two warring parents and that can leave emotional scars for life.

How Is Mediating Different?

Mediating offers an opportunity to end your marriage with grace and mutual respect. It also provides an opportunity to talk about co-parenting and consider each other’s needs in a neutral controlled environment.

Also, mediating your divorce is a much less expensive choice than the cost of a litigated divorce. You can meet with a mediator without your attorneys present. In that case, only one neutral party will be examining the financial documents, budgets and so forth which keeps costs much lower.

If you use a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, there is the added benefit of financial guidance, which benefits both spouses, but particularly a spouse who is not financially savvy. You can also both be represented by an attorney. My suggestion is to make it very clear to your attorney that you want settlement negotiations to begin at the mediation session.

Most cases never go to court but by mediating early, you can save a lot of letter writing between the attorneys, which is costly. You will also probably reach settlement in a shorter amount of time and have this part of the divorce behind you.

You Get to Decide

Mediation allows you to make the decisions, rather than your attorney or a judge. Each family is unique, and mediating allows you to come up with solutions that better meet your needs. You know best what compromises better suit your situation.

Judges will apply state guidelines which may not work for you, your spouse, or your children. Mediating allows you to go over financial data together and engage in discussions which can change your prospective and allow agreements to be made that are more equitable and work better for your situation.

You Keep Your Privacy

Mediation is private. What goes on in court is on record and anyone can come into court and listen to your private matter. Mediation is confidential and statements made cannot be repeated in court and in North Carolina where I work, a mediator cannot be called to testify or hand over his or her notes.

Mediating does not stop you from getting legal advice. I encourage a consultation with a settlement minded attorney so you understand your legal rights. This actually HELPS mediation because each spouse understands their strengths and weaknesses, and an attorney can clear up misconceptions about dividing assets or support.  

My mission is to help people divorce with grace, divorce in an emotionally healthier manner and in a financially smart manner. Mediating with a CDFA that will give you the financial guidance you need is the best move towards achieving all those things! Read more about the many reasons why hiring a CDFA is an emotionally healthier and financially smarter alternative.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Did you mediate your divorce and how do you feel about the outcome? Do you feel you saved a lot in attorney fees? Do you feel the process was faster? What advice would you give to others to make the mediation process better?