Month: November 2023

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Originally posted at: Lisa Hochstein’s Gold Compact

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Originally posted at: Nicole Martin’s Black and White Nike Sneakers

Some years ago, I decided to interview women over 50, 60, 70 and 80 for a video series about the importance of staying visible as we age.

It was the most challenging project I had ever done. For one thing, becoming visible – on camera – myself (at nearly 70) in the era of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube takes an act of faith. “Looks” shaming and instant judgement have sunk many an aspiring internet entrepreneur.

I did cold-calls to reach many of the women who would be my guests, none of whom knew me from Adam. My task was to convince them that being interviewed would be to their professional advantage.

Many of these women were well-known and already very successful in their respective fields. That in itself was fairly intimidating. The process required that I muster up a lot of enthusiasm before each call. It was exhausting. I contacted nearly 90 people, 27 agreed to participate.

Insights Gained from Interviews

Before every interview I spent a good half hour in front of the mirror tweaking my makeup, hair and clothing. All these carry a boatload of “hot buttons” for many women. But since I write about fashion and was about to go on video the stakes were doubled.

My other prep work was easy, though. I have a lot of fundamental curiosity about people and am sincerely fascinated with how they have ended up where they are. And, just about everybody in the public eye loves to tell the story of their life.

All the women who said yes were absolutely lovely. I learned a great deal about myself and about women in general from this experience. First of all, regardless of how prepared I was and how kind my guests were, I sweated through (literally) every silk blouse I wore for each interview, in spite of how calm and engaged I thought I was or appeared to be. (I made my cleaners very happy that month.)

I also discovered that every woman I spoke with, when letting her guard down even a little, was as insecure about how she looked, what she said and how she would be perceived as I was. Fragility was the norm. It was a fact that flies in the face of how much strength we can summon when it’s required.

Women have raised children to adulthood, sometimes on their own. They have pushed through barriers to stand on assembly lines and boardrooms. Women have risked their livelihood to call out men for overt or subtle sexist acts. But simply showing up, on a screen, to faceless thousands of other women can shake them to their core.

Reflections on Insecurity and Compassion

I’ve been thinking a lot about why women have this insecurity about their appearance and what we can do about it. On one hand, how we look and what people think about how we look shouldn’t matter. Most people are more concerned with the impression they are making on you than the one you are making on them.

On the other hand, since first impressions are formed within the first seven seconds of being introduced, we care about how we look if we want that impression to be a good one. But there has to be some balance. And there has to be courage to just be.

I think the balance comes when we find compassion and love for ourselves. Self-care and self-love must be the basis of self-esteem. I know that when I meet people who are grounded in themselves and who “own” their body and face, regardless of age, I feel comfortable around them. And I feel comfortable about being myself around them.

But facing the faceless camera… that’s another story. The good news is that, with the exception of the genetically gifted, most of us are pretty ordinary in the looks department. Some of the most popular video “stars” are ordinary people who are just supremely natural in their ordinariness on camera. The blogosphere loves them.

So maybe it’s time to love ourselves, as we are, in all our ordinary glory, whether or not we become the next viral sensation.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you think the age of social media has changed the way women look at themselves? Why do cameras seem so intimidating in this day and age? What steps have you taken to bring balance to your life and boost your self-esteem? Please share your thoughts with the community.

Years ago I would often have people over for dinner. We called these events dinner parties, and I would usually invite anywhere between two to five couples. I would spend all day in the kitchen, cooking up a storm and still be busy when the company arrived. I would also tend to things while everyone was sipping on cocktails and nibbling on appetizers.

One of my fondest memories of entertaining was when I hosted a “peel our own shrimp dinner party.” All the guests would sit on the floor around a huge tablecloth while I served a variety of sauces and other goodies.

I couldn’t do this today as many of the people couldn’t sit on the floor, and getting up might also be a problem.

Entertaining Company Today

Today, when I decide to have some people over for dinner, the absolute maximum is six people including us. I no longer spend all day in the kitchen as I have figured out some easy recipes that allow me to spend time with my company as we sip on wine and eat a few appetizers.

“Easy and fast” is my motto these days, even when making dinner for just the two of us. I have found the perfect company dinner combination, and I want to share it with you. I am sure you will want to make it again and again because it feels like no work at all.

The Appetizer

Back in the day, my dinners usually started at 7 to 7:30 p.m., and now people arrive at 5:30p.m. I no longer prepare complicated and filling appetizers as I find people are often not hungry for dinner. Now I prepare only one dish as opposed to three or four different selections.

White Bean Dip with Veggies is one of my favorite appetizers. I make the dip in the morning of the dinner, then cut up veggies and place them in a plastic container with a cover.

Ingredients

1 large can of white northern beans

1/4 small sweet onion, chopped fine

1 garlic clove

2 tablespoons of olive oil

1 teaspoon each of oregano and basil

Half of lemon, squeezed

Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Drain and rinse the beans.
2. Put all the ingredients and spices in a blender and blend until smooth.
3. Add salt and pepper.
4. Chill until ready to serve.

Salad

The salad I like to offer is simple marinated cucumber slices.

Slice the cucumbers and pour about 2 tablespoons of cider vinegar over the slices.

Chop 1/2 cup of green onions.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

Chill in fridge all day long.

Brown Rice

I have a wonderful rice cooker that I like to use.

Follow the instructions for ratio of water to rice and add to the cooker.

Add 1 tablespoon of either sesame, avocado or grapeseed oil.

Add 2 tablespoons each of curry powder, ground cumin and turmeric, and finish with salt and pepper to taste.

The rice can cook for a few hours and keep for another hour or so. I live in high altitude so I start the rice about two and a half hours before the company arrives.

My Favorite Chicken Dish

Ingredients

Chicken thighs; you should be safe planning one per person with a few extra for hungry guests.

1 large onion, chopped fine

1 red pepper, chopped fine

2 cups of sliced mushrooms

Olive oil

1 cup of marinated artichoke hearts

Seasoning

3 tablespoons each of oregano, tarragon, thyme, garlic powder, rosemary

Use an electric frying pan that can also be your serving dish.

Directions

1. Heat oil in the pan.
2. Brown the chicken on both sides, then slow cook for about 15 minutes and remove to a platter.
3. Brown the onions, peppers and mushrooms in the oil, add all the seasonings and blend well.
4. Add the chicken back to the pan along with the artichoke hearts.
5. Simmer for about an hour and turn the flame off.
6. Rewarm about 15 minutes before you sit down for dinner.

What You Can Do During the Day

• Set your table and put the cucumbers in small dishes for everyone.
• Slice a baguette and put in bread dish, covered.
• Put water glasses on the table.
• Set out your wine glasses (if you are serving wine).
• Set out 1 or 2 small bowls with olive oil and pepper.

When your company arrives, pull out the appetizer with veggies and pour the wine. Everything is cooking along so no need to fret in the kitchen.

You can sit down with your guests until ready to serve.

Ready to Eat

Set out the pan with the chicken and a serving spoon. Place the rice in a serving dish, and have people help themselves.

For dessert, bring out a large platter of freshly cut-up fruit, and have small dishes with forks ready.

There is a little work with this dinner but no last minute scurrying around or worrying about taking things in and out of the oven.

Enjoy!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have a favorite easy company dinner? Would you share some of your favorite dishes? Please join the conversation below!