Month: November 2023

When divorce occurs, what was enough to retire on, when you both lived in the same house, can become barely enough to live comfortably, or worse. Many of my mediation cases involve a stay-at-home parent, usually moms.

It takes a while to emotionally come to terms that your lifestyle will change during and after your divorce. Going back to work is a change that is scary and hard to accept, particularly if you have not worked in a really long time!

There is loss of prestige, loss of your social life and your way of living. Fearing rejection from potential employers and lacking confidence in your modern work skills is normal. You may feel that a “deal” was made that you would not have to work, and you feel that deal should be kept.

Divorce Will Likely Reduce Your Standard of Living

The reality is that most women who were stay-at-home moms do not recover their standard of living after divorce. Sadly, many end up living close to poverty level upon retirement. Going back to work is a reality you need to face sooner rather than later. 

Existing assets will be depleted if you remain unemployed or underemployed. Making smart divorce decisions like going back to work will provide you a better chance at a secure retirement.

If You Can Work, Judges Often Expect It

Some attorneys may advise you to not return to work during the divorce. I have seen this backfire. Women have wasted years where they could have been building job skills and increasing their income only to find themselves with spousal support that is far lower than expected.

If your attorney is encouraging you to not work during the divorce, I strongly encourage you to have a direct discussion with them about the average support they have seen granted. Keep in mind every judge, even in the same city, has a different idea about support and their rulings can be inconsistent.

Women judges have often raised kids and worked full time during their marriages and may not be sympathetic to your cause.

The Deal You Made in Your Marriage to Stay at Home Is Probably Over

In mediation, the working spouse usually tells me that they would find it unfair to have their lifestyle severely decline to support an ex-spouse who wants to continue to stay at home. They also do not feel it’s fair that they must postpone their retirement to support a spouse who does not want to get a job.

The working spouse envisions themselves working until they are 70 or beyond. For these reasons, during mediation the working spouse asks that some level of job income be “imputed” upon the non-working spouse.

Look for the Positives and Rise to the Challenge!

Technology has changed a lot since you have been out of the workforce, but that knowledge can be learned in a short period of time. There are online courses on YouTube, Thinkific and LinkedIn Learning where you can learn the skills you need for little or no money.

You can get a jump start by learning those skills while you are anticipating divorce but are still at home. Getting formal education may not be financially smart or necessary because it postpones the inevitable and may not necessarily result in enough additional income to be financially justified. Going back to school is sometimes just a coping mechanism because working is much scarier than going to school.

Working May Boost Your Self-Esteem and Be Fun!

Going back to work can help build your self-esteem and after divorce, everyone needs that boost! Being a stay-at-home parent can be thankless!! Your kids don’t often thank you for a job well done and there is no paycheck.

Being told by your boss that you are doing a great job and getting a raise can be a huge boost for your self-confidence and self-esteem. Women who rise to the challenge – even if they have a job that pays a fraction of their ex-husband’s income – seem to be much happier and well-adjusted post-divorce.

Going back to work can improve your social life. At work you will have new activities and challenges to think about. You will be meeting new women and men and starting new friendships. Maybe you will even find romance in the workplace!

Read 8 IN-DEMAND WORK-FROM-HOME ONLINE JOBS FOR OLDER WOMEN.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Did you get less spousal support than you thought, and did you go back to work? Do you regret not starting a job sooner? Have you found your work fun and has your social life changed?

Click Here to Shop Additional Stock / Click Here for More Stock

Photo: @kylerichards18

Originally posted at: Kyle Richards’ Black Zip Front Dress

It is undisputed how important it is for our health that we ensure we are getting enough oxygen. In an earlier blog, I discussed the “Rule of Threes” which says that the average person can go three weeks without food, three days without water, and only three minutes without oxygen.

Now there is evidence that it is not only important to get enough oxygen but it is also important to be aware of how we breathe to supply our bodies with this essential gas. I’m not necessarily talking here about shallow breaths or deep breaths, but rather that we should be more aware or “mindful” of how we are breathing. The idea is that by being mindful, we can work on controlling how we breathe which, in turn, can result in a variety of physical and emotional health benefits.

There are some easy breath control practices (also known as breath work) that you may want to try and experiment with. It may only take 10 to 20 minutes a day of breath-control practices to reap the benefits. I like to think of it as part of my health and wellness regimen, like exercising and eating healthily. You can also combine your breathing exercises with your other exercises, such as walking, and get double benefit!

Basic Breathing Techniques

These basic breath work techniques include:

• Deep abdominal breathing to encourage full oxygen exchange – that is, the beneficial trade of incoming oxygen for outgoing carbon dioxide.
• Pursed lip breathing where you breathe slowly and deliberately through your mouth with your lips positioned like when you are going to whistle.
• Pattern breathing, such as the popular 4-7-8 breathing – you inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, and then slowly exhale for eight seconds.
• Diaphragmatic breathing, like deep abdominal breathing – you take deep breaths while concentrating on, and engaging, your diaphragm.
• Box breathing, another type of pattern breathing – you inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and then hold your breath again for four seconds.

There are other techniques that you may want to explore and experiment with, but these five are a great place to start. It’s also good to know that there are a variety of apps that you can download to your smartphone to help you with breath work. Some are free, such as one offered by UCLA in California, while others are subscription based. Many also include guided meditations that you can follow as you practice your breath work allowing you to do two beneficial activities at the same time.

Keep in mind that mindful breathing and breath work requires some practice, so don’t be discouraged. Also, try to do them with a minimal number of distractions. I find that doing them when I first get up in the morning, before the day’s activities take over and when it’s still quiet outside, works well for me. Try different times and environments until you find the best combination for you. And if you find your mind wandering, don’t worry. Just refocus on your breathing.

A Long List of Possible Benefits of Mindful Breathing

Proponents of mindful breathing and/or breath work point to the variety of potential health benefits, some of which may be especially attractive to those of us over 60. These may include:

• Lowering heart rate and blood pressure
• Improving focus and attention
• Reducing inflammation
• Decreasing anxiety
• Reducing stress
• Improving memory
• Boosting your immune system
• Managing pain
• Contributing to brain health
• Reducing the risk of Alzheimer’s disease
• Increasing energy
• Improving digestion/gastro function
• Removing toxins from your body
• Enhancing mood
• Improving sleep

Always Consider Risk Factors First

It’s important that you talk with your healthcare provider before embarking on mindful breathing or breath work, since these practices may not be right for everyone. This is especially true if you have any contraindicated medical conditions that could make them risky. These risks include:

• Dizziness
• Cognitive changes
• Irregular heartbeat
• Ringing in your ears
• Vision changes
• Tingling in your extremities
• Muscle spasms

Pay Attention to Diet and Hydration

You can greatly enhance the effectiveness and benefits of your mindful breathing and breath work by making sure that your body is getting all the nutrients it needs. Start with making sure you are drinking enough water. This will help your lungs better absorb oxygen from the air you inhale and expel carbon dioxide and other toxins as you exhale.

Be sure to include iron-rich foods in your diet. Some are meat, beef liver, chicken, chickpeas, kidney beans, oysters, fortified grains like cereals and breads, tofu, dark chocolate, spinach, tomatoes, lentils, , cashews, tuna, turkey, broccoli, raisins, and potatoes.

You should also talk with your health care provider about taking a nutrient test to make sure you are getting enough vitamins B12 and D. The former plays a key role in the production of red blood cells (these cells carry oxygen throughout your body). And the latter may help reduce any inflammation you may have in your airways.

Vitamin B12 can be found in animal foods such as eggs, poultry, fish, milk, and red meat. Since many of us who are over 60 often have problems absorbing vitamin B12 from food, we may need to take a supplement. Vitamin D can be found in fortified milk, salmon, orange juice and eggs.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever tried any type mindful breathing or breath work? If so, what where they? Did you did you find them helpful? If so, in what way? Did you talk with your doctor or others before doing mindful breathing or breath work? If it didn’t help, will you try again and what would you do differently? Please join the conversation.

Click Here to Shop Additional Stock / Click Here for More Stock / Click Here for Even MORE Stock / Click Here for EVEN MORE Stock

Photo + Info: @modestoo

Originally posted at: Madison LeCroy’s Gold Strapless Gown

How many times a day do you give gratitude for your gifts, for your family and for the blessings of your life?

I’ll admit it. Some days I forget to make my gratitude intentional, and then when I realize I haven’t done so, I understand why my day is off balance. “Oh, that’s why I’m not fully present!” “Oh, that’s why everything I do seems to be slightly off!”

Giving gratitude throughout the year is crucial for good mental health. Gratitude stimulates your neurotransmitters, the hormones that bring energy and happiness into your living experience.

Also, during periods that build up the stress, like the holidays, there is the anticipation of entering a new year with all the new resolutions you hope to keep longer than the month of January. At those times, a gratitude routine keeps struggle to a minimum and raises our happiness quotient.

Making a Gratitude List

There is never a lack of things to be grateful for. If you look hard enough, you will find them. If you have any questions about how to create a gratitude list or increase the band-width of your gratitude, you might focus on 5 areas that will grow your gratitude.

Reflect on the People for Whom You Are Grateful

There are many people in our lives for whom we should be grateful: family, friends, people from our past and present. There are also the mentors or people who have impacted your life in a positive way.

Don’t forget to be grateful also for the random people that you meet at the supermarket or at an event that connects you with interesting or fascinating individuals.

Reflect on Your Talents

Be grateful for your background, education, your motivation, where you live, your environment, a few important possessions, or even your animals.

Reflect on the Moments

Think about the times in your life that have shaped you into the person you are today. These can include ways in which your parents influenced you, connections with mentors, your partner(s), travel and academic experiences.

Reflect on the Places

Consider the places you wish to visit in the future, or your favorite retreat, favorite passion, what you do with your spare time or retirement time that has been more important or useful to you. Where do you see yourself going in the next decades?

Reflect on Your Passions

Look for ways to express your gratitude for what excites you and brings you joy. Consider giving your time or money to causes in which you believe. Help those less fortunate than you. Make sure you thank those who show you kindness or support.

Overlooking the Obvious and Digging Deeper

There is so much going on in our environment and in our lives that it is easy to forget or overlook what’s obvious – the things that are directly in front of us.

Every day you learn valuable lessons and encounter people who touch your life and your spirit. Do you let these incidences fly by? Or do you reflect on these important moments and assess their impact?

The following are 3 questions to deepen your awareness of the obvious:

• How are you being tested daily? Even if these tests feel annoying, what value can you obtain from the experience? Can you find the positive in what might feel negative?
• Who is your biggest supporter, your most cherished counselor? What differences have they made in your life?
• Who do you admire? What giving experiences and contributions do you want to recognize?

Gratitude Accentuates the Positive

Gratitude can be a huge source of positive energy for you. And, while you are infusing yourself with daily gratitude, you will affect others. Other people feel your positive energy, and they can emulate it and pay it forward to the next person.

Gratitude inspires you to embrace your best self. Or better yet, gratitude inspires you to embrace your greatest self – your most fulfilling self – by helping you push through doubts, resistance, stress, self-criticism and self-sabotaging impulses.

Gratitude creates a positive mental state that leads to a shift in attitude and mood. This, in turn, produces a conscious daily process that will highlight all the wonderful possibilities and opportunities waiting for you just around the corner.

Gratitude will inspire you to take action to carry out your daily intentions and to achieve your goals.

Follow Your Gratitude During the Holidays

Life is an action, not a thought, so practice a full routine of gratitude during the holidays with planned action. Make some time every day to think about and list your accomplishments and everything you have to be grateful for in your life.

It would be a great idea to also make a resolution to invest in future gratitude. Practice awareness of everything you are grateful for during your day, so that you will discover and broaden your investment in all aspects of a fulfilling life in the future.

Further reading, LIFE BEGINS WHEN WE LEARN THE MEANING OF GRATITUDE.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you make time every day to be thankful for your life? What are you most grateful for in your life today? Please share your points of gratitude below.