Month: November 2023

Originally posted at: Venita Aspen’s Blue Pearl Trim Ruffle Dress

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in that!” This is
such a common phrase, even if we just think it to ourselves, rather than say it
out loud.

Usually, it’s an invitation, if mentioned at
all, to discuss what it is about someone else’s choice of clothes that is
provoking such a strong reaction.

But I want to point you in another direction,
by asking what WOULD you be caught dead in? In other words, what outfit would
be your number one choice when you go to meet your maker?

All bodies have to be covered, regardless of
whether they are going to be buried, cremated, or disposed of in another way. So
even if it is going to go up in flames, why not choose to have your body go
into the incinerator in style?

To help you contemplate what your deathstyle
statement might be, here’s a few hints about how – and why – to make a dead good choice.

Decide You Are Going to Decide

Don’t leave the decision about your last
outfit up to your family. Research has shown that 1 in 4 people wish they had
known what their family member had wanted before they died.

When you think about it, would you leave it up
to someone else to choose your clothes while you are alive? No! At least, not
usually. So, why do it when you are dead?

Leave Clear Instructions

Knowing your wisheslessens the possibility of arguments. You may think that your family would be the last to argue about your burial clothes, but here’s what happened in Ken’s family:

“I was quite clear that our Mother had wanted
to be buried in her nightdress, but my father assured me she had said to him in
her last few days that she wanted her best dress to be put on her body. And my
sister thought both were not right; according to her, our Mother had told her
she wanted to be dressed in her artist overalls. We had a very tense time
trying to reach an agreement that all were happy with.”

Familiar Clothes Help the Grieving

A dead body is not so often seen these days. If
you wish to have an open coffin, however, or for someone in the family to dress
the body, or just to imagine what the body is dressed in, even if the funeral
director does that job, then you deciding in advance of your death really
helps.

This applies to perfume or aftershave, as well
as make-up.

Choose Something That Expresses Your Personality

Familiar items can bring comfort. President
George W Bush apparently wore grey novelty socks, Marilyn Monroe wore a
favourite dress in bright green, and Michael Jackson was in full stage costume,
including a wig, make-up and the iconic white gloves.

You Can Choose a Funeral Gown

Indicate if you want a funeral gown supplied by a funeral director. Many have a choice of gowns or robes – this can be a way around possible family disagreements.

The Clothes Can Represent the Type of Service

Choose clothes that will reflect the service
you want. This provides a sense of continuity, an extension of your
personality, and further comfort to the bereaved.

Loose Clothing Is Much Easier to Put on

Frankly, whoever is dressing the body faces a
challenge as it is lying down and is much more difficult to dress.

If it’s a member of your family who will do
this, then make their life easier by choosing a loose-fitting garment. Don’t choose
leggings or anything that might have been hard to put on even while you were
alive!

Choose Something You Have Made, or Was Made for You

My husband told me he wanted to be buried in
his dressing gown. Why? Because I had made it for him. I was very touched, and
it made a huge difference to me when I told the funeral director what was to
happen.

Have What YOU Want

If you can’t do something while you’re alive,
your death just might allow for it. It’s not unknown for people to choose superhero
costumes, bikers’ leathers, and even wedding dresses.

Whatever kind of death service you choose,
it’s best to take things in your hands prior to the event. I hope you find the
above dress tips helpful.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What outfit do you want to wear at your death
service? Have you thought about it? Would you choose something meaningful or
something convenient? Have you seen any outrageous death outfits during
funerals? Please share with our community!

Eating at home can be better and more fun than dining out every day. In this article I share seven ways to make home food preparation interesting.

For many years, it was my responsibility to feed our family of seven, three healthy meals a day. I decided to approach meal preparation as a hobby to keep myself engaged. Now, my years of others relying on me for meals are gone.

However, eating out presents some challenges to maintaining the healthy approach to life my husband and I are intent on following. A focus on nutrition, some food allergies and our slowing metabolism that seems to accompany the accumulation of birthdays, makes regular eating out a challenge.

Cooking for fewer people has required some adjustments, but I am finding that cooking at home for most of our meals is not only better for us, but it can be fun and gives us some new shared interests.

Here are some ways we keep meal prep from becoming boring.

Find New Recipes

Cooking shows on television can inspire new recipes. Themes, slants, approaches, points of view… any time of day on multiple channels, there are cooking shows to inspire.

Websites can be of much help! For instance, Pinterest.com is a great source of recipe inspiration. Have coconut milk in your cabinet and need inspiration to use it? You can find a multitude of options there. Want to make gluten-free, vegan brownies? There will be a number of recipes to choose from.

Want a new take on meatloaf or spaghetti? Or need to know how to use that mystery ingredient that your gardening neighbor bestowed? Find it online.

My daughter has almost replaced me with AllRecipes.com. She has found family favorites there that were handed down to me, hand-written on 3×5 index cards.

We subscribe to at least one food related magazine at all times. When it comes, I sit and peruse all possibilities and tear out the pages with foods we might like to try. If we try it and like it, it gets filed. If it is forgettable, out it goes.

Try New Foods

When I say we like to try ‘new’ foods, I don’t necessarily mean ‘weird’ – unless weird sounds good!

Growing up, our vegetable choices consisted of pretty much green beans, peas, corn or carrots. I remember broccoli showing up when I was in my 20s as a ‘new’ veggie. Zucchini came a little after that.

Now, with improved refrigeration, shipping and preservation methods, you can get all sorts of foods that were unknown to you even a few years ago.

Try something new! You might like it!

Explore Different Cuisines

When we moved to the small-ish ‘micro-urban’ community we live in, more years ago that I can believe, there were three restaurants in town, not counting the common fast food places.

One was a chain family restaurant, one was locally owned and had good burgers and sodas and soups, and the third was a more-upscale Italian-ish place.

Now, same town, we can choose from a long list of places to eat different cuisines. Thai, Indian (from different regions), Mexican (both authentic and Tex-Mex), Chinese (buffet, sit-down, carry-out), Korean (especially if we are willing to brave the campus area) – and others, of which I am sure I am not currently aware.

So many options for so much fun and exploration!

Buy Unusual (to You) Ingredients

My husband is an avid runner. As he has had more birthdays, he has gotten more interested in the mechanics and technology of long distance running. Several of the books he has ordered in the past few years have opened us up to new ingredients.

We now store several types of miso in our refrigerator. Seaweed. Tahini. Quinoa. Agave syrup. Chia seeds. Various types of ‘milk’. And we are learning how to use them successfully.

Turmeric is a new spice to us. We now have garam masala and cumin on the spice shelf. I discovered ginger juice that I use regularly, and the oil and vinegar stores know me by name. Wild mushroom and sage olive oil is my favorite, while balsamic fig vinegar is all I need on a salad.

Learn New Techniques

Back to television, watching competitive cooking shows has taught me a lot. PBS has great cooking shows for techniques, as do other broadcast channels.

Even simpler television cooking shows have introduced me to smashing garlic gloves with the side of a knife to easily remove the skins and having a ‘discard bowl’ nearby to save time when chopping and preparing.

Googling recipes for gluten-free bread has given me information I needed to have a measure of success in baking yeast bread with flours that are not made from wheat – which required me to buy and learn to use unusual ingredients.

A simple technique I ran across online made my bread go from flat to raised, actually resembling the wheat bread I made for years.

Remember Old Favorites

Don’t forget those old family favorites. I remember once, when I was on a roll to make meals interesting to our children, that my husband requested spaghetti – at least once a year. I had gotten so into meal prep that for one whole year, I never repeated a recipe.

Variety being the spice of life and all that, he just wanted an occasional ‘comfort’ meal, even though he did assure me he enjoyed my creative efforts.

Now, with me being gluten-free and us both watching our caloric intake, we can substitute wheat spaghetti for squash ones and add a favorite sauce. Chili is easily accomplished in the crockpot. He has perfected nachos that are healthy and tasty. Sometimes, the old favorites hit the spot.

Divorce Yourself from Perfection

Food prep and dining at home should be fun and nutritional, not perfect. When you are trying new ingredients, or preparing new recipes or learning new techniques, sometimes it comes out less than what it looked like on television or online.

No worries! If it is edible, then that is success. If it is not – which will happen rarely, I promise! – then, don’t eat it. It’s as simple as that.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you enjoy cooking at home? What have you found to be successful for at-home meal preparation? What new ingredients have you tried? What will you never try again? Please share your experiences and insights below!

As the holiday season approaches, I often think about those who are Suddenly Single – and have recently experienced life-altering events such as divorce, widowhood, or separation. Especially during the holidays, overwhelming feelings of loneliness and isolation can be tough to fight off. The cheerful festivities that are meant to foster togetherness can magnify the sense of being alone.

How can we help ourselves or others who find themselves suddenly single during the holidays? Here are some tips from women who have experienced it first-hand.

A Change of Scenery

Get out of the house. It’s normal to feel especially sad or frustrated after losing a spouse, particularly around the time of special occasions. You may have been bogged down with paperwork and phone calls trying to move forward with this new life. Or maybe you feel like you’re spinning your wheels since so many updates seem to take you into “hurry up and wait” mode.

One widow recently lamented that she feels stuck in a rut from it all. “I need to get back out there!” is what she decided. So maybe a change of scenery would help. Consider attending some events you used to go to or try something you have never done.

Focusing on others can also help. There are often many volunteer opportunities this time of year. Helping others can combat loneliness and provide a sense of fulfillment. Or start a new tradition. Instead of Turkey Day or Christmas Eve at your house, for example, perhaps another location becomes the new tradition or a rotating cycle begins.

A New Focus… on You

Put yourself first for a change. Your new life should focus on including self-care. I reminded a woman who lost her husband earlier this year to move herself to the front burner, instead of the back burner.

She recognized a long-ignored need to address her knee pain. I never knew she had knee pain since she kept it to herself, ignored it long enough to forget about it for a while, and likely wasn’t walking enough to notice it since she was busy caring for her husband. We are so good at loving others, but now is the time to shine the spotlight on yourself.

Finding Your Circle of Support

Reach out to support systems. Lean on friends and family. Share your feelings and seek their support. I’ve heard some women consider a support group or counseling as a sign of weakness. Others are not comfortable in a group setting or sharing with others they don’t know. Everyone is different, and that’s okay too. Support and connection can come in many forms. But going it all alone is rarely the most helpful.

I know women who have attended GriefShare or DivorceCare as one option for support. Some attended the series multiple times. It’s like watching a movie or reading a book more than once since you get something different out of it each time because you are in a different place each time.

One divorced woman I know volunteered to facilitate the class as another way to continue helping herself and others at the same time. There are virtual options, too. The Modern Widows Club, for example, has both virtual and in-person support options.

Conversely, one widow told me she attended GriefShare only to find herself reliving the difficult emotions she thought she had moved through already, so she stopped going. Everyone experiences loss differently, so not every form of support is the best fit for every person.

More Resources

Many challenges come with loss. In my line of work, I most often see the financial side. This is why I developed a “Suddenly Single Money Bundle” and/or free financial planning calendar ацhere. It can help to have tools to use that allow you to keep up with life’s changes and keep you moving through stressful times.

Remember, it’s okay to have a range of feelings during the holidays. With self-compassion and support, you can navigate this season with resilience. Wishing you much understanding, healing, and the strength to embrace the next chapter of your life this season and forever forward!

You may also enjoy A WIDOW’S DECISION: BETTER OR BITTER?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What are your plans for the holiday season? Any words of advice to share with others in your shoes? How can we support women alone at this or any time of year? Let’s have a conversation!

Originally posted at: Venita Aspen’s Black Embellished Tweed Jacket