Month: November 2023

There are various definitions of stress, but here’s mine: It’s the tense, unpleasant internal sensation that accompanies any negative emotion you care to mention, be it hostility, anger, frustration, or worry, and it lingers for as long as the situation provoking that unpleasant emotion remains unresolved in our minds.

In his book Mental Hygiene (first published in 1843), the American physician William Sweetser (1797-1875) introduced the term mental hygiene, and he proposed that stress and mental ill health can be the cause of much physical illness.

His claim anticipated the modern approach to mental ill health. We now know that, for many millions of people across the world, the physical pains and other symptoms they experience could be prevented or alleviated if they were given help to better cope with stress, meaning, life.

Signs of Stress

Stress manifests itself in a huge range of physical symptoms. These include:

• Insomnia
• Irritable bowels
• Tension headaches
• Back pain
• Muscle tension, especially in the neck and jaw (clenching)
• Night sweats
• Chest pain and/or difficulty breathing, especially in the midst of a stress-inducing situation
• Fatigue
• A compromised immune system, plus the conditions arising from this (e.g., ear and skin infections, colds)
• Coldness in our hands and feet.

Many of these symptoms arise because, when we suffer from chronic stress, our body is in effect malfunctioning as a result of the sustained presence within it of the “fight or flight” hormones.

These are released when our brain determines that we’re in a dangerous situation. They are designed to help us escape from life-threatening physical danger, and they’re only supposed to be released for short periods. Unfortunately, our modern lifestyles and ways of thinking regularly trigger the release of them in many people. Our body is not designed to cope with this.

Major Stressors

The Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, also known as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, is a list of stressful life events. First developed in 1967, this list attributes points to different life stressors. The more points you accumulate over a year, the more likely you are to experience health issues. It’s a useful reference to consult if you’re looking to understand what aspects of your life may be your most significant sources of stress.

The most serious stressors it lists are the death of a spouse or a close family member, divorce, and marriage. These are followed by dismissal from a job, marital separation, and marital reconciliation. Next come pregnancy, a jail term, and moving house. Personal injury or illness and your partner or a family member having major health issues are all also highly stressful, and so are an unhappy marriage, an unhappy romantic relationship, or an unhappy job environment. Retirement is quite high on the list as well.

Once we’ve identified the causes of stress in our life using resources such as the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, the time comes to ask: How do I start reducing my stress levels? I would say what’s required is a two-pronged strategy: there are ways we can reframe our life circumstances, and then there are specific actions we can take.

A Stress-Busting Outlook

According to Dr Georgia Witkin of the Mt. Sinai School of Medicine in New York, one of the top stress-busters is anticipating stress and planning for it. I think this is great advice. I suggest combining it with the following:

• Accept what has happened and close the door after any loss.
• Learn to go with the flow rather than having to control everything and everyone.
• Accept that any life change, whether good or bad, brings a certain amount of tension.
• Realize that you can’t totally prevent change.
• Focus on the present and realize that the past is done.
• Examine your life and reaffirm your life values.

Things We Can Do to Relieve Stress

Each person’s situation is unique, but I think there’s something for everyone in the following list:

• Get out of any significant life situation that is bringing you down – for instance, if you hate your job, quit it.
• Either work to restore an unhappy relationship or leave it.
• Save some money to take care of any crisis, because even though money cannot buy happiness, it is comforting to know it’s there.
• Maintain your relationships with others and have a few confidants.
• Take a holiday that isn’t constantly fast paced.
• Escape into a book, paint, write, sew, or work at a hobby or something creative.
• Listen to dance music, and perhaps dance. Sing! Laugh!
• Follow an exercise programme to make yourself less susceptible, on a chemical level, to stress.
• Clean your living space, reducing clutter.
• Try new activities or follow up on previous interests from the past.
• Do things you know you enjoy, and do them with people you like.

A Good Book

Kimberley L. Brownridge’s 50 Things to Know about Coping with Stress: By a Mental Health Specialist (2020) is a useful book should you want to go more deeply into the subject of stress and how to cope with it.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What manner of stress are you experiencing in your life? What have you tried to do to relieve it? Is there anything you’ve said you would do but haven’t yet done?

Photo: @kylerichards18

Originally posted at: Kyle Richards’ Denim Western Shirt

Let’s face it. The older someone gets, the harder it is to buy holiday gifts for him or her. How many sweaters and ties do you need after all? My wife and I stopped exchanging gifts because frankly, we get what we need all year round!

What do you do for older folks who may have downsized, who are living in elder communities or who simply don’t have the mental and/or physical capacity to enjoy gifts in the traditional sense? Well, you get creative. Here are five ideas.

Keep Old Traditions Alive and Start New Ones

My mom, who passed away several years ago, terribly missed Christmas Eve dinners in south Philadelphia. She cooked them all for as long as I can remember. Being Italian, of course we had the meal of the seven fishes and then some. The “then some” included her famous homemade meatballs and her escarole soup. And she always made the pizzelles, traditional Italian waffle cookies.

When she relocated to North Carolina after my sister’s passing, we tried to keep these traditions alive. She would come over to our house and make the meatballs, the soup and the cookies. And when she was physically unable, she supervised. Was it a perfect recreation of her memories? No, but she did value these pieces of tradition that took her back home.

We also started new traditions like going to the Southern Christmas Show here in Charlotte, North Carolina. So, honor the old and bring in something new.

Give the Gift of Time

Older people value friendship and companionship. And while my mom had that in her senior community, it was important that she and I have some new traditions that she could look forward to every week. When my sister did this with Mom, it was usually a movie night, or she would go one night with her to play bingo at the Moose Lodge.

I started taking her to dinner and then to the mall. Mom walked with a walker. There were certain things that could make her move like the roadrunner in her walker. They were racing to a slot machine, stealing away for a cigarette and walking the mall. She would never buy anything, or if she did, it would be returned shortly afterwards. Still, she liked the routine. Find some way to make time for an older person.

Cook a Meal

According to Meals on Wheels America, 1 in 2 seniors living alone lacks the income to pay for basic needs. Hard to believe. In fact, as a healthcare conference speaker, I addressed this very issue at a Meals on Wheels conference a few years back. Cooking a meal for a senior. Hosting a meal for a senior.

Preparing meals for seniors that they can easily reheat. Having a meal delivery service bring meals. These are gifts whose abundance can be measured because healthy seniors can age in place and avoid hospitalizations.

Run Errands

It may be hard for some older folks to get around, so maybe you can help. Take their car for a wash and wax. Go grocery shopping for them. Take them to the bank or a doctor’s appointment.

Pay It Forward

Older folks on fixed incomes would never ask for help when it comes to money. So turn that into a gift opportunity. Pay the newspaper or cable bill. Pay someone to do the yard work or clean the house. It not only saves them time and money but also prevents potential hazards like falling when doing housework.

The simple gifts of friendship and companionship often are the most thoughtful and appreciated. So instead of gifting that Christmas plate this year, put a little more thought into ideas for gifts that your older loved one would truly value. Sometimes the best gift is YOU!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your favorite gift to receive at the holidays? Your favorite gift to give? How has your gift-giving changed over the years? Please join the conversation.

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Photo + Info: @brynn_whitfield

Originally posted at: Brynn Whitfield’s Black Satin Bustier Top