Month: November 2023

This past week my husband and I watched the original version of The Pink Panther again, a film that was released in 1963 starring the wonderful Peter Sellers. Yes, it was pretty silly (that was the point, after all) but it still was a lot of fun, especially to revisit its iconic visuals: the fashion, the vehicles, and the uncrowded urban environments. They all spoke very clearly of another period in time, our youth.

I think during times of uncertainty and massive changes (as we are witnessing) we take comfort in time-traveling to the past to let ourselves dwell, even for a little while, in what felt like more secure – or at least more familiar – territory. That could explain why we’re seeing a lot of 50s’ and 60s’ retro fashion popping up on the scene.

Every generation sees some kind of retro fashion re-dos. Lately, you might have noticed your grandkids sporting very “Flashdance” type 90s’ attire including leggings, cropped tops, and super wide-leg pants.

So, what are the “new” throwback trends for our generation and who can wear them?

“Lady Like” Fashion

The 50s and early 60s were a time when conformity and modesty in dress prevailed… except maybe for those bullet-like brassieres worn under tight fitting sweaters (not to mention the scandalous emergence of bikini bathing suits which by current standards looks pretty tame.) But in general, a lot less skin was on display back in those days.

The attire of celebrities on the red carpet represented elegance and restraint. And women generally aspired to emulate that level of refinement. So, we saw a lot of knee-length or slightly longer skirt suits, button down blouses or shirtmaker dresses, and fuller skirts. But in the higher end of fashion, there were some dramatic elements sprinkled in, and that’s what seems to be re-appearing.

Dramatic Outerwear

The main Dramatic piece we’re now seeing are the colder weather “cocoon” type overcoats. These would appear in rich textiles like heavy cashmere and wool. Even today we would consider them a bit “oversized” which has been a current trend again for about two years now. But the construction was not as exaggerated as the oversized blazers today.

These current blazers mimic menswear in terms of the size of the shoulder pads and overall proportions. What we saw then, and are starting to see more of now, suggests being embraced in the fabric (hence the name “cocoon”) not overwhelmed by it. And it is more in proportion with a woman’s body. It has a more “rounded” silhouette in general instead of a more angular, hard look.

In addition to the traditional materials – wool and cashmere – you might find some of these types of coats today in gabardines, or plaids. Those can add a little punch and fashion-forward element. The gabardines would work for someone who has a lot of Classic style in their wardrobe. The colorful plaids are a nice touch for a wardrobe with more color and a more High-Spirited or playful style.

And many of these jackets and coats have a built-in or detachable long and large scarf, made of the same material. You can imagine a 50s’ or 60s’ socialite wearing this type of jacket with a cloche hat or turban.

Today’s versions are modernized with details like fringed scarves, patterns, or contrast stitched trim. The scarves are either in exactly the same fabric, color, or in a pattern of complementary colors. The first release of these types of coats, typically at high-end prices, sell out like hotcakes. But you can be sure to find knockoffs on Etsy for prices and, likely quality, all over the map.

Scarf Detail Coat Wine

Isabel Marant Toile Loose Fit Scarf Coat

Isabel Marant Etoile Faty Wool Blend Scarf Coat Multicoloured

H&M Wool Blend Scarf Coat

Wool-Rich Checked Reversible Coat

“Chanel”-type Suits or Jackets

We started seeing a return to lots of cropped boucle tweed Chanel-type jackets this past spring and the trend is still going strong. That’s likely because it’s such a wearable and flattering style for so many women and so many body types.

If you’re very lucky (because real Chanel jackets rarely get re-sold) you might find an original version at a resale site or vintage shop but more likely, an estate sale. Still, 60 years is a long time to keep something that will still look in good shape.

Fortunately, there are a lot of copy-cats available far and wide at very reasonable prices. (Interesting factoid: fashion designs and especially handbags are not copywritten, opening the door for lots of knockoffs.) One of my clients is an expert seamstress and she makes her own Chanel-type jackets.

The details can include fringed hems, contrasting trims, pearl trims, and pear or gold round buttons. Many were ¾ sleeved, most were cropped (just to the waist) but later were seen in longer versions, which was a welcome addition for women who carry weight in the waist and middle section.

Because they are so iconic, they remain a versatile and sophisticated piece that just about anyone can wear with maybe the exception of someone who is very bohemian or who lives in jeans and oversized sweaters.

You can always wear them as part of a skirt suit with a plain knee length pencil skirt. The young fashionistas wear them with very short miniskirts and shorts. But to bring this type of jacket fashion forward for us, and to get much more wear out of it, try pairing it with jeans. That will elevate an everyday look for an afternoon luncheon.

It can also be a nice finishing piece for date night if worn, for example, with a satin drape-neck tank underneath. If you have a splash of drama in your style, toughen it up by wearing this type of jacket with leather pants and boots or booties. For evening attire or holiday attire, wear it over a long midi or even ankle-length knit skirt.

ZJFZML Women’s Plaid Tweed Blazer

Cropped Fringe Tweed Jacket

J.Crew: Frances Lady Jacket In Maritime Tweed For Women (jcrew.com)

Elegant Black Tweed Cropped Jacket

Footwear

Can Go-Go boots be far behind? Well, heavy lug soles are out: streamlined, and flat is in, so say the industry movers and shakers. That’s because they have to come up with something to make last year’s style seem out of date. The industry is, of course, built on perpetuating feelings of insecurity and FOMO.

Personally, my shrinking frame loves the additional height from chunkier heeled shoes. But yes, flats never really go out of style. And they are more feminine in general than the lug soled loafers and booties we’ve seen in the past few years. (BTW – those lug soled shoes still work and from what I’ve seen, all ages still love them.)

So as for flats, think of Audrey Hepburn in the 1950s in her cigarette pants, wearing a crisp white blouse, and ballerina flats. And everyone wore ballerina flats those days. That’s a look we’re seeing. Except that right now, leggings are starting to have a revival as an alternative to cigarette pants.

What is unique about the new flats is that they have really pointed toes – I mean exaggeratedly pointed toes. As I’ve said before, if your foot is that shape, have at it. If, like me, you have square toes and crooked little toes these are a challenge. If you can find a pair that is wide enough for the natural shape of your toes and then has a longer point beyond, that’s a compromise.

As for heels, think lower. Stilettoes are not friendly for a lot of us anyway. And the wedge heels that were everywhere even last year have gone missing.

Then there were the kitten heels, which were kind of like trainers for teens to eventually learn how to wear higher heels. They were wildly popular in the 1950s, waning in popularity by the 1960s, but resuscitated by Audrey – again – in the movie Sabrina.

So, once again we’re seeing tiny little kitten heels on sling backs, on ankle boots and booties, and even on tall boots. Frankly, to my eye some of them look a little weird and out of proportion. A tiny kitten heel, especially if placed at the very back of the heel on a tall boot, will throw your weight off, and pitch it forward into your toes.

Podiatrists have said that to be comfortable and ergonomically suitable, a heel on a shoe should sit right under the middle of your own heel. That’s why block heels are also still in fashion. We saw both kitten heels and block heels in the 60s and they are back.

So, if you like kitten heels, wear them with dresses and longer skirts – or if you dare, and still have great legs, shorter skirts with dark tights. And wear the chunkier heeled slingbacks with jeans and pants. As for the chunky heeled ankle boots, those pair nicely with wider leg jeans and pants, and even skinny leggings. You’ll also find them in patent leather which really do look like Go Go boots.

As for leggings and skinnier pants, like so many things – skirts, long coats, jackets, blouses – we’re seeing them in leather. Now, in the first edition of my book, I cautioned against older women wearing leather pants. I have changed my mind. A lot of more Dramatic and bold personality types look fabulous in them at any age. So, why not wear leather pants and 60s’ style ankle boots?

Now as for miniskirts, fringed macrame tops, and flower power dresses (yes, they are coming…) this jury is still out. We’ll have to see how many of the younger girls are wearing them. That’s my litmus test as to whether I am going to look ridiculous emulating a new generation that is trying to re-capture my generation.

Slingback Kitten Heels

Manolo Blahnik Carolyne Kitten Heel Halter Pumps

Leather Point Toe Flats Black

Rowan Flat – Suede :: Sky Blue – M.M.LaFleur (mmlafleur.com)

Stuart Weitzman Emilia Suede Point Toe Ballerina Flats

Kitten Heel Ankle Boots

Vince Camuto Quacia Wide Calf Boot

Silent D Erena Kitten Heel Boots

Brooke Boots

Sexy Woman Gogo Boots 60s 70s Square Heel Ankle Classic Round Toe Boots PU Leather Zip Boots Unisex Party Dress Dance Shoes – AliExpress

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What throw-back styles would you wear? What do you think of the more “lady-like” 1950’s coats and jackets? Do you still have one from back then? Are you willing to wear chunky ankle boots again?

The cold days of winter are ahead of us. It won’t take long before the seasons completely change. This is when you should prepare your house and yard for the upcoming winter and help them wait for the spring looking their best.

Here are some ways you can prepare your home and its surroundings for the colder weather.

Check the Heating and Air Conditioning Systems

Most of the modern heating systems are created to last between 12 and 15 years. But, with proper care and maintenance, you can bump that number up to a hefty two decades or even more.

The least you can do by yourself is to change the filters. The best course of action would be to find a reliable HVAC (heating, ventilation, and air conditioning) contractor and inspect the systems’ state. Better yet, arrange an annual maintenance agreement.

It’s much better to discover a heating problem in the moderate temperatures of the fall season than it is to find your furnace doesn’t work on a freezing winter day.

If You Can, Reverse the Ceiling Fans

If your ceiling fan has a reverse switch, use it to run the fan’s blades in a clockwise direction after you turn on your heat. This way, the fan will produce an updraft and push heated air from the ceiling down into the room.

This is incredibly helpful in rooms with high ceilings – and it might even allow you to turn down your thermostat by a few degrees for more significant energy savings.

Prepare Your Doors and Windows

Before the winter strikes, you should do the following:

• Check all the weatherstripping around windows and doorframes for leaks to prevent heat loss, and replace it, where necessary.
• Replace all screen doors with storm doors. The same goes for window screens.
• Repair or replace the wooden window frames that show signs of rot or decay
• Check windows for cracks, broken glass, or gaps.

Check Your Drainage

Saturated soil around the foundation of your house can create real problems as it freezes and thaws throughout the winter months.

To avoid this, make sure the soil around your foundation hasn’t settled, creating areas for water to pool at your foundation. If you find a low spot, simply fill it in with some soil.

Go around and check your rain gutter downspouts as well. Make sure water is getting moved away from home. Add downspout extenders if necessary. Cleaning the gutters and making sure they can’t overflow is one more thing that can help you avoid any substantial damage to your house during snowfall.

Store Away the Summer Stuff

To put it mildly, this summer hasn’t been the same as the ones before it. If you are anything like me, this is the summer when you took on more projects than humanly possible to try and take your mind away from the pandemic and the state of the world in general. If so, odds are more things are clogging up your yard than ever before.

There is a solution to these problems that will leave you with space to turn into a home office, a gym, or another room in your house when this is all over – invest in a small log cabin.

Log cabins are relatively easy to maintain. You don’t even need a building permit for small log cabins. On top of it all, they add extra value to your property if you ever choose to sell it. Or, you could simply rent it and earn some extra income.

Look After Your Tools and Equipment

Bring all seasonal tools inside and cover them with a coating of lightweight oil to prevent rust. Get your lawn mower ready for the winter by cleaning off mud, leaves, grass, and debris.

If you have one, get your snowblower ready to take its place by changing the oil and replacing the spark plug. While you are at it, move the snow shovel to the front of the garage or shed for easy access.

Finally, ensure that you have an ample supply of ice melt or sand on hand for steps, walkways, and driveways. Inspect snow shovels to make sure they’re ready for another season of work, and sharpen your ice scraper if you have one.

Make It Hard for Pests to Get into Your Attic

When it gets cold, your attic is the perfect winter home for squirrels and birds. They can cause a lot of damage and potentially some health problems.

Have the trees around the house trimmed so the animals can’t quickly and easily get into the attic. Make sure your gable vents are intact. It’s a good idea to tack a screen up behind your gable vent just in case.

Finally, take a stroll around your home and take a close look at your soffit and fascia. Make sure there are no holes that would allow birds to get in.

Taking these simple steps will ease your mind that your house is ready to keep you warm this winter season.

If you have a garden to prepare for the winter season, take note of these tips.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you usually prepare your house for the winter months? Have you done the necessary maintenance this year? Which of the above did you forget to do? What else is on your list? Please share with our community and let’s be prepared together!

So, you have become a grandmother! Congratulations!

How are you feeling about it? Excited? Apprehensive? Not ready to see yourself as a grandma? Join the club. Many of us feel that way at first.

Just after my second grandson was born, I decided to write a book exploring how women feel about being a grandmother, based on interviews I conducted with grandmothers from a range of backgrounds.

It seemed such a complex subject, with so much to talk about. I had already written other books of this kind, so it was just taking a slightly new path.

In the course of writing it, I learned a lot about how grandmothers of all shapes and sizes feel when a brand-new person enters the family. The book is full of quotations, and I’ve decided to share a few of them with you.

However, I should note that the women interviewed were very open and honest – in some cases exploring painful difficulties within their own family – and were promised anonymity. In consequence, they are not named.

The Baby

The main thing grandmothers think about is the baby, of course. Will he or she be OK? Is he or she healthy? And then there is your response to the baby. You may be more excited than you ever imagined:

“It really is like falling in love. You’ve got this all-encompassing, must-protect-at-all-costs feeling – a glow. It’s wonderful. You’ve got to do everything you possibly can to make sure that nothing ever, ever happens to this person.”

Some feel an important bond:

“There’s an immediate kind of recognition – it’s a look in the eye, it’s a feeling of ‘you and I understand each other’. I can’t explain it, but there’s definitely a bond with a new baby.”

The Baby’s Parents

With a new baby in the family, everyone focuses on the baby, but you are the mother of one of the parents, and you can’t help but wonder how they will cope.

This can lead to a lot of worrying:

“I got too involved at first. I used to worry are they doing the right thing? Are they getting up in the night? Are they doing it all different to how I’d done it? – I was almost in a panic. It was their way, not my way, and I found that quite difficult.”

And this also leads to the difficult issue of proffering advice:

“Every grandmother has to be issued with a zip. There’s a fine line between help and interference, and you have to learn it. Nobody can teach it to you, because everybody’s experience is different.”

Your Role in Childcare

Maybe you never thought about your involvement in all this before, but you will be confronted with an important question: how much childcare do you want to do? Perhaps your daughter is going back to work and needs your help. Or it would be helpful for her to have a day off.

But what do you want to do? Just the occasional day or evening babysit – or something more. Some grandparents are keen to be involved, but not everyone is:

“When the first one was born, I said, ‘I’m not a babysitting grandmother.’ Which meant that I didn’t want to say that every Thursday I could be a babysitting grandmother. I couldn’t, because I was still earning a living. Of course, I did look after them at times or in the evening.”

The Whole Family

A new grandchild affects not only the parents, but the whole family. Your husband becomes a grandfather. Your other children become aunts and uncles, your parents – if they are still alive – become great-grandparents. It casts a wide net:

“You see all the family strands playing through. It’s like a form of weaving, the fabric of families coming together, and you start to write another story together – I find that so moving. Suddenly we’re making this new fabric.”

Yourself

But don’t forget about yourself. Oh my goodness, you have a new role in life and a new title! It is quite shocking, because it makes you think of your own grandmother, as seen through your childish eyes – and she was old! You’re not old, of course, just mature.

Perhaps you have a problem with the image:

“My first reaction when I heard I was going to be a grandmother was, oh God, that’s not very sexy. I was in my fifties and I was having a relationship with someone who said he’d never been to bed with a grandmother. I just told him he could have a new experience…”

But it does make you stop and think about who you are and your future:

“Becoming a grandmother makes you question the fragility of life. You feel you are moving up, passing on. You wonder how long you have to live. There’s another generation that has come up – and you belong to the one who would have to leave to make room. I’m not eternal. I’d just like to see what’s going to happen.”

The Longer Term

There is nothing like a new generation to set the mind wandering. What will the world be like when this baby is grown-up? How will he or she affect everyone involved? What is it all about?

“Khalil Gibran said children are the arrows – you’ve got the bow and the parent shoots the arrow, but they’re no longer yours. They have to live their own lives. Grandparenting is a bit like that. You have to help them as the springboard to start them off and hope that they will live well, that they will care about themselves and about other people.”

And this is just a few of the issues that new grandparents think about.

Welcome to a new adventure.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does grandparenting mean to you? Are you a new grandparent? Do you recognise these issues as matters you think about? Do you have other concerns? Please share them so we can chat about them below.

Follow your bliss has become a popular catchphrase found on a blossoming array of self-care sites and, like the word awesome, is so overused that its original meaning has been obscured.

Following your bliss is not the same as personal pursuit of pleasure, though it has come to be used in that way. When the phrase was first introduced by mythologist Joseph Campbell, bliss was translated from the Sanskrit word Sat-Chit-Ananda (being-consciousness-bliss), with Ananda or bliss being understood as the culmination of the search for Self that brought the individual to a place of union and deep peace.

Bliss is eminently a spiritual state of being.

But Why Is This Distinction Important?

You may wonder if making this distinction matters. It does because too many have been led to believe that following personal passions will ultimately satisfy them and bring them the lasting happiness they seek.

When that search doesn’t satisfy them, they assume either that the object of their pursuit was faulty or misguided and they choose a new one to begin the search over again, or they may believe that they simply didn’t try hard enough. Inevitably, the result is disappointment and confusion.

Wisdom guardians know that the exhilaration of personal pleasure is temporary and for pleasure to be sustained, it must be constantly sought after. Though they delight in moments of happiness, they observe that following pleasure’s fleeting nature will not fulfill the most basic and intrinsic human needs, which is why after reaching a goal or acquiring the object of desire, the same emptiness we had hoped to satisfy predictably returns.

How to Truly Follow Your Bliss

So how does one follow one’s bliss, in the true meaning of that phrase?

Primarily in two ways.

Recognize and Explore the Sources of Your Genuine Joy

Unlike mere happiness, joy is a deep and ongoing contentment with what you value most in life. To do this, ponder these questions: What stirred your fascination and excitement in childhood? What activities or experiences bring you the greatest joy when you engage with the world? Wherein do you find belonging and serenity? Often, the answers are right in front of you. A close, life-time friend may also be able to provide helpful insights.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to navigate this in isolation. Many have spoken of enigmatic forces coming to support them when they wholeheartedly dedicate themselves to their path of self-discovery. As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once expressed, “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too.”

Rediscover the World with Wonder, Curiosity and Delight

Cultivate a perspective that is kindled by gratitude for everything around you and a trust in the beauty and mysteries of life. Finding your unique way to achieve this state is a personal journey, and no one can do it for you. While others can offer suggestions and books can provide advice, you are the one who must patiently and persistently uncover your essential connection and unity with all that is.

The virtue of finding the kind of peace and contentment that radiates when we follow our bliss, in the true meaning of the phrase, cannot be overstated. Indeed, perhaps the greatest gift we can give our loved ones is the security of knowing that we are truly joyful in who we are and what we do, and that consequently they can take comfort in our sense of well-being.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you heard the phrase “follow your bliss”? What has it meant to you? Do you think you can rediscover the world with wonder, curiosity and delight?

With all the chatter about narcissists, it’s natural to wonder if the man you just met is a true romantic and showering you with admiration, or a closet narcissist and is love-bombing you. How do you know the difference?

It’s natural for any woman to appreciate being treated like a Queen. We dream of having one special man in our life who sends us flowers, opens doors for us, plans romantic get-aways and makes us feel like we are the most important person in the world to him. These types of romantic gestures trigger a surge of the love hormone, oxytocin, in our brains.

Oxytocin in the Air

Oxytocin is considered the love hormone because it produces relationship-enhancing behaviors and emotions, including:

• Communication
• Empathy
• Bonding
• Fidelity
• Positive emotions
• Physical contact

This is why we get that warm, fuzzy feeling when a man holds a door for us, and why we may feel emotionally connected to a man after a one-night stand. Intimacy also triggers oxytocin, and those feelings can last for up to three weeks.

New Relationships Are Fun

With new relationships, the stars sparkle brighter, the air smells fresher, and colors look more brilliant. You get that giddy feeling every time you see his name show up on your phone, and he seems to feel the same way. He sends you flowers, tells you how beautiful you are, takes you on exciting dates, and makes you feel like the center of his world.

When your man showers you with gifts, compliments, and devotion simply to show you how much he cares, and doesn’t ask for anything in return, consider him romantically wonderful. He sends you flowers even though you already have plans for Saturday night and can’t see him until Sunday.

He takes “no” for an answer to any question he asks because he respects you. He understands that you are still getting to know him, and he’s willing to go at your pace while he expresses his interest in you. This is a man who is pure of heart and simply wants to move up to the #1 position on your list of suitors.

The Hidden Narcissist

However, if he showers you with gifts, compliments, and devotion very early in the relationship, and expects you to shift your focus to him because of this, be wary. He may be trying to artificially manufacture feelings of love so he can manipulate the relationship. His goal is to make you believe you love him, even though you don’t know him well enough to have those feelings. Oxytocin is a narcissist’s friend because it stirs up all those feelings women love to have.

A narcissist will shower you with grand gestures, compliments, and “I Love You’s” so he can get what he needs from you, more attention, love, and control. He needs that external validation from because he doesn’t have a strong enough self-esteem to fulfill his cravings.

Unfortunately, if he is a narcissist, the love you show him will never be enough, and in time, he’ll find a new woman to ‘be amazing’ for so he gets the gushing and gratitude all over again. It’s a cycle for them because they never feel enough love.

Listen to Your Gut

If you begin dating someone who showers you with gifts and sweet words and you’re wondering whether he’s for real; take a beat and listen to your gut. You can always slow things down and see how he reacts to your busy life. If you can’t see him every night and he understands, that’s a good sign. If he’s willing to share you with your friends and family, that’s a good sign. If you tell him four dozen roses in one day are too much, and he respects your wishes, that’s a good sign.

But, if your new man huffs and puffs and makes you feel guilty for having a life that doesn’t include him, you want to step away. If he starts to shut out your family and friends because he wants alone time with you, be careful. He’ll be monopolizing all your time before you realize it.

Everyone wants to feel loved and cherished. But you deserve it to be true and authentic. If you’re ever in doubt about someone you’re dating, pay attention to his actions. He can tell you what you want to hear, but a person’s actions never lie.

If your love language includes grand gestures, be crystal clear about what you want in a relationship. When you are, you’ll be surprised how many more true romantics you attract. The more clarity you have, the easier it is to meet a man who will love you the way you want to be loved. If you’re struggling to know who you’re looking for, grab an autographed copy of my book, The Perfect Dating Guide for Women Over 50, here. There are some simple strategies that can help you figure that out.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Tell us about a time a man surprised you with a pure romantic gesture that was thoughtful, sweet, and made you feel good from the inside out.