Month: December 2023

Statistics suggest that people mostly initiate their divorce actions in January either by filing for divorce, separating (moving out) or consulting with a divorce professional. Some people think “it’s a new year, it’s time for a new start,” hence January has been dubbed “divorce month.”

However, as you know, divorce is a process, and divorces that are initiated in January still have a LONG way to go before being finalized. In some states, like California, one must file an action for divorce to begin the 6-month waiting period. In North Carolina, you must move out and begin living separately to begin the 12-month waiting period.

Probably, the most common reasons why January is a big month for divorce is that (1) people don’t want to deal with an inevitable divorce during the holidays, or (2) the straw that broke the camel’s back occurred during the holidays.

Reasons Why People Don’t Want to Deal with Divorce During the Holidays

I can think of many reasons why people don’t want to deal with their divorce during the holidays. For one, it’s thought of as socially inappropriate. The thought here is that separating or filing for divorce during the holidays is taboo and socially unacceptable.  Not only are you divorcing, but you wrecked everyone else’s Christmas to boot!

Along this same line of thinking, parents decide to grin and bear it during the holidays, essentially faking it to keep the kids happy. They want the kids to experience one more year of family traditions. For young children who are still oblivious to Mom and Dad’s marital problems, this can ensure the kids feel the joy of the holidays.

On top of it, the holidays are already stressful enough. Between parties and events, cooking and shopping, family get-togethers and decorating, all of which should be a source of pleasure, the holidays can instead add up to lots of stress and spending! Moving out and professional fees can be a huge hit on the budget during a time when the budget already gets pushed to the limit.

Good Reasons Why You Should Start the Process Before or During the Holidays

I can think of very good reasons why someone should NOT postpone the inevitable and go ahead and start the divorce process during the holidays.

Initiating the Process Can Be a Relief

I often hear from couples that having a consultation to learn about the process can be a huge relief. Divorce, especially if you have not been through it before, is full of unknowns, and that can add to fear. Having at least a general understanding of the divorce process, how child support and spousal support are determined and how assets (and debts) are divided can be a huge stress reliever!

Having a consultation with a divorce professional, which for many is the first step towards a divorce, and taking pro-active steps to plan divorce can also give one a sense of hope. Getting the ball rolling and having that first step behind you may make the holidays more enjoyable.

Your kids, and even your older grandkids, can feel the tension and that can overshadow any enjoyment of having the family together. Maintaining appearances can be emotionally taxing. Your kids may be happy that you are finally ending an unhappy marriage. Family traditions can be kept. They may just feel a little different.

The Sooner You Start, The Sooner It Will Be Over

If “divorce month” is a real thing, entering into the financial and legal process in front of everyone who waits until January to seek out help can be an advantage. Divorce professionals can be inundated with new clients and one may find that the professional of their choice isn’t taking on new clients.

The family court system can take a long, long time so the sooner you start, the sooner it will be over. The very reason that other people don’t want to deal with their divorce during the holidays may make it a perfect time to get the professional attention you need.

Divorce Is a Deeply Personal Matter

The pros and cons about timing must be weighed and the decision should be based on the emotional impact to the family. This is why a one-hour consultation with a Certified Divorce Financial Planner (CDFA) and Mediator is very helpful. It gives individuals and couples knowledge about how the divorce process works. They also learn how mediation can help them have a financially smarter and emotionally healthier divorce.

Let’s Have a Conversation

Did you initiate your divorce in January and what prompted you to do that? How long did your divorce process take? Do you wish you had received financial advice in your divorce?

Statistics suggest that people mostly initiate their divorce actions in January either by filing for divorce, separating (moving out) or consulting with a divorce professional. Some people think “it’s a new year, it’s time for a new start,” hence January has been dubbed “divorce month.”

However, as you know, divorce is a process, and divorces that are initiated in January still have a LONG way to go before being finalized. In some states, like California, one must file an action for divorce to begin the 6-month waiting period. In North Carolina, you must move out and begin living separately to begin the 12-month waiting period.

Probably, the most common reasons why January is a big month for divorce is that (1) people don’t want to deal with an inevitable divorce during the holidays, or (2) the straw that broke the camel’s back occurred during the holidays.

Reasons Why People Don’t Want to Deal with Divorce During the Holidays

I can think of many reasons why people don’t want to deal with their divorce during the holidays. For one, it’s thought of as socially inappropriate. The thought here is that separating or filing for divorce during the holidays is taboo and socially unacceptable.  Not only are you divorcing, but you wrecked everyone else’s Christmas to boot!

Along this same line of thinking, parents decide to grin and bear it during the holidays, essentially faking it to keep the kids happy. They want the kids to experience one more year of family traditions. For young children who are still oblivious to Mom and Dad’s marital problems, this can ensure the kids feel the joy of the holidays.

On top of it, the holidays are already stressful enough. Between parties and events, cooking and shopping, family get-togethers and decorating, all of which should be a source of pleasure, the holidays can instead add up to lots of stress and spending! Moving out and professional fees can be a huge hit on the budget during a time when the budget already gets pushed to the limit.

Good Reasons Why You Should Start the Process Before or During the Holidays

I can think of very good reasons why someone should NOT postpone the inevitable and go ahead and start the divorce process during the holidays.

Initiating the Process Can Be a Relief

I often hear from couples that having a consultation to learn about the process can be a huge relief. Divorce, especially if you have not been through it before, is full of unknowns, and that can add to fear. Having at least a general understanding of the divorce process, how child support and spousal support are determined and how assets (and debts) are divided can be a huge stress reliever!

Having a consultation with a divorce professional, which for many is the first step towards a divorce, and taking pro-active steps to plan divorce can also give one a sense of hope. Getting the ball rolling and having that first step behind you may make the holidays more enjoyable.

Your kids, and even your older grandkids, can feel the tension and that can overshadow any enjoyment of having the family together. Maintaining appearances can be emotionally taxing. Your kids may be happy that you are finally ending an unhappy marriage. Family traditions can be kept. They may just feel a little different.

The Sooner You Start, The Sooner It Will Be Over

If “divorce month” is a real thing, entering into the financial and legal process in front of everyone who waits until January to seek out help can be an advantage. Divorce professionals can be inundated with new clients and one may find that the professional of their choice isn’t taking on new clients.

The family court system can take a long, long time so the sooner you start, the sooner it will be over. The very reason that other people don’t want to deal with their divorce during the holidays may make it a perfect time to get the professional attention you need.

Divorce Is a Deeply Personal Matter

The pros and cons about timing must be weighed and the decision should be based on the emotional impact to the family. This is why a one-hour consultation with a Certified Divorce Financial Planner (CDFA) and Mediator is very helpful. It gives individuals and couples knowledge about how the divorce process works. They also learn how mediation can help them have a financially smarter and emotionally healthier divorce.

Let’s Have a Conversation

Did you initiate your divorce in January and what prompted you to do that? How long did your divorce process take? Do you wish you had received financial advice in your divorce?

Moving to a new home later in life involves a series of decisions, as noted in the prior installments of this Sixty and Me blog series. If you’ve finally decided to take the plunge, now is the time to prepare for the big event.

Moving after age 50 differs from your younger days when you could recruit a friend with a pickup truck and pay with pizza and beer. Moving later in life presents a more significant logistical challenge. For one thing, you probably have more stuff. Second, your older body may be unable to haul that stuff around as easily as it did when you were younger. Third, your friend may still have a pickup truck, but it won’t fit all your belongings, and she’s no spring chicken herself.

Moving now requires more planning and will involve different players. To simplify this, let’s break down the process into four phases:

• Planning
• Downsizing
• Pre-moving day preparations
• Moving day

Planning

Every move planning situation is unique and defined in part by answers to a couple of crucial questions:

• Where and how far away you are moving?
• Are you downsizing, upsizing or “samesizing”?

Then, depending on your situation, here are some tips to support the planning process.

What’s Your Budget?

A long-distance move can set you back about $5,000, while moving locally may cost $1,000 or less. Keep track of expenses since some might be tax deductible.

Hiring a Moving Company

The amount of stuff to be moved and the distance to the new home will determine whether to hire a mover. Here are some ideas for finding and working with a moving company.

Do Your Research

Make an initial list by searching the internet and scanning the reviews to choose the top three candidates.

Check Government Credentials

Reputable moving companies have a state or federal registration number. In addition, ask for proof of insurance.

Get Written Quotes

To increase the probability of a precise quote, require an onsite or video inspection of your stuff. A quote may or may not be binding. Learn about the differences so you can make the best decision.

Understand the Bill of Lading

The BOL serves as your contract with the mover. Read it carefully and ask questions before signing. Ensure you have ready access to it during the move and keep it for future reference.

Will You Need a Storage Unit?

Sometimes, temporary use of a storage unit can help reduce the stress of a move. For example, if you want to downsize but don’t have time to sort through all your belongings, put items in storage so you can go through things at a less hectic time. Look into storage options early in the process so it will be available as you need to move items into the unit.

Scope Out the New Location

Learn about the new geography before you move. For instance, find out the location of grocery, hardware and drug stores. Also, check into local ordinances regarding moving trucks and parking to avoid problems on moving day.

Sizing Your Stuff

Many people moving later in life realize all their stuff will not fit into the new home. Here are some ideas for tackling the downsizing monster.

How Much Needs to Go?

Measure your new home and determine what living style you’d like to maintain after moving in. Would you prefer a roomy feel or a comfortable clutter with your familiar things close at hand? With these ideas in mind, sketch out what items will fit in the space.

Know Your Options

Once you know what you’re going to get rid of, there are four possible downsizing choices:

• Keep it
• Donate it
• Sell it
• Trash it

For each option, create a plan. For instance, identify donation alternatives and learn what items they will take. For selling, decide on how you’ll market your items and allow ample time to keep up with inquiries from interested buyers. As for trashing, you may need to rent a dumpster. Make your best guess on how much will be trashed to procure the right dumpster size.

Keepsakes

Many of us have prized possessions we’d like to pass down to younger generations. However, make sure your relatives and friends know your wishes beforehand. Perhaps you can even give them the items right away. If no one is interested, keep the written information with each item, so in the future, people will know what the object meant to you before they toss it.

Furniture

There are several ways to handle these larger items.

• Offer to whomever buys your current home.
• Offer to relatives or friends.
• Sell items at a garage sale or online.
• Donate to charity.
• Place items on the curb with a “free” sign or place ads on online resources like Freecycle.org.
• Transport things yourself to the dump, rent a dumpster or hire a junk hauling company.

There are also situations where a move is either upsizing to a larger dream home or “samesizing” to similar square footage as the current home. In both cases, it pays to measure the new home carefully to ensure that the items you bring will fit the intended spaces.

Pre-Moving Day Preparations

Communicate with the Mover

Verify dates, times and pricing with the mover leading up to moving day.

Packing

Packing and unpacking chores consume the biggest share of moving time and energy, with packing taking the most time. Here are some packing tips:

• If you use a commercial mover, know what items they prohibit. For example, most professional movers will not accept hazardous materials like yard chemicals, gasoline, propane tanks, and fireworks.
• Label all boxes and, on a separate sheet, make notes describing the contents. The labels should indicate the room in the house to facilitate unloading and unpacking.
• Don’t pack items from multiple rooms in one box.
• Packing one room at a time will make the process less stressful.
• Heavy items should go in the smallest possible boxes to avoid overloading.

Let Others Know Where You’re Going

Arrange address changes, mail forwarding and ending services like refuse pickup and landscaping. Also, inform utility companies of your move and transfer service to your new home.

Be Kind to Pets

Pets can be distracting on moving day and become stressed with so much activity. Consider lodging your pet with a sitter for the duration.

Cleaning

Be prepared to clean the current home once it’s empty on a moving day. If you’re a renter, the return of your damage deposit may depend on cleaning job quality. Consider hiring someone to handle cleaning so you can concentrate on unpacking at the new residence.

Moving Day

Here are some ideas to make the big day go as smoothly as possible.

Essentials Packing

Pack all the daily items such as a few days of food, kitchen and bathroom basics, clothing, toiletries and medications. Mark these boxes as among the first to be opened. Also, pack an easily accessible box with moving day essentials like tools, paper towels, bottled water, toilet paper, hand soap, cleaning supplies, scissors, box cutters and a first-aid kit.

Cash Is King

Having cash on hand can help with unanticipated problems. For example, it could facilitate a quick run to the store or paying the pizza delivery person. Also, if you’re using professional movers, you may need cash for a tip which can run from 10-20%.

Protect Floors and Walls

Moving can easily damage a home’s interior. Protect the floor and walls to reduce damage and minimize post-move cleaning.

Make a Final Inspection

After everything has been loaded, a final walk-through helps ensure nothing is left behind. Look in storage areas like cabinets and closets for anything forgotten in the packing process.

Unloading

Before the unloading commences, walk through the new home with the movers. This will ensure they know where to put things. This is an excellent time to note any repairs that may be needed before furniture and boxes fill up the space. Also, if there’s time before unloading, vacuum and do any other necessary cleaning. Finally, set up protection for the floors and walls.

Take Charge

Movers need constant guidance during unloading, so be available to answer questions to keep the process flowing smoothly.

First Furniture

Set up your bed before any other furniture is reassembled. You’ll appreciate it at the end of a tiring day. Next, move the kitchen table and chairs to allow for a resting place during the busy move-in activity.

Celebrate

Yourwell-laid plans have paid off, and you can rest now that everything has been unloaded, essentials unpacked, and basic furniture assembled. It’s time to take a break and celebrate a successful day of moving into your new home.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you moved in the past year? Which part of the moving process was the most difficult? What tips did you find handy? Did you use a moving company?

Mental baggage comes in all shapes and sizes – it can be in relation to excess weight, low self-esteem, dysfunctional relationships, depression, anxiety – the options are endless. We all think we should have life sorted by the time we get to 60, but in reality, this is seldom the case.

Life
happens – and keeps on happening relentlessly! We finally emerge at 60 or 70,
sometimes a bit battered and bruised and wondering where all the years went but
with a somewhat uneasy sense that all is possibly not well with our world.

Women are
particularly guilty of spending the majority of their time making sure that
everyone else’s needs are met before they collapse in a weary heap without
giving any thought to their own unmet needs, vanishing aspirations or
resolutions of past trauma.

The Mind Holds It All

It is well-established
knowledge that the majority of our beliefs are embedded in our subconscious in
early childhood. When these beliefs are shaped by adverse childhood events –
perceived or real (the mind can’t tell the difference) – the outcomes can be devastating.

Our
thoughts shape our beliefs and then our beliefs shape us. Adverse childhood
events range from the apparently minor incidents of sibling rivalry to divorce
and imagined or real neglect to domestic violence, physical or sexual abuse and
even conflict in the environment outside the home.

Research shows
that adverse
events can predispose us to contract serious illnesses
in later life and even lead to an early death. There is a distinct correlation.

Time to Take a Long, Hard Look

So now
that you have the time to take stock, make sure that you don’t ignore your
baggage any longer. It really doesn’t make any sense to keep hauling it around
so that it can blight your later years as well.

Assess your
load – now is not the time for pretending everything is perfect, unless it
truly is –
and decide to do something about it.

Find the Cause – Your Subconscious Knows What It Is

Sometimes
we are aware of the possible causes of the issues in our lives, but some
memories may be buried by our subconscious because they are interpreted as too
painful or damaging.

Together
with my clients, I am constantly surprised, when taking them back to review
adverse events, that the root cause of an issue can be completely different to
what they thought it was.

Excess
weight is a perfect example – it’s seldom to do with food. However, once you
understand the actual origin of an issue, you can get rid of it forever. This
is a crucial step and sometimes hypnotherapy
may be a good approach.

Learn to Love Yourself

Finally,
you need to consider how you treat yourself. Make a conscious effort to become
your own best friend. Instead of belittling and abusing yourself as we tend to
do, make a determined effort to deal with yourself kindly and compassionately.

Your mind
acts according to your instructions so make sure you send the right messages.

Fortunately,
neuroplasticity
(the creation of new neural pathways in the brain) is possible even at our age
and beyond, so you can rewire your mind to revert to its original programming
where you were strong and confident – and completely enough.

Further read, HOW TO JOURNAL A NEW LOVE STORY FOR YOURSELF AFTER 60.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What
does your mental baggage consist of? Do you have a good opinion of yourself, or
do you think critically of yourself? What ways have you tried to get rid of
your baggage? Have they worked? Please share your thoughts below.

I am sure those words from The Sound of Music sound familiar to you. I am going to share with you a few of my favorite things since we are in the Holiday Season. These are products I use daily, and they offer solutions for many issues. Also, they are non-toxic, healthful and save money in some cases.

I love using anything natural as it is one more defense against health issues as we age. I also feel it is important to keep our homes clean and sanitized.

Truly, I am into researching the best way to support aging gracefully which gave me the inspiration to write my book, Feel Better Every Day. Sometimes, life just happens no matter what we do but we can try our best to stay healthy and feel good.

Baking Soda

I love baking soda and use it every day in one way or another. I remember my mother having a box of baking soda open in the fridge. Other than that, I never heard of anyone actually using it for anything else.

I have a cup of baking soda in the laundry room for washing clothes, next to the litter box, and one in each bathroom for quick cleaning.

When I am in a hurry, I often just pour a little in the toilet, sinks and tub and clean up in about 10 minutes. I also mix baking soda with white vinegar and a favorite essential oil such as lemon or lavender, and clean almost everything in my house.

I make my own toothpaste which is far superior to commercial brands that possess many additives. Also, my husband gets an occasional bout of heartburn and one teaspoon of baking soda in a glass of water ends it.

Cacao Powder

Most of you are familiar with cocoa powder, and cacao powder is just the healthier version. There are no preservatives added and also no heat treatment. Cacao powder is reported to have four times the antioxidant power then regular cocoa powder.

Add some to your coffee or milk, or make delicious chocolate pudding. It can be a healthy substitute when you need cocoa for a recipe. The good news is that most of us love chocolate so why not use the best?

Hydrogen Peroxide

My first experience with hydrogen peroxide was as a teenager. I dipped some cotton in the solution and spread it on my hair. I got the results I wanted ­– red/orange hair, and a very angry mother, which was not in my plan.

Today, I add a few drops of 3% hydrogen peroxide in my toothpaste blend, and some to my cleaning solutions and produce wash. It is also excellent for scratches and bruises.

Tonic Water

I am not going to suggest Gin and Tonic here, though it is certainly okay. I keep a bottle of tonic in my house for that occasional leg cramp. As I hobble to the kitchen, I take a few sips and the cramp is gone.

Cider Vinegar

This vinegar has been around for years and was used to cure many illnesses. There is lots of hype today with reports of curing many illnesses and conditions.

I personally use it for making salad dressings and even adding to soups and stews. I was in the fabric store the other day and chatting with the sales lady about my book. Anyone who will listen gets an earful.

She told me about her experience with cider vinegar. She had a stroke several years ago and now has her cider vinegar every day. She is no longer on blood pressure medication. You may want to research for yourself. I have done a lot of reading about cider vinegar and feel it may be wise taking it every day.

Lavender Essential Oil

I love essential oils and make many lotions and potions. Lavender is my favorite and appears in many recipes that I create. I even keep a small bottle by my computer and give it a sniff when I feel stressed or tired.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have some favorite natural things you use? I would love to know about them, so please share in the comments below.