Month: December 2023

Originally posted at: Lisa Barlow’s Printed Robe

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Originally posted at: Heather Gay’s Blue Satin Animal Print Pajamas

Recently, a family friend, Wendy, remarked on what excellent sleep she’d gotten. Mildly curious and trying to be funny, I responded, “Melatonin, wine, or did you kick Jerry out?”

Rather than any of my suggestions, however, she said, “No, I slept in Kendra’s bed last night. It’s amazingly comfortable! No wonder she never wanted to get up in the morning!”

Kendra is her daughter, and my raised eyebrow prompted her to further explain:

“We moved her into the dorms last week. We’re officially empty nesters! So, I was missing her a bit and thought I’d sleep there last night. And besides, Jerry was snoring like an apneic buffalo, so it worked out for both of us.”

I said, “Wow, that’s exciting for all of you. New chapters for everyone!” Which compelled Wendy to admit that after 5 days of crying on and off, she was finally starting to think about their new reality and what to do next. 

In my experience counseling couples in this stage, I can tell Wendy’s handling things pretty well. Many couples struggle to find their new groove after the kids leave.

The empty nesting phase can be as jarring a change for couples as the newborn stage was once upon a time. But just as the arrival of your children brought joy, pain, fun, and frustration, so will their exit. 

Pain and Frustration in the Empty Nest

It’s like “watching your heart live outside your body.” That’s how one woman described the feeling of her 18-year-old leaving home and starting life on his own. 

Change is often difficult or, at minimum, uncomfortable. Empty nesting, however, is in its own category of change, just as parenting is in its own category for relationships. 

You may logically know that the objective is to give your child the skills and confidence they need to become a self-sufficient, resourceful adult who contributes positively to society. However, achieving that goal is bittersweet. 

For each parent, it can mean,

Grief and Emotional Adjustment

It may seem inappropriate to use the term grief when it comes to your child moving out, but for parents that’s precisely what it can feel like. Grief refers to the emotions associated with loss, and for many parents, “empty nesting” can feel like just another way to say, “coping with loss.” 

The grief you feel isn’t just about your child being gone. It’s also associated with the closing of a monumental chapter of life. Even if they move back at some point for a while, the chapter on parenting through childhood has closed. Accepting that and coming to terms with it requires an emotional adjustment that can be extremely difficult for some parents.

Identity shift

Remember the change you made from an autonomous individual, living your life and making decisions just for you, to a parent in charge of the life and well-being of another human being?

Yep, you’re making that same kind of shift all over again. 

Becoming a parent of a child and then becoming a parent of an adult can be the two most significant identity shifts a person makes in their lifetime. Give yourself some grace – neither is easy, and both can take time.

A New Kind of Stress and Worry

Becoming a parent means getting cozy with worry. But when your child moves out, there’s a whole new level. 

Without being able to see them each day, you regularly worry:

• Are they okay?
• Are they happy?
• Are they safe?
• Do they need you?
• Are they making good choices?
• Are depressed, scared, focused, feeling successful, lonely, etc., etc.

While these worries never really go away, they settle down and eventually fade into a low background hum.

There’s no right or wrong about these emotions. Some may feel certain aspects more strongly or for a longer time than others. And there’s no clear split between what mothers and fathers feel – both parents are affected. 

Note: For some parents, empty nesting can result in empty nest syndrome. This is a condition characterized by feelings of emptiness, loss of purpose, and even mild depression. It’s crucial for individuals to recognize these feelings and seek support from friends, family, or professionals.

A New Type of Couple

Then there’s the change in the relationship between parents. For couples, empty nesting can mean:

Ripping the Band-Aid Off Marital Problems

Children in the home often provide both purpose and distraction for a couple. Once they move out, marital problems no longer have anywhere to hide. 

Relearning How to Communicate

Even if the marriage is strong, working as a family requires a certain kind of communication that often takes over and replaces healthy communication as a couple. Most empty nesters need to relearn how to communicate with each other. 

Redefining Your Relationship

The need to redefine your relationship isn’t necessarily a negative. In fact, it really should be looked at as an exciting opportunity. That said, going through that process can be difficult and have associated growing pains.

It’s important to note that experiences within marriages during the empty nest phase can vary significantly. Factors such as the relationship quality before the children leave, communication skills, and the ability to adapt to change all shape how couples navigate this life stage. Seeking support through counseling or support groups can be beneficial for couples facing challenges during this transition.

The Joy and Fun of the Empty Nest

Empty nesting isn’t all pain and problems, however. There can be many exciting and fun aspects to your new chapter. An empty household presents unique opportunities for personal growth, rediscovery, and a positively redefined relationship with your partner.

Among the bright spots in empty nesting are:

Personal Freedoms

With the children out of the house, you may have newfound freedom to explore personal interests or take up activities you’ve put on hold. This is a prime opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth.

Rekindling Romance

Empty nesters can use this time to focus on their relationship. Date nights, spontaneous getaways, and shared hobbies can reignite the romantic spark and strengthen the bond between partners.

More Sex

Some people mistakenly think that by the empty nesting age, libido is gone forever. Not true. The biggest libido killer is parenting. Once the kids are gone, the freedom to do what you want, where you want, and when you want without being walked in on or interrupted can mean a sexual revolution in your home. 

Professional and Educational Pursuits

Many find that the empty nest phase allows them to invest more time in their careers or pursue further education. Without parenting responsibilities at home, focusing on professional and personal development can be much easier.

Travel

For some, empty nesting means time for travel. Whether backpacking across Europe, on a cruise, or relaxing on a beach, empty nesters frequently embrace the opportunity to experience the world.

Focus on Fitness

Health and wellness are essential at all stages, but with the kids gone, you may have more time to focus on your personal health. This might involve joining a gym, taking up a new sport, or simply dedicating more time to exercise routines. This is also a healthy way to deal with the more distressing emotions you may be feeling. 

Becoming an empty nest adult is undoubtedly a challenging and emotionally charged period in life. Acknowledging the difficulties while embracing the bright spots can help individuals navigate this transition with resilience and optimism. 

Finding a way to embrace the changes accompanying empty nesting is crucial. Recognize that change is a natural part of life. Use this time and opportunity to re-evaluate your identity and purpose. By actively engaging in personal growth, rekindling relationships, and exploring new opportunities, it’s possible to enjoy a fulfilling new chapter of life.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you an empty nester? Have you found ways to cope or struggled with the change in identity? What’s helped? What’s made things worse? Please share your experience with other readers and join the conversation.

Shop Real Housewives of Potomac Season 8 Episode 6 Fashion

Since there are SO many Bravo shows right now and we want to provide you with the most content possible, we’re covering Real Housewives of Potomac Season 8 as a Shop LTK exclusive. If you aren’t familiar with Shop LTK it’s an easy to download shopping app that we share all of the looks we cover on the blog on! But don’t worry, even if you don’t have the app yet shopping last night’s pretty Potomac looks is still just as easy as clicking HERE or on the images below.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Originally posted at: Shop Real Housewives of Potomac Season 8 Episode 6 Fashion

I lay in the dark, kept awake by the throbbing ache in my right hip. Exhausted from a long day, I begrudgingly got out of bed.

I rolled out my yoga mat in the living room and lay down on my
back. With a cotton strap looped under my right foot, I slowly moved my leg
through space, stretching and working to “open” and release my hip. 

Middle-of-the-night stretching was becoming a ritual, as it seemed
this was the one thing that brought enough relief so maybe I could get back to
sleep.

It wasn’t long before I developed a new, equally aggravating
problem: sciatica, an almost constant ache in my right buttock that sometimes
traveled all the way down my leg and into my tingling foot.

My story is just one variation of uncountable scenarios where
physical pain intrudes on our daily (and nightly) lives. Chronic pain is a
growing epidemic in our society, often described by doctors as being idiopathic
or of “unknown cause,” leaving patients feeling abandoned, without the
therapeutic support they are seeking.

Hiding Behind a
Facade of Perfection

I was only in my mid-40s, but already my body seemed to be
breaking down. I was at a loss to understand why this was happening, while
feeling more than a little hypocritical.

I was a yoga teacher and massage therapist, after all. People came
to me seeking relief from the same sorts of aches and pains that I was now
experiencing. That made it hard for me to admit, except to my doctor, that I,
too, was in pain.

So, instead, I soldiered on, maintaining the facade of perfection
I so often held in front of me like a shield. However, there came a point when pretending
I didn’t hurt became too difficult, and thus began a parade to a physical
therapist, chiropractor, acupuncturist, and other massage therapists.

Unfortunately, what relief I did find, never lasted for long. I’d
heard this same story many times before, realizing that every day that I
struggled with pain, I gained new insights into the lives and frustrations of
my students and clients.

An Eye Opener

Eventually, I came across the work of Jean Couch, who taught an
approach to inhabiting the body that explained why some people in the world
could easily carry heavy loads on their heads without strain. I was more than a
little intrigued –
not that I wanted to carry heavy loads on my head.

I made an appointment to meet with Jean and bought a plane ticket
to California. Nothing could have prepared me for how much this first visit
would turn so many of my beliefs upside down.

Big Changes Up
Ahead

Jean began our session by pointing out the many ways that I held tension in my
muscles.

Although I had studied anatomy of the musculoskeletal system in
massage school and during my lengthy yoga training, I had never been taught
that the alignment of our bones, in relationship to each other, determines
whether the muscles attached to those bones (via tendons) are in a state of
contraction or weakness, or if they are naturally elastic, as intended
by the human design.

By the time the first session came to an end, both the chronic hip
pain and sciatica had all but disappeared, simply by changing the way I sat on
my pelvis.

I was both stunned and hugely relieved – and determined to continue learning everything else I could about
this amazing approach that Jean called “balance.”

A “New” Approach as
Old as the Hills

So in my 50s, I spent as much time as I could studying with Jean. While
I was free of pain and feeling much more comfortable, I could sense my life was
being turned upside down.

For starters, almost everything I was learning from Jean was at
odds with what I – and our entire modern society – had been taught to believe about
“good” posture. I wanted to help the people in my yoga classes to experience
the same relief I had. Instead, my once-full classes were shrinking drastically.

The new instructions I was giving, such as releasing the chest
down, rather than “holding it up” with tension, were just too much of a
departure from what our culture-wide beliefs about posture required.

Note: Yoga is chock-full of wonderful benefits for almost anyone – especially when it is practiced in conformance with the
foundational principles of the human body’s natural design.

Rough Waters Ahead

By then I had discovered that many women my age were making their way through the transition from mid-life to more mature aging while navigating the choppy waters of such events as menopause, divorce, and children leaving home. We were presented with a “SHEro’s journey.”

I was at a loss to know how to make my way through all the
upheaval I was experiencing – the grief I felt to have my last child leaving home, my search
for how to be a woman alone in the world, and the fear I was facing that I
would not be able to keep my business alive and thriving as I struggled to know
how to successfully teach this “new” way of inhabiting a human body.

The irony, of course, was that this wasn’t new; it was as old as the hills. After all, babies and toddlers throughout the world have always discovered, entirely on their own, how to sit and then stand and walk, guided by these same rules set out by Nature – and physics. 

A New Purpose in My
Life 

By the time I entered my 60s, the transformation in me was
dramatic. In the process of surviving what I had feared most, I had discovered
that personal empowerment resided as much in my physical body as in my mind.

I found that as long as I could sense myself anchored within my
abdominal core, while resting my mind on a quiet peaceful breath, I could
handle almost anything. This fueled a desire to want to share this information
with others, which has shaped the course of my life ever since. 

It’s been 28 years since I was first introduced to the concepts of natural alignment. I’m 77 years old now and beyond grateful that the physical pain of earlier years gave me the opportunity to discover passion and purpose that would serve as a beacon to guide me forward.

This beacon has pushed me to travel solo to remote places in the
world, where I was able to photograph and interview women who not only carry
heavy loads on their heads with ease, but who age with elongated, supple
spines, and enjoy easy flexibility and enduring strength and vitality.

Living with Passion

Does this mean that natural alignment is a quick fix for pain
problems and issues related to poor posture? No, because, of course, there is
no such thing as a quick fix.

Some people may find immediate relief of a particular problem, as
I did, but for enduring change to continue to unfold, one has to learn a few
fundamental details, and then be willing to put them into practice with
conscious, mindful intent.

I’ve made it my mission to spread my knowledge and experience to
anyone who would listen. So, I’ve created a podcast.

Except for the joy we have in loving relationships with family and
friends (and grandbabies!), I can think of nothing more gratifying than to have
a passion for something – it can be almost anything at all, as
long as it stirs genuine interest and excitement. It can be writing or painting
or gardening or volunteering – fill in the blank.

Even in our 60s and beyond, it’s not too late to take stock of
what makes our hearts soar and follow its flight in the direction to the
discovery of who we might still want to become – despite all the hardships we
may face on the way. As the saying goes, we don’t grow and evolve during the
good times.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When was the last time you watched yourself gain new understanding
through the more difficult periods in your past? How have you kept the fires of
passion burning in your own life? Is there something that still stirs your
heart, something you wish you could take on? Perhaps you still can. Let’s chat
about it!