Month: January 2024

Everyone dreams – even if you don’t think you do. Some dreams are vivid and some abstract. Have you ever thought to interpret them to see what they may mean? Often you can gain insight into what’s going on in your head.

As a small child of about five or six, I used to have scary dreams about cemeteries. I don’t know why I did, but they were always spooky. Years later, I wondered if it had something to do with a past life.

It’s not that I had any experience with death when I was young. In fact, I never saw anyone dead until I was 30. Still, the images I saw in my dreams were frightening.

As I grew older, I started having recurring dreams about tidal waves and volcanos and was always running away from them. Some time later I learned that type of dream could be a sign I was feeling suffocated by something like a job or a relationship.

Symbols in Dreams Are Not the Same for Everyone

Much has been written about symbolism in dreams but that doesn’t mean night visions are cut in stone. Each person has different situations, anxieties, and thought processes. But, they can be fun to figure out.

Dreams about death are rarely a premonition that you or someone else will die. They may mean something mundane, like you’re stressed about losing your job. Death is often interpreted as dealing with a major change in your life and may serve as an outlet for stress.

An animal in your dream usually has something to do with the way you connect with the natural world and survival. If a wild beast is chasing you, it may signal you have blocked certain emotions like fear and are living them in your sleep.

Have you ever dreamed you were naked and couldn’t find your clothes? It may be a sign of sexual desire, though often it’s you revealing your true self to someone else or even to yourself.

If your sense of security is in danger, say if a spouse is sick or you’re about to go through a divorce, you may dream you’re being pushed out of an airplane against your will or have your belongings stolen by a thief.

Falling in a dream is startling and might feel like you’re losing control, but it could also mean you’re releasing your fears.

Flying is similar to falling. If you’re flying and gliding it could signal freedom from something that had been stifling you.

Or, you may be afraid you’ll fall which could be a sign you lack confidence or are afraid to fail. Next time you have a flying dream, instead of worrying about it, take in the view and enjoy the moment.

Keep a Dream Journal

It helps to keep a journal next to your bed so you can write down your dream the moment you get up. If you don’t, your dream will disappear into the ether. Remembering dreams takes practice but they’re always illuminating. Think of it like going to the gym. It takes practice to make them stick.

As soon as you wake up, lay in bed for a few minutes before getting up. Repeat the dream several times to yourself so you remember as many details as you can. Once you have it in your head write it down immediately.

Take a look at what you wrote later in the day and see if you can remember even more details. Some may come back to you.

You can also manipulate your dreams by setting an intention before you go to bed that you’ll dream about a certain person or thing. This could help you achieve a goal or discover something about yourself you haven’t been able to figure out.

What to Do with Your Dreams Once They’re Written Down

Writing down your dreams is a good way to solve problems that are causing discourse in your life. They may also aid in your creativity. For instance, if you’re a writer, a dream can help you write a story or may inspire a masterpiece if you’re an artist.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you remember of you latest dream? Do you keep a dream journal? Have you found any interesting insights as a result of keeping a dream journal? Please leave a comment and let’s see if we can figure out your dreams.

In my conversations with women who were widowed suddenly, I sometimes ask, “What do you wish you had known?” One of the most common answers is, “That the people who said they would be there for me would, in fact, not be there for me.”

At the
time of the loss, good intentions abound, and in trying to come up with the
“right” words, empty promises are often made.

When I suddenly lost my husband, I realized that the truly grief-savvy people in my life did not search for words at all, because they knew that words fail. Lucky for me, I had a supportive village around me; people who said they would be there and were (and still are, many years later).

My small-town country neighbors have helped me bury a
canine companion, fix sprinklers, learn to weld and doctor my horses, to name a
few. Other times, a silent hug was what I needed most.

One friend, who I would see at church on Sundays, would regularly scoop me up in a bear hug and whisper in my ear, “Don’t you quit. You just keep going.” It was an order delivered at the exact time that I was wondering if I could do this life without my husband, and if so, whether I wanted to.

How to Help in a Way that Matters

When a
person is widowed, there are likely a number of tasks the deceased spouse
carried out that the widow may not know how to do. The learning curve for any
new task is steep when one is in the darkness of grief – it will likely be many months before new tasks can be mastered.

At the
very moment a widow loses half of her world, she gains double the
responsibility. Finances, solo-parenting for younger widows, childcare, maintenance,
decision making – all need immediate attention from the person who is grieving
the most.

The
following are ways in which we can actively support widows who are figuring out
their life after loss.

Meal Preparation

Keep the meal train going at a frequency that makes sense for the widow’s way of life. Cooking for one less person is a learning curve of its own and the alternative is to not bother and therefore not eat at all or eat unhealthy foods.

Widows
often experience incredibly low energy levels, and the simple act of chewing requires
more energy than they have in store. Consider preparing soups or other soft foods.
Or find out what she likes the most and prepare that. Offer to bring take-out
or accompany her to a favorite restaurant.

Household Maintenance

Maintenance
and repairs might be stacking up. A friend’s church family includes a group of
men who volunteer as handymen for various household repairs. They serve widows
and others in need. My friend was a grateful beneficiary of their services. If
you’re handy, ask for a list of what needs to be done.

The yard can
be a big task. An anonymous neighbor of mine twice cleaned up the weeds on my
property and hauled them away. My prime suspect denied it, but I still don’t
believe him. If you feel comfortable, drive by and note what needs to be done
and then simply show up and do it.

Firewood also
appeared in my barn – another random and anonymous act of kindness. These
neighbors saw what wasn’t being done and simply showed up and did it.

Childcare Support

If a widow
has young children, offer to watch the kids occasionally or better yet, on a
regular basis. This will give her time to cry alone, go to grief counseling, or
do whatever is most needed. Consider arranging a group of people who are
willing to help with childcare on a rotating schedule.

Look to the Calendar for Ways to Support

Special
days such as birthdays and anniversaries are tough days for widows. Make a note
of the widow’s birthday, that of her spouse, their wedding anniversary, the
anniversary of his passing, and any other significant dates.

Send a
text message or give the widow a call on those days so she’s aware that she’s
not alone in remembering.

The
standard list of holidays also carry their own heaviness for someone who is
grieving because each holiday holds memories of their loved one and cherished
traditions. Again, let the person know you’re thinking of them.

Another
beneficial time to check in is the date of the passing each month, as this can
be difficult for many. For example, if the husband passed on the 9^th,
check in each month on the 9^th.

If you
wonder what to say, don’t. A text or email can be nothing more than “I’m
thinking of you and (insert spouse’s name) today.” “I’m remembering your
special day.” “He/she is not forgotten.”

Someone
dear to me said simply, “I want to call you, but I don’t know what to say.” In
conversation, the very best gift you can give is to simply listen. Start with
“Tell me how you’re feeling these days,” and just listen from there.

Better Yet, Say Nothing at All

Be a
friend who just listens, a friend who doesn’t attempt to coax the widow into
what you perceive to be the next phase of healing. That is well-intentioned but
nearly always misinformed.

Even when
your widowed friend is struggling, call anyway and just listen. Be willing to
sit by their side in exactly the place they are in and simply keep them company
in that place. Those types of friends are the most rare and the most treasured
in a widow’s world.

Don’t let well-intentioned
words become empty promises. Use your calendar to prompt you to check in,
follow up, and do what needs to be done to help your widowed friend feel less
alone in the world.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

In what
ways have friends supported you during difficult times? How have you supported
grieving friends? Have you had a village of supporters in your life? What kind
of support do you think helps most while grieving? Please share in the comments
below.

Photo: @drnicolemartin

Originally posted at: Nicole Martin’s Pink Midi Dress on WWHL

To achieve your goals and manifest your dreams, having an action plan is essential. When it comes to fulfilling your dreams after 60, however, your run of the mill action plan will not cut it.

You will want an inspired action plan.

This is a uniquely personal plan that is not only aligned with your innermost desires, but that it also excites you, fuels your passion for your dreams, and dissolves even the most stubborn of obstacles.

In the fifth article and video of a six-part series on “Living Your Dreamlife in 2024”, we are going to explore 10 steps to creating your inspired action plan for this year.

Are You Following Through?

Creating an inspired action plan can be fun, but there are challenges that can hinder progress and prevent you from following through. Knowing what those potential challenges are ahead of time will help you get through them a lot easier.

Here are eight common challenges to be aware of:

Lack of Clarity

Vague goals or undefined dreams make it difficult to create specific action plans. Without a clear vision, it is easy to lose inspiration.

Fear of Failure

The fear of making mistakes or not achieving desired outcomes can paralyze your dreams, preventing you from taking inspired action.

Overwhelm and Procrastination

Ushering your dreams into reality after 60 can be overwhelming, leading to anxiety and procrastination.

Lack of Belief

Negative self-talk, a fixed-mindset, or external skepticism from people can erode motivation and hinder the creation of an inspired action plan.

Limited Resources

A belief in limited financial resources, time constraints, or lack of access to necessary tools or support can suffocate the life out of your dreams.

Shifting Priorities

Life circumstances after 60 can lead to shifting priorities. Balancing your responsibilities for others and yourself is essential.

Lack of Accountability

Without an external or internal mechanism for tracking progress, it becomes easier to postpone your goals or abandon your dreams.

External Challenges and Setbacks

Various external factors – from gloomy stories in the news to unexpected events, financial crises, or personal obstacles – can disrupt progress if you choose to focus more on the negative areas of life than on the positivity of fulfilling your dreams.

Creating Your Mental Blueprint

To overcome these challenges and ensure follow-through, it is essential to address the underlying reasons you may choose not to pursue your dreams.

The video above offers 10 things you can do right away to overcome these challenges.

For now, let us look at 10 steps you can take to create your inspired action plan for manifesting your dreams in 2024.

Reflect on Your Dreams

Taking some time to reflect on your dreams and aspirations, visualizing how they make you feel, is the ideal first step.

Set SMART Goals

Make sure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely (SMART goals). For example, if your dream is to travel, a SMART goal could be “This week I will start planning to take a trip to Hawaii before the end of 2024.”

Break It Down

Break down big goals into small, manageable steps. This makes them less overwhelming and helps you see the progress you’re making.

Prioritize and Organize

Determine the order in which you want to achieve your goals. Prioritize them based on importance or urgency. Consider the time, resources, support, and effort required for each goal.

Seek Inspiration and Guidance

Look for role models, mentors, or people who have achieved similar goals or dreams, before and after sixty. Read books, listen to podcasts, and enroll in online courses that cater to your areas of interest.

Take Consistent Aligned Action

Don’t confuse activity with accomplishment. Aligned action is the opposite of wasting time. It is less about staying busy and more about doing things that are fun and specifically relevant to your dreams.

Overcome Challenges and Setbacks

Don’t allow obstacles on your path to discourage you. Instead, view them as opportunities to learn and grow.

Celebrate Achievements and Milestones

Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements and milestones throughout your journey. Celebrating your successes will keep you motivated and inspired to continue moving forward.

Stay Focused and Committed

Stay focused on your goals and remind yourself of the reasons why they are important to achieving your dreams. Keep your vision and purpose in mind, especially during challenging times.

Enjoy the Journey

If you don’t enjoy the journey, how will you appreciate the achievement? Embrace your growth and celebrate the experiences that come along with manifesting your dream life.

By following these steps, you can create an inspired action plan that will help you manifest your dreams and live a fulfilling life on your terms. It is never too late to pursue your passions and make your dreams a reality.

As C.S. Lewis wrote, “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.“

I invite you to join me in the video where I will guide you through five eye-opening journal prompts to integrate the 10 steps to creating your inspired action plan.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you thought about the things you’d like to achieve this year? Would an inspired action plan help you move toward your dream life? What small steps have you drafted that will help you on your journey?

Most of us have encountered a true narcissist sometime in our lives. If we admit it, we have come across multiple people with this challenging personality disorder at various times in our life. First off, I am not a professional therapist and cannot diagnose NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and I think that many people throw around that word to describe selfish people when it is not truly NPD. I have also conducted a TON of research on the topic and can talk intelligently about it.

It is a challenging journey to navigate around a narcissist, yet it is a necessary step towards reclaiming your emotional autonomy. Let’s face it: those of us in our 60s and beyond have weathered the storms of relationships, whether married or single, and many of us have broken free from the grasp of a narcissist.

Of course, not everyone chooses to escape the grips of a narcissist for assorted reasons – some choose to stay and manage themselves within the confines of a narcissistic relationship. Most of the “reasons” I have heard center around needing insurance or other monetary security, or simply because they do not want to rock the boat or because they’d rather live with a narcissist than be alone.

This article unveils five proven – yet not-so-easy – ways to successfully navigate the challenges if you find yourself entangled with a narcissist.

#1: Use Self-Reflection and Awareness

Picture yourself as a quilt master, unraveling the subtle threads of manipulation and control woven into the fabric of your relationship with the narcissist. It is essential to scrutinize the intricate details of your interactions and reactions.

Inspect the back threads of why you react to their discounting and discarding. The major key in a relationship with any narcissist is not to react at all as that is rocket fuel for their soul. As you peel back the layers, a heightened awareness will emerge, providing the clarity needed to dismantle the narcissist’s influence.

#2: Set Boundaries

Narcissists do not like boundaries. However, they do respond to “IF statements.” For example, you can say, “If you choose to continue to ogle women, you’re telling me that you’re choosing to have me exit the room.” Or “If you choose to criticize everything I cook, then I will stop cooking for you.”

Imagine boundaries as a protective fortress surrounding your emotional landscape. Erecting this fortress involves not only understanding the limits of what you will tolerate but also fortifying them with assertive communication. You must choose to deny the narcissist access to the inner sanctums of your well-being.

#3: Cultivate Your Inner Strength

Think of inner strength as a blossoming garden within you, vibrant, colorful, and beautiful. Nurture this garden through acts of self-care and personal growth. Envision yourself tending to the delicate flowers of your passions and interests and not being consumed with pleasing the narcissist.

Hey, I know they retaliate when they do not get their way, but as you cultivate the soil of your inner strength, the roots of your resilience will deepen, anchoring you against the storms unleashed by the narcissist.

#4: Seek Professional Support

There is no shame in enlisting the help of a therapist to help guide you through the treacherous emotional waters of living with a narcissist. Since they devalue you in every area they can think of, you often find yourself thinking you are the one who is in error all the time, or that you are crazy or delusional because they cause you to doubt your own reality.

In fact, a narcissist will purposely place you in situations where they know you will fail as they find a sick pleasure in watching you fall short. They must be king/queen of the hill! They believe they are superior.

With this in mind, seeking and receiving expert guidance will guide you toward a safe emotional harbor as you share your experiences. Seeking professional support is not a sign of weakness but a courageous acknowledgment of your need for a compassionate ally on your journey to healing.

#5: Gradual Disengagement

Whether you choose to stay or flee, you can disengage emotionally from a narcissist. Visualize detachment as a delicate dance, a strategic choreography of steps leading away from the narcissist. Picture yourself gracefully disentangling from the emotional web, taking measured strides towards your personal freedom, gradually reclaiming control over your emotions and destiny.

One of the most dramatic ways to detach from a narcissist is to go no contact: block them from your phone, your social media accounts, and email. However, they know where you live and can find you if they want to.

Sometimes you can choose to simply not be available. You are busy… super busy… and cannot take time to engage with them. Or you could just tell them to buzz off… like forever, but just know that a narcissist will take that as a challenge because they think they will always have power over you.

As you embark on the odyssey of either navigating around a narcissist or completely removing yourself from their world, remember that each step is a victory in reclaiming your heart, your autonomy, and rediscovering the joys that you put aside to cater to their needs, which they believe are of the utmost importance and value.

You ARE worth it, so I urge you ladies to walk in your worth!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you had a relationship with a narcissist? If so, did you learn to navigate around it or did you run for the hills? Do you think that once you know the characteristics of a narcissistic personality it is easier to spot going forward?