Month: January 2024

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*she tagged her lip pencil and lipstick both as Mehr on her “Shop My” but I cannot find that the liner comes in that color. People seem to pair it with Soar and it looks like that color matches*

Photo / Tutorial + Shade Info : @brynn_whitfield

Originally posted at: Brynn Whitfield’s Lip Pencil and Lipstick

Recently, as I sat in a local restaurant at lunchtime, waiting for my friend, I looked around and saw a large room filled with women doing exactly the same thing. We were all gathering to commiserate, share, expound and take or offer encouragement and advice – woman to woman, beet salad to beet salad – no topic too large or too trivial to take on.

Women, it seems, simply must get together.

There’s no direct research that women are more compelled than men to seek fellowship with the like sex, but anecdotally many women agree.

Often, our seeking and learning comes during times of transition and change, according to experts, because we’re looking for help in letting go of the past and embracing the new.

Sisterhood!

I conducted an informal survey recently of women in the Washington, D.C., chapter of The Transition Network, a U.S.-based non-profit organization and community of women who “empower each other to thrive as we travel through transitions from familiar old life experiences to challenging and inspiring new ones.”

I joined TTN during retirement; other motivators include relocation, career changes, divorce and/or any need to connect.

“I think women definitely feel the need to gather,” said Susie Lazaroff, 61, who started a TTN peer group for informal gatherings in members’ homes in the nation’s capital. “It’s the idea of togetherness, of community and being able to share. I think women are kind of communal beings and I’ve always thought how great it would be to live with all my women friends in one place as we all get older.”

Another member said she joined to “connect with women on issues and life-changing events to share insights, support each other and engage in joint learnings.”

Jane DiCosimo, 64, of Silver Spring, MD, said she was about to retire and realized she mostly had “work friends” and wanted to meet like-minded professional women.

All agreed there are special challenges to meeting people later in life.

“It is uncommon to find opportunities to explore issues that directly affect older women,” said Susan Lilly, 71, a Maryland peer group leader.

Another member said she was going through a divorce, the death of a parent and her children going off to college – all at the same time – and “I wanted to connect with other women at my stage of life – sisterhood!”

Women also find other women, according to the survey, at Meetups, on the Ethel Circle Facebook page (sponsored by AARP), doing volunteer work, in book and hobby clubs and classes, religious meetings, at community and senior centers, and in privately cultivated groups through friends and family.

Relationships Are Key to Happiness

According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted, the answer to what makes life fulfilling and meaningful is relationships. Connecting with others is key to our mental and also physical health, yet loneliness is said to be at epidemic proportions.

Research indicates men may have a harder time making and maintaining friendships, with one TTN survey respondent attributing that at least in part to the socializing of men to avoid being vulnerable – a theory some experts support.

But everything I read and everyone I talked to agreed there is one element we all must employ if we are to find and keep friends – effort. It’s probably not something we’re used to. In fact, when I was working full-time, going to graduate school, teaching and raising a family, I took all the people I interacted and conversed with on a daily basis for granted. I often just wanted to be left alone.

Sometimes now I don’t want to admit that what I need to do to improve my social life on any given day or week is work at it a little harder. But joining a group, reaching out to old friends, making that phone call or sending that text usually pays off. And, if you think about it, that’s a good thing. That means you can make things happen. TTN welcomes everyone, and I have seen plenty of friendships develop.

As one TTN member pointed out, the dear friends her 90+-year-old mother had around her when she was in hospice recently had been formed when her mother was in her 70s. So, if you have felt you’re running out of time to make friends, I would dispute that.

One Conversation Has Meaning

English Professor Paula Cohen’s new book, Talking Cure: An Essay on the Civilizing Power of Conversation, makes the case that sharing our stories with others, simply having a conversation with no fixed agenda or goals, feeds our souls and provides what one writer called “a kind of sanctuary.”

The challenging news as we grow older is that we will experience loss, and that can mean struggling to replace relationships and find new people open to such conversations. Those we lose aren’t replaceable, of course, but it hit me recently that I enjoyed the polite camaraderie of new friends and the quiet understanding that we navigated life in different ways and could share those insights on the ups and downs of aging.

The good news is that as we age, we gain resilience, so don’t wait too long before reaching out. The longer you go without social interaction, the harder it can be to start to engage again, according to experts.

I particularly like Susie Lazaroff’s idea about striving to have all your friends living around you as you gain maturity and wisdom.

Some friends and I even fantasized about our later-in-life sanctuary being a lovely, remote island somewhere off the coast, perhaps of the Carolinas, a place we named, to uproarious laughter – Hags Head.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you make it a point to gather with other women to share and commiserate? Do you especially feel this urge during times of transition? How much “work” goes into your relationships as you grow older? What are the best ways to overcome loneliness for your own health and well-being?

As we begin a brand-new year, it’s customary for many of us to reflect on the aspects of our lives we’d like to eliminate or change. However, consider this: what if we approached this new year with a different mindset – one focused on what we want to add, enhance, and savor in our lives? For many of us, this could be the perfect time to shift our perspective towards embracing the positive and injecting more abundance and fun into our daily routines.

What About a New Hobby?

Consider the idea of adopting a new hobby. It could be anything from painting, calligraphy, gardening, or dusting off the piano in the living room and learning to play! Engaging in a creative pursuit not only provides an outlet for self-expression but also challenges our brain to learn something new! Discovering a hidden passion can be invigorating and help us explore new facets of our personalities.

Perhaps You May Have Considered a Career Change?

It’s never too late to pursue a new path that aligns more closely with our passions and aspirations. This could mean seeking out opportunities that offer more fulfillment, responsibility, or even a higher income.

Many find immense satisfaction in pivoting their careers, proving that age is just a number when it comes to chasing our dreams. If this sounds like you, then it’s always a great idea to connect with a career coach to learn more about your circumstances and discuss your possibilities!

Or You Might Want to Be Your Own Boss?

For those seeking more flexibility in their lives, perhaps a venture into entrepreneurship is the answer. Starting a small business or freelancing can provide the autonomy to set our own schedules and pursue projects that truly resonate with our interests. The digital age has opened up countless opportunities, making it easier than ever to explore entrepreneurial endeavors without significant upfront costs.

I recently coached a client who had a passion for organizing and decided to enroll in a certification process to be a professional organizer and then started her own business! She is happy, thriving and excited to get out of bed each day to service her clients!

Cultivating Meaningful Relationships Might Be Your Area of Focus

Strengthening bonds with friends and family, or even making new connections, can bring immeasurable joy and support. Many of us find it more difficult to form friendships as our circles get smaller. Consider joining clubs, attending social events, or participating in community activities to expand your social circle, bring in new opportunities and fresh ideas!

Health and Wellness Always Seem to Gain Momentum This Time of Year

Instead of looking at what to delete from your diet, think about what you can add in. Perhaps focusing on more protein, fruits and veggies is something your body needs? Prioritize self-care routines that nourish both the body and mind. Whether it’s adopting a new fitness regimen, exploring mindfulness practices, or simply dedicating time to relaxation, investing in our well-being is a surefire way to enhance the overall quality of life.

How About Going Further?

Let’s expand our horizons even further with additional avenues for an exciting and fulfilling year.

Embark on Travel Adventures

Plan a series of mini-adventures or a dream vacation. Exploring new cultures, cuisines, and landscapes can be refreshing and create lasting memories.

Educational Pursuits

Embrace continuous learning by enrolling in a formal course, attending workshops, or diving into online classes. Academic pursuits not only keep the mind sharp but also open up doors to new possibilities and interests.

Volunteer Work

Contribute time and skills to a cause you are passionate about. Volunteering fosters a deeper connection with the community and provides a sense of purpose.

Fitness Challenges

Make physical health a priority by setting some fitness goals. Think about joining a club, start a walking group, or check out chair yoga or aqua aerobics class!

Culinary Exploration

Dive into the world of gastronomy by experimenting with new recipes or exploring different cuisines. Cooking classes or starting a supper club may be a fun way to gather your friends and share what you’ve learned!

Mindfulness Practices

Incorporate mindfulness practices like meditation, yoga, or tai chi into your daily routine for improved mental well-being and a serene escape. Here’s a question to get you started: What would make you smile right now?

Expressive Arts

Explore your creative side through expressive arts like writing, photography, or dance. There are many writing groups available now either in person or online to help us cultivate this passion! These outlets provide unique and fulfilling ways to communicate thoughts and emotions.

As we bid farewell to the old and welcome the new, let’s focus on what we can add to our lives to make them richer, more fulfilling, and, most importantly, fun. The possibilities are endless, and the journey promises to be an exciting adventure of discovery and abundance! Cheers to a vibrant and fulfilling year ahead!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you thought about adding something into your life this year instead of subtracting? What might it be? How do you feel it will impact your life?

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Originally posted at: Kyle Richards’ Jeans and Red Top

I tossed my walker over the cliff the other day (figuratively); I was raising my angry fist at my advancing years and infirmities, much like Dylan Thomas wrote in his famous poem.

“Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night” (line 1)

Acceptance of this has been a battle as I deal with body part replacements, body parts deteriorating and having to be rebuilt with other body parts, and a host of other ailments.

My couch has become my new best friend. And as I watch my bird feeder outside my window, I meditate on accepting this, because, in my days under the sun, I have hiked high elevation mountains, swam with sharks and repelled down cliffs.

“Curse, Bless, Me Now with Your Fierce Tears” (line 17)

The aging of my body and mind is a given, but does it mean I have to be resigned to it? Aging is inevitable and a privilege, but to remain complicit in the face of aging is starting to wear on me. While there may be times to be on the couch and take care of my body, there also comes a time that I need to push through it.

So, I got up off the couch the other day despite painful throbbing neuralgia and arthritis. In a cool rain, with a bottle of water and fierce determination, I started hiking, uphill, climbing up boulders until I was as high as the buzzards. I felt good; illness was suddenly not in the driver seat of my life. It had moved to the backseat.

“Old Age Should Burn and Rave at Close of Day” (line 2)

A friend was convinced her COPD was getting worse – possibly her heart too. After the death of her dog, she had stopped walking, volunteering, going to the gym, and gardening made her tired. Entire weekends were spent dozing.

“You’re depressed.” I told her.

She made a face. “Nonsense; I’m 74 and have COPD. The doctors have me on a heart monitor for a month!”

The eventual diagnosis? She was just fine and out of shape. The doctors told her to start moving. My sister, 78 and spending the last two years in chemotherapy, goes shopping many days a week, has a weekly hair, nail and facial appointment, and refuses to give up and be sick.

“I simply won’t think about it,” is her motto. A colleague, Dr. P, suffering from dementia, has stepped down as VP at a college, but he is at the college frequently, tutoring students or taking classes, each semester learning something new, and he does it with unflinching grace and joy.

“Blind Eyes Could Blaze Like Meteors and Be Gay” (line 14)

I no longer have the appetite to hike to Everest Base camp (which was on my bucket list along with Mt. Kilimanjaro), or go on vacations that I used to need to train for with weighted belts, but on the days that I am well, and even on the days I’m not feeling all too well, I’m going to push forward because, for me, it feels cowardly to do otherwise.

Instead of tears coming to my eyes because the arthritis in my hands makes it hard to nimbly maneuver my fingers, I now get ticked off. A little bit of rage goes a long way, and it prevents me from wallowing in the despair of my body betraying me.

I have more years behind me instead of ahead of me. WOW. How do I live my life knowing this? How do I live my life when a new ailment seems to materialize every week? How do I live my life when my heart wants to do a triathlon, but my bilateral hip replacements won’t let me?

Get Back on the Horse?

Throwing my leg over my 23-year-old Thoroughbred the other day, I decided both he and I were not through quite yet. He agreed. Grabbing his mane, he leapt into a gallop, and we went flying like he was 8 years old and I was 27. Sparks literally flew off his horse shoes as they crossed over the rocks. We jumped a creek, a log, branches smacked me in the face, and we both felt more alive than we had in years. It was exhilarating.

Afterwards, walking like John Wayne into my house, I took an anti-inflammatory, ran a warm bath with Epsom salts; not something I needed to do when I was 27. By 9 p.m. my crunched disks in my neck were screaming, so I took more meds and added my neck brace. I had ice or hot packs on different areas of my body. But that’s o.k., I think.

Perhaps it does not need to be all or nothing. Maybe there is a middle range, somewhere that isn’t on the couch but not hiking the Appalachian Trail – though an 83-year-old has completed it. While I don’t need to gallop every day, I do need to stay engaged, moving my body, working my mind, meeting people because it’s way too easy for me to let my aging pained body be in the driver seat.

Dylan Thomas wrote, “old age should burn and rave at close of day.” Yet, he only lived till 39. Hmmmmm. But there is some truth in his poem because the theme is about not being complacent, having regrets or resignation to the aging process, which often isn’t pretty. Sometimes, to march through aging, we need to be a bit fierce.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How are you handling the aging process with grace? Have you had to modify pastimes you have enjoyed? Can you strike a balance of rest and engagement?