Month: January 2024

Late one night, after a recent college reunion, I got to talking with a group of close friends. We’d had a few drinks. And having split our sides laughing over the course of two days about our shared pasts, we began to muse about our individual futures.

One of my friends suggested that we each set a goal we’d like to accomplish by the time we hit our next five-year reunion. He created a make-shift whiteboard out of our cardboard beer carton, so we could write our goals down and hold each other accountable.

The reaction around the room was a tell-tale study in contrasts. The guy who initiated the idea said that he’d like to undertake at least one major creative project by the proposed deadline.

Someone else – who’d endured a particularly gruelling year – said that she couldn’t set long-term goals right now as she was just trying to live day to day.

A third friend confessed that he knew exactly what his goal was, but that it was so deeply fraught and personal that he didn’t want to articulate it just then.

A fourth friend looked at us all blankly. “Honestly?” she said. “I can’t think of anything major.” She paused to give it a bit more thought. “Maybe to keep on improving in CrossFit?”

As for me, I piped up with one goal. And then another. And then a third. I quickly realized that if I didn’t shut up, my personal goal list would completely dominate our whiteboard.

What Are Goals Doing for You?

At first, I felt smug after this discussion. “Yay, me!” I thought to myself. “I’m so focused and determined! I’m awesome!”

I was particularly pleased that my goals extended into all aspects of my life. Not only that, I could name them and own them. I was proud of myself.

But after a couple of weeks passed, I began to question my complacency. Why was it, I asked myself, that I needed so many goals?

Why couldn’t I be more like my CrossFit friend? She was, apparently, so satisfied with what she’s achieved thus far in life, that she could afford to focus on something as seemingly trivial as an exercise regime. No disrespect to cross fitters out there. I know it’s gruelling!

The answer is that goals provide me with an excuse for movement. My worst fear in life is slowing down.

When I move forward – even in a frenzied state – I feel alive. I don’t have to succumb or even catch a glimpse of that awful feeling I associate with stillness. Which is one of fear and sadness that the game is up, and I am only me, warts and all. There is no more chance for self-improvement.

How Dreams Help

Not long after my reunion, I had a dream that I was back in college with that same group of friends. In the dream, I discovered that I had failed to write a term paper that was due in two weeks’ time. I’d had an entire semester to prepare for this assignment, and yet somehow, I’d let it slide.

Panicking, I rushed to the library to do all the necessary research. But as I ran towards the card catalogue – yes, I went to college back in the day when we still had card catalogues… along with the horse and buggy – I noticed a bunch of people off to one side of the room.

They were swinging on a swing set… in the library.

I’ve written before about the window my dreams afford into my psyche. On one level, of course, this dream is merely an apt representation of the person I was in college: someone who, as the phrase has it, worked hard and partied hard. Hence, the duelling images of the library and the swing set.

But I don’t think that’s really what this dream was about. I think it was about my current mid-life quest to integrate the two halves of myself. To allow the manager and the maker to co-exist together, rather than one half dominating the other.

That’s why the swing set is inside the library. The dream isn’t offering these images as stark alternatives. It is encouraging me to bring those two selves together.

In Search of Peace

Which brings us back to goals. What that dream told me is that I need to stop continually setting new goals for myself. Instead, I need to replace all my micro-goals with one, over-arching macro-goal: that of achieving peace within.

If I can do that, then I won’t need the constant churn of goal-setting and goal-replacement. I will just be. And maybe that can be my own form of CrossFit.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What goals have you set yourself for the next five years? Which ones do you think are the most important to you? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Originally posted at: Heather Gay’s Yellow Draped Halter Maxi Dress

Why is it that time seems to fly now that we’re 60 or 70 or 80? I’m often amazed when a wedding, the death of friend or a move to a new city was 20 or 30 years ago. Heavens, it’s already 2024! What happened to 2023?

Now that I’m past life’s midpoint, I appreciate Dr. Seuss’s whimsical perspective from The Cat in the Hat: “How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”

How to Make Friends After 60: Age and Time Perception

One theory why time seems to zip by as we age is that now, each year makes up a smaller percentage of our lives. One year equals 100 percent of a lifetime to my year-old great nieces. But it’s only a tiny fraction of my life.

Another theory holds that the more memories we create during a time period, the longer it seems. High school and college took forever, but I have lots of good memories.

A theory about time I don’t like is that the brain is less capable of accurately measuring time as we age. Ha! We’ll show them.

When you’re looking forward to something, like a dream vacation a year from now, time may seem slower. Your anticipation will have you counting the months and days until it’s finally time to pack.

Sadness and depression can make days drag too. If it goes on too long, it is important to ask for help from friends or a professional. Getting back to joy and the pace of a more normal life is never out of reach.

Making the Most of an Unknown

Aging specialists believe the first person to live past 150 has already been born. As we live to 100 and longer, will time in middle age seem slower? Will we procrastinate more because we think we have plenty of time for those bucket list items?

None of us know how much time we have on Earth – how long we’ll be with our most important people or how many years we’ll have to do all the things we want to do. No matter how long we live, life is short. We don’t want to reach the endpoint with regrets or what ifs.

Some experts suggest imagining ourselves at our very best when we reach the end of the road. What is our legacy? What have we accomplished? Where have we been? Then go to work being that person with all the time you have left.

Even without the rigorous schedules of our earlier years, setting goals and managing time are just as important now. Everyday time management hacks keep us on track.

Schedule Some Sort of Planning Time

My time is Monday morning. Before I flip my calendar page to the current week, I look at what didn’t get done and move it forward. I check appointments and decide what else I can accomplish in the same part of town. I look for blocks of time to work on bigger projects.

In his book Ready for Anything, productivity guru David Allen writes, “Most people actually have a lot of thinking going on about a lot of stuff in their life and work – stuff that is basically unproductive, distracting, and a source of unnecessary stress.”

A weekly review helps dump our ‘psychic RAM’ and clear our minds for more creative focus.

Another thing I learned from Allen is to move ‘Someday/Maybe’ items to another list.

Do What’s Nagging You First

You know that pesky thing you’re procrastinating about. If you get those nagging details off your list first, your whole day or week tends to go better. Putting off what’s bugging you steals from your mental energy.

Two-Minute Rule

If you can do it in a short time, just do it now: empty the dishwasher, address the envelope, make the phone call. It’s quicker than putting it on a list to do later.

Curb Multi-Tasking

Studies have proven that when we try to do more than one thing at once, each task takes 25 percent more time to complete. Puttering about can be fun, but if you’ve got something important to do, concentrate on one thing.

Rushing Slows Us Down and Makes Us Careless

Our reactions slow as we age, so it’s important to take our time, look both directions three times, watch out for hazards. One rule I follow forces me to slow down – keep one hand free to hold the railing going up or down stairs. Sometimes it takes two trips.

Mindfulness

We all have chores we don’t like to do, like dusting or cleaning the litterbox. But if we do even the most mundane task mindfully, and the very best we can do it, we enjoy it more. Plus, this kind of mindfulness is good for brain density. Who knew?

For most of my adult life, I felt too busy with work and chores at home. But an odd thing has happened in the past few years.

I’m busier than ever but doing more and more of what is important to me. I’m making friends with Mother Time, and she’s going to be my good buddy on my path toward 100!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What are your time management tricks? If you’ve experienced time moving slowly because of sadness, how did you work past it? Do you like the image of yourself at your oldest old? Are there things you can do now so you’ll grow into the older person you really want to be? What do you think are the best ways to make friends after 60? Please join the conversation below!

Your thoughts, behavior and life experiences are run by your beliefs. Therefore, to improve the quality of your life in 2024 and beyond, it won’t come by a flurry of physical activity as most people have been taught to believe it will.

It will happen by adopting new beliefs. But how do you do that?

To get things started, let’s look at where our beliefs come from. For there is no better time than the start of a new year to let go of limiting beliefs that no longer serve you and begin making room for new and enhanced experiences to flow into your life.

The Step Most People Avoid

Becoming clear on the original source of your existing beliefs and how they direct your life is essential before you adopt new beliefs or even unpack your limiting beliefs.

This seems like a no-brainer, but it is the one step most people avoid while attempting to create new and improved experiences in their life.

As I am sure you have discovered along your life path, what most of us were fed as children about how life works is simply not true. That is why the new beliefs you will want to adopt in this new year will likely be at odds with the limiting beliefs you are letting go of.

Limiting beliefs are founded on the premise of scarcity and unworthiness.

Although you may have many positive beliefs about yourself, limiting beliefs tend to be the most dominant for they are the thoughts that represent the most fundamental perceptions you have about yourself.

The way limiting beliefs make their way into key areas of your life is that they frame a general perception of the world, which translates into you not having enough of what it takes to be loved, successful, happy, or fulfilled.

What About Now?

Like millions of others who are 60 and over, you likely inherited many of the same beliefs about who you can be or what you can achieve from previous generations.

In a different era, these beliefs about how life works may have made sense. But do they work in today’s world? And do they work for you based on where you are now in your life?

When you take time to do an honest review of your beliefs, it is quite common to recognize that for most of your life the beliefs you had about yourself can be traced back to what your parents, teachers, and authority figures expected you to be.

Like most of our generation, the ideal path you were likely told to take and stay on for love, success, safety, and happiness was predicated on pleasing others. This may provide temporary satisfaction, but more often than not it leads you into stress, resentment, and emotional depletion.

Granted, you may not have been aware of all of this back then, but what about now? The answer can be found in a famous quote by Maya Angelou, who said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

Life Happens for You

The more you take time to honestly uncover the source of your beliefs and realize the power this has over your choices in life, the more you can confidently flip the script of your life on your terms.

A big part of this is transitioning out of any limiting belief that says life happens to you and instead, knowing life happens for you. This is because you are in control of what new beliefs you adopt and which ones you let go of.

To make such a transition requires going beneath the surface of your daily actions, behaviors, and experiences. This, however, is not where or how most people in our generation were taught to look for creating sustainable change.

You Are the Boss of Your Life

When you go beneath the surface of your daily life, it becomes apparent just how much your behaviors and reactions to life are predicated on unconscious limiting beliefs.

As much as these beliefs may have served you well earlier in life, they are not in your best interest now – at least not in the areas of your life you seek to improve.

Another thing you realize is that YOU are the BOSS of your life.

You are in control of creating new responses to life through new beliefs and behaviors, all of which produce the joy and sustainable fulfillment you have been seeking. At this point you start to see where you can make immediate, positive changes without requiring anyone else’s approval but your own.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What were some of the more influential limiting beliefs in your life that were passed down to you that you are now ready to let go of? What is something you can give yourself permission to do more of this year that would immediately improve the quality of your life? Is there a current limiting belief that is getting in the way of you doing this? If so, what is it?