Month: February 2024

Do People Ever Really Change? Navigating the Depths and Complexities of Personal Transformation

personal transformation

We have all encountered individuals who, for various reasons, let us down and led to the dissolution of relationships. The universe, however, has a peculiar way of orchestrating reunions, reigniting the age-old question – do people ever truly change? As we look back on relationships lost and opportunities missed, the realization dawns that personal transformation, in all its complexity, demands not only substantial effort and commitment but also a profound understanding of our human nature.

In my role as a life coach and through personal introspection, I have always been intrigued by the complex nature of change. It encompasses struggles with procrastination affecting productivity, struggling with unforgiving tendencies hindering relationships, and confronting severe transformations such as overcoming addiction and toxic behaviors.

The Foundation of Change: Recognition, Purpose, and Sustainability

The journey of change begins with a foundation built on recognition, purpose, and sustainability. It requires a deep understanding of what parts/habits of our lives need transformation, why such change is imperative, and how sustainable it can be. The initial step involves acknowledging the areas that need modification and making a conscious commitment to address them. This commitment becomes the driving force behind the transformative journey.

Moreover, recognizing the triggers for negative behavior is pivotal. A mantra I learned from a therapist – “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical” – underscores that overreactions and behavioral patterns often link back to past triggers rather than a logical response to the present situation. Identifying and understanding these triggers not only helps in addressing immediate issues but also lays the groundwork for meaningful change.

Navigating Change: Practical Steps to Transformation

To facilitate change, one must devise practical steps that serve as guideposts on the transformative journey:

Self-Reflection

Engage in regular self-assessment. Understand your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of meaningful transformation.

Set Realistic Goals

Break down the desired change into manageable, achievable goals. This not only makes the process less daunting but also provides a roadmap for progress.

Seek Support

Transformation is not a solitary endeavor. Whether through friends, family, or professional guidance, having a support system is crucial in navigating the challenges of change.

Mindfulness Practices

Incorporate mindfulness into daily routines. This involves staying present, observing thoughts without judgment, and fostering a deeper understanding of oneself. Mindfulness serves as a powerful tool for breaking free from ingrained patterns.

Celebrate Progress

Acknowledge and celebrate the small victories along the way. Recognizing progress reinforces the commitment to change.

Vetting Sustainable Change: A Critical Examination

In evaluating whether a person has genuinely cultivated and sustained a change, it’s crucial to implement a vetting process. Here are ways to assess the authenticity of transformation:

Consistency Over Time

Genuine change is marked by consistency. Evaluate whether the individual has consistently exhibited the desired changes over an extended period. Sustainable transformation isn’t an overnight phenomenon but a gradual process.

Behavioral Patterns

Pay attention to behavioral patterns. Have healthier alternatives replaced problematic behaviors? Sustainable change involves not just suppressing old habits but actively adopting new, positive ones.

Open Communication

Engage in open and honest communication. A person committed to change should be willing to discuss their journey, challenges faced, and strategies employed. Transparency is a sign of genuine transformation.

Feedback from Others

Seek feedback from those you trust who have observed the individual’s behavior closely. External perspectives can provide valuable insights into whether the change is perceived as authentic, lasting, and more than just “window dressing.”

Accountability

A person genuinely committed to change takes responsibility for their actions. Assess whether the individual acknowledges mistakes, learns from them, and takes steps to avoid repeating them.

Embracing Imperfection: The Unchanging Core and Mindful Progress

In my experience, the essence of who we are, our so-called DNA of sorts, remains constant. If you’ve been a procrastinator or battled addictive tendencies, these elements may persist. However, the key lies in making a conscious effort to keep these tendencies at bay and actively work toward being the person you aspire to be.

As we proudly age, our perspectives shift, and relationships take on new meanings. When considering welcoming someone back into your life, it is imperative to reassess your standards, sensitivities and needs in evaluating genuine transformation in the other person. Have they truly implemented change, or does it merely appear so? This determination lies solely with you – you have the power to accept or reject the relationship. Never settle for toxicity!

The Ever-Evolving Journey of Change: A Mindful Approach

For the changes you’ve embraced, take pride in your journey. Understand that old habits, no matter how negative, are a part of your unique makeup, and there’s no shame in that. Every individual faces challenges, and embracing your true self is a testament to resilience.

Notable change is an ongoing process that requires regular nurturing to be sustainable. While the core may remain unchanged, the journey toward positive transformation is a testament to your commitment to personal growth. Change is not a one-time event but a continuous evolution.

As we navigate the difficulties of life, we come to realize that change is not about erasing our past but understanding it, learning from it, and consciously choosing a different path. The intricacies of our journey, the victories, and even the setbacks contribute to our identity.

The realization that change is an ever-evolving journey will prompt us to adopt a mindful approach. Embrace each step with awareness, acknowledging that transformation is not linear. It involves peaks and valleys, and the key is to stay committed to the process, learning, and growing with each experience.

Remember that it’s not about becoming someone completely different but about unearthing the best version of yourself. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and continue this journey with the understanding that the pursuit of positive transformation is a lifelong commitment to self-discovery and growth.

I welcome your thoughts and experiences!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your experience with change? Have you undergone big character changes? What are they? Do you think a person can change and in what ways?

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Sober But Still Not Slim? How to Kickstart Your Weight Loss

kickstart weight loss

Many of us manage to quit drinking and we feel better than we’ve felt for years. As we regain our health, some of us dream of also regaining our figures. We think fondly back to the shape we were in in our 20s when we only drank socially, before we got into the nightly habit of a glass or two of wine.

We go through our first alcohol free year fully expecting our excess weight to just melt away but for many of us it just doesn’t budge.

We discover that it’s just not that easy to shift the pounds we gained from decades of drinking.

Here are 5 tips to help you kickstart the weight loss once you are sober:

Alcohol Free Living Is the Foundation of Your Weight Loss

Always remember that alcohol is full of sugar and that one glass of wine is equivalent to a slice of cake. You would probably not eat 2 or 3 slices of cake while watching a movie but somehow a few glasses of wine just slip down easily.

Talking of cake, alcohol is more likely to result in you eating unhealthy snacks – after all, what is a glass of wine without something to nibble on? Not to mention the fact that alcohol is a toxin so your body will focus on metabolising the drink way before it gets to burning up the calories in your food. Your body just wants to get rid of the toxins as quickly as possible!

So, the science tells us that losing weight while drinking is highly unlikely!

Be Patient – Give Your Body Time to Heal

If you’ve been drinking for years, then your metabolism, blood pressure, liver function and hormones will be all over the place. It’s going to take time for your whole system to recalibrate and get back into balance.

Let’s take the feel good hormone dopamine as an example. When we drink we get our “feel good” vibe from alcohol which gives us a chemical high. So our body gets lazy and stops producing dopamine naturally, and it can take up to a year for our dopamine receptors to get back to normal.

Your metabolism will also normalise. I always used to say I had a “slow” metabolism, but after a year of sobriety I was able to eat whatever I wanted without putting on weight.

Get Moving! 

When we go alcohol-free, we can’t just sit around and expect miracles. Just as we had to “do the work” to ditch the drink most of us have to “do the work” to lose the weight we gained from decades of drinking. So, make sure you stick to a regular exercise plan and spend at least an hour outdoors every day.

Everyone can manage a daily walk and investing in a Fitbit will ensure that you hit your 10,000 steps every day. Exercise also plays a big role in lifting our mood by producing endorphins. Our bodies will recalibrate and get back into balance more quickly if we keep moving.

If you work from home, a great tip is to get up from your desk every hour and bounce on a mini trampoline – in fact, there are some serious health benefits from this activity!

Intermittent Fasting

Apart from exercising, another way that we can “do the work” is by intermittent fasting which is currently one of the world’s most popular health and fitness trends. People are using it to lose weight, improve their health and simplify their lifestyles. Many studies show that it can have powerful effects on your body and brain and can even help you live longer.

Intermittent fasting is quite simply about restricting your food intake at various periods – not about WHAT you eat but more about WHEN you eat. There are many variations and one of the most popular ones is the 16:8 which allows you an “eating window” of 8 hours, contrasting with a “fasting window” of 16 hours. One of the most exciting benefits of intermittent fasting is that not only does it cleanse our liver, kidneys and colon, but it helps us to heal our bodies by triggering “autophagy.”

When we relieve our bodies of the hard work of digesting our food all day long, they get a chance to do some serious repair work. Autophagy is the process whereby the body repairs damaged cells – and of course, cancer starts with a damaged cell.

Eat Fruit Not Sweets

Alcohol is full of sugar, so many people crave sweets, chocolates and cakes when they quit drinking. Trouble is, sugar is also addictive so it’s easy to transfer your bad habit from booze to sweets! When you long for something sweet, it means that your cells are craving glucose.

In order to satisfy them, you need to eat lots of fresh fruit – and I mean lots. First thing in the morning eat a huge bowl of mangos, water melon, pineapple slices – whatever you can find. Every time you get a craving (for sweets or wine) eat more fruit.

The proof that this works is that in a couple of months the fruit will taste really sweet – which means that your cells have absorbed enough glucose and your cravings should have gone. (If you want to hear the science behind this tip then go to Tribe Sober podcast – episode 31 with natural health expert Mary Anne Shearer).

So, there you have it. Five tips to kickstart your weight loss. Ditch the drink, get moving, eat lots of fruit, try intermittent fasting and above all… be patient.

Tribe Sober enables people to quit drinking and then to go on and thrive in their alcohol-free lives. Staying fit and maintaining a healthy weight is an essential part of thriving.

If you’d like to explore your relationship with alcohol or if you are just “sober curious,” join our FREE 5-day Bootcamp which takes place from February 12th to 16th.

The event takes place in a private Facebook Group and includes daily tasks, trainings and connection. Packed with great advice and live training sessions to get you started (or restarted) on your journey to alcohol-free living!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How many years have you been drinking? Do you drink consistently – a glass or two of wine most evenings? Have you ever tried to take a break to test your dependence? Have you noticed an impact on your looks after a taking a break? Did you lose weight? Do you ever worry about your drinking? Are you aware of the health dangers of alcohol as you get older?

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Erika Girardi’s Green Snake Print Dress

Erika Girardi’s Green Snake Print Dress / Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 13 Episode 14 Fashion

Erika Girardi and her green snake print dress on last night’s #RHOBH were on a roll. Much like the reptile her dress was modeled after, her slick entry into Sutton Stracke’s conversations had me laughing. But the real bold move was when she spilled the tea about Merce in a ziplock bag! And if you are looking to be the talk of dinner like Erika but aren’t exactly sure where the fertile crescent is, you still can be by showing up in one of the dresses below! 🐍

Best in Blonde,

Amanda


Erika Girardi's Green Snake Print Dress

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Originally posted at: Erika Girardi’s Green Snake Print Dress

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Purpose – Are You Finding It or Creating It?

finding or creating purpose

Have you ever noticed how the new year springs from the holidays and then suddenly it’s February? So often I wake up one morning in late January and realize the new year with all its promise of new beginnings is already gaining steam for better or worse.

If you made New Year’s resolutions, how are they going for you? I’ve talked before about ‘inspiration whiplash’ where we get all pumped up to pursue a new goal and then for whatever reason find that a month or two has passed without clear progress towards our goals.

One common goal often attached to the promise of a new year relates to living in one’s purpose – whatever that happens to be! I’ve given that a lot of thought and came across this quote on my Good Earth tea bag! What’s not to like – a great cup of tea and life lessons on a little square of paper – but this one really hit home. I paired the quote with a photo of me and Sapphire, my horse, on a stunning Montana trail; it’s where I do my best pondering.

Finding or Creating

In this case I think back to all the times I would ask myself, “What is my purpose, who am I supposed to be, what path should I take?”

And it wasn’t until I was in my 50s that I finally realized that for me it wasn’t something preordained – something I had to strive to find. It was whatever path I choose.

For better or worse I realized I was systematically creating myself through daily thoughts and actions related to each dimension of wellness: physical, social, emotional, intellectual, vocational, and spiritual.

Some were conscious choices and some were driven more by habit and what I like to call lifestyle inertia – that comfortable rhythm of life we often get into without really examining whether it’s taking us where we want to go – or not!

Deposits or Withdrawals?

So, an interesting question to ponder is, what self are you creating with ongoing deposits and withdrawals in each dimension of wellness? For example, if you think about a simple two-sided scale, what self are you creating physically, socially, and emotionally through your habits compounded over time? What self are you nurturing intellectually, spiritually, and vocationally?

It’s a pretty simple equation. Deposits are positive efforts, i.e., increasing physical activity, nurturing healthy relationships, meditating/managing stress, expanding your mind, nurturing a connection to something greater than self, and expanding and sharing your skills and abilities.

Withdrawals are the opposite. Things that take you further from your desired sense of wellbeing, i.e. settling into a sedentary lifestyle, closing yourself off to healthy relationships, spending hours per evening binge watching shows – more out of habit than anything else! You get the idea!

If Not Now, When?

Is your life simply unfolding in an unconscious way as you habitually go about your daily routine and meet unexpected challenges? Are you consciously waiting for a point in time or a certain milestone or goal to truly live the life you want to live? If so, do you really have to wait? Is there something you could start doing today to begin creating and nurturing the self you want to build?

Another quote I love is from a young lady called Nightbirde who performed on America’s Got Talent. When asked about her terminal cancer diagnosis and why she was there she said, “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”

What More Is There to Say?

Don’t wait until life is perfect, your choices are all inspired, your behaviors match your intentions, you’ve met all your goals, you’re “good enough,” etc. to decide to be happy.

Do your best to live with intention, making more deposits than withdrawals most of the time, and embrace the many moments of joy available along the way. Consciously and habitually choose happiness as you go about creating your life.

Visit Brilliant Aging for more information about how to start making regular deposits into your personal vitality and happiness.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What one thing could you choose today that would bring a smile to your face? Is there a memory you can vividly bring to mind that fills your heart with joy?

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Kyle Richards’ Teal Woven Knot Bag

Kyle Richards’ Teal Woven Knot Bag in Spain / Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 13 Episode 14 Fashion

I’m pumped because we got a solid look at Kyle Richards’ teal woven knot bag on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night! That’s because she held it up perfectly to hide her face from the sights of her laughing at Erika from Sutton’s “erudite” friends. And not only is it good for hiding it’s also the perfect cute accessory to hold your belongings, or maybe even your friend’s ashes.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess


Kyle Richards' Teal Woven Knot Bag

Style Stealers





Originally posted at: Kyle Richards’ Teal Woven Knot Bag

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