Month: March 2024

Retirement is full of promise. We begin with lists, plans, goals… everything we’ve been waiting to do. And off we go!

Then, somewhere along the line, we stall. Or we plateau. Boxes have been checked off. Goals have been met. Inertia sets in.

Or maybe that’s just me? I’m guessing maybe not. We don’t talk a lot about feeling stuck during retirement, but it can certainly happen.

If we’re relatively healthy, we come to realize that retirement has long legs. There’s a lot of retired life to live. So, it’s not surprising that, once the initial bloom of retirement is past, we can reach a point where we start to level off.

This can be slightly baffling and even unsettling. We carry on lest we appear ungrateful (which we’re definitely not). Still, we’re slightly less than… gung ho.

We yearn for inspiration and an old-fashioned jumpstart, which these four suggestions can supply.

Get Real with Yourself

Every jumpstart needs a focus. Don’t dance around what’s at the heart of your dissatisfaction.

Consider what’s working for you… and be honest about what isn’t. List 10 things about your retired life that you truly love. Then list 10 things you absolutely want to change.

Do one of the things you love. 

Take one small step toward making one change. 

Start today.

Repeat as you can.

Imagine the Possibilities

If you can’t dream it, it will never happen. So, we need to let our wildest dreams have some airtime, which can be energizing and just plain fun!

Close your eyes, make a wish, and write that down. Do this five times. No one’s watching; you’re not being graded. Make a few wild wishes and catch a few daring dreams. The sky’s the limit!

If you have trouble opening your mind or heart to this exercise, think back to what you dreamed as a child. There’s information waiting for you there.

Watch for synchronicities or subtle signs that one of your wishes may be a hot track for you to follow. Act on whatever feels right.

Forget Finding Your Passion

If you’ve already found it, I salute you!

If you’re like a lot of us, finding our passion feels a bit daunting. It feels like a big job and a potential obstacle to jumpstarting. So, consider cultivating your curiosity instead. 

Have you ever been on the computer and gone down a rabbit hole, clicking on links that have nothing to do with why you opened Google in the first place? That’s just one example of how our curiosity can grab us.

Make a list of 10 things you’d like to know more about. Bonus points if they have anything to do with your wishes and dreams. You’re already moving into second gear!

Choose one thing from your list and dive deeper. Notice if you lose track of time as you do. That’s a good thing.

Go with It and Go Within

Don’t be frustrated if these three calls to action fail to jumpstart you. We’re conditioned to “do,” and taking action feels very rewarding. But we often just need to be where we are and not do anything.

There’s an inner work to aging that can’t be denied. We must go with that flow.

After years of marching forward, it’s necessary to take time to rest, watch and wait. Spend time outdoors. Cultivate a spiritual practice or any activity that puts you in touch with your wise inner self.

As uncomfortable as the quiet might feel, leaning into it is a necessary component of new beginnings. And a good way to prepare for a jumpstart. Your next steps will be revealed in their own time.

So, take a breath and start when you’re ready. May the next stage of your retired life be the best chapter yet!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Has your retired life ever needed a jumpstart? What did you do to find new inspiration? Let’s have a conversation!

Photo + ID: @drnicolemartin

Originally posted at: Nicole Martin’s Purple Ruffle Hem Dress

If you are anything like me, you recall a time when lively debate was not only welcomed but celebrated – a time when the exchange of ideas was seen as the perfect avenue for growth, learning, and understanding.

Each of us possesses a unique perspective shaped by our personal histories, upbringings, moral compasses, experiences, demographic, and age. We once revered experts in various fields, regardless of whether we agreed with them, recognizing the value in their insights, background, and credentials. We found meaning even in perspectives that challenged our own.

However, with the rise of social media, we’ve witnessed a transformation into a “society of sides.” While we espouse the virtue of tolerance, we often fail to extend that tolerance to those who hold differing views.

In my practice, I encounter this phenomenon daily – the danger of labels and levels – how they can limit our potential and hinder our progress. More and more people are expressing fear of sharing their opinions for fear of offending the delicate sensibilities of our society. In extreme cases, individuals live in terror of being labeled and “canceled.”

This shift is particularly challenging for those in their 50s and beyond, who remember a time when expertise, wisdom, and tolerance were practiced with greater reverence. As a life coach, I often find myself guiding individuals through the complexities of self-discovery and personal growth in this new culture that surrounds us.

The Pervasive Nature of Labels

We are living in a time when labels are part of our everyday narratives. From gender classifications to political affiliations, labels permeate our society, often overshadowing individual complexity and uniqueness. Whether it’s the pressure to conform to societal expectations or the tendency to categorize others based on superficial characteristics, labels shape our perceptions and influence our behavior in profound ways.

The Consequences of Labeling and Leveling

Labels and levels carry significant consequences for our self-esteem and sense of worth. Internalizing these labels can lead to rigid mindsets and hinder personal growth, perpetuating harmful stereotypes and divisions within society. When we allow ourselves to be defined by external labels, we limit our potential and confine ourselves to narrow definitions of success and identity.

Combatting Societal Pressures: Strategies for Self-Discovery

Self-Reflection and Introspection

Take the time to explore your values, passions, and beliefs. Understanding yourself on a deeper level empowers you to resist external pressures and live authentically. Journaling, meditation, and engaging in meaningful conversations with trusted confidants are valuable tools for self-reflection and introspection.

Building Supportive Communities

Surround yourself with individuals who celebrate your uniqueness and encourage you to be your true self. Meaningful connections with like-minded individuals provide strength and solidarity in the face of societal expectations. Seek out communities and organizations that align with your values and interests, and actively participate in activities and events that foster a sense of belonging and acceptance.

Challenging Limiting Beliefs

Learn to recognize and challenge the negative self-talk that may be holding you back. Reframing your perspective and focusing on your strengths enables you to overcome the fear of judgment and embrace your true potential. Practice self-compassion and cultivate a mindset of growth and possibility. Remember that your worth is not determined by external validation or societal standards, but by your inherent value as a unique individual.

Embracing Vulnerability

Allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic in your interactions with others. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly and honestly, and be willing to listen to and learn from others. Vulnerability fosters connection and empathy, creating opportunities for genuine human connection and understanding.

The Dangers of Righteousness: Navigating Moral Compasses

In our quest for meaning and understanding, many of us carve out a moral compass for ourselves, drawing guidance from religion, ideology, or political affiliation. While having a strong moral foundation can provide clarity and direction in our lives, there are inherent dangers in becoming too entrenched in our beliefs. One such peril is the trap of righteousness – the belief that our way of living and thinking is superior to others, and the inclination to judge and impose our ideas and morality onto others.

It’s crucial to acknowledge that while we may hold firm to our beliefs and values, it doesn’t grant us the authority to pass judgment on those who may think or live differently. The danger of righteousness lies in its inherent arrogance and lack of inclusivity. When we become self-righteous, we close ourselves off to the diversity of human experience and diminish the validity of alternative perspectives.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of righteousness, especially when we feel passionate about our beliefs. However, it’s essential to remain mindful and vigilant against the temptation to judge others based on our own moral standards. Instead, we should strive to keep an open heart and mind, embracing empathy and understanding for those who may hold differing viewpoints.

Maintaining humility in the face of our convictions is key to navigating the dangers of righteousness. While it’s important to stand by our principles, we must do so with humility and grace, recognizing that our truth may not be universal.

Striking Out Against Labels and Levels

Challenge Stereotypes

Be proactive in challenging stereotypes and misconceptions, both within yourself and in your interactions with others. Educate yourself about different cultures, identities, and perspectives, and speak out against prejudice and discrimination whenever you encounter it.

Lead by Example

Model authenticity and integrity in your actions and behaviors. Be unapologetically yourself and encourage others to do the same. Embrace your uniqueness and celebrate the diversity of human experience. By living authentically and without apology, you inspire others to do the same.

Promote Empathy and Understanding

Foster empathy and understanding in your interactions with others. Seek to understand different viewpoints and perspectives, even if you don’t agree with them. Practice active listening and engage in meaningful dialogue that encourages mutual respect and empathy.

Be a Catalyst for Change

Use your influence and resources to effect positive change in your community and beyond. Support organizations and initiatives that promote diversity, inclusion, and social justice. Be a vocal advocate for change and use your platform to amplify marginalized voices. By taking a stand against injustice and inequality, you become a powerful force for positive change in the world.

The perils of labels, levels, and righteousness are undeniable in today’s society. But by embracing our uniqueness, challenging societal expectations, and engaging with differing opinions with respect and openness, we can break free from the constraints of labels and levels and live a life of authenticity and fulfillment.

Remember, you are not defined by the labels others assign to you – you are a complex individual with unlimited potential. Embrace your uniqueness, celebrate your journey, and dare to defy the expectations of society.

As a dedicated life coach, devoted to supporting women on their journey of personal renewal, I’m delighted to extend a special offer exclusively to Sixty and Me readers. Until April 15, I’m providing a 20% discount on my Life Coaching services. Just enter the code SIXTYANDME when purchasing a session or package to receive this exclusive community discount.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you consider yourself open-minded? Have you been labeled a certain way or canceled because of your opinions? What strategies have helped you to show that discussing different ideas enriches one’s mind?

It has taken me over 60 years, but I have finally come to understand that you truly cannot take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first.

Just like the safety instructions on an airplane – Put Your Oxygen Mask on First!

I Wanted to Serve Others

My history is the same as it was for most women my age. I was the one who looked after, supported, loved, nurtured, and sacrificed for everyone in my life. Family, friends, husband, children, neighbors, people at work, you name it. Often to my own detriment.

For many years, I felt like I was the only one who could or would do it.

From the bottom of my heart, it made me happy to give everything I had to those that I loved. They didn’t even need to ask. If I saw what seemed to be a need, I did whatever I could to help.

It made me feel valuable as a human being to be of service to others.

What I didn’t realize was that I was not saving some of that compassion for myself. Anything I did that was just for me felt selfish and many of those I had helped were very quick to criticize me for it.

But I Also Needed to Take Care of Myself without Feeling Guilt

Now, looking back, I wonder if the real issue was what I was taking away from them by having something for myself. Those, of course, are the same people who somehow were not available when I needed something.

Slowly but surely, I have pulled away from those people and situations. Creating some distance has helped me to see what I really needed and that was to take care of myself first and then share what I could with others.

Remembering what brings me joy and giving myself permission to have it has been wonderful. I relish those beautiful moments when something new shows up, and I know I am free to explore it.

There are so many things that I love, and now I am taking the time to enjoy them. Something as simple as shutting off my phone while I take a nap, read a book, or write an article feels like a total indulgence. I am no longer available to everyone 24 hours a day. Do Not Disturb has become one of my favorite settings!

I Am Also Learning How to Say No

I do not need to give an explanation or apology when I say no. I want to say it kindly but with conviction, so I’m practicing different ways to politely decline. It is a work in progress after a lifetime of always saying yes. It helps if I just pause before giving an answer to a request. I try to remember that sometimes I need to say no to them to say yes to me.

Another change I am making is how I give. I love to walk into a grocery store and pay for someone’s food or donate to a worthy cause as a gift to my grandchildren. There are so many people in need and so many ways that any kindness I can show fills my heart with joy and appreciation.

The real beauty of making myself a priority is that I have so much more to give. I feel nourished and abundant in ways that I never imagined.

My sense of self-worth is no longer tied to what others need from me; it is simply what I deserve for myself.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been the person everyone turns to for help? Are you able to say no to requests or do you say yes even when it depletes you? How do you take care of yourself? Share your stories and join the conversation!

I am essentially a planner, but I love spontaneous events. There is something wild and wonderful about an unplanned experience in your life, such as a short trip that takes you away from your daily routine.

But I went to Italy about four weeks ago, and it gave me a real lift. A mixture of the inherent pleasure in being there and the brief interruption to my quotidian life (“a change is as good as a rest” and all that).

The Birthday Phone Call

It all happened as a result of a phone call on my birthday in mid-February. A very old friend, an Italian woman from Turin, phoned to wish me well. So far so normal.

But in the course of the conversation, she mentioned that she was feeling somewhat low for a series of reasons. I knew that both she and her husband had non-trivial medical problems and assumed this was part of the issue.

Discussing our conversation with my husband awhile later, he said unexpectedly, “Why don’t you go visit her for a few days? That might be good for both of you.” What a lovely idea.

The thought had never crossed my mind. But it is not that far. About an hour and a half by plane from London where we live. Yes, it was possible.

I love travelling but have been almost nowhere since before the pandemic, because said husband has not been too well, and I never wanted to be too distant in case of need. But he has been much better recently. Yes, I thought, it really was possible.

Of course, I had to check with my friend to see if a sudden visitor would be more of an imposition than a joy, but no, she was delighted at the idea. She suggested that they would both be free in about 10 days and so the trip began to take shape.

The Trip

So, in late February, two weeks after the phone call, I found myself on a plane to Turin and a subsequent train into the city. And there she was, with her husband, at the station to greet me.

We have known each other for over 40 years, spoken frequently over the telephone, but had not seen each other for close to a decade. How completely amazing.

And we passed a very enjoyable four days. We walked and walked around Turin. Although it never stopped raining (the one less-than-ideal aspect of the trip), it is a city of colonnades, so we could do that without becoming soaked.

We took in the occasional tourist attraction, like the famous cinema museum which sits within one of the strangest buildings I have ever been in, known as ‘le mole’ (which means ‘monumental building’).

We went out to eat and everything was delicious. When we didn’t, it transpired that her husband was a wonderful cook. I felt so well looked after. Indeed, I said I would rate him on Trip Advisor.

And, of course, we talked and talked. We always did. But it was usually on the phone. Now, we were arm in arm, looking at the shops and sights of Turin.

And, best of all, she wasn’t really low after all. Yes, she had had some immediate concerns at the time of our phone call, but they were both essentially doing well. I wondered if she had said she was fine at that time, whether the visit would ever have happened.

All so very unexpected. And delightful.

Coming Home

Of course, visits of four days are quickly over. I found myself all too soon on the train back to the airport.

But I came home very refreshed. I had experienced the pleasure of a warm friend and a complete change of scenery. My husband was doing fine.

And there was something special about the fact it had all been arranged and effected so quickly. It gave it an almost fairy-tale quality.

I highly recommend a brief change from your day-to-day life. It can do wonders.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you made any sudden visits recently? Where did you go and who did you see? What was the impact on your life?