Month: March 2024

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Originally posted at: Ciara Miller’s Purple One Shoulder Bikini Set

Photo: @camwimberly1

Originally posted at: Cameran Eubanks’ Blue Poppy V Neck Maxi Dress

Second marriages are often a second chance at love and tend to draw on the wisdom gained from prior experiences. There are plenty of reasons why couples choose to remarry after divorce or the loss of a spouse. Love and companionship remain the leading reasons people decide to get married. However, beyond love, there are practical considerations such as increased health, better finances, and lower poverty rates that often motivate individuals to remarry.

Those entering into a second marriage often bring valuable insights from their past relationships, allowing them to navigate potential pitfalls more proficiently. By reflecting on past mistakes and understanding their own needs and boundaries more adequately, spouses can actively work towards building a stronger and more fulfilling partnership the second time around.

Many times, those who choose to marry for a second time opt to prepare a prenuptial agreement, which is a practical tool that clarifies financial matters and protects assets. Prenuptial agreements also serve as a means for couples to communicate openly about expectations and responsibilities. They foster transparency and trust, contributing to the overall stability and longevity of the marriage.

Benefits of Prenuptial Agreements in Second Marriages

Opting to produce a prenuptial agreement for a second marriage can provide couples with various advantages. These agreements offer a structured way to discuss and clarify financial matters, allowing both partners to make sure they are on the same page regarding their assets, debts, and future financial plans.

Prenuptial agreements can also help establish clear expectations and boundaries within the marriage, allowing open communication and trust between partners. Some of the more common benefits include the following.

Protect Your Retirement

Marrying later in life often entails a different set of considerations compared to marrying in one’s 20s. By this point, individuals have likely established careers, acquired various assets, and accumulated wisdom through life experiences. For those with children from previous marriages, the thought of potential conflicts over assets, such as retirement plans, with a new spouse can be concerning. In such cases, it’s prudent to consider drafting a prenuptial agreement with one’s soon-to-be spouse.

Alongside planning the wedding, couples who choose to marry for a second time may find themselves contemplating their long-awaited retirement. However, with retirement planning comes the need to safeguard hard-earned savings. While premarital assets are typically considered separate in divorce proceedings, it remains crucial to protect retirement funds that are acquired during the second marriage.

Even if retirement is still a decade or more away, any income or pension earned during the marriage could be deemed jointly owned and therefore will be split between both spouses. Given that generating new income after the age of 65 becomes more challenging, protecting retirement savings becomes even more important. Therefore, couples preparing for a second marriage and looking towards retirement need a prenuptial agreement that can offer retirement savings protection for their financial future.

Protect Your Children’s Inheritance

Creating a prenuptial agreement for a second marriage is not only practical but can also be crucial for protecting your children’s inheritance. While you may feel confident in your ability to maintain financial independence and harmony within your marriage, the reality is that disputes over property, especially in cases involving children from prior marriages, are all too common.

In some cases, when a spouse dies, their partner will think they are entitled to what they shared, and not their spouse’s children from a previous marriage. In such scenarios, a prenuptial agreement serves as a vital estate planning tool, clearly outlining how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. This becomes particularly pertinent if one or both spouses have children from earlier relationships.

Without proper planning, various state laws could dictate that your entire estate goes to your surviving spouse, potentially leaving your children with nothing. Therefore, having both a trust and a prenuptial agreement can safeguard your children’s inheritance and prevent potential conflicts between your spouse and your children over assets after you are gone.

Ensures Spouses Are on the Same Page

Creating a prenuptial agreement for a second marriage is beneficial for ensuring that both spouses are on the same page. A prenup is a reflection of the promises made to each other, affirming that the marriage is based on love and respect rather than financial gain.

This legal document not only alleviates the concerns of family members but also demonstrates that the new relationship is grounded in mutual support and understanding. The process of drafting a prenuptial agreement also encourages open and honest communication between partners. It provides an opportunity to discuss values, fears, and expectations, ultimately strengthening the relationship and laying a foundation of trust and transparency that will benefit the marriage in all aspects.

Provides Peace of Mind

Creating a prenuptial agreement for a second marriage offers significant benefits for our peace of mind. It provides a sense of security and clarity regarding financial matters, allowing both partners’ assets and interests to be protected. With a prenup in place, there’s a clear understanding of how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or separation, alleviating uncertainty and potential future conflicts.

This peace of mind allows couples to focus more on building a strong and fulfilling relationship, knowing that their financial future is safeguarded. A prenuptial agreement can also help mitigate stress and anxiety associated with the unknown, providing a solid foundation for trust and transparency within the marriage. Overall, having a prenup in a second marriage offers peace of mind by addressing potential financial complexities and promoting open communication between partners.

Further read FINANCIAL ADVICE FOR WIDOWS: WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU REMARRY.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think a prenuptial agreement can be a solid basis for a second marriage? Would you consider signing one if you were to marry again? What assets would you protect?

“I lost my mom, my brother, my sister, and my dog all in a four-year time span,” began Starr. “I went into survival mode to manage all of it, and then 2020 hit. I remember looking in the mirror and deciding that with all that loss, self-loathing, and self-medicating, I wanted to live.”

Can you relate to that moment of clarity when you realize that, despite the challenges and pain, you deserve to thrive and embrace life in its fullness?

It’s at those tremendously challenging times that we make life-altering choices that either derail us, or send us down a road of renewal and metamorphosis. When I met Starr, I saw the incredible strength in her choice to live. I saw it in her eyes and in her aliveness to plunge into seemingly overwhelming situations like moving to a foreign country, learning another language, and becoming fit and healthy at 68 years old.

That’s when I asked if she would sit in my makeup chair and tell her story. Happily, she agreed.

How did she get here from life as an art director for a major company while caretaking everyone else except herself, a mind-numbing divorce, and an international move? (And how can you make-up your eyes to look like hers?)

Let’s take a journey together into Starr’s life-changing transformation!

How to Receive Forgiveness and Let Go

As I started to apply Starr’s makeup, I asked how she moved through losing so many close relatives, a pet (which can be just as hard), and a divorce?

“I knew if I wanted to live, I had to forgive myself and my childhood. I was my mother and sisters’ caretaker, so I never learned how to listen to my own voice and guidance. I became a disconnected rescuer, and this habit influenced every area of my life.”

I was astounded that when these revelations hit her, she was able to acknowledge their truth and make changes that she couldn’t make earlier in life. It was an about-face, a 360-degree turn around when she could’ve been wallowing in self-pity and grief. As she forgave, she began to be able to receive love, acceptance, and joy from herself and those around her.

48 Pounds Lighter, One Step at a Time

“How did you lose that much weight?” I asked as I worked on her bronzer.

“I actually knew what to do to lose the weight. I knew it, I just didn’t do it. To help me, though, I hired a dietician so that I lost the weight in a healthy way while adding fitness and the mental aspect of self-approval and care to my agenda.” The mental space of making such huge changes to our lives can be more important (and difficult) than the practicality of eating right and exercise.”

“I had gotten so negative, and so full of anger that I had to work really hard on my thinking,” Starr continued. “It was hard, but I wasn’t going back to how I had been. I knew that road, and I wasn’t going down it.” Slowly, and with deliberation, Starr changed her diet, stopped drinking (her dad was an alcoholic and she didn’t want to end up like him), and began taking time out for physical exercise.

“It was 2020 when I began to lose the weight, so there was nowhere to go, and nothing to do besides focus on myself – something I had never done. All my relationships were caretaking relationships, so not having anyone else to look after was very helpful.”

Time for Change: The Move to Ecuador

“To me, being in the US felt like a million voices talking at me so that I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. I felt if I was to work on myself and listen to my higher guidance, I had to leave the country,” said Starr. For many of us, this would be a drastic step away from the familiar people, places, and culture around us. For Starr, it was survival.

“I didn’t research for long, I just found Cuenca, Ecuador, and knew that was where I wanted to be.” To me, Starr seems like a person who, at long last, is doing not only what she wants to do, but also what she is meant to do. It’s as if, after a lifetime of running, she stuck her head up out of the mayhem, and felt at home with her life and choices.

“Being in Cuenca is magical. I love it here, and when I was ready to find an apartment, the perfect one showed up. It’s like life is giving and I can now receive.” After celebrating her one-year anniversary in Ecuador, Starr is just getting started.

Beyond Grief and Life Abroad

“I am still grieving the loss of my family,” Starr confessed. “As I adjust to life in Ecuador, make friends, and feel settled, I am able to relax and move through the sadness.” Perhaps this is the hardest leap when anyone moves abroad; will I make lifelong friendships and meet people I trust? Will I be homesick and lonely?

In Starr’s case, the near 10,000 strong expat community provides a welcome support system, a plethora of fun activities, and a gang of likeminded travelers to enjoy. Her complete about-face in life has opened her up to a fresh start and renewed perspective on life and what it means to be happy.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and had a deep revelation like Starr? It can be terrifying, and also cause powerful changes and renewal, not to mention a really wonderful new makeup and hair look!

Together, let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation, inspired by Starr’s remarkable resilience and unwavering spirit.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is the best decision you made in your life? Where did that decision take you? What obstacles and challenges did you conquer along the way? Were the physical or mental ones the more difficult?

Retirement Syndrome is a term used globally to describe the common feelings one might have upon retirement: disorientation, loss of purpose and identity, the fear of too much time on one’s hands, and possible feelings of isolation. It is estimated that 1 in 3 retirees suffer from these transition difficulties and struggle to adjust. Many of us a few years down the road in retirement might experience some of these feelings periodically, even with a new life plan in place.

Finding One’s Purpose in Retirement

Endless books and posts suggest the same menu for “finding meaning” in one’s later years: hobbies, volunteer work, travel, part-time jobs, exercise, engagements with friends and family, and giving in to leisure pursuits. The reason they are so universal is because they work!

However, there are many hours in the day when we are not actively engaging in such realms. That is when the mind begins to wander and question our purpose in later life. This is a very important issue, because “purpose” is directly connected to one’s health.

Viktor Frankl, an Unlikely Retirement Guru

Recently, I traveled to Eastern Europe to visit my maternal roots. I wrote about this life changing experience on Sixty and Me in my article, “Ancestry Travel: A Sobering Experience.” Besides reorganizing how I now feel about my place in the world, upon returning home I watched Schindler’s List with new eyes, and read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning for the first time – how could I have missed it?

Although many in my cultural community recommended it, I hadn’t read the book. I thought it would be a depressing rehash of the Holocaust from one man’s point of view.

I WAS WRONG!!!!!

Viktor Frankl was a Viennese psychologist of the same caliber as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. His book takes an objective look at the issue of survival from the point of view of a trained psychologist. Of course, unspeakable hardships are described, but the feel of the book is one of absolute positivity. Frankl describes his survival through the strategies of optimism, humor, psychological detachment, brief moments of solitude, steely resolve, and appreciation of nature and art.

How Do All People Make Meaning of Their Lives?

In Man’s Search for Meaning, I found strategies and validation for many issues relevant to retirees. I now feel much more comfortable in my “mature” skin. The crux of this book is to convey the three ways people of all ages make meaning: through love, work, and turning personal challenges into triumphs. Thankfully, we are not residents of Auschwitz, so our challenges are on a different plane, but they exist for everyone.

Frankl’s theory and therapeutic approach is called Logotherapy. He posits through his experience at Auschwitz and as an in-patient Viennese therapist for all age groups, including those addicted to drugs and alcohol, that finding meaning in life is the route to mental health. Without such a purpose, the results are dire. Without goals, there is a loss of faith in the future. According to Nietzsche, “he who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Time to Take Some Bows

Frankl’s ideas which are particularly relevant to those of us in our later years include taking pride in what we have already accomplished. He sees older age as a “harvest of life: deeds done, loves loved, suffering overcome.” The young should envy the old because our “potentialities have been actualized, our meanings fulfilled, and our values have been realized.”

Other gems for those of us in need for a change in perspective include understanding that the meaning of one’s life varies from person to person, day to day and hour to hour. Our lives are like a “film composed of many scenes.” It is every individual’s responsibility to act upon impulses towards life’s varied meanings. “No power can take away” what we’ve experienced. This is a particular challenge because modern society values unending achievement and usefulness.

There Is Work to Be Done

In a similar vein, Richard Leider and David Shapiro, in their book Who Do You Want to Be When you Grow Old?explore the same terrain. They invite us to answer the question, “Why do you get up in the morning?” They propose that purpose, unfortunately, does not reveal itself. It unfolds over time and changes with age.

Purpose doesn’t have to be something monumental. There are thousands of opportunities each day to commit to something “other than oneself.” In Viktor Frankl’s words: “the meaning of your life is to help others find the meaning of theirs.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What situations create feelings of confusion about your purpose in life? How have you been able to find purpose at this stage of life? Have you found guidance in any particular books?