Photo + ID: @melissagorga

Originally posted at: Melissa Gorga’s Blue Open Knit Fringe Midi Skirt Set 

Sylvi lived in a forested town by a river with her menagerie of animals, a dog, two cats, and the many wild birds and squirrels that had come to love her daily attention. She was approaching her 73rd year, and as she reflected on her past, especially since the death of her husband nearly a decade ago, she perceived something extraordinary about herself, hidden until now.

Thinking back to her younger years, she’d been a whirlwind of activity, raising three children, working in the family business, and participating socially and culturally in her community. She took pride in her organizational skills – knowing exactly where everything was – and her sharp memory, never missing a birthday or failing to take into account the culinary preferences of her frequent guests.

She Noticed a Series of Changes

Recently, she’d noticed gradual changes in her way of being. She noticed that she was becoming less particular about remembering details – dates, names, titles. While the opinions of others, the latest happenings, and even the holidays had once seemed so important, they no longer held as much significance.

She wasn’t pursuing new relationships because she had a circle of trusted friends, but if an acquaintance blossomed in due course into a closer connection, she would welcome it. She also noticed how good it felt to slow down in the midst of whatever she was doing and with a cup of English tea let her thoughts find a quiet refuge. A wave of intuition might wash over her unpredictably.

At first Sylvi had resisted these incremental changes. It could be annoying when she forgot the lyrics to a favorite oldie-but-goodie or when she couldn’t remember where she’d left her keys. Why constantly reprimand herself that she wasn’t able to keep it entirely in her head these days – did she actually need to?

She could easily look up the words of the song on the Internet, and she’d make a mental note to put her keys directly in their usual spot first thing upon returning. Why dampen her spirit over this? Better to learn to accept some forgetfulness in a brain that was already overloaded with information, much of it trivial, and to improvise a solution.

An Expanding Mind

Then one evening while out in the garden admiring the golden light as the sun set over the mountain, she had an epiphany. No, her mind was not betraying her – it was expanding, synthesizing, and making sense of the whole picture, finding context for all she had experienced in an effort to discover her life’s elusive pattern. Could it be that this was a natural human tendency as one ages, and if so, did she have the courage to let her mind move in that direction?                                                                                           

She understood the wisdom of consciously allowing previous sufferings – even the egregious “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – to fade. How important were they to her today? She was no longer the person she once was and had no wish to relive those times in the same manner she had experienced the events then (even if that were possible). She’d also come to realize profoundly how unreliable and selective memory can be.

We Are Complex Creatures

Moreover, her heart’s desires for adventure, love, and children had magnanimously come to fruition, gifts for which she was exceedingly thankful as they had not only filled her with joy but softened the edges of her earlier hardships.

To be fair, she was no saint herself. She’d made plenty of mistakes, not willfully or maliciously, but nonetheless their effects had hurt other people. In admitting this almost confessionally, she released the internal judgmental dialogue and felt a gentle welling of compassion. Truly, human beings are complex creatures; even one’s most intimate friends retain a mystery.

And strangely, aligning herself with the natural flow, like swimming with the current, had not negated the pain she had weathered. Instead, it had given pain its proper value in her life’s pattern. Past afflictions did not exclusively define her. They were not the sole cause of who she had become.

That they had been threads, yes, this is true, but influences too innumerable to calculate or even imagine had been simultaneously at play. Additionally, she’d observed how those who overlooked these vital factors had remained in a seemingly endless search for meaningful resolution.

And so, without resistance, Sylvi settled in.

It was getting dark and her cats were calling for dinner. Her small dog, tail wagging, followed her alongside as they made their way home to the movement of the river.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think aging narrows your mind or expands it? In what ways? What hardships have defined your life? How have they helped you grow and develop?

When you think about freedom and ageing well, what pops into your mind? Is freedom an oxymoron or can you step into an even greater personal power in your 60s and beyond? 

Over the years of work with my clients, I’ve noticed a pattern when it comes to unlocking personal freedom and ageing well. Here are the 3 keys to freedom that I have identified:

Don’t Worry

Many of us worry how well we will fare when we grow older. Will we act similarly to our parents, perhaps? Experience same problems and illnesses? It’s inevitable, really, to worry or wonder what might or will happen to us as we enter our 60s and beyond.

Of course, most of us are pleasantly surprised because through wisdom and experience we learn a vital freedom-rich secret, which is not to worry. That it is what it is.

In fact, take note of this lovely Tibetan saying: “If you can do something about it, then why worry? And if you can’t do anything about it, then why worry?”

Actually, it makes sense because it’s impossible to second-guess others. On average, we have 60,000 thoughts going around in our minds in any 24 hours, so how can we know what other people are thinking about us?

As importantly, if you really want to think about it, how many of us can discern every thought that goes around in our very own minds at any given time?

One of the ways we learn how to move into this freedom from restriction is to discern the difference between expectations and reality.

Many of us juggle the balls of work and home life where we can be restricted by expectations from others as well as our own. Along the way, we worry about ‘fitting in.’ Especially if we’re climbing up the slippery – and political – career ladder and trying to have time off for children.

As we aim high in our expectations, we find ourselves not wanting to “rock the boat.” After all, juggling work and home life takes a set of expert skills! As our work and home life change in our 40s and 50s, now’s the time to expand our freedom.

It Can Begin with Taking Your Personal Power Back

You no longer need to walk on eggshells, worrying about what people think. In fact, if you must worry at all, worry about where your own freedom is restricted. Begin with asking for what you want because you are worth it.

After all these years, it should now be about your own self-worth, living by your own set of values. If you are a caring and sensitive soul, let’s be very clear: it is a fact that we cannot nurture others from a dry well!

As we all move through the gateway into our sixth decade, there are vital secrets we need to know and learn in order to enhance our personal power and thus age well. One vital key is learning to live in the moment, with the first step being not to worry.

This is what the gateway into your sixth decade is all about: moving into a greater sense of your own self.

Be True to Your Dreams

Are you following what makes your heart sing? Are you in alignment with the dreams of your earliest years? Life has a way of taking us everywhere but where our heart really lies – in that special and sacred space where we can lose ourselves in joy, peace and creativity.

Two clients of mine, with a combined age (wisdom and experience) of 128 years, recently began a new business together. Their hearts were calling to them and they wanted to revolt against the expectation that when you’re in your 60s or older, work will cease.

But instead, they were setting up a new business! They told me they could identify with their childhood dreams, and in opening up to them, they were experiencing a new surge of energy.

I see this pattern again and again: a person’s working career may take them into law or engineering, yet on the inside they have always been an artist. Poetry, painting, writing, any form of self-expression is what makes their heart beat.

This is exactly how my clients were looking at their lives right now. They were honouring the artist inside of them.

When we listen to our hearts and our dreams and act upon them, our payback will be more energy and vitality. My clients’ power of self-determination was giving them their longed for freedom to be in alignment with their childhood dreams.

Remember: It Is What It Is, and I Am Who I Am

Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones gave an interview where he said, “When I reach an age where I’m unable to look after myself easily, don’t assume I’ll want to be taken on outings with others of a similar age. No, I’ll want my independence to the end, marijuana on tap; and any carers will need to be young, pretty and with short skirts!”

OK, so we might not all subscribe to Bill Wyman’s vision, but at least his view was a humorous one, where having fun and maintaining independence were high up on his list.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What pops into your mind when you think of freedom and aging well? I’m curious to hear your thoughts, so please join the conversation!

Originally posted at: Caroline Brooks’ White One Shoulder Crop Top & Skirt Set

In my previous Sixty + Me blog about owning a second home as an investment or for income, I provided information about the costs involved. But what about the costs of simply living in a second home?

Costs for Both Owner and Renters

While renters and owners have some differing costs, they have some types of costs in common.

Upkeep on Two Homes

Adding a second home means double costs in areas such as mortgages, taxes, insurance, maintenance, and utilities.

You also need to maintain the primary home while you’re away. Suppose a water heater started leaking in your absence. This must be fixed quickly to avoid even higher water damage costs. You’ll also need to consider outdoor maintenance like lawn mowing and snow removal.

Travel

How do you plan to travel to and from your second home? Transportation costs, both time and money, need to be factored in.

Transportation

How will you get around at your second home? If you drive back and forth, you’ve got this covered. However, you could also ship your car to the second home. Shipping costs differ based on distance and service level. For example, shipping a mid-sized SUV from Detroit, MI, to Tampa, FL, could cost anywhere from $1,300 to $1,900. Your price will be on the lower end of the range if you have flexibility regarding pickup/drop-off dates. Prices will be higher if you’re less flexible on dates or ship in an enclosed carrier.

Another option is to purchase a vehicle at the second home location. However, you’ll face all the costs of owning a second vehicle plus you’ll need to store it when you’re gone.

Finally, if you plan to rent a vehicle at your second home, do your homework to find the best rates well in advance.

Comparing the costs of driving yourself, shipping, buying another car, or renting will help you decide which alternative best suits your situation.

Furnishing and Other Living Items

If you buy or rent a furnished home, acquiring furniture and decorating items is not an issue. However, if you do not already have everything from vacuum cleaners to kitchenware to electronics, you may still need to acquire them.

Main Home Sitters

While you’re away, it might make sense to arrange for a house sitter. In doing so, you’ll have peace of mind knowing your main house is secure, plants are watered and fish are fed. Some live-in house sitters will cost zero dollars if they can live there rent-free. Otherwise, you’ll need to do internet research or seek referrals from trusted sources to find a reliable sitter at a reasonable price.

Costs for a Rented Second Home

I covered the pros and cons of renting versus buying in another Sixty + Me blog, where I noted several of the second home rental costs. Monthly rental payments are the most obvious cost, but renters also have two other essential costs.

Up-Front Costs

Each time you’re in the market for a new rental, you’ll need to research properties and then meet the landlord’s qualifications. Costs can include application fees, credit reports, security deposits, first/last month’s rent and pet deposits.

Storage Unit

When your rental period ends and you plan to return next year, all your stuff must be hauled back to the primary residence or stored. Landlords sometimes provide storage options for long-term renters. If not, you’ll need to contract for storage space somewhere nearby.

Costs for an Owned Second Home

If the second home is not being used as an investment and income-generating asset, there are costs for simply owning a place to live.

Purchasing/Selling

There are expenses for real estate agent fees, closing costs, appraisal fees, etc.

It’s important to note that interest rates for second homes are typically higher than for primary home mortgages. There may also be higher down payment requirements. Learning as much as possible about your target location and working with an experienced local real estate agent could avoid many headaches. Getting pre-approved for a mortgage will also simplify things.

Taxes

Property taxes and any state or local taxes may arise from owning the second home, in addition to the taxes you’re already paying on your main home.

Mortgage interest on a second home can be deducted, assuming it meets the same rules for deductible interest as on your main home. There are rules on how much interest you can deduct, so refer to IRS and state publications for more information.

Utilities

Electricity, gas, telephone landline and internet will all be monthly second home costs.

Insurance

Homeowner insurance is a must and is contractually required if the property is mortgaged.

Maintenance

Regular maintenance of the second home’s interior and exterior preserves the property’s value.

HOA Fees

Many second homeowners buy in communities with a Homeowner Association (HOA). Monthly HOA fees vary based on the size of the overall property and the amenities offered.

Conclusion

Making the dream of a second home a reality starts with determining whether you can afford it. Carefully consider all the costs involved so you can choose the options that will work best for your unique situation.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What costs do you consider when buying a property? What about renting? Do you look at pros and cons when it comes to possible costs? Which costs on your second property could you go without?