Month: July 2024

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The intensity and frequency of threatening events over the past few months has had a profound impact on me. Collectively, we seem to be humming at a higher level of stress that reflects a growing feeling that the world we once thought predicable and stable may not be that way at all. It’s as if we woke up in Kansas, instead of Oz.

For 30 years, I worked exclusively with aging adults in my psychology practice. For the most part, folks came to me to explore managing feelings of loneliness, purposelessness, being invisible, and dealing with physical pain and loss of functioning.

In 2018, though, the conversations turned to seeking safety. That was when a series of wildfires decimated much of northern California. These were followed by other environmental catastrophes. All of which impacted older adults in ways no one had ever seen before. And then came COVID. Wave after wave of stress and distress.

It’s One Thing After Another!

Here we are in 2024 and things haven’t eased up one bit! All of us are experiencing heightened levels of vulnerability. What has changed, however, is our capacity for managing the stress. That has diminished.

Back in 2018, many of my friends worried about finding and keeping a safe place to live. Others stressed about keeping older cars running so they could make it to doctor’s appointments and do their shopping.

I remember folks expressed sadness and regret over the lack of quality relationships with their children and grandchildren. Others shared that they were afraid to walk in their neighborhoods because they might fall due to poor maintenance of walkways and roads.

Helplessness and Worry

Here’s the thing about helplessness and worry – the experience is uncomfortable and unwanted; but it is not unfamiliar. Back in 1941, the United States was working its way out of the worst depression it had ever seen. Franklin Delano Roosevelt gave an inspiring speech, intended to address the vulnerability felt by our nation at that time. It became known as the “Four Freedoms.”

Four Freedoms Today

Roosevelt’s four freedoms were freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want, and freedom from fear. While the President’s goal was political, his speech elevated these freedoms to a loftier notion that has resonated in many different ways over the decades, and resulted in enshrining these values in government programs, i.e., Social Security and Medicare.

Freedom of Speech Today

What does it mean to be able to speak freely in our nation today? A friend is afraid to let her physician know how much pain she is in because she uses Oxycontin and doesn’t want to be labeled as an addict. Another is afraid to speak up about the harassment from her building manager because that person can have her evicted. But it goes further. The greatest challenge we currently face is feeling safe enough to disagree with one another.

Freedom of Worship Today

What does it mean to be able to worship freely? We are seeing a resurgence of religious intolerance and labeling people based on who they choose to pray to. For many older adults, getting to the church, synagogue, ashram, or mosque they worship at is problematic because of lack of transportation or accommodation for hearing and sight-impaired worshipers.

Freedom from Want Today

Probably the greatest concern for people I know is economic insecurity. So many rely on Social Security alone and have to depend on supplemental housing vouchers, food distribution, and medical care. Threats to their well-being now come regularly. Limitations on services, underfunding of programs, lack of qualified staff, complicated and obtuse requirements for eligibility, all are seemingly insurmountable barriers leaving them feeling hopeless and alone.

Freedom from Fear Today

Many aging adults fear for their future because it can be taken away so easily. Ageism pervades our society, turning individuals who remain vital and have things to contribute into marginalized observers. While this is beginning to change, there are many vulnerable aging adults who are barely hanging on. We have seen the enemy, and it is us.

We Can Do Better!

Cumulative stress and fear often lead to inaction – people feel frozen and unable to make decisions. To address this, we need to start with ourselves. We need to acknowledge that things are not what they should be. Sometimes this is the hardest part.

It is as if saying out loud that things are bad will somehow offend the gods, and we will be punished for revealing the truth! Ironically, the opposite is often true. By stating (or writing) “I am scared!” (or whatever you are calling your fear or distress), it frees it from our inner dungeon. Once outside of the inner gerbil wheel of anxiety, it is much more easily managed and dealt with.

Taking Positive Action  

Make a decision to do something positive for yourself. Take action on a small scale – make a gratitude list, tell someone a joke, say a kind word, offer a hug. If these are things that are easy for you, do more of them. If they are difficult, try something that makes you feel good first, then share that experience with someone else.

Cumulative stress and fear often lead to withdrawal. If you are disconnected from things that bring you a sense of joy, purpose, or delight, make a list of what you would do to change that. It might be as simple as listening to a favorite piece of music or going for a walk. Once you have that list, identify three action steps you can take today to manifest those things in your life.

Never Turn Your Back on the Waves

I can be easily overwhelmed by the enormity of what is being asked of me from day to day. To manage my overwhelm, I often imagine myself at the beach. Somedays, the ocean is calm, and the waves gently massage the shore. Other days, the ocean’s waves are enormous, and I need to retreat a bit further up the sand, in order to not be swept away. Either way, the advice I have always been given is never turn your back on the waves.

Top Image: Hana Beach (photo credit: Mary L. Flett).

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which of the four freedoms have been violated for you with age? Do you feel free to live your life, or are you fearful? How do you manage anxiety due to aging?

Whoops, I did it again. I got totally out of shape. Not partly, not a little, my whole body. My hamstrings, my calves, my shoulders and my biceps, my core muscles, my ankles and feet, and well my entire balance is off-balance. It’s hard for me to bend and squat and walk up or down the stairs. It’s been a slow decline, dating back to Covid days.

Over those years, there was some stretching and a lot of kvetching. Kvetch – from my Grandma’s native tongue Yiddish – is a person who complains a great deal. Like most Yiddish words it is a multifaceted complicated word; Kvetch, encompassing moan, grumble, whine, and all forms and degrees of complaining. I am guilty, I complained and did nothing about it.

And then summer came around again, and even that isn’t the motivator it once was. A few stylish loose dresses, a great new hairstyle, some big statement sunglasses, and I was set. Nothing could motivate me out of this malaise to get back into shape.

Just to set the record straight, I exercised my whole life. I was a City girl; it was part of my routine. Over my six-plus decades, I changed with the times, swimming, aerobics, step-class, cross-training, TRX, Zumba, and Pilates (which I fully credit with no height shrinkage yet). And yet to no avail, nothing was working.

The adage says: Move a muscle, change a thought. I decided, when all else fails, to start backward, Change a thought, and move a muscle. What idea would motivate me?

Humor! It always does the trick. When I can laugh at myself and be truly honest about my situation and my lack of intent, I can change it.

My Exercise of Choice

I share with you my prescription for getting back into shape with Yoga:

Drug Name: Yoga Exercise

Generic Names: Bend & Pretend; Sweat Sesh; Pain & Gain; Zen & Tonic; Stretch and Kvetch; Jog of Shame; Huff and Puff; Muscle Hustle.

Brand Names: Yoga Practice; Yoga Session; Yoga Class; Yoga.

Patient Information

• Name: Sofa Siren
• Age: 63 and one-half years old
• Health: Overall average health, limited medications. Physical strength waning. A former city dweller who walked 10,000 steps per day now drives everywhere. Mostly retired, volunteers, writes, and primarily sits on the sofa as her base of operations.
• Clothing Size: All clothes are medium or size 10, but she is closer to a generous 12 and a large.
• Lifestyle: Cultivated lifestyle where most items needed are within reach, avoiding bending, lifting, or extensive physical work. Gardening is done on raised beds, and the heaviest item lifted (approximately 6 pounds) is the watering can, which is not lifted higher than waist level.

Primary Objective

• Stop being a lazy couch potato.
• Enhance physical and mental well-being through structured physical activity.
• Gain the dual benefits of exercise to promote physical fitness and mental health to increase self-esteem, and the ability to perform daily activities.
• Increase the ability to look in the mirror and smile.

Usage Instructions

• One-hour sessions, at least five times per week.
• Sessions may be split into two 30-minute periods, but not for more than three consecutive days in a row.
• Light equipment is advised, including yoga blocks, stretch bands, and 3-to-5 lb. weights.
• Walking to the refrigerator or bathroom does not count towards the exercise goal, nor does a shopping marathon at Home Depot, Costco, or T.J. Maxx.

Possible Side Effects

• Improved mental health and increased self-esteem.
• Enhanced physical readiness for intimacy.
• Ability to fit into clothes that are already in the closet.
• Increased energy levels and combatting feelings of fatigue.
• Boosted mood, reduced stress, and alleviated symptoms of anxiety and depression.
• Promoted better sleep quality and regulated sleep patterns.
• Enhanced cognitive function.
• Aid in weight management by burning calories and increasing metabolism.

Drug Interactions

• Counter indicated with cookies, even gluten-free Oreos.
• Wings from that place in town with the best homemade blue cheese may cause sluggishness.
• Chinese food, particularly dumplings and scallion pancakes, may make you sleepy and more passive in meeting your exercise schedule.

Precautions

Ensure exercise equipment is put away when not in use. Tripping over yoga mats or stepping on yoga blocks can cause temporary conditions that hinder daily medication intake.

Allergies

Avoid performing downward dog if you have a history of vertigo or dizziness.

Storage Instructions

Store in plain sight to encourage adherence to the exercise schedule.

Missed Dose Instructions

If you miss a dose due to a scheduling conflict, be sure to schedule a make-up session on the same day.

Overdose Instructions

In the unlikely event of an overdose (exercising more than one hour per day, every day for three consecutive weeks), take one day off and then take the prescribed dose every other day for one week before resuming the regular schedule.

Additional Information

• Use a “throw your hat over the fence” strategy: tell others about your exercise plan to stay committed.
• Block out time on your calendar, avoid overbooking activities, and resist the temptation to blame others for not sticking to the schedule.

Actions to Also Include:

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Write a funny piece like I did so you can laugh at the steps ahead and be ready to take on the old challenge in a new way. A good attitude is key to a changed behavior. I get a good attitude when I can see the humor and all the ways I have evaded the truth. This prescription for Yoga made me laugh at myself. My motto: Laugh. Cringe. Change.

Start Simple

Don’t think about it too much. Don’t start by plunking money down to join a gym, buy a package of classes or personal sessions, or figure out what streaming exercise programs you like or what new equipment you need. Don’t wait till the end of the day. Some gentle stretching and a few weight-bearing exercises in the morning do the trick. You don’t need me to tell you which ones, we all know at this point that it’s the doing that gets in the way.

Take More Steps

Just take a few more steps than you did the day before. Park your car further from the entrance. Walk a flight of stairs one extra time. Bend down and pick up something you might have passed by. These small actions accumulate over time, leading to better health and a more active lifestyle.

What’s Next

Laugh at your attempts, and your current situation and find the spark needed to change what you have been “kvetching” about all along. Laugh. Cringe. Change.

Let’s Have a Laugh:

Are you a lazy couch potato? Have you become aware of your laziness? Are you committed to do something about it and have a laugh, too? What would you prescribe yourself, but with humor?

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