Month: July 2024

As a woman who has traveled for business for most of my adult life, my husband is accustomed to fending for himself when I’m away for a few days or a week. And I am very happy traveling solo. I love the feeling of having a luxurious hotel room, a comfy bed, high thread count sheets and the TV remote all to myself.

But as hubby and I approached retirement age, I thought things would change.

I envisioned our Third Act would involve buying an RV and setting out to explore North America together, one long, lazy drive at a time.

I even bought him a cute RV Christmas ornament a few years ago so he would share in my anticipated joy.

He Doesn’t Want to Go with Me

But then something happened that I didn’t see coming: He started a new career that he loves.

That means he won’t be free and available whenever a sense of wanderlust hits me. His clients wouldn’t appreciate it, and he gets too much joy from doing the work to want to drop it and take off on a whim.

Certainly, there will be the couples’ travel we have always done – long-planned vacations on a river cruise in Europe or our regular month-long winter sabbatical somewhere warmer than frigid Chicago in February.

But there won’t be that ability to go where our hearts lead because his heart is telling him to stay home.

What Now?

While I am proud of him – really, I am! – I am sad for me. When I realized what his success meant for my travel plans, I put away the cute little RV ornament and slinked off to lick my wounds.

Then I changed gears.

Since I have no intention – ever – of driving an RV (I break out in hives when I have to back our mid-sized SUV into the garage), I realize that my future travel will look very much like my past travel:

• I will fly wherever I want to go.
• I will check into really nice hotels and relish the luxury and comfort of having the room to myself.
• I will be my outgoing self and meet people as I explore.

Finding New Travel Partners

In addition to exploring the world on my own, I also will do something new: I will seek out new travel partners.

Already, I have reached out to two cousins, both single women (one single by choice, the other a widow) to talk about possible future trips.

And I reconnected with my pre-marriage BFF travel buddy. She and I took many fun trips together – from the Caribbean to Romania! – before our lives became focused on building careers, tending marriages and raising kids.

And I am exploring ways to meet other travel-hungry women. I have joined a Facebook group for women travelers. And I am writing travel content for Sixty and Me, where I hope to connect with those of you who love to travel as much as I do.

How to Start a Life of Travel Without a Significant Other

I know that I am lucky. My husband is self-sufficient and rarely complains that I spend too much time away. Plus, he knows that I get antsy and far less pleasant to be around if I go too long between trips.

But what if that is not the case? What if you want to travel but your significant other doesn’t want to go but doesn’t want to stay home alone?

That is the case for my stepmom and dad. He’s getting older and needy, and she doesn’t feel comfortable leaving him even for an overnight.

The answer for her is to work with my brother and me to coordinate schedules so one of us can stay with him or at least check in regularly while she’s gone.

Working Around the Pain Points

The key is to figure out your partner’s pain points.

Is your partner someone who can’t cook? Perhaps you can make and freeze meals that can be easily heated in the microwave while you’re gone.

Is the issue loneliness? Perhaps you can encourage your partner to plan social engagements in your absence – dinner with a family member one night, catching a movie with a pal the next.

I always recommend starting small. Plan an overnight in a nearby town doing something your partner would never want to do. (Weekend quilting bee, anyone?) That will give you a chance to see how your partner handles it when you’re gone – and see how you feel about traveling without your partner.

Whatever the barrier, look for a way around it. If your soul needs to see the world, there are ways to feed that need.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you traveled without your significant other? Where did you go and who did you travel with? What will you do differently on your next trip?

I walked past a local restaurant on Park Street recently. Seated at one of the tables next to the window was a group of women. They were talking, laughing and enjoying themselves and their time together. It was the kind of group that you just wanted to pull up a chair, order a glass of wine and join in.

It got me thinking about my friends. Friends are such a vital and important part of my life. They warm my happiest days, give me strength during my most challenging times and enrich my life in so many ways.

Friendship is such an essential and cherished part of our lives. We need each other.

Then why do so many women feel isolated and disconnected as they get older?

I speak to a lot of women and many would say that when they were younger it was easier to make friends.

It’s true. We often develop relationships because of our surroundings. We become friends with the parents of our children’s classmates. We may have acquaintances from work that develop into important relationships. It is because of our circumstances that we meet, interact and connect with more people. We have more natural opportunities to be social.

But things change. We move to another city. We take a different job. We may have health issues. We retire.

Sometimes as time passes we find that we no longer have the same interests as our old friends. We have grown apart. We need different things from our relationships because we are different.

Often our circle of friends and support network gets smaller and smaller, and we find ourselves detached from others.

Frequently, we feel so disconnected and this becomes the new normal for us.

So if you find yourself feeling detached, isolated or wanting different types of relationships in your life, you are not alone. Just know that there is a great deal you can do about it. Here are some tips that I hope you will find helpful.

Lay the Foundation for Friendship

Take responsibility for it. If you are feeling lonely, isolated or cut off, the first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem and that it is causing you pain. It doesn’t matter how you got there. The reasons are not important right now. Just acknowledge that this is where you are and that you want the future to be different.

Take action. Decide that you have had enough. Make a decision to take steps to fix it. The act of deciding to resolve a problem is powerful.

Feel your own worth. Acknowledge and understand your value, your strength and your wisdom. Sometimes we forget the impact and significance that we hold. Take care of yourself if you are feeling down. Know that you are enough just the way you are at the present moment.

Get very clear about what types of friendships you are looking for in your life right now. What are your interest and passions? What types of activities do you want to do with others? What are you looking for in a friendship?

Do an Honest Reality Check

It takes time. If you are looking for new friendships, a support system or a sense of belonging to a community. Know that it will need time, lots of it. It takes time and energy to develop relationships and it takes a great deal of effort to find the right group.

You need to connect with others on a regular basis so that acquaintances can develop into deeper relationships. It is not just the quality of time that you spend together. The quantity of time is just as important.

Everything you do won’t work out the way you would like. Don’t expect too much too soon.

Don’t take it personally. If things don’t work out, we often take it personally. You may reach out to someone that you just met, and ask her to meet for lunch and she is not interested. She may already have a full life with other relationships and obligations, so she isn’t open to something new at this time. The relationship may not resonate with her. This is where a lot of us just give up and tell ourselves that it is too hard. Don’t do this. Just accept that it takes a lot of effort to make new friends and move on.

Look at New Ways for Connecting

Pursue your passions. Take a photography class or join a book discussion group at the library. Take an adult education class and participate in your community or volunteer. Become more active and renew your curiosity in ways that line up with your interests.

Turn virtual relationships into meaningful personal relationships. I attended a conference recently. One of the breakout sessions was conducted by two women who had great rapport and synergy between them. They obviously had not only worked together for a long time, but they had a close kinship between them. They told the attendees that their relationship had been virtual for years, and that they just met for the first time in person at the conference. Virtual relationships can lead to deeper friendships.

Take the initiative to reach out first. When you meet someone that you would like to know better, ask them if they would like to meet again. It may sound like the obvious thing to do, but few actually follow up like this.

Rediscover. Reconnect with people that you have lost touch with. You may be surprised that you do have a lot in common later in life.

Organizations That Bring People Together

Meetup.com has been around for 20 years. Imagine how many friendships have started this way.

Women’s Connection servers women 50 and over, connecting them in various ways.

Road Scholar offers adventures to young and old.

Friendly Planet provides so many adventures you can explore.

League of Women Voters is another organization where you can connect with likeminded women.

So get out there and give yourself the gift of friendship. Friendships make our world a more loving, happier and more interesting place. You will find that there are truly many beautiful people everywhere. People who will inspire you. People who you just want to hang out with. People who share your passions and will pull you forward.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does friendship mean to you? What ways to you plan on reaching out to others? Join the conversation below.

Wondering if you should go on a second date? It’s like trying to decide if you should eat that last slice of pizza – you’re not sure if it’s a good idea, but you’re also not ready to let it go.

Sometimes it’s just not clear. Deciding whether to go on a second date can be a tough decision. After meeting for lunch, you may have found the interaction enjoyable but lacking that special spark. Perhaps during a drinks date, you were attracted to your date but felt like they dominated the conversation without asking about you. Or maybe during a coffee and walk, there were awkward pauses that made you question the connection.

Despite these factors, your date reaches out the next day expressing interest in seeing you again. How do you assess the first date and determine if a second date is worth your time? Let’s explore some key questions to consider, but first, let’s address some factors that may have influenced your perception of the date.

Going into the Date with Sky-High Expectations

Over the past two weeks, I had this occur twice with clients in my dating coaching program. One 66-year-old client talked on the phone for 90-minutes* prior to the date and was “in love” by the end of the call and could not wait for the next day’s dinner at a fancy Chicago restaurant her date had booked. Not only that, she called and told 5 friends (and me) that she’d met The One! (I bet this man sensed the wedding bells clanging as she walked into the restaurant.)

So, what happened? He turned out to be attractive – until he talked about himself for two hours, never asked about her except to ask if she’d go topless at a French beach. What?

My point: Go into every date with no expectations.

I know what you’re thinking: What? That sounds negative, Andrea. Nope, it’s not. It’s the best thing you can do – high expectations are rarely met – and low expectations are the negative clincher. Zero expectations beyond looking forward to meeting a new person – that’s the ticket!

*My tried-and-true rule as my clients know: 10 minutes max. The phone call is nothing more than a “let’s chat for a few minutes and see if we’d like to meet in real life.” I’m a fan of no phone calls when possible – unless significant distance is involved.

I’m-Beat-Up-From-Online-Dating

You’ve been on Bumble, Hinge or Our Time for 3 months and your membership ends next week. You haven’t met The One. You show up on dates and just can’t help yourself from bashing online dating.

Let me tell you something: No one loves online dating until they meet someone. Then it’s the best thing they’ve ever done.

Ever hear the line often used with entrepreneurs in business: “Fake it ‘til you make it”? I’m a fan and have done this many times at the beginning of my career as I nearly went bankrupt several times in the early years. But when I was at a party and someone asked me, “How’s that dating lunch thing you started going?” My answer was always, “Fantastic – I just went to a wedding last week for two of my clients.” (True, but I was hanging on financially by a thread.)

No date wants to hear your sad online dating stories. Actually, nobody wants to hear them – except maybe your girlfriend who has been single for 20 years and relishes doom and gloom stories.

7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Go on a Second Date

Did You Feel Chemistry?

Ok, that’s a trick question for you. Maybe you remember a recent article where I talked all about chemistry. Based on nearly 30 years of dating expertise, many find chemistry on the 2^nd or 3^rd date.

Are You on the Fence?

Maybe you are 50-50 on whether to give it one more shot. If I work with you, you know all about my 1-100 scale. On the fence – yes, you go on a second date as the pendulum will swing one way or another after this date.

Did You See Any Red Flags?

Ok, this one can be a definite deal-breaker. A 63-year-old male client went on a lovely lunch date with a woman who was separated, very attractive and a good conversationalist. They had much in common. But then she disclosed that her divorce proceedings were acrimonious and looked to go on for a year or two. My client (smartly) decided to move on and not get involved in this mess).

What Is Your Intuition Saying?

You are smart and not 22-years-old – you have life experience. Don’t discount intuition.

And maybe it’s time to pull the trigger and finally do a 15-minute call with me.

Are Your Lifestyles Compatible?

Realistically, you very well may not know this from a first date. Here’s an example of one that maybe should not have worked out (but it did):

My client Michael is 69, Jewish (non-practicing except occasionally), divorced with 3 grown children in their 20s. His date, Laura, was never married, no children, and Catholic from a large family. But her profile said she loves children and still spoils her nieces and nephews who are grown adults.

As Michael told me, “Hey, I’m not having kids with her, she likes my children and has embraced my family at gatherings.” They got married in March 2023. Yes, Michael was initially reluctant to go on even a first date as she wasn’t Jewish, had no kids and never married. Then, while attracted to Laura, he was on the fence as to the second date as well. A gentle push came from me.

He’s still in touch and just sent me photos of the whole family, vacationing in the Maldives, looking very happy two weeks ago!

What’s the Downside of a Second Date?

If you are asking this question, there probably is not one. Give it a second chance. It’s not a marriage proposal, it’s a second date. Too many people think fireworks should go off on a first date – when actually, as you hit 2^nd Acts in dating a slow burn works just as well.

Did You Go on the Date with a Checklist?

If you did, burn it. Instead, evaluate:

• Was the conversation fun?
• Did I laugh?
• Was I curious to learn more?
• Was I engaged?

Think about how you felt on the date, not did they check off 5-10 must-haves on a list.

In general, what’s my answer? If you are asking this question – Should I go on a second date? – GO!

Questions for the Community:

Do you have a must-have list that you go by on dates? Is it longer than 4-5 items? When has chemistry happened for you?

Dry needling is a relatively new treatment method that is gaining in popularity. But what is it, and how does it work? This blog post will discuss the basics of dry needling and its benefits.

What Is Dry Needling?

The CDC reports that nearly 1 in 4 people in the United States suffer from joint and muscle pain. Many people use natural remedies such as massage, topical ointments, or supplements to manage their pain.

Exercise and movement remain the best tools to maintain mobility and minimize joint and muscle pain, and natural remedies can provide pain relief in order to exercise effectively.

Dry needling is a natural pain relief treatment that uses thin needles to stimulate the muscles and trigger points in the body. Because dry needling is a manual therapy, it is usually performed by a licensed physical therapist and is part of an overall treatment plan. This manual therapy can help relieve pain, improve range of motion, and reduce inflammation.

Dry needling is based on the principles of acupuncture, but there are some critical differences between the two treatments.

Acupuncture is a traditional Chinese medicine that has been used for centuries to treat various conditions. It involves the insertion of thin needles into specific points on the body. These points are connected to energy pathways, or meridians, that can help restore body balance. Eastern Medicine is a comprehensive medical approach, and acupuncture is one treatment option within that system.

In contrast, dry needling is not used to diagnose or treat a specific condition. Instead, it uses thin needles similar to acupuncture needles inserted into myofascial trigger points to release muscle tension and promote healing. The hands are inserted into the muscles directly rather than into specific points.

What Are Trigger Points, and How Do They Develop?

Trigger points are tiny knots that form in skeletal muscle. They can be caused by various events, including overuse, repetitive motions, and poor posture. They are also common around arthritic joints.

Trigger points can cause pain in the muscle or other areas of the body when they become aggravated. Referred pain is when pain radiates from its origin – in this case, the trigger point – and causes pain in other areas. For example, a trigger point around the knee may cause knee pain and pain around the knee and into the leg.

Trigger points are identified through palpation and are usually sore to the touch. Dry needling is used in clinical practice to treat these myofascial trigger points and alleviate pain.

What Are the Benefits of Dry Needling?

Physical therapists use needles to release myofascial trigger point pain. Dry needling can offer several benefits, including:

• Reducing muscle pain
• Reducing muscle tightness
• Improving range of motion
• Reducing inflammation
• Increasing blood flow

Note: Dry needling should only be performed by a trained and licensed healthcare professional.

A 2021 systematic review and meta-analysis in the Physical Therapy and Rehabilitation Journal concluded that dry needling effectively decreased pain. However, there is also evidence that dry needling is no more effective than other physical therapy modalities.

In general, dry needling is most effective when it is coupled with other physical therapy treatments to treat pain. Dry needling effectively allows trigger points to release and muscles to relax, allowing pain-free movement in order to strengthen and mobilize muscles and joints.

What Are the Risks of Dry Needling?

Dry needling is generally considered a safe treatment method, but some potential risks are involved. These include:

• Bruising
• Bleeding
• Muscle soreness
• Infection
• Nerve damage

During treatment, the area will be cleaned, and gloves should be worn to minimize the risk of infection. Treatment is usually quick, and the patient may feel discomfort as the needles hit the trigger points. Relief can be immediate or take a few hours.

What Conditions Can Dry Needling Treat?

Dry needling is best for myofascial pain and other soft tissue injuries. It is most useful as an intramuscular manual therapy where a local twitch response helps to reduce muscle tension.

Dry needling can be used to treat a variety of conditions, including:

• Myofascial pain syndrome
• Tension headaches
• Piriformis syndrome
• Plantar fasciitis
• Shin splints
• Achilles tendinitis
• Chronic back pain
• Whiplash
• Knee pain

Dry needling is an effective treatment method for many conditions.

Is Dry Needling Good for Osteoarthritis?

The research on dry needling is limited, and there is no high-quality evidence to support the widespread use of dry needling. However, some studies have shown that it may be effective for other conditions such as chronic low back pain and shoulder pain.

Dry needling works on muscle trigger points to release tension and alleviate pain. Osteoarthritis limits the mobility in a joint and will consequently cause tightening of the surrounding muscles, and trigger points can develop.

Dry needling may help alleviate some of this reactive tightness from osteoarthritis and provide temporary relief. One of the best treatments for osteoarthritis is gentle exercise. If dry needling offers enough comfort for you to exercise, it is worth a try.

Can Dry Needling Help with Chronic Pain?

There is evidence that dry needling can help with chronic pain, although the research is limited. A 2017 systematic review and meta-analysis found that dry needling effectively reduced pain in people with chronic musculoskeletal pain. However, the authors noted that the evidence was of low to moderate quality, and more research is needed.

How Do I Know If Dry Needling Can Help Me?

The best way to know if dry needling can help you is to speak with your healthcare provider. They will be able to assess your individual needs and make a recommendation based on the best evidence available.

If you are already in physical therapy, mention to your physical therapist whether dry needling might be suitable for you.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice. Please consult with your doctor to get specific medical advice for your situation. 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you think of non-mainstream treatment methods when it comes to pain? Have you tried dry needling and, if so, how did it go?

The freedom getting older brings can be exhilarating. We have worked all our lives, maybe raised a family, cared for others. We have cooked, cleaned, taxied, wiped noses, kissed scrapped knees, and hugged away tears. It has been a joy, a real pleasure, but now that we are older, we have a little time to do things for ourselves. And what wonderful adventures there are to be had!

Three years ago, I moved back to England and couldn’t believe the price of property. It had truly exploded in the two (pandemic) years I had been away, and I found myself priced out of the market. It was a little scary, and for a while, I was wondering whether I should have come back.

Serendipity

I decided to temporarily rent a little holiday shack (aptly named Serendipity) on the beach for a season, and absolutely loved it! Breakfast on the veranda, lunch on the beach, and dinner on the barbecue, what more could anyone want!?

From my little wooden veranda, I could hear the sound of the waves as they lapped against the shore. If I stood on the sand dune, I could see the moon reflecting its golden glow on the ripples of the water. I witnessed magnificent sunrises, and sunsets so vibrant they took my breath away. I had my little dog for company and life was pretty perfect.

Everything Changed

Sadly, it didn’t last long as four months later, I lost her. She was 14 and had always been active and happy, but it was a huge blow, and for the first time in my life, I felt lonely. I stopped going to the beach as it was filled with people playing with their dogs, which meant I missed talking with others. It was so hard, and I didn’t know what to do.

One night, feeling a little sorry for myself, and after a couple of glasses of wine, I found myself booking a cruise to Norway. I always thought I wasn’t a ‘cruise’ type of person. How wrong I was! I absolutely loved it and, although I didn’t know it then, this was the start of an adventure that saw me solo travelling to many incredible places and having the time of my life.

A few weeks later, I took another cruise, this time to the Mediterranean, visiting France, Spain, Portugal and some Mediterranean islands. Slowly, it dawned on me that this is what I wanted to do, and the following year I embarked on a challenge – to travel full time for one year, for the same price (or hopefully less) than renting a property and living in England.

Setting Myself a Huge Challenge

My travels took me to much of Europe, including the beautiful island of Madeira. I swam with turtles in Barbados, danced in the rain in The Rain Forest. I stayed at a Buddhist monastery, cooking and cleaning for the Monks, swam in The Blue Lagoon in Iceland, slid down a mountain in a basket and drank from an ice glass in an ice bar in Norway.

I have met so many wonderful people and had the most incredible time and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Life is a great adventure and just because we are older doesn’t mean we are not a part of it. In fact, with our wisdom and experience we are a huge part of it.

If you would like to read a little more of my adventures the first three chapters of my book, Growing Old, Growing Free are on my blog. The entire book is available here.

Let’s Start a Conversation:

Have you ever had a big adventure? Would you solo travel for a year? Where is your dream destination?