Month: July 2024

I spent years chasing Purpose. I changed careers, tried new hobbies and threw myself into raising my daughter. Repeatedly I wondered, what was my purpose? Really? There must be something more, a connection to something bigger. Sure, having clients was great. My family was fulfilling, it’s just, that, well, it wasn’t quite… enough. (Am I allowed to say that out loud?)

I wasn’t having a religious or existential crisis, but more a crisis of the heart. I was yearning for a feeling of making a difference, and I wondered if I should I just choose something, anything, and go for it. Maybe a new career, or I could go back to school.

Secretly, I was thinking: Was there some preordained thing I was supposed to do, and I just didn’t see it yet?

Finally, after 20 years of chasing something that can’t be chased, all while coaching clients into sharing their missions and legacy, I’ve learned the obvious.

Purpose Isn’t to Be Chased, It’s Already Within Us

What I know for sure (as Oprah would say) is that you and I and our neighbors are all already living purpose, even if we don’t’ know what that is. We may not be in our passions. We may have sometimes exceedingly difficult lives that put us on autopilot, but this I do know for sure:

If you are alive, you are living your purpose.

Our purpose is all about ‘being’. Everyone we touch through a smile, any connections we make with people, animals and even plants are us living our purpose. Purpose is how we share our heart and not how we make our living.

Three of my takeaways after talking and teaching purpose for over 20 years are:

• You are living your purpose – even if you don’t know what that is.
• Your purpose is in your heart, and the more you open your heart the more in ‘purpose’ you will feel.
• Purpose can be found at home, at work, with family and friends. It is not related to your job, vocation, volunteer program, or hobby.

Your passions may be expressed through your day-to-day living and through work, but purpose is always consistent and never-ending.

What If You Have Been Waiting for Divine Inspiration?

Granted, it may seem like you don’t know your next step. Perhaps you are waiting for the thunderbolt of Divinely Inspired Clarity paired with intuition as well as guidance to rain down upon you before you make a step in any direction.

Sorry. It’s just not happening.

So now what?

The real question isn’t about purpose. It’s about ‘what’s next’ for me?

What’s Next for Me?

Try asking yourself:

Who am I here to serve, teach or inspire over my lifetime?

When I ask this with clients, they always answer with full, truthful clarity. Though they may speak with resignation, it is from the heart, often with deep sighs as if they remember dreams long past that were put away on a shelf for later.

I’m here to teach.

I want to be on stage.

I’d love to move to be closer to family.

My calling has always been to minister to the poor.

You want to share your wisdom and grace and experience, and I’m hereby giving you permission to just be you. More of you, fully being who you are, and less of you doing, rushing, and wondering and worrying about who you could be. Take one small step (or a huge, big step if you like) and be who you are, and do whatever you need to, and just open your heart and share yourself.

Once you step into knowing that you are in exactly the right place and it’s the right time, then if you choose to take purposeful action, it will be from the place of be-ing-ness, and not the do-ing place. You will feel aligned with your purpose.

Why Does Purpose Confuse Us?

We feel we aren’t living the dream life and make up stories.

I don’t know my next step.

I’m too old… too young… too whatever…

And then pretend we are confused. Subsequently, we readily acknowledge as we laugh over coffee with friends – even in our 60s and beyond – “Oh, I’m not sure what I want to do when I grow up.” Really, it’s just fear disguised as misguided modesty.

After all, we procrastinate, wash dishes, clean closets. Do anything rather than show up to ourselves. When we glimpse our inner clarity, we don’t accept it, and default into labeling it confusion, or procrastination, until we can’t ignore it any longer.

When that happens, we hit bottom. It might come from an outside influence like a death of a loved one or (in my case) losing a successful business and all the benefits that came with it. These outside things (which could also be filing for divorce or quitting a job), as well as the items creating an internal chaos, force us to reconnect with who we are.

Life is messy. People get sick, our beloved pets die. We suffer loss, and with each loss, we internalize it as a setback, something we’ve done wrong or that we didn’t do at all. If we’ve experienced abuse or trauma, the covering of our brilliance is even more impactful with a full blanket that provides a cover of protection. I understand. I feel for you. But I want to see you shine.

It’s time for a little spit and polish. Clean up the dust, put away the fog blanket, and allow the light inside to shine deeply.

Then, Dream. Be You. And Go, Be in Purpose. Just Be.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you trying to make your passion your purpose? What happens if you never get clarity on your purpose? Does it matter in the biggest scheme of life if you never know?

Becoming more altruistic or “others-focused” during the second half of life is not only a natural course of human behavior, but is remarkably healthy for our mind, body and spirit.

A 2005 study called “Altruism, Happiness and Health: It’s Good to be Good,” concludes “a strong correlation exists between the well-being, happiness, health, and longevity of people who are emotionally and behaviorally compassionate, so long as they are not overwhelmed by helping tasks.”

According to Mental Health America, “research indicates that those who consistently help other people experience less depression, greater calm, fewer pains and better health. They may even live longer.”

The organization points to recent research that shows: “students who performed five acts of kindness a day increased their happiness; providing emotional support to others significantly decreased the harmful health effects of certain kinds of stress among older people; and people who donated money to charity got a boost in a feel-good part of the brain, as revealed in brain imaging research.”

Being more others-focused also helps make folks feel “relatively lucky, connected to others, feel needed and effective, more generous” and see they have a “sense of purpose and meaning.”

The German financial service firm Allianz says meeting the needs of others also helps with pain and blood pressure. Being others-focused is good for us on all fronts of the human experience!

So how do we take the senior spotlight off ourselves and turn the focus onto others on our Golden Years approach? Here are five ways to be more in tune with the needs of those around us – and reap the health benefits attention on others brings!

Volunteer Your Time or Talent with an Organization That Means Something to You Personally

So many organizations and nonprofits in the world need volunteer assistance to be successful, and choosing which ones to support is a matter of personal preference and experience. Websites like Indeed.com, VolunteerMatch.org and even LinkedIn feature databases of opportunities specific to your market and interest.

Try keywords that are meaningful to you and see what pops up. Also, keep an eye on the local news to see which organizations are doing work that appeals to your sense of purpose.

Look in Your Closest Family and Friend Circles and See Where You Can Be a Resource, Help or Asset

The great thing about being more others-focused in the second half is you don’t have to look far to find needs to meet. With a little more awareness and conversation, you can find so many folks in your inner circles who need something only you can offer. Ask, listen and make a plan. Just do it!

Be Open to Forming New Relationships, and with Intentional Presence, Show an Interest, Ask Questions and See Where Your Unique Strengths Can Meet a Need

And just outside your friend and family circles are strangers and one-day acquaintances who are doing life in your community and could use some support or assistance. Look out for these opportunities and be diligent when getting to know people. You never know when that conversation with a new friend will yield a chance to be a blessing to someone else. Those moments are always lurking, keep an eye out for them!

Make Your Life Mantra to “Be Used” or “Be Mindful of the Needs of Others”

To get your heart and brain in line with an others-focused approach to life, get up each morning and recite one of these mantras. It will open your spirit to your purpose for the day.

Mentor People Younger Than You

Study after study shows how important it is for adults in their second half to share wisdom, experience and life lessons with young people. Intergenerational mentoring is a natural, most beautiful activity that serves both the older and younger adults.

A May 2020 article in Positive Maturity says:

“Anyone can be a mentor, but seniors are particularly suited to make unique contributions. They have plenty of wisdom and experience to share, but they are often undervalued and underutilized. Seniors are living longer, healthier than ever before and growing in number, making them the perfect candidates for filling mentorship roles within their own communities. Better yet, it works! The attention, guidance and support of seniors has been proven to help at-risk kids become more aware, self-confident and capable people. But the children aren’t the only beneficiaries. Older adults can derive fulfillment as well as a sense of value and purpose, often lacking in their lives. These relationships can also help with depression and loneliness and improve the overall quality of life for seniors. The National Senior Corps’ Foster Grandparent Program unites older Americans with at-risk kids in their local communities to act as mentors, tutors and caregivers. Currently, more than 30,000 foster grandparents serve as mentors for almost 300,000 kids.”

Donate to Missions or Organizations That Are Important to You and the People You Love

There is no shortage of organizations, groups and individuals who would benefit greatly from a financial donation. If you already are giving to groups that are meaningful to you, consider giving to “in lieu of flowers” organizations mentioned in loved ones’ obituaries or support causes related to grandchildren, friends and other family members. Even the smallest contribution tells people you see them, you know what’s important to them and you are there for them.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Study after study shows focusing on the needs of others improves our health and quality of life. How are you looking out for these opportunities during your second half experience? What advice do you have for others looking to be a resource and support?