Month: August 2024

Has your desire for romance changed at all now that you are in your 60s? How often have you considered romancing yourself?

Engaging in self-romance can be beautifully rewarding as it offers lots of fulfilling experiences. Providing you with a renewed sense of purpose, self-worth, and happiness, self-romance is an essential part of your well-being.

For all of its benefits, however, romancing yourself after 60 is not something you hear a lot about.

In this article and the accompanying video, we will explore what self-romance is and go over 15 different ways you can rejuvenate your life by romancing yourself. This is part of a new series on “The Art of Self-Love After 60,” where we focus on new ways to stimulate love, happiness, and pleasure on our own terms.

You can read the previous installments here:

#1: 7 Steps to Turn Up the HEAT on Your Love Life

#2: 10 Easy Ways to Love More of Yourself

#3: 7 Pillars of Becoming Your Own Authority on Love

#4: 10 Steps to Loving Yourself Unconditionally After 60

What Is Self-Romance

As you age, embracing your unique romantic desires becomes essential to your contentment, happiness, and overall well-being. But what exactly is self-romance and what are some of its benefits?

Self-romance is the act of expressing love and appreciation towards oneself. It’s about prioritizing your needs and wants, indulging in self-care, and cultivating a deep, nurturing relationship with yourself.

For women over 60, self-romance is an excellent opportunity to honor all of you. Engaging in self-romance activities stimulates deeper levels of joy, satisfaction, and rekindles your passion for life.

Flip the Script on Romance

Romantic gestures are usually associated with someone else giving them to you. Self-romance is about you flipping the script on all of the romantic stories you grew up on.

Unlike legions of fairytales and stories that portrayed romance as a damsel in distress, waiting for Prince Charming to arrive and sweep her off her feet, when it comes to self-romance, you are the heroine of your own love story.

In this story, you get to honor yourself in ways that give you the love, adoration, and kindness you desire and deserve.

How do you do this? By directing your desires for romance inwardly, rather than seeking it outside of you.

15 Ways to Romance Yourself

Self-Care Rituals

Whether it’s a luxurious bath with scented candles and oils, a facial mask, or simply applying your favorite moisturizer, self-care rituals are a sumptuous form of self-romance.

Self-Dates

Take yourself out to a nice restaurant, a movie, or simply spend an afternoon at a café with a good book. Enjoy your own company.

Travel Solo

Solo travel can be empowering and liberating. Embark on an individual journey to that special place you’ve always wanted to visit.

Journaling

Write love letters to yourself, document your life journey, or simply engage in gratitude journaling.

Self-Eroticism

From reading an erotic book to self-massages, and even the use of erotic toys, self-eroticism is taking matters of the heart into your own hands.

Take a Class

Have you ever wanted to learn painting, dancing, or a new language? Now’s the time to indulge in fulfilling your personal desires while also meeting new people!

Indulge in Nature

Take long walks in the park, beach, or woods. Nature has a way of soothing the soul and expanding one’s heart.

Redesign Your Living Space

Redecorating your environment can be refreshing and can establish a new way to express your romantic side.

Dress Up

Don’t wait to impress someone else, feel beautiful for yourself. Wear that beautiful, sexy dress or jewelry you’ve been saving for a special occasion.

Meditation and Yoga

Connecting with your inner self is a sure-fire way to ignite your romantic side. It’s also a great way to find peace and contentment.

Listen to Music or Dance

Let music move your soul. Dance around your living room without a care.

Cook or Bake

If you like to cook meals for those you love, start with yourself. Prepare your favorite dish or try something new. Savor every bite.

Gifts

A gift could be a spontaneous purchase such as a little trinket you see at a market or online. It can also be something more extravagant. Whatever it is, buy yourself something you love because you are worth it!

Spa Day

Book a day at the spa or create one at home. Pamper yourself in ways only you can.

Affirmations

Use positive, romantic driven affirmations to remind yourself of your worth, beauty, and sexuality.

Love on Your Terms

Being romantic to oneself isn’t about grand gestures. It’s also not about trying to prove your worthiness for a future romantic partner.

In fact, self-romance is just as important when you are in a loving partnership with someone else as it is if you are single.

Ultimately, self-romance is about loving yourself on your terms. This is cherishing who you are by honoring your feelings and finding joy in the most important person in your life – you!

I invite you to join me in the video above where I will share seven journal exercises that will ignite your love and passion for yourself.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How are you finding ways to romance yourself after 60? Do you have a special hobby that brings you delight? Do you travel solo just for you?

I admit it. I’ve always liked to judge things. Everything is a scale to me. This probably stems from being an elementary teacher for more than 30 years. I have been forced to assess everything from reading comprehension to keeping track of how many times Kelly blurted in class for a day. I believe we all can find a lot of fun during the most mundane parts of our lives by grading them. I’ve shared this love of grading with my friends and family over the years, and now it’s time to share it with you, dear reader.

The Bathroom Scale

Let’s talk about the bathroom scale. No, not that bathroom scale; the bathroom rating scale! Over the years, I’ve noticed that some public bathrooms desperately need an upgrade. So, I developed a one-through-ten scale for public bathrooms, rating them for all my friends and family. Public bathrooms are a fun way to put my need to grade things to use. Plus, being able to know which bathrooms I can confidently go into throughout this universe is important to me.

To fully understand the rating scale, you first need to understand what a “one” looks like. It was in a gas station my family owned, where I hung out a lot in my childhood. This particular bathroom required a key to get in, which was attached to a large wooden paint stirrer. It gave me the heebie-jeebies just to touch the thing, especially back before hand sanitizer was invented.

I’d walk around to the side of the gas station, insert the key, and enter a wasteland of cracked tile, spiderwebs, and centipedes. The toilet seat was often so disgusting that even the “hover method” didn’t always seem adequate. On bad days, the toilet seat wasn’t even attached to the toilet.

When I finished my business, I’d try to find toilet paper that didn’t look pre-soaked. Washing my hands involved pressing down on a rusty doohickey that spurted out cold water. Instead of soap in a dispenser, it had a pot of something called Gojo – a greasy, slimy, blue-green mess that smelled like a mixture of Ivory soap and cheap tree air fresheners.

The frigid water mixed with the Gojo, creating a paste that wouldn’t come off my hands… ever. It’s still there. Wanna see? The mirror above the sink was a medicine cabinet, probably more than 40 years old, with glass that had turned into black cracks that would impress a haunted house. This bathroom was a solid “one” on my rating scale.

From One to Ten

And so, in 1973, the bathroom rating system was born. Just about every bathroom in America, public, or otherwise, beats out the gas station bathroom of my memories. Even a hole in the woods beats that one.

I would like to tell you that I have found the perfect “ten” bathroom, but I haven’t seen it yet. I know that “The Royals” must have a “ten” bathroom somewhere nearby, and I’m sure many of you reading this have stayed in a luxurious hotel that had a perfect bathroom.

Finding a perfect “ten,” however, is not the point. Being able to share your rating number with your friends and loved ones after using a public bathroom is the bathroom rating scale fun. Odds are, they will be immediately compelled to check it out and become a bathroom rater themselves.

How to Become a Bathroom Rater

If you want to rate public bathrooms as well, here are the parameters on which we judge: cleanliness is crucial. Hands-free fixtures always get higher ratings – hands-free toilet flushing, sinks, and paper towel dispensers. The less you must touch, the better.

The decor should not be camouflage for disrepair. It should not distract or overwhelm you. Bowls of potpourri are not going to get you any extra points, but fresh flowers will give at least a one-half point addition. If a restaurant has a fancy lotion dispenser or a basket of tampons just sitting there to use – bonus point! I haven’t needed a tampon for over a decade, but still – free things!

The point to all this is finding fun in the mundane.

Let’s face it: going to the bathroom is boring. When I’m out to dinner with someone who knows me best, they will return from a trip to the bathroom, sit back down in their seat, and simply say their rating. Afterward, they will need to defend their grade, and inevitably, someone else at the table will go check it out to see if they concur (whether they need to use the bathroom or not).

I realize we should be having a deep conversation while we wait for our food, but with politics, religion, and the economy off the table, this is much safer.

Roadkill Grading System

While the bathroom rating system is what started it all, it certainly is not the only rating system commonly used in the family. As my sons became teachers too, we became a family of teachers, and after years of grading bathrooms, my creative (?!) boys started a simple roadkill grading system.

The boredom of long trips on the road and playing the license plate game one too many times, led to this system. We’ve perfected our scale over the years. Initially, we had a scale from “one” to “ten,” and suffice it to say, a “one” was a recently deceased animal, and you could tell what it had been. A “ten,” was merely a pile of something that made you look away either in disgust or sadness.

One day, I got a text from my family group chat, reminding me of our long-standing tradition. Since my boys now grade things for a living, they have refined the scale to a nice rubric from “one” to “five.” Here’s how it works:

• Number One: Open casket.
• Number Two: Bloated.
• Number Three: Mild dismemberment. You can still kind of tell what animal it is/was.
• Number Four: Smears and dental ID needed.
• Number Five: Ground beef. (Or venison, porcupine, skunk – you get the idea.)

Of course, my younger son chimed in, insisting we still need a scale of one to ten because he’s a stickler for precision. He claims the point system otherwise ends up with too many 0.5s. Either way, we find immense fun in this morbid little game as we drive down the road. We still play the license plate game, but this is much more engaging for the childish adult in me. Maybe I should be working towards an article called “Fun Adult Road Trip Games.” What do you think?

Food and Beverage Ratings

My family has also embraced rating various foods and beverages. We have rated weird sparkling water flavors (pickle!), beers from microbreweries, tequilas, and chocolate. It’s clear that cheap chocolate wrapped in colorful foil usually scores a “one” or “two” on our scale.

A Hershey Bar might be controversial, but it’s a solid middle “five” for us. When it comes to Dove, Godiva, and other possibly higher-end chocolates, opinions vary depending on whether the preference is dark, milk, or chocolates with add-ins.

One rainy, week-at-the-cabin afternoon, we spent hours tasting different colas. The most shocking discovery was that Pepsi Zero tasted delicious and sugary to most of us. I’ve learned not to judge based on popular belief but to trust our family’s ratings instead.

Maybe We Need Therapy?

In the end, it’s all about finding fun in the mundane. (And also, maybe my family needs group therapy.) Whether it’s grading roadkill, bathrooms, or chocolate, we’ve turned everyday activities into delightful family traditions. We also have found an excuse to eat and drink some rather delicious things for the sake of science. And isn’t that what life’s all about? Embracing the ordinary with a touch of humor and a bit of the unexpected.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you, or the friends and family in your life, have a fun activity you do together that is as strange as this? Do you have a grading scale for something? How do you find fun in the mundane? Are you more patient than me and have suggestions for passing time during the more boring parts of life?

It’s Saturday. Let’s have some fun. And take some humor quizzes? Yay!

No deep dive into dating. No advice on your photos. No tips on messaging. Or the right dating site. Nope – nada, nothing, rien, zero, niente, nichts.

Joke: Why did the yogurt go to the opera? (answer below)

Well, you probably think you have a sense of humor (SOH). And on a coaching call, you tell me that. Or you tell me how none of your dates have a sense of humor.

What’s the Deal with Sense of Humor?

This sense of humor thing has been going on for over 25+ years, that is, most of my career…, and yes, I roll my eyes. Because I know I’m funny. (Just kidding.)

So, in the olden days of the 90s, when I started It’s Just Lunch, (I dating site I ran before launching 33000Dates.com) clients had to write down three characteristics they were looking for.

Always, always on the list was sense of humor. Along with either kind, active, adventurous or serious about a relationship. Some people tell me they just laugh all day at little things in life. Nothing brings them down. (Hmm, excuse the skeptic here.)

Vanilla. (Maybe there’s a reason I pick any ice cream except vanilla.)

Vanilla, just like the above characteristics, is just boring. They are open to interpretation and mean… pretty much nothing.

If you use them in a profile with online dating, (oh, I know I said no advice today) they get you nowhere. Except maybe the reader is falling asleep as I often want to when I’m looking at bios and prompts online as I work with my dating clients.

My new book coming out this fall has a chapter on vanilla words. And funny words. And words that get you nowhere except deleted.

Back to Humor – What’s Yours?

When you think about it, there are many kinds of humor. Dry. Silly. Self-deprecating. Witty. Weird. Monty Python-ish. Or “I have a great sense of humor if it’s funny to me.”

Have some fun today and put a name on your humor. Here are some fun quizzes that may help you define your level of humor… or surprise you.

Have at it:

• Quiz Expo: What Is Your Sense of Humor
• BuzzFeed: Pick Some Funny Movies and We’ll Tell You If You Have a Good Sense of Humor or Not
• BuzzFeed: Eat Some Fancy Desserts to Determine Your True Sense of Humor
• Quizly: What Is Your Sense of Humor Percentage?

Hey, I’ve got an idea for you: after you describe your sense of humor to someone you like on a dating site (if you have one – sorry, some people just don’t – so move on to your other amazing qualities), ask them, “What sort of SOH do you have?” Then include one of the links above.

Answer to joke above: To get some culture. (Ok, a bad joke, but I laughed when my brother told this on a family Zoom call.)

Have a happy, laugh-filled Saturday!

Let’s Have a Laugh:

What is your sense of humor? Do you have one? Did you take one of the quizzes listed above to help you determine what makes you laugh?