Month: November 2024

Moms are our queens and should be treated as such.

As Flannery O’Connor famously quipped, anyone who has survived childhood has enough material to write for the rest of her life. That’s good for us because memoir writing is one of the most popular pursuits in retirement, but also daunting for many people. What to say, and how to say it can be stumbling blocks.

How to Start

Marian Roach-Smith, in her latest book, The Memoir Project, believes memoir writing has three basic truths.

The First Is, Tell the Truth

Tell your story as you lived it with all the hilarity, pain, delirious enthusiasm, or regret you actually felt. After all, it’s your story and it’s emotion, the feelings you convey, that pull us into the narrative and engage our attention. Tell us what occurred, but also what happened to you through the event.

Move the Story Along

Next, everything you include should drive your story forward, that is, the one story you’re recounting. A memoir isn’t the same as an autobiography. It’s an informative piece that recounts a specific aspect of life so keep it simple. Go for an event that teaches the reader something, or provides greater insight into you, which hopefully, will also have some useful takeaway for the reader.

After all, how your life was changed or improved through your experience should help us as well. Or, as Roach-Smith advises, “teach us something about all human behavior, that sheds light on our fears, dilemmas, happiness, or wide-eyed wonder.”

Pick Your Topic Carefully

Finally, she advises is to remember that just because something happened doesn’t mean it’s interesting. Best to pick a universal theme and go with that and delete anything that doesn’t support the theme. Be strict and stick to your point.

Who, What, Why?

The Institute on Aging also offers some recommendations for memoirists.

Note Your Audience

First, determine who you’re writing for. Most people want to leave memories for family and friends as a way to pass along wisdom and life experience. Writing about your life has the benefit of revealing aspects of yourself that your family may be unfamiliar with and shows grandmother as a real person with her own hopes and dreams.

Decide What You Want to Include

Writing about your authentic experiences can leave a wonderful and valued family treasure for generations. The lessons learned and wisdom gleaned can be a comfort and a guide, as well as a source of inspiration, and maybe a few good belly laughs connecting family through time.

Personally, I hold dear the stories of my Irish immigrant relatives, especially Eliza. At 17, as the oldest child of a large family she was tasked with the shopping for her seven siblings and parents. When she learned her parents were in serious discussion with a widower with several children of his own, and that he was an old man in his 40s, she got busy. She kept delaying the marriage until she had scrimped and saved enough from the shopping money to pay her passage to America. And off she sailed, alone and nearly penniless, to an unknown country! I’ve remembered her pluck and courage many times when things looked tough.

Maybe your family has a unique character, a special tradition, or history, you’d like to share so they’re not forgotten. Writing them down and including anecdotes about these relatives and times will preserve them. Adding pictures can make the stories even more engaging. Perhaps there are old friends or far-flung relatives who also played a part in the stories. It could be fun to reconnect with them and add their memories.

Outside Assistance

What to include, and how to say it can be streamlined by enlisting outside expertise. A writing coach can cut right through the overwhelm and help edit out the unnecessary parts while keeping the narrative moving so your intention is realized in a clear and meaningful way. More importantly, a skilled professional can tease out your authentic voice, so the piece carries the best of you to those you love!

Thea Fiore Bloom, a writing coach with decades of experience helping novices and professionals alike craft their unique stories, has this to say about writing a memoir:

“You want your memoir to be deliciously readable, right? You don’t want people to pick through it out of obligation. But how can you accomplish that? Narrow the focus. Don’t go from your birth to the present moment. Don’t write about the whole cake; instead, select a slice of the story.”

Roach-Smith suggests a slice of a slice is even better. And she’s right. Pick one poignant episode out of the arc of stories you were considering. Pick a story that excites you and that you feel affirms a life teaching your reader may relate to. 

A good example of what I’m talking about is my story of Eliza above. It’s a slice of a slice. The story is important to me, but it will also encourage readers to have courage and take chances in their own lives.

A final word is that memoir stories are typically rather brief, somewhere around 750 words, which makes the task less formidable. Who knows, you may just enjoy the process enough to write several shorter pieces, which you can then string together into a book and voila, you’re an author!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have an interesting ancestor or family you’d like to write about? Please share your experiences, we’d love to hear about them.      

George Lucas famously advised aspiring writers, “Don’t avoid the clichés – they are clichés because they work!” Why? Because they contain a truth. Yet, he also cautioned that clichés become problematic when overused. Predictability saps their impact and strips them of emotional resonance and freshness.

Today, the phrase “enjoy the process” has itself become a cliché. It’s a token remark to pay attention to what’s happening now but is as quickly forgotten as it was given. However, if we stop to reflect more deeply, we’ll see that it contains a philosophy of life in miniature.

What Exactly Is “The Process?”

“The process” is simply whatever is taking place right now. At this moment, you’re reading this article, perhaps considering its thesis, while sitting in a particular location, surrounded by distinct sights and sounds. Everyone’s “right now” is multi-layered and unique. Philosophers have referred to this as the Now or the Eternal Present.

The phrase is often shared for two reasons.

The Less Serious Path

First, it reminds us to stop taking life so seriously and rediscover joy. Second, it calls attention to our habits of thought, too often dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, and pulls us back to the present. Rather than a judgment, it serves as a gentle nudge toward awareness.

Enjoying the process for pleasurable activities is easy to understand, but it’s a different story when handling difficult or tedious tasks.

When The Process Gets Tough

Take, for example, organizing the garage. It’s a dusty, chaotic, and seemingly endless chore. The thought of sorting through old boxes, untangling cords, and finding a place for everything might make a person want to give up before starting. When a friend cheerfully suggests, “Why not enjoy the process?” your first reaction might be disbelief. But she may have a point.

The Different Solution

Albert Einstein’s advice, “We cannot solve our problems with the same kind of thinking we used to create them,” hints at the kind of mental shift that is necessary to reframe the task into an activity that promises not only practical utility but personal benefits.

For instance, making order in one’s belongings can lead to a sense of calm, reducing stress and anxiety. Studies show that messy environments can increase feelings of frustration and reduce one’s sense of control, while organizing can promote mindfulness and here-and-now awareness.

Imagine finding a collection of old hiking boots in your garage as you’re rearranging things. You used to hike regularly, on such beautiful trails, but over time you gave it up. Looking at the worn shoes makes you realize that you actually miss the sense of physical and mental wellbeing you felt. Consequently, you might decide to commit to incorporating at least one hike a month into your routine.

Similarly, discovering a stash of watercolor paints could recall the pleasure you once had in working with your hands, and might inspire you to plan some arts and crafts projects for your grandchildren over the holidays.

When browsing through the stacks of discarded books, you affectionately open the one on textiles. Your considerable skills in costume design, not employed since high school, make you think about offering your talent to the local community theater.

The Process Is Very Deep Actually

The point here is that there’s more to cleaning the garage than putting possessions in order. The process is filled with personal decisions, insights, reflections, and inspirations that offer unexpected benefits.

The same holds true for whatever you do. Experience is not a single track, unless you are fixated on nothing else but getting from Point A to Point B. Certainly, experience, thoroughly enjoyed, is multi-layered.

So, the next time you hear the phrase “enjoy the process,” take it as an invitation to be curious about what you might learn as you work through the activity because “the process” isn’t just a means to an end – it’s a mirror reflecting the evolving journey of who you are. To be sure, life unfolds in the present, and each moment carries its own potential for meaning.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What process have you started with enjoyment in mind? What about tough to tackle projects? Have you had to shift your mindset toward enjoyment, inspiration and reflection when organizing various aspects of your home and life?

The story was very personal for her.

But does she speak the language?