Month: November 2024

Six new giant character balloons are making their way to Herald Square.

Six new giant character balloons are making their way to Herald Square.

I need to get better at writing down the sources of my favorite phrases and sayings (I have a notebook for those). Recently, I read (and did not write down the source) that a low level of social interaction can be just as unhealthy as smoking, obesity, alcohol abuse, or physical inactivity. Wow, that’s significantly negative with a bigger impact than I realized!

A Newfound Sense of Free Time

When I became an empty nester, I started to see how easy it would be to be home more and out and about less. With the kids and their activities off of the calendar, we didn’t have as many social, sports, or school-related things to go to anymore. I remember feeling this newfound sense of free time. We have to decide what to do with it, not be told when to be where for what. It’s so fun to be totally in charge of our time, I thought!

Alone Is Different

Then over the years, I’ve watched many clients, a couple of friends or their parents, and both of our mothers, journey into widowhood. Another household change! That forced singleness changes everything again, in so many ways. The house is quieter than ever and nighttime is the worst. All of the responsibilities for everything are in your lap, no more shared workload. You feel robbed of the visions you had for your future. You look at your calendar and none of it looks fun anymore, alone is different.

Isolation Can Be a Tempting Solution

It can feel easier to just stay home. Depending on where you are in your grieving, you may prefer to avoid talking to people about being in the club no one wants to join (widowhood). You have so much to take care of yourself at home anyway and there are projects everywhere you look, so it might feel natural to just want to stay at home. Plus, couples’ friends too often seem to drop off and you don’t get invited out as much anymore.

Motion for Your Brain

But that reduced – or lack of – social interaction, especially over time, can wreak havoc on your physical and mental health. You may have heard the phrase “motion is lotion.” That refers to blood flow in the brain and body and how it makes everything work better. Blood carries oxygen and nutrients to parts of the body to nourish them.

Exercise makes joints work better. Using all of your senses is motion for your brain. Talking to a friend while walking, for example, engages your eyes, ears, mouth, nose, and hands/feet. Socializing does that as well, plus it can elevate your mood for better mental health.

Just Do It!

Think about the times you were getting ready, or thinking about getting ready, to go to a social activity and debate in your mind about whether you should just stay home instead. I bet that 9 times out of 10 when you think back to those situations, you ended up being very glad that you went after all. Our brain’s inertia hurdle is not our best friend. We would be healthier if we could be more like Nike, “just do it!”

In addition to a physical health impact, choosing to minimize your social interaction will also impact your mental health. Most of the happiness research I have read seems to come to the common conclusion that the level of your happiness is most determined by the strength of your relationships. You can’t develop and nurture strong relationships without socializing with others.

We Need Human Connection

Fortunately, we do have more socialization options than ever before besides being in person. Phone or video calls (in many different formats) have made it more convenient to reach out and stay in touch with each other. But just for the same reason we see employers preferring at least a hybrid work environment (some days in the office and some days remote), being together physically in person is still the best overall human connection opportunity.

Keep Moving Forward

The one “good out of bad” example that I see with the suddenly single process, is related to finances. There is so much to take care of in the first 6-12 months that it feels overwhelming. But the good part of that frustrating process is that it forces you to keep moving forward on something. You have so much change thrown at you that a sense of direction, homework to take care of, and tasks that won’t get done by themselves that impact your daily life is actually helpful.

It forces you to focus, which can distract you from your grief momentarily while also feeling some progress. This is also why the second year after a loss is often worse. That hustle and bustle “dust” has settled from all the necessary things to take care of and instead, the realization of needing to reinvent yourself going forward settles in as this unchosen sudden singleness stares you in the face every day.

Continuing Your Journey

One client referred to me as a “widow’s financial friend” as I feel my role is to help through the finances and ease the pain of the journey. This is why most of my financial tools, especially the Suddenly Single course/bundle, are designed to help from the comfort of your own home, when you are ready, with or without outside assistance.

As you get through the financial tasks, stay connected with the other relationships in your life for your own better health. Alone does not have to mean lonely, or unhealthy.

Time for Reflection:

How have you seen the suddenly single journey unfold for yourself or other women in your life? Has socialization been a challenge, a blessing, or both? What tips can you share with other women from your experience? Let’s have a discussion!

Facing life’s hurdles with resilience can be a profound journey of self-discovery. When unexpected events arise, your reaction can shape your path – which is why it’s essential that you have effective coping strategies. Without them, you might find yourself stuck, unable to navigate a healthy passage to higher ground.

“Everything nourishes what is strong already.”
—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

It’s crucial to have a personal foundation to emerge stronger. That’s not to say you won’t ever experience periods of darkness, but you will be better equipped to successfully break through the gloom.

As I reflect on the past decade, I’ve become more self-aware, attributing my growth to age, experience, and beliefs. Over the years, my daily spiritual practices have prepared me to embrace my challenges and to strengthen my inner resilience during tough times.

“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.”
—Louise Hay

I don’t think we come here knowing exactly who we are. Life is about becoming. Our major charge is to discover why we are here through introspection and self-realization. And the process doesn’t occur without the highs and lows.

Here are some ways to help identify your silver lining to keep you moving forward.

Build a Strong Spiritual Foundation

Seek to know yourself intimately. Create a daily spiritual practice that complements your way of life. Participate in activities that make you feel like your life is a gift. For instance, schedule time to walk in nature, grow an indoor or outdoor garden, establish a sanctuary for prayer in your home, and offer to assist someone in need.

Take time throughout the day to relax, breathe and reflect. Commit to a meditation ritual. Turn within and know that beneath the seemingly insurmountable challenges, there’s something bigger and greater than the problem. This helps you recognize the dynamic, ever-changing process of life.

“Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.”
—Katherine Dunham

Moving 2,000 miles to start anew taught me that setbacks, like divorce, offer profound insights. Remaining genuine and practicing love and forgiveness allowed me to thrive post-breakup. Life’s lessons reveal themselves when we maintain an open heart and take care of ourselves.

Be Patient and Adaptable

Adaptability is key; change is life’s constant. I realize it’s easier said than done, but embracing change is a critical part of taking care of ourselves. Life is constantly flowing, and we must be in the flow to appreciate transformative options.

Starting my holistic business, Lifestyle 120, at the age of 62 underscores this truth. My vision of showing women how to release limiting beliefs and reclaim their power in their golden years was my primary mission. The obstacles, delays, setbacks, and massive learning curve were all setups for fulfilling my sacred journey.

“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”
—Vivian Greene

Seeing myself as an endlessly unfolding spiritual being, helps me live courageously, learn continuously, and love unconditionally.

Focus on Peace and Well-Being

Keep your well-being at the forefront. In the midst of any predicament, don’t forget who you are and whose you are. You were born to overcome. Do what is yours to do, but release the things you can’t control. Express gratitude for all that is good in your life, surround yourself with positive and supportive people, and follow uplifting stories.

“It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty.”
—Dalai Lama

A pivotal moment in my life was stepping up as my mother’s sole caregiver while managing a full-time public school teaching career. This experience opened me up, prompting a deeper spiritual connection. Initially, I sought control, wanting to keep her with me indefinitely. With courage, I surrendered to spiritual guidance, relieving a significant burden. This journey revealed unacknowledged truths about myself, teaching me to overcome my ego.

“No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them.”
—Alana Stewart

In tough times, focus on self-care, cherish your spiritual identity, express gratitude, and, as much as you can, surround yourself with positivity. Appreciate your progress. When you navigate trials and achieve positive outcomes you are a survivor. Understanding oneself involves trusting that things will turn out okay. Cling to the silver lining. You possess the power to steer your future by how you respond to challenges. Beyond the grey, stormy skies lies a serene, azure expanse of peace. Continually renew your awareness of the power and protection of Spirit within.

Reflection Questions:

Share an instance when you endured a tough season. How did you persevere? What strategies did you employ? What did you discover about yourself?

Landing on Italian soil is always a joy but nowhere makes my heart sing quite as much as Tuscany. Some put it down to the light, others the magnificence of the art and architecture in what are surely some of Europe’s best-loved cities. For me, however, rather than the larger towns and cities such as Florence, Siena and Pisa, Tuscany’s true hidden gems are the small towns and tiny hilltop villages.

If you’re keen to get out to some of the less touristy towns, renting a car is a must, but on the plus side, this does mean you’ll also get the chance to drink in some amazing views of the Tuscan countryside. However, be sure to rent a small car – medieval streets were not designed with larger vehicles in mind! These are some of my favourite small Tuscan towns and villages, and what’s special about each one.

Iconic Wines

Wherever you go in Tuscany, you’ll never be far from a glass of outstanding wine, but in some towns and villages, wine permeates their very existence. In the medieval and Renaissance town of Montepulciano, beguiling Renaissance palaces and wine production go hand in hand, and an abundance of wine bars makes it possible to easily intermingle culture with the odd glass of ‘Vino Nobile’.

Less than 45 minutes’ drive away, at the hilltop town of Montalcino, the big attraction is the view over the surrounding vineyards, and, of course, the chance to try the town’s iconic Brunello red wine. But you can while away a couple of pleasant hours effortlessly, strolling through the town which is dominated by a full circle of fortified walls and formidable castle.

Tuscany’s Chianti region is slightly further north, with the town of Radda in Chianti lying right at the heart of the wine country. You’ll find a large selection of local wineries and enotecas but Radda is also worth visiting for its cobbled streets and 16th century Palazzo del Podestà. Finally, the town of Bolgheri in the far west of the region is another interesting stop for wine lovers. The town has an old historic centre with an imposing castle but the main attraction is the region’s Super Tuscan wines such as Sassicaia.

From the Etruscans to the Renaissance

You’ll find fascinating traces of the past in every village and town in Tuscany. Several towns were principal Etruscan cities but it was the region’s organisation into independent ‘comuni’ during the Middle Ages and the Renaissance that resulted in the existence of so many historic towns. These ‘comuni’, or municipalities, were frequently at war with one another, resulting in multiple fortified, hilltop-walled towns.

Strong traces of Etruscan, Roman and medieval history pervade towns such as Cortona, Chiusi, Volterra and Arezzo. Cortona is probably the busiest of the four, propelled into the limelight with the release of Under the Tuscan Sun, but nevertheless, still one of Tuscany’s most impressive hill towns. For a quieter introduction to the Etruscans, head to Chiusi, a sleepy town to the south of Tuscany, and one of the most important cities of the Etruscan empire.

Arezzo’s past also dates back to Etruscan times while its central square has dominated the city since Medieval times. Its Basilica di San Francesco is home to a series of frescoes by Piero della Francesca, one of the great artistic contributors to the early Renaissance.

Other hill towns with interesting histories include Fosdinovo and Monteriggioni. We visit both of these tiny hilltop villages and their astonishing castles, on one of our Tuscany walking tours.

And finally, Pienza, deemed to represent the model Renaissance town in terms of planning and layout. Enjoy a leisurely afternoon exploring its winding streets and piazzas and take time to sample the pecorino cheese for which the town is so well-known.

Arts and Crafts in Tuscany

Volterra is one of my absolute favourite Tuscan towns, often overlooked by tourists but one which offers some superb sightseeing opportunities. Highlights include the Duomo and Baptistery, ancient Etruscan walls, a Roman theatre and Tuscany’s oldest town hall, the Palazzo dei Priori. But thanks to the presence of large natural alabaster deposits, the town is also well known for its alabaster carving. You can visit historic alabaster workshops and numerous shops selling everything from bowls to jewellery.

Just 20 miles or so to the east, the Colle di Val d’Elsa also has a long tradition of craftsmanship. The town’s upper part, Colle Alta, home to medieval buildings and the 12th century Santa Maria in Canonica church, is renowned for its craft shops and glass workshops. You can find out more about its glassmaking history in the Museo del Cristallo.

Thermal Springs in Tuscany

The tiny village of Bagno Vignoni in the Val d’Orcia is quite unique. Like nearby San Quirico, the village was a stopping place for pilgrims en route for Rome. Where other Tuscan towns have a central piazza framed by, perhaps, a Duomo and medieval palazzi, the main square in Bagno Vignoni comprises a large thermal pool surrounded by small stone walls.

You can’t enter these waters but there are several other locations in the surrounding countryside where you can experience hot springs, such as the Bagni San Filippo.

Please Join the Conversation:

Have you ever visited any of the smaller towns in Tuscany? Would you recommend them? What did you like about them the most? Can you recommend any other small town or village in Tuscany or elsewhere in Italy?