Month: December 2024

Did he really cheat on Sabrina Carpenter?

“My name is being dragged.”

December is here, and the festive season isn’t just for shopping sprees – it’s also prime time for self-reflection and goal-setting, especially in the dating world. Since Black Friday, I’ve been chatting with new and long-time dating clients preparing for January’s dating surge. Amid our conversations, some popular dating misconceptions popped up.

Let’s unpack a few with a holiday spirit twist!

1. “I Can Tell If Someone Is ‘The One’ in the First 5 Minutes of a Date.”

False.

If love-at-first-sight were the rule, I’d have far fewer success stories to share! Chemistry can take time – up to three dates, in fact. So, don’t be so quick to call it quits.

2. “Men Talk Way Too Much on First Dates.”

True.

Sorry, gentlemen! Experience says this happens often (I’ve discussed this in my book, 2nd Acts: 166 Winning Strategies for Dating over 50). The good news? Second dates tend to balance things out.

3. “All the Good Men Are Married.”

False.

Take heart, ladies – there are plenty of amazing single men out there. Shift your mindset and keep looking!

4. “Everyone Lies a Little on Their Dating Profile.”

True.

Let’s call it “embellishment.” Whether it’s a slightly exaggerated gym habit or a polished travel tale, minor tweaks are common. Thankfully, data shows most people are truthful about the essentials like age, height, and weight.

5. “No One Ever Responds to My Messages Online.”

False.

If you’re not getting replies, it’s likely your approach. Canned, impersonal messages don’t cut it. Personalize and engage!

6. “He Hasn’t Shared His Feelings Yet – That’s Just His Mysterious Side.”

False.

Mysterious can be intriguing, but emotional unavailability is a red flag. If someone can’t share, ask yourself what’s holding them back.

7. “Talking About an Ex on the First Date Is No Big Deal.”

False.

Yikes! Leave ex-talk for later. The first date is about the present – building a connection and laying the groundwork for a second date.

8. “Online Dating Feels Like a Full-Time Job.”

False.

If dating apps feel like work, you’re doing it wrong. A solid strategy and focused effort (less than two hours a week!) make it manageable – and even fun.

9. “Starting Over Is Terrifying.”

True.

Re-entering the dating pool in your 50s, 60s, or beyond can be daunting, but confidence builds with practice. Four first dates, and you’ll feel unstoppable.

10. “I’ll Meet Someone ‘Organically.’”

False.

Your dream partner isn’t magically appearing at your doorstep. Over 50 percent of recent couples met online – why not you?

So, How Did You Score?

If some answers hit close to home, it’s time for a new perspective. Lisa, one of my clients, thought she’d never find love again at 68. Then, she met Roger online, and her life transformed. Love isn’t about desperation – it’s about believing in possibilities.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What misconceptions do you have about dating? How have they affected your dating life? Are you ready to rewrite your dating story this coming year? What are you prepared to do to accomplish your goals and find companionship and love?   

As we get older, we tend to think we’ve got this whole “communication” thing down. We’ve had years of practice, and by now, we ought to be masters of getting our point across clearly. And yet, sometimes, even with our best intentions, people hear something entirely different from what we meant.

Communication, Right?

Communication isn’t just about the words we choose; it’s about everything in between – tone, timing, assumptions – and occasionally, it’s about the total disconnect that can leave us all laughing, scratching our heads, or both.

Back before my sister had a husband, mortgage, or children, she was out on the town with friends at a little pub in downtown Chicago. That’s where she learned firsthand how intentions and even accents can skew the simplest conversations.” A man approached my sister, and, in a heavy Scottish accent, he said, “My friend and I were talking, and we think you look just like my groin.”

My sister was, to say the least, mortified. “That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard!” she said. “I look like your groin?”

“No, no!” he said. “You look like Ma Groy-in, Mag Royan!”

Her friend chimed in, “Are you trying to say Meg Ryan?”

No, my sister did not marry the man, but we’ve had more than 35 years of retelling this story, and it leaves everyone in stitches every time.

Back in the Day

Years later, I found myself on the other end of a similar communication debacle – this time with two students in my fourth-grade class, Zach and Nicolás. (I’ve changed their names.) They were sharp, observant, and, as I soon discovered, masters at spotting my own miscommunications in real time. What started as a typical Tuesday transformed into one of those unforgettable days that reminded me communication is always a bit of a moving target.

Zach was my cool kid with an “I’d rather be anywhere else” vibe. He was also hard of hearing but thought hearing aids cramped his style. Nicolás was new to the country, a quiet, lovable little guy who’d moved here from Mexico the year before, after his mother died in a car accident. He had a big heart but understood little English.

So here I was, one of the only ones around to help him adjust. No Spanish teachers, one occasional interpreter for the deaf, and me – an American teacher with three years of high school German and about eight words of Spanish I’d gleaned from Sesame Street.

This mix made for some entertaining classroom moments, to say the least. I’d smile and wave wildly to catch Zach’s attention across the room, knowing full well he’d be pretending he didn’t see me. Meanwhile, Nicolás, dear kid, would quietly watch the chaos with big, solemn eyes. His English might have been limited, but his powers of observation were sharp. He understood more than he let on, as I would soon discover in a rather unforgettable way.

How to Miscommunicate

The story unfolded on a cold and snowy day when Zach and Nicolás, bursting with excitement, ran toward me in the hall as I was attempting to slide into the teacher’s lounge for my 12 minutes of lunch. The boys had been promised by someone with better language skills than mine, that they’d get to skip the freezing recess time and play basketball in the gym with a “super cool parent volunteer.”

Cooler than the teachers apparently. But not as cold as the teachers on recess duty outside. As they closed in on me, I realized they were about to be sorely disappointed. The cool volunteer dad, as it turned out, wouldn’t be coming until the next day.

Here’s where the challenge began: I had to convey the concept of tomorrow. Simple enough, right? It’s simple if you know the Spanish and ASL (American Sign Language) word for tomorrow. For some of you, that word might float right to the front of your brain without hesitation. For me, every Spanish word I’d ever learned was swirling around, none of them sounding like what I needed. “Taco?” (Yummmm, I’m starving…) “Feliz Navidad?” (Useless.)

All I had was “abierto” (thank you, Sesame Street) and “agua,” which wasn’t going to get me very far. Meanwhile, Nicolás and Zach stared at me, both visibly impatient for answers. Nicolás tilted his head as if to say, “Well, lady, get on with it.”

Let’s Try Sign Language?

At this point, I remembered that I did know a little sign language. My school had been a magnet for deaf students, so I’d picked up a decent vocabulary – well, in nouns and adjectives anyway. I threw caution to the wind and started signing the only time-related word I could remember. “Weekend! Weekend! Weekend!” I frantically signed.

It was, of course, meaningless. Nicolás looked at me with even bigger eyes, clearly confused but waiting patiently. Zach looked at me, or rather in my general direction, clearly unimpressed.

Let’s Try Volume?

Realizing I was losing them, I tried an age-old tactic: volume. I shouted ‘Weekend!’ at Zach, and ‘Weekend!’ at Nicolás, which – of course – accomplished nothing. Zach couldn’t hear me without his hearing aids, and Nicolás was just watching with that squinty look kids give when they’re sure adults are clueless.

Staff members, who were walking past us in the hall, looked at me with disgust. It is a faux pas to yell at someone in their second language, expecting them to suddenly understand you.

And that’s when, as if on cue, a single, glorious word floated into my brain, thanks to Maria from Sesame Street – “mañana!” Yes! I’d remembered it! Overcome with relief, I did what maybe anyone in my position would do. I yelled it.

“Mañana! Mañana! Mañana!”

I was so triumphant, I was practically conducting a concert with my hands as I kept signing the word weekend. Zach was still confused – the Spanish was clearly not helping me to remember any ASL.

And that’s when Nicolás, who up until this point had only spoken in the softest of whispers, turned to me with the calm but unmistakable disdain of a child forced to deal with a clueless adult and said, “Hey lady, I am not the deaf one. Why are you yelling mañana at me?”

What I Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know

In that moment, I wished for a hole in the floor, or a “start over” button, or at least a mild case of amnesia. Here was Nicolás, in decent English, casually revealing his understanding much of what I’d been trying to communicate. He’d understood just enough to let me know exactly how absurd I looked, yelling Spanish at a child who clearly didn’t need it – I was the lost one.

Of course, the unseen benefit came later, once the embarrassment had faded. I’ve come to appreciate moments like these, even if they’re humbling. Communicating isn’t always about imparting knowledge; sometimes it’s about realizing just how little we really know. And I think it’s fair to say that everyone has had a moment of “yelling in Spanish sign language” metaphorically. Don’t be discouraged, though. Failing is the first step to succeeding at something.

Lessons

Looking back, I realize that the lesson Zach and Nicolás taught me was more than just a funny story to share at staff meetings or parties. It was a reminder that no matter how sure we are of what we’re saying, communication remains a tricky art. It’s about learning to laugh at ourselves, to adjust, and to try again, knowing that misunderstandings will happen – and sometimes, they’ll be the most memorable moments of all.

So now, when I’m faced with a misunderstanding – whether it’s with a family member, a friend, or even myself – I remember that day in the hallway with Zach and Nicolás. I remember what it felt like to think I was helping, only to realize I’d been hilariously off track. And I remind myself to take a breath, embrace the laughter, and know that sometimes the best way to be understood is to stay open, flexible, and avoid yelling in Spanish – unless you’re quite certain it’s what the moment calls for.

Here’s a link to my podcast where you can hear parts of this bad communication story aloud: Surviving the School Year episode 23.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have a story of a miscommunication that you now can look back on and laugh? What do you think is the most overlooked but important part of being understood/understanding others? Do you think it is harder to be “listened to” as a person of a more distinctive age? Why or why not?

Old people are boring – truth or myth?

While you can split hairs and say, “it
depends on the individual,” it’s certainly a broadly accepted stereotype that
old people lead boring lives.

Stuck in Our Habits

Why? Basically, humans tend to fall
into a serious habit of doing the same thing repeatedly. You could even say
that a part of us is designed to be
boring.

Here’s what I mean. It’s a natural
instinct for us to not spend our
energy making conscious active decisions throughout the day. In fact, we make
about 35,000 decisions per day on autopilot. They take place
in our basal ganglia instead of the prefrontal cortex.

The reason is, we were built to
reserve our energy for fight-or-flight mode to survive in the wild. What’s more,
we’re designed to procrastinate to avoid any stressors in life.

The glaring problem? We’re not living
out in the wild anymore (most of us anyway, particularly if you’re reading this
article from your computer).

So, if our species is designed to
reserve energy and procrastinate on those adventurous plans you dream about, imagine
doing that for decades. Put another way, the longer you repeat your boring
habits the more stuck you become in those habits.

And when you’re stuck in a habit of
doing the same thing repeatedly (for decades), you’re more susceptible to other
outcomes that make you even more boring.

That’s right. Like not having anything
new or interesting to say.

Confined by Comfort

When you stay within the cozy walls
for your comfort zone, you don’t have anything new to talk about. Your
experiences and stories remain the same and you end up lacking something
stimulating to add to a conversation.

Which leads to that classic stereotype
of “old people repeat themselves.” Pretty boring on the receiving end, right?

What’s more is, your brain craves new experiences. To create new
neural pathways (which you can do until the day you die), you need new
experiences. Your neuroplasticity and cognitive health depend
on it.

Another side effect of being stuck in
rut is you become accustomed to your own opinions – and only your own opinions. You limit what your mind is exposed to,
which is also another way to not have anything interesting to say. Who wants to
hear your same opinion over and over again?

Boring Doesn’t Pertain ONLY to Older People

Not to worry, though. These
characteristics aren’t applicable to all seniors, and are, largely,
misconceptions spread by culture.

The truth
is: You can be boring at any age.

In fact, a study by Airbnb claims that women reach a
“peak boring” age at 35 (for men it’s 39). Supposedly, age 35 is when women are
least likely to do things like stay out late on a weekday, try a new hobby,
make a new friend, or book a spontaneous trip.

If you’re a woman in your 60s, and ready to make the most of your golden years, these activities are exactly what you should be doing if you want to live your ideal exciting and purposeful retirement lifestyle.

The problem? Here’s where culture
comes in. Culture trains you to be more sedentary as you age and pushes you to
fear the aging process altogether.

Take, for example, the sheer amount of TV seniors watch per week – although it’s down from the staggering 47 hours and 13 minutes for people aged 65+ that were recorded in 2020, according to data on Statista.com it’s still around 4.5 hours per day. And that’s without considering streaming services like Netflix or online browsing on phones, tablets and other devices.

Basically, culture trains you to stay
boring – which also means further procrastinating on your biggest dreams and
continuing to reserve your energy by living on autopilot.

Who Is Most Susceptible to Being Boring?

If you take a look at the root cause
of boredom, professor John Eastwood and team conducted a study out of York University in Canada that revealed there
are two very different personality types that suffer from boredom:

People Who Are Mentally Impulsive

The first group includes the mentally impulsive,
those who are chronically under-stimulated and always looking for new
experiences but don’t think the world is exciting enough.

People Who Are Afraid to Step Out of Their Comfort Zone

The second group consists of those who
aren’t satisfied with being comfortable, yet they’re chronically bored because
they’re too afraid to try something new.

For seniors, culture pushes you into
the second category. But, there’s good news – you don’t have to stay in that
category.

You Can Beat Boredom and Culture

Here’s what
you can do: Simply get out of your comfort zone.

In other words, seek new experiences.
Learn something new. Immerse yourself in new activities. Meet new people. Be
open-minded.

There are so many benefits to creating new growth experiences for yourself,
including:

• It’s
  good for building neuroplasticity and maintaining your cognitive health.
• It’s
  exciting and gets you out of a rut.
• It
  increases your chance of meeting new people.
• It’s
  good for your mental and emotional health.
• You’re
  more likely to find something fulfilling and purposeful by challenging yourself.
• You’re
  less judgmental.

The gist of it is: The good stuff –
including not being boring – happens
outside of your comfort zone. So, stop procrastinating and claim your place!
You might just excite others in your social group to do the same.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What can you do (big or small) to step out of your comfort zone? What autopilot routine or habit can you break to create a growth experience for yourself? Please share your thoughts with our community!