Month: December 2024

She likes coffee. I like tea. We both love munching on oat biscuits (cookies to American readers). We are sitting in her living room, in an apartment with a beautiful view overlooking London.

We have known each other for years and enjoy a morning catch-up when we can. We chat about how we have been, what we have been up to and how the family are doing. We tell stories about our lives and have the occasional laugh.

On almost every visit, I go out on her balcony to marvel at the many buildings around us – as well as her tomato plants growing happily on the 36^th floor.

The Point

Why in the world am I telling you this? It is completely commonplace all over the world for women of all backgrounds to visit and chat.

Well, I am 82 and she has just turned 100. And while you may say, well, that’s not so amazing, there are plenty of centenarians about, my guess is that it is not how you picture a 100-year-old woman in your head.

Yes, older women have a chit-chat all the time – including women in their 60s or 70s or 80s.

But people who have reached 100 – well, that’s something else. They must be in a care home, sitting in front of the television. Or too gaga to know where they are. Not sitting with an old friend in an ordinary way, eating biscuits and showing off tomato plants.

Age Has Never Been the Point

That is why I am writing about this. Because sometimes the very old – and 100 is definitely very old – carry on with their lives in the same way as before.

Some specifics vary – young people would be talking about their parents or siblings, middle aged people might be talking about their children and, possibly, parents.

We talk about all different generations. My grandchildren and her great-grand-children are almost the same ages – all teenage boys – and we talk about them and what they are doing.

When Does ‘Old Age’ Begin?

Once you are over 60, you know you are old. But there is ‘young old’, which is where you are at 60 and ‘old old’, which used to be said to start at 75. Perhaps now at 80.

It seems that many 60-year-olds think that ‘old age’ starts at 75, according to a recent German study published in the American Psychological Society’s journal, Psychology and Ageing.

Indeed, the same study found that people’s view of when old age begins increases as they themselves age. That doesn’t seem very surprising.

My friend says you aren’t really old until you’re 90.

Being a Centenarian

The thing about people who are very old is that some of the numbers and dates do make you stop and think.

My friend was born in 1924 – you could work that out – into a poor family who lived not far from where she lives now (but the neighbourhood has completely changed).

The first time she was ever taken to a doctor was in 1937 (age 13) because she had pleurisy. Prior to the foundation of the National Health Service (NHS) in 1948, poor people did not go to doctors very readily. It was much too expensive.

She was married in 1947, just after World War II – and she and her husband were very close to celebrating their 75^th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, he died three years ago, aged 97, a few months too early.

She has three children, one of whom was born before the NHS was established, which was significant to her, because she had some difficulties with the birth.

I have met all of them at one time or another as well as their children and grandchildren.

Keeping in Touch

If you know people in their 90s or above, do keep in touch with them. They may have family, but often many of their friends have died long ago. They welcome the chance for a chat.

And you will have fun and learn a lot.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have friends who are very old? Do you keep in touch with them? What do you like to talk about?

The perfect post-Christmas event.

The perfect post-Christmas event.

The perfect post-Christmas event.

Throughout my career, I’ve learned one fundamental truth: the power of one person can change lives, but often, it comes at the cost of enduring immense challenges. As a former public relations and corporate communications executive, my journey has been nothing short of eye-opening.

I’ve seen the extremes of corporate power, the raw pain of loss, and the resilience required to break free from systems that prioritize profit over people. Along the way, I’ve come to understand how the choices we make and the courage we summon can have a profound impact on those around us.

The Dark Side of Corporate America

My story begins in the unforgiving world of corporate America, where I spent many years climbing the ranks in public relations. It was a world where titles, financial success, and connections were paramount – often at the expense of integrity and fairness. I quickly discovered the harsh realities of the corporate structure: unequal pay scales, pervasive sexual harassment, and a toxic environment where power was wielded without accountability.

It became painfully clear that those at the top – the C-suite executives – were held to an entirely different standard. Their actions, often questionable or downright immoral, were overlooked because of who they knew, their status, and the profits their businesses generated. These individuals were shielded from scrutiny, while the rest of us were left to navigate the system with little support or fairness. This inequality crushed morale and eroded any sense of trust in the workplace.

The worst part was the sexual harassment that was so normalized that it was barely addressed. The system was rigged in favor of those with power, leaving the rest of us to endure the consequences. I lived in this toxic environment for so many years, but eventually, the weight of it all became too much to bear. I realized I had to leave if I wanted to preserve my dignity and mental health.

A New Dream Takes Shape

The decision to leave corporate America was difficult, but it also opened the door to a new, deeply meaningful path. For years, I had been drawn to the idea of becoming a funeral director. In a world obsessed with success, power, and wealth, I wanted to serve people in their most vulnerable moments – when they needed compassion and support the most.

It wasn’t until I faced the loss of my own mother that I fully understood the significance of this role. My mother died unexpectedly, and in my grief, I found myself consumed with rage at the funeral director. How could anyone profit from such a painful time? I confronted him, asking how he could live with himself, making money off of others’ pain. His response was unexpected: “I see it differently. I’m not making money off of people’s pain. I’m here to make a reality we all face a little easier to bear.”

This perspective stuck with me. He was offering solace, guidance, and support to families who needed it most. In that moment, I realized that being a funeral director was not about the money – it was about the people, the families, and the impact you could have on their lives when they were at their most vulnerable. I knew then that this was my true calling.

The Corporate Funeral Industry

After years of training and certification, I finally became a funeral director. However, I made a mistake early on in my career by joining a corporate funeral establishment. In hindsight, it was akin to walking into a situation where both clients and employees – were treated as commodities.

For those familiar with the show Six Feet Under, I had essentially joined the corporate equivalent of that world, where everything boiled down to profit margins. The bottom line was all that mattered, and people – whether families or employees – were mere statistics.

The long hours, the emotional toll, and the disconnection from the real mission of the industry began to wear me down. And when I sustained an injury on the job, I was rendered unable to perform some of the physical tasks required. That’s when my value was reduced to zero. My worth was no longer measured by my skills, but by my ability to meet the company’s bottom line. I was out.

Rebuilding My Life and Career

At this point in my life, I was feeling defeated. I had spent years working toward becoming a funeral director, only to find myself back at square one. But I wasn’t ready to give up on my dreams. I turned to freelance writing, a passion I had nurtured for years, and also began pursuing life coaching. Slowly but surely, my life coaching business began to take off. I felt a renewed sense of purpose, helping others transform their lives by guiding them to discover their true potential.

Then, just as things were picking up, an unexpected opportunity came across my path. I saw an ad for a funeral home admin position at a family-owned funeral home. It was hard to ignore. I had a deep sense of hesitation – did I really want to go down this road again, especially after all I had endured? But this time was different. This was not a corporate funeral establishment focused on profits. It was a well-respected, family-owned business where empathy, service, and genuine care for people were at the core of everything they did.

I decided to take the leap and applied for the position. I was offered the job, and soon, I found myself immersed in an environment unlike anything I had experienced before. This was a place where people came first, and financial success was never pursued at the expense of human decency. It wasn’t long before I realized I had found my professional home – a place where I was not just an employee but a valued member of a team that cared deeply about the families we served.

Living in a Divided World

In the world we live in today, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the anger, division, and hostility that surrounds us. Political divides, social unrest, and constant negativity often leave us questioning where we fit in, how we can make a difference, and whether it’s even possible to restore a sense of unity. Every day seems to bring new challenges, and it’s easy to lose sight of the goodness that still exists.

However, we must remember that even in such a divided world, it is crucial to find places of peace and solace in our own part of the world. We can choose where we place our focus and who we choose to surround ourselves with. Sometimes, it’s in the quietest moments, within the walls of a business or community that values empathy, that we find hope. It’s in these places that we can witness firsthand the incredible power of kindness, compassion, and the ability of individuals to change lives.

In my journey, I’ve found that creating pockets of peace, where respect and service reign, is not only possible but essential. We must create these spaces in our lives and in our communities. If we can do this, even on a small scale, we are helping to push back against the waves of negativity that too often dominate the headlines.

Restoring My Faith in People

I can honestly say that, at this stage in my life, I never expected to be pleasantly surprised by the humanity I’ve encountered. After years of corporate corruption and disillusionment with various industries, I had all but given up on the idea that meaningful change could come from within. But my experience with the family-owned funeral home has completely transformed my perspective.

I’ve seen firsthand that it’s possible for a business to thrive without sacrificing its soul. Even after all these years, I have been reminded that people have the ability to do extraordinary things when they come together with the right intentions. My faith in humankind has been restored in ways I never thought possible, and I feel deeply grateful for the opportunity to be a part of something that matters.

Working with Tania and our Cornell Family has shown me the power of the human factor – the difference it makes when people choose empathy, kindness, and integrity over profit and power. It has been a humbling reminder that, even in a world filled with division and adversity, there are still spaces where humanity shines through.

The power of one person truly is remarkable. It only takes one person to make a difference, to change the course of an industry, and to remind us that what we do in this life is about more than just what we earn. It’s about the lives we touch, the hearts we heal, and the legacy of kindness we leave behind. I now live each day with a renewed sense of purpose, knowing that, no matter the industry, I can make a difference – and so can you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What has been your experience in the corporate world in America or any other country? Have you found something else in a family-owned business environment? Where do you think you fit in best in your working years?