Month: January 2025

Obesity is one of the most common health problems worldwide. And even though you may be tempted to jump on the latest bandwagon and follow the latest diet, or take the trending pill or potion, these strategies rarely succeed in long-term, permanent weight loss.

And sadly, they tend to set you up for another cycle of losing and then regaining the weight, which only makes matters worse.

You feel like a failure (again), and before you know it ,you find yourself turning to sugar and carbs to feel better, even though you know you’re “not supposed to” be eating that stuff.

As a Registered Dietitian specializing in weight loss, I could spend my days telling my clients what to eat and what not to eat.

But to be honest, most of them already know this. They know that cookies, crackers, chips, and candy won’t help them achieve their weight loss goals…

But their emotions take over and they can’t seem to help themselves.

So, here’s the truth…

For Most People, Losing Weight Is NOT Really About the Food

It’s about what we’re thinking and feeling.

You could have the best diet in the world, and it may never work because your negative emotions (your emotional baggage) and your sabotaging beliefs are causing your cravings, emotional eating and weight issues.

And these are your Weight Loss Blockers.

So where do these Weight Loss Blockers come from?

As it turns out, many of the negative emotions and sabotaging beliefs that affect our food choices and our weight have their origins in childhood.

Adverse Childhood Experiences Contribute to Weight Issues

There have been numerous studies linking ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) to a significant risk of adult obesity and the studies show that females are particularly affected.

ACEs are traumatic events that happen between ages 1 and 17. These negative experiences affect a child’s brain and overall health as they grow into adults and can lead to chronic health conditions such as obesity.

Experts define many things as adverse childhood experiences, but the 10 general categories are listed below:

• Physical Abuse
• Sexual Abuse
• Emotional Abuse
• Physical Neglect
• Emotional Neglect
• Mental Illness (living with a relative with a mental health issue)
• Incarcerated Parent or Caregiver
• Mother Treated Violently
• Substance Use in the Home
• Divorce

ACEs increase the risk of obesity in a number of ways due to the chronic and severe stress the child feels. Related to obesity, one of the most obvious consequence of ACEs is using food as a coping mechanism – hence the desire for “comfort” foods.

Being in chronic “fight-or-flight” from living with ACEs can also affect the function of the amygdala, the part of the brain that regulates our emotions. This carries over into adulthood and can make managing emotions challenging. Many clients share with me that they still feel like they are in constant “fight-or-flight” mode, anxious and on-guard against real or perceived threats. And they realize they are using food to calm down and feel better.

ACEs are also associated with behaviors such as poor impulse control, inadequate sleep, binge eating, and depression, all of which can contribute to obesity.

Are ACEs Contributing to Your Cravings and Emotional Eating?

Many of the women I work with are recognizing that their emotional eating stems from their adverse childhood experiences. They use food to comfort themselves and to feel loved.

If you had ACEs growing up, it’s likely that you have emotions from those experiences that have not yet been processed and are still stored in your body. When you feel these emotions as an adult, they may trigger cravings and emotional eating.

For example, if you felt abandoned as a child and your partner abandons you as an adult, you may be triggered back that childhood event and want to use food to feel better.

ACEs can also cause us to form negative beliefs about ourselves that get stored in our subconscious minds. Maybe you were always criticized or judged and because of that you created beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be accepted.”

These beliefs become a part of your identity and, once again, you might use food to comfort or nurture yourself when you’re feeling inadequate.

The Reason Diets Don’t Work

Diets don’t work for several reasons.

First of all, they’re usually based on depriving you of the foods that you use to soothe and comfort yourself or numb out. Taking away your comfort foods is like taking a pacifier away from a baby and just expecting the baby to cope without it.

Diets also backfire because it’s your emotions and beliefs that are triggering your cravings and emotional eating. Given that the beliefs in your subconscious mind dictate about 90% of your actions and behaviors, changing your eating habits without changing your beliefs is next to impossible.

Diets also don’t work because emotional eating isn’t logical. Intellectually you know better, but emotionally you feel powerless.

There Is Hope

The women I work with have ditched the diets and deprivation and have chosen to resolve the underlying issues surrounding their cravings and emotional eating.

Using advanced energy psychology tools, they’re letting go of the emotions that trigger them, creating new beliefs about themselves, and learning how to feel better without using food. Because of this they’re losing the weight and keeping it off!

If you’d like to learn more, I warmly invite you to watch my free training: How to Stop Your Cravings and Emotional Eating. And if you have questions, please let me know in the discussion below.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have issues with emotional eating? What are your triggers? Have you tried quick weight loss programs and what were the results?

In my last article for Sixty and Me I shared Dr. Doty ‘s new neuroscience of the brain’s manifestation process. Dr. Doty is a neuroscientist and a neurosurgeon. He recently wrote the book Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestation and How It Changes Everything.

In this book, Doty says, “once the body and the mind are in a state of balance, we have the power of manifestation, we can start thinking clearly about what we want to manifest.”

This fits beautifully with your practice of spending time in nature or green spaces. Why? Because your mind and body go into a calm state of balance even after a few minutes outside in green space. Simply recalling scenes of your time in nature or looking at images of nature immediately resets your nervous system to calm.

This feeling of calmness, safety, and comfort or peace, is your parasympathetic state – where you are meant to be – where you can think clearly. And if you are already in the calm parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) mode, being in greenspace strengthens this calm, yet focused state for you.

How to Manifest: Visualize the Powerful Positive Emotions

Dr. Doty suggests visualization and picturing powerful positive emotions of your desired goal. Why? Because your brain will not know the difference between the real and the imagined. Dr. Doty says this is manifestation not magic – it is neuroscience.

Dr. Doty’s Bedside Practice

Doty starts his day with a bedside practice. Every morning, he sits at the side of his bed and takes three slow breaths (inhale for 4-6 seconds and exhale for 4-6 seconds). This, he says, shifts his nervous system to the parasympathetic (PNS) or strengthens his PNS if he is already there.

Then Dr. Doty thinks of the joy and awe in this world (here you could remember a sight or sound of the natural world that impressed you). This, Dr. Doty says, puts him in the right mindset to manifest (your outside mindset). Dr. Doty says this takes you to a place where you are not self-focused, where you find comfort, where you are calm and thoughtful, and he asks you to sit with this for a while.

How to Manifest Your Intentions

When you are in this “calm, thoughtful, connected and open-minded state – your positive belief systems become available. You believe that things will get better.” This, says Dr. Doty, “is when your physiology works the best.”

Write Down 3 Things You Are Grateful For

Simply write down 3 things you are grateful for. Today I wrote down: I am alive, my body is working, and I can love. Dr. Doty asks you to sit with what would make you happy. Ask yourself: “what am I doing to help my family and my environment?”

How to Manifest Your Goals and Intentions

Write down what you want to manifest then:

1) Read it silently,

2) Read it aloud,

3) Visualize using you senses – see it happening.

Repeat often and add detail.

This process gets the attention of the brain’s Salience Network which then activates your brain’s Attention Network. Once these are activated and working, your brain, says Doty, becomes “a bloodhound looking for ways” to confirm your intention.

This is the same Salience Network that Dr. Norman Farb talks about in his book Better in Every Sense and on my last Your Outside Mindset podcast episode: “Dr. Farb Wants You To Test Drive Your Senses.”

Dr. Doty wants you to be patient and not be too attached to a timeline or an outcome. He says manifestation may come in another way at another time, and not to give up. Doty asks you to remain optimistic and to believe this will happen.

He says visualize a few times a day – each time adding more detail – imagine how your senses will feel. This, Doty says, activates your subconscious so that your intention is deeply embedded.

When Your Nervous System Is Balanced Your Physiology Works Best

When your nervous system is balanced (after breathing deeply, yoga, or being outside in green space), Dr. Doty says, “this is when your physiology works best.” This balanced nervous system state (PNS) is the opposite of the “what can’t be” state, or fight-flight-freeze nervous system state.

The Green Zone or The Love Mode

This PNS balanced mode is also a state which Doty calls the “Green Zone, which in our consciousness can be mustered most effectively to visualize and pursue our goals. When PNS is activated, the tone of the vagus nerve increases and a state of well-being that facilitates general health and releases beneficial hormones such as oxytocin that are key to immune and defense systems – which helps with learning, critical thinking, creativity by enabling the flow state and basically optimizes human experience.”

When you are in nature, mindful (and noticing), and breathing you are able to interrupt the negative thoughts and shift your nervous system. According to Doty, when you are in this parasympathetic state of mind (where we are meant to be) these bioelectrical impulses go to your heart and your mind. He says this state slows your heart rate and improves your heart rate variability.

Dr. Doty reminds you that “your heart is a muscle, and you can control your heart rate and heart rate variability.”

In this state you are shifting into what he calls the love mode. This is when you feel safe, warm, and protected…. unconditionally loved.

This love mode is the very same state of well-being that you experience when you spend time in nature and green space.

When You Set Your Intention to a Good Result

James Doty MD says it another way, “Every day is an opportunity to change how you perceive and react to the world. The magic of the process is that it is the same hardware…. when you set your mind to a good result, the pathway is exactly the same, but the software is updated through positive neurofeedback – by building inner power. This is step one (of manifesting).”

You Are Manifesting All of the Time

Doty says that you are manifesting all the time – you might not be aware of this and to ask yourself: “What have I already manifested?”

When you are in negative thinking/worry or rumination mode, your nervous system is in fight-flight-freeze or the sympathetic state (SNS). Rest assured you are not alone in this. Doty states that we all have negative self-talk.

All we need is some awareness of when it happens, to recognize it for what it is. For some this is a chronic state that leads to disease and decreased life expectancy.

Doty says that this was not intended to be our steady state – we are not supposed to be stuck on high alert based on fear.

We are meant to be living in the parasympathetic state (PNS) or the love mode as Doty calls it. Doty says it is not possible to manifest in this fear mode state. This state is also called your default mode network (DMN) – where your mind goes out of habit.

To counter this powerful negative habit, you need to have strategies to shift your mind and body into balance – into the rest and digest (PNS: parasympathetic nervous system) and the love mode – away from the fear mode (SNS: sympathetic nervous system fight-flight-freeze).

Being Outside in Nature Sets You Up for Manifesting Your Goals and Desires

In my first book, Take Back Your Outside Mindset, I share science and practices as your mindset changes to attention, focus, joy and awe when you are in green space or looking at images of nature. In my second book, Optimize Your Heart Rate: Balance Your Mindset and Body With Green Space, I give the science and ways of being in green space to improves your heart rate, heart rate variability and your mindset.

Let’s Keep This Conversation Going:

Have you ever written down, or said out loud, what you want to see happen in your future? Are you optimistic that these goals will happen? Is this easier to believe when you are outside in green space? Since you are manifesting all of the time, what are you currently manifesting? Did you know that your brain hardware is same for positive thoughts as it is for negative thoughts – and that by manifesting positive thoughts you are updating your brain’s software?

No one wants to work forever. But leaving a job that provides a steady paycheck can be scary. However, if you have money arriving every month from multiple sources, retirement can seem a little less nerve-wracking.

Social security, pensions and annuities can all be dependable sources of monthly income. So too can real estate. But before you cash out your retirement fund and buy a rental property, here are five things you should know.

Real Estate Comes with Risks

Real estate doesn’t come with the same volatility or risk as stocks. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking it is a sure thing. One simply has to look back to the most recent housing bubble and crash. They will see how real estate can drop significantly in value. Even if the price of your rental property doesn’t drop, market conditions can make it difficult to find tenants.

That’s not to say real estate is a bad investment. It simply means you shouldn’t believe that buying a rental property is an iron-clad way to ensure financial security in retirement. Use the same due diligence you would with any other major investment.

Location Trumps Price When Making an Investment

You may be able to partially insulate yourself against down markets by choosing the right rental property. Homes in desirable neighborhoods and good school districts may be more likely to retain value in times of recession.

Plus, those homes are likely to attract more stable renters. Less expensive housing may be easier to fill, but low-income tenants may be in transient situations. This can leave you with a frequently vacant property.

To find the right property in the right neighborhood, talk to a real estate professional who specializes in rentals. A good broker can help you find the right property. They may also be able fill it with a tenant or connect you to a good property management firm. Plus, having an existing relationship with a real estate pro has other benefits. It can make it easier for your heirs to sell the property when the time comes to pay for final expenses or other needs.

Property Management Firms Make Rentals Easy

Some people are hesitant to buy a rental property because it seems like too much work. After all, who wants to get up at 4am to track down a professional to deal with frozen pipes, a faulty furnace or an overflowing toilet?

Fortunately, property management companies make being a landlord simple. They often charge between 8-12% of the monthly rent amount. For that price however, they may take care of everything. They may find tenants, collect monthly rent and field those night calls when something goes wrong.

Before hiring a property management company, be sure to ask all the following questions:

• How much is your management fee? Is that amount negotiable?
• What services are included in the management fee?
• Is there a vacancy fee when the rental is empty?
• Is there a separate leasing fee?
• Is there a set-up fee?
• How are extra costs, such as emergency maintenance repairs, handled?
• How do I communicate with the company? Is there a specific person I’ll work with?

Using a Property Management Company Has Some Downsides

The upside of using a property management firm is they make the rental business easy. Yes, you may pay more, but you also don’t have to devote any time or energy to generate this retirement income.

The downside is you lose out what could be a lucrative tax deduction should you have a business loss. Assuming your adjusted gross income is less than $100,000, you can deduct up to $25,000 in losses from your rental. However, the catch is you have to “actively participate” in managing your property.

If you hire someone else to do the work for you, you lose the ability to deduct the loss, unless you or your spouse are a real estate professional.

Tax laws for rentals – like so many other parts of the tax code – are anything but simple. To avoid making a mistake, it’s always best to confer with a CPA or other tax expert to ensure you don’t run afoul of the law while completing your return.

You Can Invest in Real Estate Without Buying Property

A final thing you should know about using real estate for retirement income is that you don’t have to be a landlord to make money. A number of investment options exist. You can become part-owner in developments without any of the hassle of finding and buying a specific piece of property.

These options include the following:

Real Estate Investment Trusts

Known as REITs, these are sometimes described as mutual funds for real estate. When you buy into them, you are buying into a number of real estate holdings. This can make them a less risky option that putting all your money into a single property. REIT investors receive regular dividends that depend upon the fund’s income.

Public Real Estate Funds

While REITs can be described as mutual funds for real estate, public real estate funds actually are mutual funds for real estate. If you buy shares in one of these funds, your money may be invested in a REIT or other real estate holdings.

Crowdfunding

There are websites that let people buy into what can be multi-million dollar developments. You may have to be an accredited investor to get in on the action. Also, it could be quite some time before you see a return on your money. Read the fine print carefully and consult with a trusted advisor before jumping on these opportunities.

Private Equity Real Estate Funds

These funds are generally invite-only. You may need a lot of cash (think $250,000+) to become a player. It may not be a realistic option for most retirees but appeal to high-net worth individuals. These funds are loosely regulated so be sure you understand the terms thoroughly before agreeing to join.

Real estate can add financial security and stability to your retirement, but it’s not as simple as buying a second home and sticking a “For Rent” sign in the yard. Whether you want to own a property or invest in real estate funds, be sure you get advice from tax and finance professionals. They can help ensure you’re making a smart money move.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you used real estate to bring in extra income during retirement? Tell us your success story, or warning tale, in the comments below. Please join the conversation!

We have just passed through all the big holidays, ending with New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day. At the end of the year, many of us like to have some time for reflection, not just of the past year but often over our lives in general. When we do, it’s easy to feel discouraged: we see our shortcomings, the mistakes, the failures, the disappointments. If you’re like me, you may sometimes wonder if you’ve ever really accomplished anything worthwhile at all.

It’s an Ordinary Life

My family has the tradition of watching the Jimmy Stewart film, It’s a Wonderful Life every holiday season. It’s a feel-good movie where the main character, who feels like a failure and wishes he’d never been born, is shown by an “angel” what the world would have been like if he hadn’t been. In the end, the man realizes just how much his ordinary life has impacted the world and made it better.

Of course, this is just a fictional story. It’s good as a tear-jerker and for a warm feeling at the end, but is there any existential truth in it for those of us toiling along in real life?

A True Story of an Otherwise Ordinary Life

When doing research recently for a book, I came across an interesting story – the stuff of fiction, but actually true. John Howland was a passenger on the Mayflower who came over as an indentured servant. He was nobody important – at all.

Halfway across the Atlantic, during a violent storm, he was washed overboard. There is no good reason why he didn’t drown. A friend of mine, who is a retired Navy chaplain, says that even with our modern life-saving equipment, when someone is washed overboard, especially during a storm, you can assume they are “gone.”

But somehow the sailors, who didn’t even like the Pilgrims, found a way to save him. He went on to also survive the terrible first winter when half of the passengers died. He married and had 10 children, all of whom lived and gave him a total of 88 grandchildren!

But that’s not the most remarkable part. If he had drowned, he would have taken with him all his future descendants, the list of whom contains many notable individuals: Emerson, Longfellow, Humphrey Bogart, three U.S. presidents including FDR, and so many others. Because he survived and then thrived in the New World, his two younger brothers, also indentured servants initially, came over and found success. One brother’s descendant was another U.S. president and the other brother’s descendant was Winston Churchill (whose mother was American). Remove FDR and Winston Churchill from World War II, and how might history have been different?

A true story which demonstrates the impact of a single ordinary life.

Another Significant Story

I like to reflect on the life of John Howland’s mother, Margaret, as well. She lived a life of grinding poverty in Fenstanton, England, where she bore and raised 13 children. I’m confident she never dreamed she would one day have five descendants listed on the Smithsonian’s 2015 list of 100 Most Significant Americans of All Times.

For those of us with children (and grandchildren), we likely will never know what our future descendants may achieve. But even for those of us who haven’t contributed to “the furtherance of the race,” we have undoubtedly influenced others for good (or ill, but hopefully the former!) where the ripples will be felt in future generations.

You Did It!

We may be aware of certain instances where this was the case. I recently received a message from someone I had encouraged several years ago following an extended and very tough caregiving situation. I was stunned when she told me she still draws strength from the three simple words, “You did it!” I said to her.

How many times, I wonder, have I been touched or helped by someone and haven’t thanked them? Or where a wise word or insight shared by someone I hardly know or have lost touch with, comes to mind just when I need it? I believe that all of us have helped and touched others in countless ways we will never know.

Individually, Nobody Is Important

Margaret Howland wasn’t an important person. John Howland wasn’t an important person. The sailors weren’t important people. And yet, they were all important people. And therein lies the hidden value of our own ordinary lives.

Very few of us have a true perspective on the value of our lives in the big picture. Let us stop our focus on our shortcomings and disappointments as we marvel instead that we exist, and all the gifts we have undoubtedly brought to this world, known and unknown. Let us continue to do our best in whatever situation we find ourselves. And let us strive to be kind to others in every way we can.

Reflection Question:

In what ways do you consider your life ordinary? Have you ever wondered about the bigger picture and where you fall in it? Have you thanked anyone whose life impacted you in significant ways? What about the other way around?

There are three well known stages of retirement: the Go-Go years (late 50s to early 70s), the Slow-Go years (mid 70s-80), and the No-Go years (80s-90s). Of course, there is some variability for retirees depending on their physical health. Right now, I’m 72, exiting the Go-Go years. These years were ripe for a variety of volunteer roles.

When I retired at age 65, after licking my wounds caused by a stressful, unexpected retirement, I began looking for something meaningful to do. I wasn’t exactly cut out to be a volunteer, having spent my entire career in the helping profession of education. People-pleasers in those fields suffer from a concept called “compassion fatigue.”

Surprisingly, we share an inheritance for overly-caring behavior, and we are subject to burnout – not exactly the fuel needed for volunteering in retirement. I’ve written about this subject in my post, The Hamster Wheel of Former Helping Professionals.

Where Did I Look for Volunteer Positions?

Not being a fan for a sedentary life of solitude, I made myself available as a horticulture assistant, livestock worker, COVID vaccine contactor, food distribution worker, voter registrant, and retirement writer. Not surprisingly, I continued to develop my overly caring/burnout template post-retirement.

Since so many of the roles had a physical component, I found myself struggling, not with compassion fatigue, but with bodily fatigue (and still do)! I shared those travails in my post on Agebuzz.com, Volunteering: The Physical Challenge.

Why Volunteer?

Besides contributing approximately $33.49/hour for each volunteer hour, it is well known that volunteering is a ripe source for new friends, meaningful tasks, and calendar fillers for the retired. In addition, Trish Lockard, writing for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, finds that volunteering contributes to mental health in quantifiable ways: greater life satisfaction, more robust health, better self-confidence, pride, and improved self-identity.

In my recent seven plus years of volunteering with various organizations, I have been the recipient of experiences previously unavailable to me. I have been part of a world class garden, working as an equal among a platoon of trained professionals. I have shepherded new American citizens to become voters as a participant in their naturalization ceremony.

Also, I assisted a sheep shearer in his yearly spring duties, and I have acquired a respectable quantity of knowledge about the natural behaviors of those sheep and goats I feed each week. I have also worked alongside the families of mushroom workers displaced during the pandemic and was the recipient of a weekly Mexican lunch feast for my efforts in distributing food, diapers, and hygiene supplies.

All Is Not Rosy in the Volunteer World

I have found, just like in the world of employment, things can go south in volunteer positions. Of my seven nonprofit organizations, I am only involved in 3-4, and only two on a weekly basis. I have learned that the volunteer must practice self-care and regularly assess if a volunteer spot is a good fit.

The most important lesson to learn is that volunteer supervisors are stretched and not always in sync with older volunteers. Most likely volunteers are needed because of a lack of funds for paid employees. This means the volunteer supervisor has a full-time job and the added responsibility for volunteers. This can result in assigning tasks without proper training, support and communication. Also, the volunteer workload might be inappropriate for an older person, because the supervisor is much younger, and not aware of different generational physical limitations.

In addition, sometimes the volunteer has lost passion for the cause after working for an extended amount of time. Possibly, there were too few rewards for the effort, besides the obvious intrinsic value. Because of changing life issues, the time constraints for the position might not be workable, and most importantly, the older volunteer is aging each year, along with its inherent physical changes.

Volunteer Self-Care

Fenix_charity.eu offers some wonderful ideas for self-care while volunteering.

Most suggestions encourage self-reflection, such as taking breaks and setting boundaries around tasks and hours required. A regular check-in regarding feelings of joy vs. burnout is essential. Reaching out to others, such as staff or fellow volunteers, for support can be helpful in reconfiguring a volunteer situation.

A Balanced Approach

It was extremely challenging for me to assert myself in the volunteer realm. At the beginning of my retirement, I viewed these positions as “real employment.” I did not see any difference in my output as a volunteer and as an employee.

My views have changed radically, but only through negative experiences. At the garden, I went from one day/week outside-one day/week inside to one day/week inside only because of increasing outdoor temperatures, insects, futile tasks, and waning physical capabilities.

I left the food distribution rotation because of disagreement about how long this service should continue. I never returned to the county emergency position because of lack of support of the supervisor, and a physically inappropriate workstation.

Although I am still listed as a voter registration volunteer, I was bumped out at a crucial time because I overlooked renewing my yearly membership, and lots of newbies came in before the 2024 Presidential election to fill those slots.

I am now pleased with my retirement/volunteer balance. Previously, I never took a day off – volunteers are not given vacation days! Now, if circumstances align, I will take off a day to reboot. I no longer feel like a paid employee, and I respect my aging body. I haven’t had to make any grand pronouncements to my supervisors. As most organizations state frequently, “any amount of time one has to volunteer is greatly appreciated!”

Let’s Discuss:

Which volunteer position has been the most taxing to you and why? Have you had to make any adjustments in your volunteer positions? Do you have any advice to pass on to other volunteers?