Month: January 2025

Live from Bikini Bottom, it’s Saturday football!

In our youth too many of us thought ourselves unattractive. Now, at this stage of our lives, when we look back on photos of our teenage years – wearing those scandalous miniskirts, tube tops with bell bottoms, crowned by long straggly or wild hair – we think, “Wow! I was a hottie! Look how beautiful I actually was!”

Throughout our lifetime we tend to get stuck in ideas about what constitutes beauty – ideas that were forged during those insecure teenage years when our identities were still forming. Those insecurities were – and still are – fostered by comparison. We compared ourselves with someone’s version of what was ideal.

‘Twas ever thus… but even more so in this digital age.

The bread and butter of the entertainment industry, social media “influencers,” and advertising executives is convincing us that in order to stay visible we must keep buying what they are selling. If we want to have a happy life, we must be thin, have perfect skin, and above all, stay “sexy.” And, of course, they have just the product to make that happen. Charles Revson, the founder of Revlon, described it as selling “hope in a jar.”

Whose Definition of Beauty?

Traditionally, what constituted physical beauty among women was determined by such things as symmetrical and un-exaggerated facial features, a healthy (and not emaciated-looking) body, thick glossy hair, perfect teeth, and flawless skin. If you look back on the beauty queens of the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, that was pretty much what you would see.

But through the lens of our evolving understanding, we see that they all looked rather similar… and possibly a little boring. Our current concepts of beauty have expanded. No longer a homogenous and mono-cultured gene pool, we recognize that there are different standards and qualities that constitute what is considered beauty.

We have seen how much beauty there can be in the muscular body of an Olympic champion. We have heard someone say, “she’s a beautiful person,” and we instantly sense that what they mean is that she is a warm and loving soul.

There are things we can do to maintain our physical attributes as we age. But there is so much more that is not dependent on those attributes.

Redefining Beauty

Maintaining a healthy outlook is probably as – or possibly even more – important, than beauty routines. Our emotions impact all areas of our lives enormously. Over time, our emotions create the face that the world sees. A furrowed brow tells the world one thing about ourselves. Smile lines and laugh “crinkles” around the corners of the eyes say another. The eyes often tell the story. There is beauty in the sparkle and enthusiasm in a person’s eyes.

There is beauty in the people who stay engaged and aware of the world around them, who stay informed of new ideas and discoveries. They simply become more attractive to others. People who have a good sense of humor – especially about themselves – are not only attractive, but they are also easier to be around.

Finding beauty in yourself can be as simple as learning to appreciate the things you take for granted but that others may find charming: your beautiful hands, your gutsy or wicked laugh, your strong gait, the tenderness in your eyes.

We feel and sense that someone is beautiful when they are open-hearted, giving, kind, loving, regardless of their wrinkles or the size or shape of their body. A child held in the loving arms of a grandmother sees only beauty, because to that child, the love in her eyes is the most beautiful thing in the world.

How Do We Stay Physically “Beautiful”?

Well, yes, there are things we can do to be more attractive. And there’s certainly nothing narcissistic in that. Taking care of ourselves is the way we honor the gift of creation. Besides the unavoidable vicissitudes of life, staying healthy is probably the most important part of staying beautiful. One way is to pay attention to our oral health as it is a reflection of and contributor to digestive and cardiovascular health.

Good posture sends a subliminal message to the world that you value yourself and are healthy and vital. Yoga and stretching exercises are highly effective at improving our posture. Developing healthy muscles will not only protect your bone health, but they help prevent instability in your balance. Pilates exercises are a powerful method to develop muscular balance and strength.

Struggling with debilitating or serious health issues is often a challenge. But especially because of them, there are little things we must do to improve our sense of well-being. A sense of well-being makes us feel more attractive.

As much as possible, we need to keep doing the little aesthetic routines that make us feel good about ourselves. Exfoliating our drier and aging skin and applying a soothing oil after our daily shower or bath is a luxurious treat that can trigger happy brain chemicals. Getting – or giving ourselves – a manicure, getting our hair trimmed regularly, or simply making sure that our clothing is well cared for so that we don’t appear to have given up on life are all things that contribute to staying attractive.

But frankly, one of my favorite memes, and I wish I knew who created it, says: “I used to be young and beautiful… now I’m just beautiful.” So, imagine looking back on yourself 10 years from now, remember who you are now, and think, Yes, I was beautiful then… and I am still beautiful now.

Let’s Talk:

Do you still consider yourself beautiful? How has your concept of beauty changed over the years? What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful?

Do you remember when we thought we had all the answers and authority figures were the enemy?

During our youth, we believed the future was ours for the taking. In fact, a widespread belief amongst our generation was that no one over 30 could be trusted.

While authority figures were adamant we were getting it all wrong, we were convinced they were the ones who had life backwards.

Where did these beliefs come from? Why was there so much tension between our generation and those that came before us?

Without having a clue as to what was transpiring, our generation and those who came before us were unsuspecting test subjects for the Disengagement Theory.

You may not have heard of this theory, but it has had an enormous influence on how the media intentionally creates a growing divide between younger and older generations.

In our previous article and video in our series on, “The Invisible Customer with All the Money®”, we looked at what this theory is and where it originated. In this article and accompanying video we will now explore how the Disengagement Theory ignited generational warfare and what we can do to end it.

If you have missed the previous installments, you can find them here:

#1: 7 Steps to Reclaim Your Power from the Media

#2: Aging Stereotypes: Can You Be More Feeble?

#3: 10 Steps to Influence Yourself from Within

#4: What Makes Your World Go Round After 60?

#5: 10 Steps to Unleash Your Inspired Voice After 60

#6: 5 Steps for Taking Back Control of Our Choices from the Media

#7: 10 Steps to Re-Engage with Life After 60

A Mutual Agreement to Sever Ties

Social scientists Elaine Cumming and William Henry put forth their groundbreaking Disengagement Theory in 1961. At the heart of this theory is an assumed mutual agreement between the aging population and the youth, in which they are severing ties.

When this theory is put into practice, you will see a decrease in positive storylines of 60+ consumers in the media or any relatable likeness to them. Simultaneously, you will see a rise in positive portrayals of the youth in everything from movies, television, and music to media advertisements of all kinds.

Take our generation, for example.

High Hopes of a New and Better World

From television and movies to magazines and billboards, reflections of our youthful exuberance, bright future, rebellious nature, and creative determination was staring back at us everywhere we turned.

While we were flexing our economic muscles and spreading our wings of potential, authority figures in the 60s and 70s were seeking to derail our high hopes of a new and better world.

Although I do not think Cummings and Henry had any intention of bringing about generational warfare, I do believe some in the media saw their theory as a basis for generating huge profits through the intentional creation of social chaos and generational divide.

This growing divide between generations continues to this very day.

A Growing Divide

How often have you found yourself believing media stories that tell us today’s youth are lazy, reckless, and unwilling to accept life as they are told it is?

Do you feel some sense of animosity towards the youth because they are routinely the positive focus of advertisements, movies, and television shows?

In my research on this subject, it was eye-opening to see the negativity spewed between younger generations and older generations, particularly on social media channels.

The youth blame us for the sad state of the world while older generations shame and blame the youth for their beliefs and behaviors.

Where can we individually close the gap of this growing divide between our generation and those who came after us?

Bridging the Generational Divide

To bridge the generational divide and put an end to generational warfare requires first and foremost that you develop a healthy self-image for yourself. This goes back to daily practices of self-love and self-care.

From that place of self-love, you can begin building positive inter-generational relationships. Here are 10 effective steps to help you achieve this:

Open-Minded Listening

Listen without immediate judgment. Use empathy as a means to understand that younger generations face similar challenges to you, but their experiences today are different from those of previous generations.

Share Wisdom, Not Advice

Rather than give advice and judge harshly, share personal stories, wisdom and experiences that are uplifting and relevant. This allows younger people to draw their own conclusions and insights.

Learn Together

Seek out ways you can engage with younger people via inter-generational projects where you both can learn from each other.

Embrace Technology

Allow younger people to introduce you to the latest technologies or trends. It’s an excellent way for you to bond and understand each other’s worlds.

Respect Boundaries

Acknowledge differences. Recognize and respect that younger people might have different priorities, values, or boundaries.

Avoid Patronizing

Avoid language or behaviors that might come off as condescending or dismissive.

Challenge Stereotypes

Actively challenge any preconceived notions about younger generations and encourage them to do the same with you.

Promote Positive Representation

Share and celebrate stories of younger women and men who defy negative generational stereotypes.

Engage in Shared Activities

Discover shared hobbies or interests and engage in them together, whether it’s a book club, cooking classes, entertainment, sports or fitness activities.

Encourage Open Dialogue

Promote honest, vulnerable conversations. Create safe spaces for open-hearted dialogue about generational differences, misunderstandings, and shared experiences.

Adaptability and Respect Are Key

The world is continuously evolving, and some of these changes will not sit well with you. Be open to changing views and understanding societal shifts that may not have worked for you when you and I were young but it does for today’s younger generations.

Adaptability, openness, and respect are key to strengthening inter-generational relationships.

By focusing on shared experiences and celebrating differences, we can build meaningful connections and play a pivotal role in bridging the generational divide.

I invite you to join me in the video above where I share additional insights to help you integrate what you are learning into your daily life.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you noticed a generational divide in your close relations? Is it similar to how it was when you were young? How are you bridging the generational divide?

I actually heard a woman say this on a podcast I was listening to. “If I’m not working, am I really worth anything?” My reaction? Out loud, I immediately said, “Oh dear!” Without even thinking, it just came out of my mouth. I still pray that her thought is rare (or nonexistent!) among women.

“Not working” can be a choice anyone makes throughout life: raising a family, caregiving, volunteering, deciding what’s next between jobs, evolving financial needs, and so many other situations. And in this example, “not working” was regarding deciding whether to retire… or not.

The Term “Worth”

I am always saddened when I hear anyone tying their “worth” to their income or net worth. Money is a tool to help you live out your choices based on your values. Our childhood shapes the money messages we have in our heads, and this woman I heard on the podcast was also from another country where culture also had an impact. So, that context helped me better understand her comment.

Your Idea of Retirement

When you first became an adult with financial responsibilities, what was your impression of retirement? Would it involve moving away, leisurely playing or traveling for the rest of your years, choosing to do whatever you wanted each day, living near or with your children, or something else? We all have different ideas, which can change as we get closer to retirement.

Begin with the End in Mind

I am a fan of Stephen Covey, the famous author of the mantra “begin with the end in mind,” which I also find to be a very helpful approach to retirement. What do you want to retire to? What lifestyle and activities do you envision? That answer dictates the second common question: how big must my nest egg be to retire?

And that answer depends… on your spending… which is dictated by your answer to that first question.

So, you see how they are SO interrelated? One person lives easily on $60,000/year, and another struggles to keep spending under $200,000/year. The good news is that spending is all about your choices, so you have some control.

Tools for Retirement

I had a great conversation the other day with Liz Schartman, an Accredited Financial Counselor and Daily Money Manager at The Well-Ordered Dollar about retirement. She helps people create healthy money habits in several capacities, including getting ready to retire and enjoying retirement. For women especially, her financial coaching in Jean Chatzky’s HerMoney is one of her many tools.

HerMoney

HerMoney offers not only education on the website, newsletter, or podcasts, but there are also multi-week group programs that provide education, financial tools like spending/saving tracking and a retirement calculator, and accountability partnership, all in a safe and engaging environment. For example, the FinanceFixx and InvestingFixx programs are designed, delivered, and enjoyed by women of all ages.

Daily Money Management

Liz is also a leader within The American Association of Daily Money Managers (AADMM.com), which handles financial management and bill payment services for anyone unable or unwilling to handle daily financial tasks. This service delivers financial peace of mind to busy professionals, high-net-worth individuals, seniors and their families, and more. Even before retirement, this need can arise with lack of time or with aging parents.

You Don’t Have to Figure It Out on Your Own

Liz shared, “I think it’s important for women to realize that there are many great tools to help with finances. They don’t have to figure it out on their own. These tools help women who want to gain control of their finances, or learn more about investing in a fun environment, or those that need to have someone else manage the day-to-day, either for themselves or family.”

No matter where you are in retirement/planning, there is much to consider. I encourage you to design that much anticipated time of life intentionally. MyBefore and After Retirement Checklist or Bundle can help you think through many of the decisions that need to be made.

One last fact to share: Be open to change… that is the one thing that can be guaranteed will certainly take place in retirement!

Your Thought:

What does retirement mean to you? Has the concept changed as you aged? What is it you look forward to or are already enjoying in retirement? What advice or questions would you have for other women?

She feels “disrespected by them” years after her stepfather’s death.