Month: March 2025

Yes, your cabinets or closets may need a good purging. But spring is also good time to throw away some things that don’t require a trip to Goodwill.

I know you’re chomping at the bit to dig through your cupboards. But how about sorting through your clutter within, too? Do some spring-cleaning for the soul and make room for more of what you want to keep, more of who you truly are.

To get you started, here are 5 things worth tossing out.

Shed the “Shoulds”

How should you be spending your time? Should you attend that party?

Should is an authoritative word that gets its orders from society or our pre-programmed notions about how we’re supposed to behave or respond.

Observe when you use it. Give it the old heave-ho when you can.

Nix the Need to Please

Our need to please asks us to make automatic responses like “Sure!” that might cause a churning in our gut.

We disregard what we know is best for us, what we really want. Remember, you can please some of the people some of the time, but you’re the one in charge of pleasing YOU. And spring is a good time to take charge.

Jettison Any Guilt

Guilt is a draining emotion that we feel when we act on what we want then second-guess ourselves.

If this is a hard one to let go of, start in small situations with low stakes. Maybe you’re asked to babysit the grandkids but really want to take that guided tour of the museum.

Practice putting your need to please at the bottom of the list and your desire at the top. Settle into the good feeling you have about your choice. Release any guilt. (Then go to the museum.)

Pitch Perfection

Bottom line, whatever it is that you’re striving to make or look perfect, no one notices but you. If they notice, they probably don’t care. If they care, so what?

Let it go. Life is unique because of imperfections. And so are you.

Release the Unwanted

Anything you don’t want, including the stuff in your cupboards, can go. It’s beneficial to toss out actual things. Making physical space creates room in our hearts and spirits, too.

But the unwanted can also include people who bring us down, activities we’ve grown tired of, or even the hairstyle we’ve worn for years.

Examine your list of things just asking to be released. Then set them free.

So, now that you have more heart-space, what’s worth keeping this spring? See if these 5 things resonate.

Preserve the Word “No”

It’s easier to say “No” if it’s accompanied by “Thank you,” or, “This won’t work for me.” It’s also a complete sentence.

Save Time for Self-Care

Fill your days with rest, movement, and a little pampering. Include some solitude as well as the companionship of people who nourish you.

Hang onto Continuous Learning

Follow your curiosity and pursue what stimulates you. There’s so much still to explore!

Make Room for Service to Others

However we do it, helping other people ignites our sense of purpose and gives us avenues for sharing our gifts.

Maintain Some Soulful Practices

Whether it’s through meditation, prayer, or a creative endeavor that causes us to lose track of time, when we follow a track that nurtures us from the inside out, we increase our Peace and expand our Joy.

And who doesn’t want more of that this spring?

Additional read, Spark Joy in Your 60s: Small Changes That Make a Big Difference in Everyday Life.

Let’s Have a Discussion:

What do you want to toss out of your life this spring? What’s worth keeping? Join the conversation!

I could never stop at just one. A glass of wine was never enough. It was always two, sometimes three, and occasionally four. There were nights when an entire bottle disappeared before I even realized it.

How did I get here?

Drinking creeps up on us. It can start as an occasional indulgence and, over the years, morph into something far more entrenched. In my 20s, it was purely social – something I did with friends. By my mid-30s the mommy juice had started, a nightly glass (or two) of wine became my well-earned reward after long days balancing work and parenting.

In my 40s, the strain of a high-powered job and motherhood was eased with two (or three) glasses at the end of the day and on weekends the wine was opened at midday.

By my 50s the wine had become self-medication – my comfort, my companion, my escape.

Decades of drinking was affecting my health, and at the age of 55, I got breast cancer. I was unaware of the strong link between alcohol and breast cancer, so my drinking continued.

In all honesty, I did try to cut down, but it never lasted long. I even did Dry January but was counting the days and white-knuckling it until February when of course I would drink even more.

It was only when I tried to alter my deeply entrenched habit that I realised I had become dependent.

My Decade of (Failed) Moderation

Women who drink too much feel a lot of shame and I certainly did, too. Why couldn’t I just “have one” like my husband would urge me to do? I finally admitted to myself that I had become dependent but decided to tell no-one and “fix” the problem myself.

There followed a decade of trying (and failing) to moderate – again and again. I felt ashamed and broken – why did I have no “willpower”? Why couldn’t I drink “normally” like my husband and some of my friends?

My decade of (failed) moderation is in fact quite common.

A survey by sobriety group Tempest interviewed hundreds of women in recovery and asked them how long they struggled alone before they reached out for help.

The average length of time was an incredible 11 years!

7 Warning Signs of Alcohol Dependence

Sign #1: You’ve Tried (and Failed) to Cut Down

When I started to worry about my drinking, I decided to cut down. This was easier said than done, and I spent at least a decade trying (and failing) to drink less. It was exhausting and demoralising, but I just couldn’t imagine my life without wine!

Moderate drinking for women is described as having one drink or less in a day and binge drinking as consuming at least four drinks in one sitting. It’s pretty easy to go above these numbers.

If you’re a wine drinker, then a bottle and a half of wine a week is your low risk guideline. Of course, if you want to be really healthy, then it’s better not to drink at all!

If you can’t drink within these limits, then you have crossed the line into dependence. The good news is that it’s much easier to quit than to cut down, and you’ll eventually feel happier and be healthier without it!

Sign #2: Thinking About Alcohol Is Taking Up Mental Space

If you spend time thinking about alcohol, that’s a sure sign you need to make a change.

Are you planning your next drinking session or recovering from it? Are you worried that you feel “under par” most days yet not quite joining the dots between your health and your daily wine habit? Would you like to quit drinking but have no idea how to go alcohol free? Do you worry about losing friends, missing out on fun and having to come up with excuses if you don’t drink?

All sure signs that you need to take a break from alcohol to test your dependence. Alcoholism is a slippery slope, and it’s far easier to step off before things get too serious. One of the (many) advantages of sobriety is that you free up your mind to think about more interesting topics than how many units you drank last night!

Sign #3: You Make Drinking Rules

Perhaps you’ve created a list of rules around your drinking, like only drinking after 5 p.m., sticking to beer and wine or limiting yourself to two drinks in social situations. Do you wake up some days with a headache and decide that you won’t drink that day? Yet 5 p.m. comes round and you feel so much better that you can’t resist pouring that glass of wine!

These drinking rules might work for a while and may even be a sign that you are simply a responsible drinker. But if you keep making and breaking drinking rules then that’s a sign that you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and need to consider a lifestyle change.

Sign #4: You Drink Every Day

Consuming alcohol every day or more than three times a week is another sign you should consider taking a break. It’s almost impossible to stay within the low-risk guidelines if you drink every day and you are creating a habit which will get harder and harder to break.

The advantage of taking a significant break from alcohol (like 66 days) is that it gives you a fighting chance to “reset” your drinking patterns. You may find that after you’ve taken a break from alcohol you are able to drink just a couple of times a week which will make keeping to the guidelines so much easier.

Many people who need a detox from alcohol don’t realize just how much they need a break until they take one. Take note of how you feel during your alcohol break. For example, do you feel sick or weird in any way? You might be going through symptoms of withdrawal, which is another sign that you need to make a change.

Sign #5: You’re Noticing Physical Changes

Our bodies are highly sensitive and intelligent and will do their best to let us know when we are drinking too much. However, once we get dependent we tend to “push through,” and we just accept that we don’t feel great.

Once I hit 60, I felt exhausted but convinced myself that it was my age, nothing to do with my serious daily wine habit.

Now that I am 70+ and have been alcohol-free for a decade I am full of energy!

Ditching the booze is one of the best things we can do for our health and happiness as we get older. After all, alcohol is a factor in 60% of falls, and falls are the leading cause of injury-related deaths in people over 65.

Read: Six Reasons to Ditch the Drink after 60!  

There are some clear signs that your body is telling you it’s time to take a break from drinking, like changes in your skin, weight changes, acid reflux and heartburn.

Alcohol can cause weight gain since it can trigger food cravings and keeps your body from burning carbs and fat (not to mention the drinks themselves can be riddled with calories and sugar). Fatigue is another common symptom of drinking too much since the quality of your sleep is diminished.

Long story short, if you’re not feeling your best (and you’re noticing these changes), alcohol may well be the culprit.

Take a break, and yes, those first few weeks may be hard, but get your attitude right. You are not tackling a “problem” so much as taking an “opportunity” to improve your mental and physical health.

Get excited!

Sign #6: You’re Not Getting Enough Sleep

Do you sometimes wake up at 3 a.m. feeling anxious? If you’ve been drinking the evening before, then that’s about the time when the alcohol will be leaving your body. Drinking may numb our anxiety for a while but that reprieve is temporary!

There is also a common misconception that alcohol helps you sleep better since it makes you feel sleepy. In reality, alcohol often causes sleep disruptions and suppresses REM sleep (which is considered the deepest sleep stage). A drinker will only get a couple of cycles of REM sleep whereas we need about 7 cycles to feel well rested.

If we drink daily, this fatigue will build up over the years.

Consider skipping those evening drinks and see if that makes a difference in how you feel when you wake up. You may even find that you feel so well-rested that you decide to switch to tea or alcohol-free drinks in the evening.

Sign #7: No “Off” Switch

Do you sometimes find it difficult to stop once you begin drinking? Do you plan to have a couple of drinks and then find yourself drinking more? Would you say all of your social activities revolve around alcohol?

If you socialise a couple of times a week, it’s pretty easy to get through four drinks during an evening which meets the definition of binge drinking. As we get older, we have less water in our bodies which makes it harder to process the alcohol, and our liver will take longer to recover. We tend to think that once the “morning after” feeling has gone, then we are fine, but in fact, our body and brains need more time to recover.

I used to convince myself that I didn’t have a drinking problem… I just went “over the top” now and again. Unfortunately, those “over the top” occasions got more frequent and more severe, occasionally ending up in a blackout which is a real danger sign.

Women’s Alcohol Related Deaths Rising

More and more women are drinking to cope with the challenges of life. Studies show that women’s alcohol-related deaths have risen sharply.

Recent data indicates a concerning rise in alcohol-related issues among women in both Canada and the United States up to 2024.

The Statistics

Alcohol-Related Deaths

Between April 2020 and December 2022, Canada experienced a 17.6% increase in mortality fully attributable to alcohol, resulting in approximately 1,600 excess deaths.

High-Risk Drinking Among Women

Recent studies have highlighted a significant increase in alcohol-related mortality among women. Between 1999 and 2023, the alcohol-related death rate for women rose from 4.8 to 12 per 100,000 individuals in the United States.

Hospital Visits

Hospital visits due to alcohol consumption have surged – particularly for women in midlife.

Excessive Alcohol Use

Currently, nearly 59,000 women in the U.S. lose their lives annually due to excessive alcohol consumption, accounting for 1 in 6 deaths among women aged 20 to 49.

Alcohol Affects Women Differently

The reality is that alcohol affects women differently.

We metabolize it differently, meaning we become more impaired than men after the same number of drinks. This increases our risks of liver damage, heart disease, cancer, and memory loss. It disrupts our sleep, fuels depression, and even doubles our risk of stroke if we exceed the drinking guidelines.

Yet, the alcohol industry markets booze as a form of female empowerment – think “Mommy Juice” and “Skinnygirl” cocktails. They even slap pink ribbons on wine bottles, despite the well-documented link between alcohol and breast cancer.

One wonders if Big Alcohol has hijacked the Feminist Movement…

Dr. Connie Newman of NYU’s School of Medicine calls alcohol use disorder one of the most underdiagnosed and undertreated conditions in women. The truth is, many of us don’t fit the stereotype of an alcoholic. We function. We go to work, raise families, and pay our bills. True, we may not be drinking in the morning, but we’re drinking too much, too often.

Society has stigmatized the “alcoholic” to such an extent that we imagine a homeless man in the park rather than a well-dressed woman on her way to the office. This is dangerous as it makes it so easy to convince ourselves that we’re not “that bad” because we are keeping the show on the road!

One of the (many) benefits that I experienced in sobriety was a surge of energy and motivation. Energy which had been spent “keeping the show on the road” while feeling constantly under par due to my daily drinking.

Addiction is progressive and alcohol dependence is an elevator that only goes down.

How I Quit Drinking… At 63

I tried AA but I hated “labelling” myself an alcoholic and the rigidity of the 12 steps, so I tried to do it alone.

I did make some progress by gritting my teeth and using willpower, but it was only when I read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace that I realised it was about mindset… and I needed to change the way I thought about alcohol.

The gamechanger came for me when I found “my people” during a one-day workshop in London. Other women just like me – good jobs, nice families and in need of a community that understood them.

When we embark on this life changing journey we need to find our Tribe.

Our families may tell us to just “cut down a bit” and our friends often tell us not to be “boring” and that we don’t even have a problem. We need our own Tribe – people who have been exactly where we have and who understand us.

As I settled into my sobriety, I began to feel healthier and happier than I had for years.

I became passionate about the benefits of an alcohol-free lifestyle and decided to start a sobriety group which would inspire other women to do what I had done.

So I founded Tribe Sober in 2015. Since then, I have build a team of people who know the meaning of compassion. We run free bootcamps every few months, the latest one running next week (10-14 March).

What does our bootcamp look like? It’s a virtual gathering, hosted on the “Sobriety Bootcamp” private Facebook Group. Live sessions are recorded to suit all time zones. Also, it’s worth mentioning that your Facebook friends will not be able to see that you are a member.

Come join our “Sobriety Bootcamp” – it’s open now and it’s absolutely free.

Click here to get more info

Click here to join Sobriety Bootcamp Group

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your definition of alcohol addiction? Does it match the official definition? Are you on your journey to becoming addicted or are you on your journey of quitting?

When traveling or spending time with family, I pause to say to someone I’m with, “Look, we are creating memories.” Or I’ll turn to pause and say, “Stop – look at what we are doing right now.” It’s my way of grounding myself at the moment, forcing a pause to truly appreciate what’s happening instead of rushing past it.

It’s easy to get caught up in the next thing – the next task, the next goal, the next responsibility – that we forget to acknowledge where we are right now. But when we do take a moment to stop and notice, we realize that much of what we have today is something we once hoped for.

The Gifts We Forget to See

Think back to a time when you longed for something you now have. It could be a home of your own, the stability of a steady income, a loving relationship, or the confidence and wisdom that only time brings.

These things were wishes at some point, and now they are part of your everyday life. But instead of celebrating them, we often move the goalposts. We say, “What’s next?” instead of “Wow, I’m here.”

The danger in this endless striving is that we miss the beauty of now. We overlook the quiet joys – morning sunlight streaming through the window, the laughter of a friend, the smell of fresh coffee, or the simple comfort of a familiar routine.

Three Questions to Recenter Yourself Today

If you find yourself always looking ahead, take a breath and ask yourself these three questions:

#1: What is something I have today that I once wished for?

Think about all the goals you have accomplished and pick one that made you especially happy. Then let yourself truly appreciate it. Name it. Feel gratitude for it.

#2: What small moment of joy can I notice right now?

Take a minute to examine yourself at this very moment. What brings you joy? It could be the warmth of your tea, the softness of your sweater, or the way the trees sway outside. Acknowledge it.

#3: How can I honor this moment instead of rushing to the next?

Once you know what makes this particular moment special, focus on it. Don’t think of a next good thing, just this one thing. This will help you slow down and be present right now. You can take a deep breath, or simply say, “This is good.”

Your Turn: What Joy Can You Notice Right Now?

Gratitude is not just a mindset – it’s a practice. The more we pause and recognize the beauty in our everyday lives, the more joy we cultivate. Life doesn’t always have to be a race to the next goal. Sometimes, the sweetest moments come when we simply stop, breathe, and notice.

Right here, right now.

Also on the subject: Embracing Gratitude: A Lifelong Journey of Resilience and Joy.

Time to Reflect:

I’d love to hear from you! Take a moment to look around – what small joy can you notice right now? Have you noticed it before but rushed to the next thing? What would take for you to stop and cherish your joyful moment right now? Share it in the comments.

No one saw her making it this far.

In the book about downsizing called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, it’s suggested that you discard items in your home that don’t bring you joy. The same could be said about friends, I suppose.

What happens, however, when a friendship you treasure is taken from you? When you lose a friend because she moves, or you do? Or there’s a rift due to divorce, or a change in jobs or interests? Or the ultimate tragedy happens – your friend dies? The joy in your life diminishes.

Is this an inevitable part of the process of growing older? Yes, unfortunately it is. But does it mean that your life must constrict, becoming smaller and lonelier as time goes on? Absolutely not. You can – and you should – make new friends.

Making Friends Is Hard Post 60

Post 60, making friends is easier than ever. Do you know why? Because as we grow older, the old social constructs fall away, closed groups no longer hold their power, cliques dissolve, exclusivity becomes irrelevant, the jockeying for social or workplace position is over.

As a cohort, we become more genuine and open. Almost all of us suffer some losses, which tend to make us more appreciative of those who are in our lives. It also makes us more open and compassionate toward new people who arrive on the horizon.

Have you found that nowadays, when you meet someone your age for the first time – say at a friend’s party – you experience an ease in getting to know them that wasn’t often possible when you met someone new in the past?

Do you notice that conversation is quick to become comfortable and honest? That it’s much easier to get to know – and like – someone than it was when you were 40, or 30, or even 17? I certainly have found this to be the case.

Friendship Is Good for Your Health

Making and nurturing friendships is good for our health, both physical and mental. According to a recent article by Anna MacMillan in Time Magazine, friends may be more important than family.

She cited a study reported in the journal Personal Relationships that found that having supportive friendships in old age was a stronger predictor of well-being than having strong family connections.

In that study, more than 270,000 people across almost 100 countries were surveyed, and the data collected revealed that both family and friend relationships were associated with better health and a stronger feeling of happiness.

However, the more surprising finding was that in advanced ages, that association occurred only for people with strong friendships.

The author of the study, William Chopik, assistant professor of psychology at Michigan State University, says the findings aren’t surprising when you think about it.

Why? Because we can choose our friends while we can’t choose our family. So, it stands to reason that usually we enjoy our time with friends more than with family. We get together for fun and leisure, or for conversation about topics we want to discuss.

Family gatherings, on the other hand, may touch on repetitive issues that are tiresome or annoying, or they may involve activities that are serious, stressful or monotonous.

Friendship Is Bigger Than Family

So, if you think that family is all that you need as your circle of friends grows smaller, think again. And if you’re telling yourself that you can’t make new friends because you’re no longer heavily involved in your career, or you no longer participate in activities associated with your children’s lives, get that idea out of your head.

There are lots of ways to meet new friends. Take a class in something that interests you. Attend performances and be aware of those around you. In other words, be a little more open and outgoing than your usual self.

Attend or Hold a Salon

When someone invites you to a party, outing or dinner gathering, say yes even if your instinct is to stay on your couch for the evening.

Finally, don’t be shy about gathering new people to you. Some women I know have started hosting ‘salons’ in their homes. A salon is an evening of conversation around a stated topic of interest.

They either invite a speaker or they simply prepare some questions to get a conversation going on their own. And they not only invite their friends, they encourage them to invite their friends.

I call it “socializing with a purpose,” and it’s a lovely throwback to the salons of the Age of Enlightenment.

So – do go out and meet new people. Be open to developing new friendships. It’s for your own good.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you made any new friendships in the past few years? Are you contemplating moving to a new location? If so, what are your plans for finding and making friends in your new neighborhood, town or city? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.