Month: April 2025

Raising four daughters has been the most rewarding journey of my life. As they’ve grown into independent women, our relationships have naturally evolved, presenting both joyful moments and unexpected challenges. Navigating this transition requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt.

Here are some personal insights and strategies that have helped me maintain and deepen my bonds with my girls.

#1. Embracing Their Independence

Watching each daughter carve out her own path has been both exhilarating and challenging. I remember when my youngest (!) decided to move across the country for a job opportunity. While I was incredibly proud, I also felt a bittersweet ache knowing she’d be far from home. Recognizing that they are capable individuals, making decisions that suit their aspirations, has been a crucial part of letting go. And I visit her as often as I can.

2. Fostering Open Communication

Maintaining open lines of communication has been the bedrock of our evolving relationships. With my daughter #3 who is a new mother, we’ve established a routine of weekly video calls. These amazing conversations allow us to share updates, discuss challenges, build a relationship with baby Maeve, and simply enjoy each other’s company. I like to think that Maeve is making those calls herself! By actively listening and offering support without unsolicited advice, our mutual respect and understanding continues.

3. Respecting Boundaries

Understanding and respecting boundaries has been a learning curve. When my second daughter expressed a desire for more privacy regarding her personal life, I had to adjust my approach. It wasn’t easy, but acknowledging her need for space strengthened our bond. Setting and honoring boundaries ensures that our interactions are based on mutual respect and trust.

4. Navigating Their Romantic Relationships

One of the more delicate aspects of our journey has been dealing with their romantic choices. (I still remember when I was in that position with my own parents decades ago.) It’s natural to have hopes and concerns about who our children choose as partners, and I’ve found that balancing my feelings with respect for their autonomy is crucial.

I’ll admit, it can be especially challenging when I don’t agree with a particular partner or worry about their compatibility. Yet, I’ve learned that expressing my concerns too forcefully can strain our connection.

Instead, I focus on asking questions, offering support when asked, and trusting that they know what’s best for themselves. This approach not only helps me manage my own emotions but also reinforces that my love for them is unconditional.

For more on embracing new challenges and trusting your own journey, check out “Ready to Rewrite Your Story? 2025 Is Waiting for You.”

5. Celebrating Their Achievements

Each milestone my daughters reach fills me with immense pride. When my oldest was named CEO at her company, we celebrated her achievement with a special family gathering. Acknowledging their successes, big or small, reinforces their confidence and reminds them that I’m always their biggest cheerleader.

6. Navigating Disagreements with Grace

Differences of opinion are inevitable. I recall a heated debate with my eldest about career choices. Instead of letting it drive a wedge between us, I took a step back, reflected on her perspective, and approached the conversation with empathy. Agreeing to disagree – while maintaining respect – has been vital in preserving our harmony. And she was right!

7. Sharing Experiences and Learning Together

Engaging in activities together has enriched our relationships. My two youngest and I built a charity event together, creating memories and learning new skills side by side. These shared experiences have opened doors to deeper connections and mutual growth, and we’re helping our community together.

8. Offering Support Without Overstepping

Striking the balance between being supportive and overbearing is delicate. When my second daughter faced challenges at work, I offered a listening ear and shared my own experiences without imposing solutions. This approach empowered her to navigate her issues while knowing I was always there for her.

9. Recognizing the Unique Challenges of Parenting Sons

While my experience has been with daughters, I understand from friends that parenting adult sons brings its own set of challenges. Societal expectations often emphasize independence and self-reliance in men, which can sometimes lead to less open communication. Parents might find it harder to gauge their sons’ emotional well-being or feel a sense of distance.

It’s important to create an environment where sons feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings, reinforcing that seeking support is a strength, not a weakness. Studies have shown that parents often report more tension with adult daughters than sons, but both daughters and sons report more tension with mothers than with fathers. Hmmm…

10. Reflecting on My Own Journey

Parenting adult children has prompted introspection about my own life goals and aspirations. With more time on my hands, I’ve revisited hobbies, pursued new interests, and started two businesses leading to personal fulfillment and setting an example for my daughters about lifelong growth. Being their role model has always been very important to me and has only increased as we’ve all gotten older.

Questions for Reflection:

How have your relationships with your adult children evolved over time? What strategies have you found effective in maintaining open communication with them? How do you balance offering support while respecting their independence – and their romantic choices?

Feel free to share your experiences and insights in the comments below. Let’s learn from each other and navigate this journey together.

It’s nice to feel comfortable in your surroundings. Good to know what is expected of you or how the days/weeks/months and years may unfold. It makes us feel secure, at home with ourselves. But sometimes it can be interesting to mix things up a little, perhaps change direction, follow a new path. You never know where it could lead!

Take a Little Look

It can be easy to just do what we have always done, that familiar feeling of just knowing how things are. This is, of course, great if you are living your best life. But sometimes taking a little look at your life, perhaps making a few tweaks, can open up a world of opportunities and possibilities we never saw before.

Perhaps you may decide your life needs complete overhaul. Change of home, location, work, hobbies. You may have been living a life that you just fell into, without really giving it much thought. Maybe now is the time to create a life that really works for you. Go back to school, learn a new language, get fit/healthy, travel, move home, write that book…

Be Brave

I know it can take courage to change, it can be difficult to walk in a new direction. What will people say? What if it doesn’t work out? Could you make it a success? Do you have what you need to achieve what you want to? I guess the answer to all of these questions is simple. You will never know unless you try. 🙂

My life has never really followed a straight path and, despite its ups and downs, I am grateful for it. It has led to many opportunities and new experiences which have taught me a great deal. I have met so many people because I taught myself to be brave and give things a try.

Regrets?

Most older people say they regret the things they didn’t do, rather than the things they did. What if it doesn’t work out? So, what!? Nothing is really set in stone. If something doesn’t work, it isn’t failure. You will have learned so much along the way. Often, knowing that something isn’t right for you is actually a win, and may just open up another avenue. Imagine if it does work out, and life becomes even more wonderful than it is now. How proud of yourself would you be!

Look at Things in a New Light

Being comfortable doesn’t mean being stuck. If you aren’t looking for major changes, think about the little things. Perhaps a change of hairstyle, update your make up, revamp your wardrobe or even just walk a different way to the park or grocery store. Your favourite thing/person/place may be just around the corner!

Try some different recipes or go to a new restaurant. Take up a new hobby or stretch yourself so that you become a little braver. I have recently started going to aqua dance classes and am amazed how much I love it! Not only am I getting fitter, but I am loving dancing in the water to my favourite music. Singing is optional. 🙂

A Little Change

So, next time you are thinking of a trip to the hairdresser, check out a few styles before you go, or ask your hairdresser’s advice. Or if you have always worn a particular style or colour, change it up a little. Read that book, see that play, visit that art gallery, join a new club. Little changes can make a big difference. Dare to be you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever changed direction? What was the outcome? Was it life-changing?

What’s going on with the Waleses?

It’s the perfect date night.

One of the wisest things I heard as a young woman was that “you can do it all, just not all at once.” I know this from experience. I was trying to do it all: be a professional, a mother, and an activist for social causes. With time, I learned that I could, but over many years!

Some may recall the 1968 television advertisement stating, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” This ad proclaimed that these cigarettes, “designed for a woman’s hand,” were “slimmer than a man’s fat hand.” It’s no longer fashionable to smoke, but women have come much further in the last 62 years. Women are getting college educations, excelling in all fields, from science to engineering, and playing increasingly important leadership roles.

The Women in My Family

My grandmother, born in 1887, was 31 when she gained the right to vote in Germany. Unlike many of her generation, she graduated from Oxford University but gave it up when she married. Her two sisters had careers but never married. My Great Aunt Gertrude was a nurse. She became the head nurse in the Hamburg Jewish Hospital.

My Great Aunt Lottie was a pediatrician, and she was my doctor in New York City after fleeing Hitler’s Germany. My mother graduated from college with a teaching credential. However, she stopped working to raise my sisters and me in the 50s. She returned to teaching only after we grew up, but regretted never getting a Master’s Degree.

My Journey as a Woman

In high school, I loved writing. My English teacher encouraged me and wrote on one of my pieces, “I can’t wait to see you in print.” I loved writing, but when I entered college in the early 70s, I also pursued teaching like my mom. At that time, primarily teaching, nursing, secretarial work, waitressing, and domestic jobs were open to women.

At Sonoma State University, I discovered feminism and became active in the women’s movement. We started a rape crisis center, raising awareness, providing support to victims of rape, and teaching self-defense.  At that time, it was still legal for a man to rape his wife. My eyes were opened to many more things, among them domestic violence and unequal pay for women doing the same jobs as men –problems that still exist today.

Back then, I questioned whether I had landed in teaching because it was an acceptable field for women. So, I decided to travel. First, I traveled to Guatemala and collected stories from Indigenous women for a book I never finished. Then, I went to Nicaragua for three and a half years, volunteering at the Ministry of Education.

I helped obtain a grant to produce educational programs and was trained in television production. There, I met my husband, a videographer, and we produced programs about early childhood education that were aired on national television. Boldly, I announced that I planned to change my profession to film-making and television.

Doing It All, Simultaneously?

At that time, I still believed I could do it all at once. I was 30; my biological clock was ticking. Luckily, I got pregnant quickly, and soon our baby was born. We even included her in our film, Quiero Aprender Desde Ahora (I Want to Learn, Starting Now) about stimulating a young infant’s intelligence.

Eventually, my husband, baby, and a young daughter from his first marriage returned to the US. I got a job in a non-profit organization devoted to stopping US intervention in Central America. After three years of successfully building an anti-intervention movement, taking community college courses in television production, and raising two daughters, we wanted another child.

Revising My Approach

That was when I realized I could not “do it all” simultaneously. I’d need more education if I wanted to change careers. And raising three children without higher salaries would not be possible. Besides, there were not enough hours in the day!

So, I dusted off my credential and returned to teaching. I decided that I could pursue my love for film-making later. Thus, I started teaching again and eventually became a school principal and district superintendent, realizing my goals as a feminist by assuming leadership roles. I am not sorry; I loved working in education.

Over these last 40-plus years, I have been able to do all of it – in my way. I also recognized that I needed to slow down to do it right and take care of myself along the way. By the way, I don’t want to minimize the adversity that touches every life – health issues, losses, failures, and other challenges. I have had my share.

However, I did return to film-making and am proud to share a short film I produced in 2017, Our Family, a Film About Family Diversity, with thousands of views on Facebook. Ultimately, I returned to my passion for writing and have published educational books about identity safety, the idea that every student, indeed, every person, can flourish if their identities are validated. That includes supporting the rights of girls and women who want to be leaders, scientists, or other professions, breaking out of traditional roles.

Yes, we have come a long way as women, but we need young women to understand that these victories have been hard fought, and we need to stay the course. I meant to get this blog out during International Women’s Month, but getting it out in April just shows that yes, we can do it all, just not at the same time!

Also read, International Women’s Day – Does It Help the Cause?

Let’s Connect:

What are your stories as women who have grown up over the same time in history? Have you faced any struggles and how did you grow in your own right as a woman?