Month: June 2025

Who did she side with?

After nearly four decades of teaching elementary school, I’ve come to realize that I am, proudly and undeniably, the tip of the iceberg. I know just enough about just about everything to be helpful, mildly impressive, and occasionally dangerous.

I’ve taught geology, biology, basic algebra, the solar system, and why you should always tell the truth – even when you’ve eaten someone else’s snack. I can explain how to draft a five-paragraph essay and why punctuation can save lives (“Let’s eat, Grandma” vs. “Let’s eat Grandma”). But ask me to go deep, like really deep, and you’ll find that my expertise hovers just above the waterline.

Now, let’s contrast this with my husband, who has a degree in wildlife biology and can tell you the name of every tree, shrub, and plant in the backyard. Then he will explain which small woodland creature it houses, feeds, or befriends. Together, we’re like a trivia team no one asked to join, but would secretly love to have at a party.

So, I’m the tip-of-the-iceberg kind of expert. I float gracefully, confidently… until someone asks a follow-up question. My husband? He’s the deep diver – the Encyclopedia Britannica to my CliffsNotes.

The Curriculum Buffet

In one school year, I taught children how to wash their hands like surgeons, why “there,” “their,” and “they’re” matter, and how to use Oreo cookies to explain the phases of the moon (arguably the tastiest science lesson of the year).

Once, during our unit on U.S. regions, a student raised his hand and asked if Idaho was a real place or if we were just making that one up. I assured him it was real, and that it grows a lot more than potatoes. Moments like that remind me how quickly curiosity sparks when you’re only ankle-deep in a subject.

My brain is a cluttered attic of semi-useful facts: the boiling point of water in Celsius AND Fahrenheit, the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite (thank you, Bill Nye), and which dinosaurs were herbivores. Do I know how to count to 10 in Japanese? I did, briefly, but only for a week during a third-grade unit. It’s the educational version of speed dating – just enough time to fall in love with a subject and then move on to the next, forgetting a lot along the way.

Teaching as an Extreme Sport

My surface-level knowledge is a kind of superpower. It allows me to pivot, engage, and stitch together wildly unrelated things into one coherent classroom discussion. I once connected the Oregon Trail, a spelling list, and how to make change, into one glorious 45-minute lesson that left even me unsure how we got there. I’ve taught students what makes a monkey a mammal and the importance of taking turns on the monkey bars.

So yes, I’m the tip of the iceberg. I bob along with confidence, carrying just enough knowledge to impress people who think I’m a genius because I know what a peninsula is and how many bones are in the human body (206, right?)

Enter the Deep Diver

Meanwhile, my husband walks outside and says things like, “That’s a red oak. See how the lobes of the leaf are pointed? That means it’s in the red oak group, as opposed to white oaks, which have rounded lobes.” I’ve learned that when he pauses mid-sentence, it’s not because he’s lost his train of thought – it’s because he’s trying to remember the Latin genus.

There’s something beautiful in his depth. He doesn’t just know what something is. He knows why it is. Why does that plant grow here? Why does that bird sound that way? Why you shouldn’t stack firewood near your house if you don’t want a family of white-footed mice moving in. His knowledge is rooted and rich; the kind of knowledge that comes from years of study and a genuine passion for the natural world. I admire that immensely.

The Beauty of Both Kinds

The truth is the world needs both kinds of people. We need deep divers who can spend hours studying wild edible plants. Who else would have figured out the foods that are safely filling our grocery stores? We also need the generalists, the ones who can talk about erosion one minute and empathy the next. I may not be able to classify insects by order, but I can stop 27 kids from poking each other with freshly sharpened pencils while singing the preamble to the Constitution.

Let’s be honest. There was a time in every one of our lives when we knew absolutely nothing. Remember the first time you had to use the number buttons to input text messages? Or how about menopause? No one tells you that your eyebrows might relocate to your chin. We all start as blank slates, learning as we go, collecting knowledge like beach glass; bits and pieces smoothed by time and experience. We may not have known how to make a white sauce, balance a checkbook, or tell the difference between a red oak and a white oak, but we learned. Or at least now we can Google it and hope for the best.

Wisdom at the Surface

One of the hidden gifts of aging is the ability to recognize this process – to appreciate not just what we know now, but how far we’ve come from knowing nothing at all. (A friend and I even started a podcast four years ago called “We Didn’t Know What We Didn’t Know”.)

There’s a quiet wisdom in being comfortable with partial knowledge. In admitting you don’t have all the answers, but you’ve gathered enough to help, guide, and even laugh. As we age, we begin to understand that deep knowledge is wonderful, but broad understanding has its own richness. We’ve seen more, lived more, failed more, and figured it out anyway.

If you want a crash course in Wisconsin geography, a refresher on fractions, and a reminder to use your inside voice, I’m your girl. If you want to know the migratory pattern of the Monarch butterfly, well, my husband’s probably tromping through the woods looking for dinner, and he will have lots to say on that topic.

Still Learning

The truth is, the deeper you get into life, the more you appreciate both the width and the depth. And if you’re lucky, you’ll learn to laugh at what you don’t know, celebrate what you do, and enjoy the company of those who know just enough to make life endlessly interesting.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you consider yourself an iceberg, a deep diver, or maybe a combination of both? What did you learn throughout your life that has brought you much joy? What is that one thing you still want to study and learn to a deep diver status?

Are you a teacher, retired otherwise, or do you know one? We’d love to share the gift of our very shallow stories. Click here to pick an episode if you need a good laugh today: “We Didn’t Know What We Didn’t Know”.

When my mother was the age that I am now, I had five children, ages 11 to 3. I was home schooling all of them, making food from scratch, and living my best earth-mother-type life. And, I had a neuro-muscular disease that resulted in general fatigue and muscle weakness.

My mother
lived 1000 miles away from me and her visits were yearly, for several weeks at
a time. Frankly, those visits resulted in more work for me… not much help from
my visiting mother.

I am
grateful now that my children have pleasant memories of their maternal
grandmother. I was a little surprised the other day to find that my daughter
did not know that I had a difficult relationship with my mother.

But it was
a pleasant surprise. I’m glad that I kept my frustrations with the woman from
her grandchildren.

Now, almost 40 years later and 10 years after her passing, things my mother said often come to mind. Imbedded deeply.

Her generation
was so different than mine. She was from the Greatest Generation, they say. But
opportunities for women were limited… especially for those who did not attend
college, were of modest means, and shackled by conventional mores.

Limited as
my mother’s contributions to my confidence and happiness were, there is a lot
of good, solid wisdom from sayings and expectations she passed along to me. Here
are some of them that stand the test of time.

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything

Keeping
silent when you’re bound to say something negative? Yep. Good advice. I tried
some variations of this with my own kids.

At one
point, we had a family “rule” that if you said something unkind about a person,
you had to come up with three positive things to say about that person. There
is just no need to be unkind.

I remember
one son having a hard time with positive comment #3 about a young friend. He finally
came up with “…It is good that <unnamed person> lives so far away from
us.” Since we all shared some of his initial sentiment, that one passed that
one time.

Say “Please” and “Thank You”

Common courtesy takes no effort. I have tried, even with my husband of 50 years, to remember to say please and thank you. It reminds me that he is a person who deserves simple respect, even at home.

I thank
the barista, the teller, the salesperson, the postman. I try to always thank my
colleagues and to say please. To ask with please says that I don’t take other
people’s efforts for granted.

Most would
say we live in a self-obsessed time and culture. I think that remembering to
appreciate simple and even common interactions with a “please” or a “thank you”
is a way to remind ourselves that others are important.

Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

I remember
hearing the beggars can’t be choosers saying a lot, but honestly, I’m not sure
of the usual application. Maybe if I didn’t help with preparing dinner growing
up, I should not complain (even though I was not a fan of a dollop of
mayonnaise on my pineapple slice).

Now, I
think that it comes to mind when I am considering my own satisfaction with
someone else’s offering. If I didn’t do it, should I evaluate it?

If I ask
for water and it comes with ice that I didn’t want but didn’t NOT ask for, I
should say thank you. If I ask for someone else to do the dishes, I should not
complain about the way they stack the dishwasher. And, I should say, “thank you.”

Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees

Our family
was blue collar and we had limited resources. My dad worked hard and was a
gifted sign painter. But he worked for the same small company for his entire
adult life, after returning from WWII, and with sub-par pay.

He lacked
confidence, which still makes me sad, but he provided as he felt he could for
his family of a wife and three daughters.

I don’t
think I was overly needy or wanting for what we didn’t have, but I do remember
hearing this phrase often. I’m glad for the underlying truth it conveyed. I
have always been a hard worker and have managed my earnings well.

While my
husband and I made choices that limited our income (like me staying at home for
20 years, raising our family), I managed our resources well. Other than only
having one pair of basketball shoes and a shared family vehicle in high school,
our kids lacked little.

I think
this concept of realizing money is earned with hard work makes me especially
appreciative and in awe of the wonder of our new home.

We have designed
and built a modest home on 15 acres of woods we have owned for 25 years. And, a
river runs through it! It is a wonderful, simple place to help our grandkids
learn about what grows on real trees and about wildlife and fresh eggs and
starry skies.

Because I Said So             

Few
phrases frustrated me more, growing up, than “Because I said so.” Not a good
enough reason! So, I rarely used it with my own children. I tried hard to be
patient enough to give them a more complete answer.

We’ll Cross That Bridge When We Come to It

No reason
to worry and fret about anticipated future events. I find that the things we
are tempted to worry about the most are the least likely to happen, somehow. And,
there are usually good resources available when the challenge appears if you
don’t panic or overreact.

Attend to
the present. Live and enjoy the moment. That will get you ready for the future.

If Everyone Jumped Off a Bridge, Would You Follow Them?

Ha! Another
very annoying comment my mother would make in my teen years was the
jumping-off-the bridge-along-with-the-crowd one. “But everyone is doing it…,” I
would say.

Maybe this
helped me not be a fad follower. Maybe it helped me develop some independence
(which was not all that well received by my mother).

I do still
find value in this sentiment. Know what I believe. Stand for what is important
to me. Risk doing the right thing. Do my research.

You’re Not Made of Sugar, You Won’t Melt

I know I’m
not made of sugar. My mother insisted on it every time I complained of any
discomfort from rain. Now, it strikes me as a curiosity… I may try to find its
origin.

A Little Birdie Told Me

Yep. I now
know that no secret remains a secret. It almost always comes out or is found
out. It’s amazing how quickly actions are told or stories are repeated.

This
reminds me, even now, that “if I don’t have something nice to say, I should not
say anything at all.”

Good
reminders, all of these timeless sayings. Along with these, I remember others too:

Can’t never could.

Chew with your mouth closed.

This too shall pass.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

All these
Old Wives’ Tales still have a ring of truth in them. Now that I am an old wife
myself, I can remember with gratefulness the annoying sayings from my childhood
that have stood me well.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you remember your mother saying that has stood you well? What do you hope your own kids remember from you? What was the most annoying thing you heard often that now you say yourself, with new understanding? Please share in the comments below and let’s have a fruitful conversation.

When we enter the golden age beyond 60, we start to think about matters that didn’t concern us before. Like leaving a legacy and sharing our stories. Have you thought about it? If you haven’t, now is a good time to consider your life and author your stories.

Here are 5 reasons
why this would be good for you and for those who will be there to hear or read
the story you craft.

You Have So Many Stories

You have lived a
lifetime. You have so many stories! Childhood stories. Growing up stories. Tales
of adventures in the 60s. Missteps in the 70s. Oh, and what wouldn’t you do, to
rewrite your stories from the 80s? (Would you? If you could?)

Most of the 90s are clear as day. The first 2000s on the other hand, are a little blurry. And the last few years? They have simply zipped by. They, too, are filled with stories that should not be forgotten.

You have lived! Childhood.
College. Career. Marriage.

Children. Breakups.
Makeups.

You spent years
caring for your kids and your
parents. Your vast experience, the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, pain and
pleasure, and everything in between, make you who you are today. You are rich
with stories.

Sue Monk Kidd, the author of The Secret Life of Bees, said, “Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.”

Tell your stories
to remind you and others of your rich and varied life.

Your Stories Connect You

In his research on
blue zones, which are areas in the world where folks live long, vital lives,
Dan Buettner found that relationships are essential to healthy aging. While
diet and exercise play important roles, connection and community trump both.

An experiment by Uri
Hasson, a neuroscientist from Princeton University, shows that the brains of
storyteller and listener synchronize during storytelling.

You don’t need
science to tell you this, you know that when your friend tells you a good
story, you “experience” the narrative. The shared understanding connects the
both of you and can strengthen the bond between you.

As we age, swapping
stories with friends and acquaintances can make us feel less alone. They foster
relationships and connections which help us age well.

You Give Yourself a Voice

All our lives we
have served, we have given. We have put others before us. That’s just the way
women our age lived our lives. And for the most part we have done so quietly – it is time we are heard.

One way is to pick a story from your life and tell it. You can look back and share your adventures, recount how you overcome a difficult time, let out a deep dark secret, or make your friends laugh.

Your community,
your family and friends will get to hear you. And the most important person – you – will think about what has
happened in your life in a way that makes the most sense to you, and express it.

You Become More Resilient

Resilience allows us
to be knocked down by life and come back at least as strong as before. All of
us have experienced some kind of adversity. We have gone through tough times at
some point in our lives, and we have a remarkable ability to bounce back.

Dr. Sherry Hamby, a
clinical psychologist whose current work focuses on resilience and coping with
adversity, says, “people who have found their voice, shared their story, and
reaffirmed their values often find a sense of peace and a hopefulness that they
did not have before.”

In her research,
she saw how even brief storytelling exercises can have a positive psychological
and physical impact on the storyteller.

According to Dr.
Hamby, telling your story to someone else can help you identify key events, and
remember details in a way that helps you become the author of your own life.

You Reinvent the Past, the Present, and the Future

Dr. Hamby’s words make
so much sense to me as I reflect on my own past events. My mother’s marriage
was arranged. At 18, she left her family, her home and country, to start a new
life.

Nine months later,
I was born. When I was three, my mother discovered my father had another woman.
She was devastated and hung on to me. For years I bore the burden on my scrawny
shoulders.

Today, with the
insight of 60+ years, I know that the burden was not mine to bear. I forgive my
mother and myself, put down that burden and move to the future, relatively unencumbered.

Every time I tell
my story, I feel lighter. I am open to possibilities and I do my best to look
forward. If I had kept it all in, I would be a different person today.

Telling a story is
like stirring a pot of paella – when you bring
what’s underneath up, you make the whole pot better.

Further read, Legacy Letters: An Updated Patriarchal Tradition Giving Women a Voice Today.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your story? How will you tell it? Do you think it will make people laugh? How do you think you will feel? Please share with our community and let’s have a conversation!

Are you anxious about taking medication for your anxiety? Maybe your doctor prescribed something like Xanax, but you’re hesitant. You worry about side effects, long-term use – or just don’t want to rely on pills.

But the Anxiety Keeps Coming Back

You feel restless and on edge. Overwhelmed. Sleep is hard to come by. Maybe you cry easily or feel like you’re constantly on the verge of tears. You might be wondering: What’s wrong with me?

Obsessive thoughts swirl. You want to stop overthinking. You want to sleep deeply. You want to finally feel calm, grounded, and in control of your own mind.

Maybe you’re wondering if peace is even possible.

It is.

You can be free of anxiety – without medication.

I Know This, Because I’ve Lived It

Years ago, I was prescribed Xanax for anxiety. I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t sleeping. I cried in my doctor’s office and cried at home. I couldn’t stop the thoughts or find relief. I felt helpless – and ashamed.

But asking for help changed everything.

Through support and consistent practice, I discovered strategies that helped me break free from anxiety. Over time, I stopped taking the medication. I finally experienced calm.

That journey is what led me here.

Today, I’m an anxiety coach for women. With my background as a university professor, pastor, and certified coach, I’ve combined my training with lived experience. Supporting women through anxiety isn’t just my profession – it’s my calling.

And here’s what I want you to know:

It is possible to manage anxiety without meds.

But it’s a process. If you’re currently taking medication, don’t stop abruptly – this is about supporting your mind as you build new, powerful habits. Let’s begin with the first steps.

3 Steps to Manage Anxiety Naturally

Step 1: Become AWARE of Your FEARS

Begin by identifying your fears. You might even give them names – like “Scary Situation” or “Puzzling Problem.” Write down your specific worries in 2–3 words each.

Now ask yourself:

• What’s making me afraid?
• What assumptions am I making?
• What am I telling myself – about this situation, and about me?
• What worst-case scenario is stuck in my head?

Facing your fears directly is difficult – but it’s also the foundation for lasting relief.

Step 2: Replace HARMFUL Thoughts with HELPFUL Ones

Notice the thoughts that cause stress or fear – and consciously choose better ones.

For example:

• “I’ll never get through this.” → “This is hard, but I’ve faced hard things before.”
• “I’m broken.” → “I’m struggling, but I’m healing.”

This will feel unnatural at first. That’s okay. New habits always do.

One of my clients recently gasped, “Oh my!” when she realized how much control she had over her own thoughts – and how that alone changed everything.

Step 3: Create a PLAN to Practice Positive Thinking

You’re not just changing thoughts. You’re changing your life.

Set a daily goal to notice and replace negative thinking. Track your progress with a chart, journal, or simple checklist. Be kind to yourself along the way – encouragement matters.

Over time, this becomes automatic. Your mind gets clearer. Your confidence grows. Anxiety softens. And you start to calm down.

You Can Manage Anxiety Without Medication

This isn’t about judgment or “just thinking happy thoughts.”

It’s about giving your mind a real chance to overcome anxiety.

The three steps above are a starting point. They changed my life, and I’ve seen them help countless women rediscover calm and clarity.

If you’d like to learn more, I created a free video that walks you through these steps in more detail.

Click here to watch: “How to Stop Anxiety.” Learn more and book a free consultation here.

Also read, Why Is Anxiety So Common in Women 60+?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Has your anxiety taken you to the doctor? Have you been prescribed Xanax or other stress reliever? What is your response and how do you handle the anxiety?