Month: July 2025

Photo: @amandabatula

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Originally posted at: Amanda Batula’s Navy Crop Top and Skirt Set

Don’t scramble at the last minute.

She’s lost thousands of followers.

I still recall an impactful conversation that took place several years ago, shortly after my book was published. While attending a community luncheon, I was seated at a round table with several couples. We exchanged pleasantries over salads and iced tea, and then one woman across from me suddenly lit up.

“Oh, I know you! I saw your picture in the paper,” she said. “You’re the one who wrote that financial guidebook for widows, right?”

I nodded, smiling. She waved her hand and laughed. “But I’ll never need it. You see, Bill and I have an agreement. I get to die first.”

The whole table chuckled. She continued, with a wink toward her husband, “He handles everything with the money. I don’t bother with any of that stuff – it’s boring. I’d rather spend time with the grandkids. He’s so good with our finances. I don’t need to get involved.”

She even covered her ears playfully and added, “When he tries to explain something, I just go ‘la-la-la-la!’”

Bill smiled politely but looked a bit weary. And noticeably older.

Here’s the thing: statistically, women outlive men by about seven years. So, when Bill dies first – as is likely – his wife will be left not only grieving his loss but also navigating their finances alone for the very first time.

And that, my friends, is what I call magical thinking – the belief that if we don’t talk about hard things, they won’t happen.

But guess what? Someone in every couple is going to die first. That’s a fact. And no amount of ‘la-la-la’ will change it.

Painful Memories and Avoidance

As we continued talking, I gently asked this woman, “Does it always work out in your family that the wife goes first?”

There was a long pause. Then she admitted, “Well, no. My mother was widowed, and it was really hard on her. I just don’t want to go through what she did.”

Bingo!

Sometimes avoidance isn’t about laziness or indifference – it’s about fear. This woman wasn’t flippant; she was frightened. And understandably so. Watching a parent struggle after losing a spouse can make anyone want to bury their head in the sand.

But fear doesn’t prevent loss. It just makes us less prepared when it comes.

Real Talk Over Dessert

After a bit more quietness around the table, another woman chimed in: “When my friend’s husband died, she was a mess. She didn’t know a thing about their finances. It was overwhelming.”

Back to the original speaker: “Exactly! That’s why I want to go first!”

At that point, I gently asked one more question, “Do things in life always turn out the way we wish they would?”

She didn’t answer out loud. But her expression changed. I could almost hear the inner monologue: “No, things don’t always go how I want. And the idea of being alone, without Bill – it terrifies me.”

That’s when Bill quietly said, “See, Jane? We really do need to talk about this.” He’d clearly tried before. Then he asked how they could get a copy of my guidebook. I passed him my card. And Jane took it, too.

Moments later, we all turned our attention to the most pressing decision at the table – raspberry cheesecake or chocolate cake?

Love Means Planning Together

Here’s what I believe: one of the most loving gifts a couple can give each other is a mutual understanding of their financial world, before a death or crisis happens.

Don’t wait until one of you is gone to untangle the web of accounts, documents, and decisions. Have the conversations now, while both of you are healthy and clearheaded. Start with simple but essential questions, including:

• Do we both know where the important documents are?
• Are our wills, trusts, and powers of attorney up to date?
• Who are the beneficiaries on our IRAs, annuities, and life insurance policies?
• Where do we keep our account passwords and PINs and are these organized?
• Do we both understand how our retirement income works?
• Who are our professional advisors, and how can they be contacted?

I often recommend creating a “household manual” – a centralized place where this information is kept and easily accessible. That might include everything from financial information to contact details for your trusted plumber and handyman.

A Gentle Conversation Starter

Bringing these topics up doesn’t have to feel grim. In fact, it can be a heartfelt gesture.

Try saying something like, “Honey, because I love you so much, I want us to go over our finances together. If something happens to one of us, I want the other to be okay.”

If you’re the “Jane” in your relationship – the one who’s opted out of money matters for years – it’s never too late to start learning. You don’t need to become a financial expert. You just need to be informed enough to step in with confidence if the time comes.

You Deserve to Be Prepared

I’ve worked with hundreds of widows over the years. I’ve heard heartbreaking stories from women who never saw the bills, never logged into the bank account, never once met the financial advisor – and suddenly, they had to figure it all out alone.

But I’ve also seen the opposite. Widows who told me, “Thank goodness we talked through this before he passed. It made all the difference.”

I know that talking about death and money can feel uncomfortable. But your future self – and possibly your future widow self – will be forever grateful that you did.

Because magical thinking might feel easier in the moment. But real planning? That’s true love in action.

“On average, women outlive men by about 7 years. Planning ahead is not pessimism – it’s empowerment.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you and your partner talked about your financial plans and preparations? Do you know where your important documents are kept? Have you experienced (or witnessed) the consequences of avoiding these conversations? What’s one small step you could take this week to be more financially informed or prepared?

I love lists. They help me get things done, get thoughts out of my head and onto paper, and shape the kind of future I want to create. When something lives only in my mind – it’s just an idea, but when I write it down, it becomes real. It takes form. And more often than not, it actually happens.



And there’s science to back this up. For example, a study from the Dominican University found that writing down your goals significantly increases the chances of achieving them. That likelihood increases even further when accountability and commitment are thrown into the mix. But even if just writing your goals down takes you one step closer to making them happen. Why wouldn’t you?


Let’s face it: our lives are filled with noise. We’re bombarded with things to do, our attention spans are shrinking, and with around 70,000 thoughts running through our brains each day, we need ways to cut through the mental clutter and reconnect with what truly matters.



Maybe you’re at a stage in life where you’ve spent decades looking after others, working hard, or simply getting by. But when was the last time you did something just for you? What sets your heart on fire? What does freedom look like for you? Have you thought what brings you joy? Have you ever even stopped to ask?



If not – that’s exactly what this post is here to spark.



Where It All Began

In my 30s, I wrote a blog post titled Forty Things Before I’m Forty – a list of everything I wanted to do or try before hitting the big 4-0. It included the weird, the wacky, the bold, the big and the small. Did I tick off every one? No. But I gave it a good go – and I had a lot of fun in the process.



Looking back, I completed about 60% of that list. But if I hadn’t taken the time to reflect and write it all down, I wouldn’t have had anything to aim for – no benchmark, no clarity, and no idea what I truly wanted.



That’s why goal-setting – or creating that dream/bucket list – matters. Because we don’t often stop and ask ourselves what we want. Even if you’re someone who reflects regularly, it’s always powerful to revisit that question with fresh eyes.



Redefining Freedom



Freedom in this next chapter of life doesn’t have to be radical. You don’t have to bungee jump or go wild swimming naked (though you absolutely can if that’s your thing!). Freedom is personal. It can be peaceful, playful, silly, soulful – it’s whatever feels right for you.



This list is a start, a commitment to yourself and your happiness, written one month at a time. It gives you something to focus on each month for the next 60 months (or five years). And if you skip a month? No guilt. The process of reflecting and writing is super powerful on its own.

This isn’t a manual – it’s a guide. It’s permission to start living as your most authentic, free and liberated self.

How It Works



The idea is simple: write down 60 things you want to do, try, experience, or feel in the next 60 months. Commit to exploring one thing per month for the next five years.



Some months might be bold – like booking your first solo trip. Others might be soft and simple – like finally trying that new café or drinking a cup of tea alone with no distractions.



There are no rules. Only that you honour your freedom, curiosity, and joy.



Let’s Get Started



Step 1: Get Prepped


Grab a notebook, pen, or your laptop. Find somewhere distraction-free – your garden, a quiet café, or your favourite park.



Step 2: Set a Timer


Give yourself 25 minutes of pure focus. No emails, no kids or grandkids, no phone scrolling. This time is just for you.



Step 3: Start Writing 


Think about things you’ve always wanted to do – big or small. Things that bring joy, spark curiosity, or push you gently out of your comfort zone.



Here are some prompts to get the juices flowing:


1. What have I always wanted to try?

2. What part of myself have I lost touch with?

3. What makes me feel free?



Some ideas to get the ball rolling:

• Read outside
• Swim at sunrise
• Buy yourself your favourite flowers
• Start a journal 
• Try a dance class 
• Learn a new language
• Cook something totally new
• Start learning an instrument
• Visit a museum or art gallery
• Go on a retreat
• Try therapy 
• Explore a new city or country
• Say no unapologetically
• Wear something bold
• Write a letter to your younger self
• Let go of a belief holding you back (limiting belief)
• Take a digital detox for a day or a few hours (don’t use your phone, laptop etc. and just be present)
• Try something you’ve always said “I could never do”
• Paint your feelings
• Reconnect with an old friend
• Volunteer

Once your 25 minutes is up, take a short 5-minute break. If you’re not finished, go again – or come back to it later. The goal is to complete your list of 60 and start gently ticking off one item per month.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

So how did you get on? Did you enjoy the exercise? I’d love to know – what’s one thing you plan to do in the next 60 months just for you?