Month: July 2025

Never have I ever experienced a time where world events trickled down to touch down on such a granular level as our personal relationships. You hear people every day expressing sadness and frustration at the chasm between them and those for whom they care deeply.

The Elephant in the Room

For decades the go-to rule of ‘we just don’t talk about politics or religion’ appeared to work just fine. The elephant in the room was in the corner for all to see but we could still ignore it by pretending it wasn’t there. Now it seems that it has eaten its weight in grasses, leaves and tree bark because when in that room with others who are on the other side of whatever side you’re on, said elephant takes up every square inch of air and space; impossible to ignore.

Some folks are able to side-step around the big guy hoping not to get smacked by his tail, and others are choosing not to enter the room at all.

So how do we handle the awkwardness? Do we put those relationships on hold until this big elephant poop storm blows over? What if it doesn’t? What if it leaves a permanent poop stain?!

WE-lationships

One of the basic core tenets of a relationship along with trust, communication, respect, and empathy, is having shared values. What I hear people expressing is, “If they agree with this and that, then they no longer align with me and my values, so how can we be in a relationship?” That in turn understandably affects their sense of respect, communication and other crucial cogs in the relationship wheel.

I was speaking with a dear friend on the phone recently and she was talking about what a relationship is to her, and I thought she said, “It’s a WE-lationship” so I asked her if I could steal that, and she said “Sure, but what’d I say?!” I told her what I’d heard through the phone, and she laughed. We had both inadvertently created a new term that I was going to coin!

To be in any kind of relationship it must be a WE-lationship. It takes two – or more as the case may be!

So How Do We Navigate These Unchartered Times?

To be honest, I’m not sure there’s a one-size fits all answer. I’m also walking this path that has no other footprints before me to show the way. Sometimes I feel like, “You can’t get there from here.”  (A line often attributed to the Wizard of Oz, but it’s not!)

Are we in a stalemate with our fellow players on the other side of the field?

There are various versions for this to play out:

1. You continue to schedule time for each other, agree to disagree and choose not to talk about it.
2. You talk it through, listening to each other’s understanding of the situation, with the agreement that if it gets too heated you get out of the kitchen and revert to #1.
3. You avoid one another because it’s just too damn uncomfortable, and you know that if you talk about it, it could become the expiration date on the relationship.
4. You take the elephant by its tusks and say what you want to say, come what may.

Often, when we’re forced to look at ourselves and others in the mirror, we see what’s behind the glass, revealing that we don’t like what we see. Hence, another reason to avoid it. This can be especially hard when it’s someone we’ve been close to, sometimes for our entire lives.

Staying True to What Matters to You

It’s rough seas right now for many of us, and if you are also experiencing the severity of severed relationships, you are not alone. Lots of feels are surfacing as we try and maneuver through this time, and while we may mourn the loss of some people, I believe that the WE-lationships we choose will be stronger and healthier.

The bottom line is that we need to stay true to ourselves, whatever that means for you. Whether it’s vowing that nothing, no matter what, will affect your relationships, or if you just cannot have one with someone who would support what is happening in our country, or somewhere in between; I say be true to yourself and own it.

My fears, thoughts and feelings about all of this manifested recently in a spoken word poem, and if you’d like to hear it on my Loving Later Life Podcast, click here and if you’d also like to see the video on YouTube click here.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you had challenges with friends or family because of global and/or domestic events? What are some solutions you have found to handle it all that work for you?

For many women over 60, becoming a grandparent is one of life’s greatest events.

You get the joy of watching little ones grow (and giving them treats, doing crafts, and taking them places) without the stress of day-to-day parenting.

But what happens when your adult children struggle with parenting?

What if their choices, circumstances, or even life crises put your grandchildren at risk or in need of extra care?

Stepping in as a co-parent is one of the most complex and emotionally charged roles a grandparent can face. It can be accompanied by guilt, resentment, love and fierce feelings of protection all at once.

Perhaps the hardest part is figuring out how to help without taking over. You may be the OG, but unless the situation is dire (like legally, dangerously, or medically), you don’t want to usurp your child’s role as a parent. That’s not fair to them, your grandchildren, or you.

So now you’re managing a delicate balance between support, help, and interference.

This is the tightrope many grandmothers find themselves walking.

Let’s discuss the practical realities, the emotional toll, and what it truly entails to co-parent grandchildren while still respecting boundaries.

Recognizing When to Step in and When Not to

Most grandparents never expect to co-parent. They hope their adult children will thrive, provide a stable home, and know how to give their children what they need.

But life doesn’t always follow that script.

Some common situations that can flip the script and pull grandparents into a parenting role include:

• Divorce or custody battles.
• Substance abuse issues.
• Financial instability or homelessness.
• Mental health struggles.
• Overwhelmed young parents.

But how do you know when you’re actually needed, versus when your child isn’t stepping up to their responsibilities or you’re simply uncomfortable with their parenting style?

For Instance, Consider Denise

Denise, 63, never imagined she’d be picking her six-year-old grandson up from school every day and helping with homework. But when her son-in-law left her daughter, the young woman went through a nasty divorce and had to work two jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes, she only had time to kiss her son in the morning and didn’t see him again before he went to bed.

This meant Denise became a daily fixture in her grandson’s life.

Clearly, Denise’s daughter needed her mom’s help, and thankfully, Denise was able to provide it.

But sometimes, the waters are muddied, and “helping” is actually overstepping. How do you know?

Signs You Might Need to Step In

• Safety concerns (neglect, lack of supervision, exposure to harmful environments).
• Ongoing instability (housing, emotional detachment, access to basic needs).
• A direct request for help from your child.

When to Take a Step Back

• You don’t agree with their parenting approach, but your grandchild seems to be doing okay.
• You’re afraid they aren’t doing it right and want more influence due to fear more than necessity.
• Part of you (it may be subconscious) wants a redo so you can make up for parenting mistakes you made when your child was growing up.

So, before you step in and start taking over, ask yourself,

“Is this about what my child and grandchild need or about what I want?”

How to Co-Parent as a Grandparent Without COMPLETELY Taking Over

So, you’ve determined that some kind of help is needed, or you’ve been asked to lend a hand.

Knowing how to help without overstepping is especially difficult. Especially when your adult child is still trying to be a parent, and you want to see them succeed.

Consider these tips for supporting their efforts while providing the help they need.

Communicate Honestly and Gently

Parenting can be hard – remember? You don’t want to kick their already shaky legs out from under them, so start with empathy.

Avoid phrases like, “You’re not doing it right” or “When I was raising you…”

Instead, use language like,

• “How can I best support you right now?”
• “Would it help if I…?”
• “I’m here if you need backup.”

Always ask permission before acting. Even if you feel you know what’s best, offering choices preserves your child’s dignity.

Set Boundaries for Yourself

It’s easy to let love override your own limits. But taking on too much can breed resentment and burnout.

Examples:

• “I can pick up the kids from school, but I can’t commit to every day.”
• “I’m happy to help on weekends, but I have other commitments during the week.”

Patty, 59, for example, found herself in a tough situation.

When her son and his ex split custody of her granddaughter, his travel schedule meant he couldn’t always be there. Rather than asking his ex-wife to take their daughter while he was away, he asked his mom, Patty.

Patty became her granddaughter’s 3rd parent. Although she loved the time with her granddaughter, she realized she was losing her own life and autonomy. And she and her son began to have disagreements on parenting choices.

Finally, Patty had to draw a line and require her son to face the reality of his situation and make changes that resulted in less dependence on her – choices that allowed her to SUPPORT but not parent.

Respect Their Role as Parents

Even if you strongly disagree with some choices (such as screen time, bedtime routines, or discipline styles), unless your grandchild is in danger, it is the parent (your child), not the grandparent, who ultimately calls the shots.

If you truly feel there’s a better, more effective way to handle something, consider offering resources rather than instructions.

“I read about a parenting group that shares ideas on bedtime solutions – would you be interested in the info or link?”

This approach honors their autonomy while still offering help.

The Hard Conversations – When It’s More Than Just Help

Sometimes, there’s a real need for co-parenting grandchildren, and things can move into truly uncomfortable territory.

If your adult child isn’t just struggling but is incapable of providing care and safety, things can become emotionally brutal.

What do I mean?

• Substance abuse that endangers the child.
• Domestic violence or emotional abuse in the home.
• Severe mental health crises left untreated.

In these cases, stepping in fully – even legally – may be required. Sadly, you may even need to contact child protective services or consider temporary guardianship if the situation is dire.

These are gut-wrenching, heartbreaking situations. You may feel like you’re betraying your child, but protecting the grandchild has to come first.

This was the case for Carla, 65, who had to step in when her daughter developed an opioid addiction after knee surgery. Carla’s son-in-law was overwhelmed and was working out of town.

“I threatened to call CPS – on my own child! It broke me. I cried for weeks. But I knew my grandson needed to be somewhere safe.”

Today, she’s raising him full-time during the week, her daughter is in recovery, and her son-in-law takes him on the weekends.

If you can relate to Carla in any way, be sure to seek support for yourself as well.

• Join a grandparent support group (many exist both locally and online).
• Seek counseling – these dynamics are complex and painful.
• Lean on trusted friends who can offer perspective.

Give Grace to Yourself and Your Family

Co-parenting grandchildren is never black and white. And it’s almost never easy, no matter how much you love your grandchild.

You may feel pride one day and crushing guilt the next. You may resent your child, while also wanting to protect them.

Give yourself permission to have and experience these conflicting emotions. No one plans for this, and there’s no perfect script to follow.

What matters is recognizing when to lend a hand, when to step in, and when to step back. And doing this with love, honesty, and healthy boundaries. It can be hard to see where the lines should be, so get the help of an experienced counselor if needed.

You won’t always get it right. But if you move slowly, with compassion and respect, you’re more likely to preserve the relationships that matter most, even in the messiest seasons.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you had to co-parent your grandchildren? Were you able to establish clear boundaries or was it messy and difficult? If you’ve had to co-parent your grandchildren, please share your story and join the conversation.

What now?

Getting what we want in life isn’t always easy. Each of us has experienced the heartbreak of disappointment when our efforts do not bring our desires into fulfillment.

Over time, these setbacks can establish a Fixed Mindset about what is possible to achieve. This is especially true when it comes to creating your ideal lifestyle after 60.

Rather than adopt a Growth Mindset and create the lifestyle of their dreams, many people over 60 find it easier to live an unfulfilling life through a Fixed Mindset.

If you are currently struggling to create the life you desire, it is time to reset your mindset.

Where do you begin? And what is involved in resetting your mindset after 60?

We will answer these questions in this article and accompanying video.

This is the second of a two-part journey into creating a mindset for your dream lifestyle. They will set the foundation for a new, 10-part exclusive series for Sixty and Me readers titled “Visualize a Vibrant New Lifestyle After 60”that will run from August to December.

Changing Your Mind Changes Your Reality

Resetting your mindset begins by letting go of disappointments from your past with love, compassion, and forgiveness. This will open your heart and help you reframe your perception of what is possible for you today and into the future.

After that, your next step is to develop a Growth Mindset.

Studies and research have proven the mind and body cannot distinguish the differences between what happens in physical reality or in the mind. According to Dr. Alia Crum, the principal investigator at the Stanford Mind and Body Lab, “Our minds aren’t passive observers, simply perceiving reality as it is. Our minds actually change reality.”

Your lifestyle can radically change for the better overnight when you live through a Growth Mindset. But to create a future that is better than what you once believed possible, you will want to reset your mindset. For when you change your mindset, you change your reality.

In my previous article and video, I shared with you how to identify the differences between a Fixed Mindset and Growth Mindset. I am now going to guide you through eight steps for resetting your mindset through a Growth Mindset.

8 Steps to Reset Your Mindset

Embrace the Power of “Yes”

Rather than saying no to new opportunities, get into the habit of saying YES! This will immediately free you from being stuck in a frustrating rut and thrust you into a new way of experiencing your dream lifestyle.

Embrace Challenges

Challenges are not indicators you are not deserving of your dream lifestyle. They are gifts. But to open that gift you will want to flip the script on your previous perceptions of a challenge or obstacle. Where there appears to be a breakdown in your efforts to create positive results, look closer and you are likely to see a breakthrough you can take advantage of and make huge strides.

Practice Self-Love

Having a Growth Mindset doesn’t mean you do not get frustrated, it means you have compassion for yourself and can celebrate who you are in each moment of your journey. Nothing does this better than self-love. In fact, self-love is like a magic potion that makes limiting beliefs disappear.

Cultivate Self-Awareness

The more you develop self-love the more self-aware you are. This translates into an open mind whereby you are less likely to be influenced by the limiting beliefs of your inner critic or negativity of other people.

Embrace New Learning

Without the curiosity to explore new ways of achieving your dream lifestyle, your life will become stagnant. Stagnation, just like anything, can change and that begins by embracing the new.

Get Over Perfection

The idea of perfection is a painful illusion. Rather than seek perfection in your life, focus on progress. Celebrate the incremental steps you take along the path to creating your ideal lifestyle.

Reframing Setbacks

A setback is not failure. By reframing a perceived setback through a Growth Mindset, you refocus the situation entirely. In doing so, you open yourself up to a whole new way of living.

Become Inspired

A Fixed Mindset criticizes those who are successful and shuns people who are living the lifestyle they want. When you reset your mindset through a Growth Mindset, you automatically seek inspiration and empowerment from a variety of people. Research who is writing about, making videos on, and launching online courses related to the lifestyle you desire.

Next Steps

Everyone’s idea of a dream lifestyle is different, and so is the approach to a Growth Mindset. Therefore, be sure to adapt and modify your approach to these eight steps to create a lifestyle that makes your heart sing.

In our next article and video, we will explore the heart and soul of visualizing a vibrant lifestyle after 60 and how to embody it for yourself. This will begin a new, 10-part exclusive series for Sixty and Me readers titled “Visualize a Vibrant New Lifestyle After 60” that will run from August to December.

I invite you to join me in the video, where I will share with you two bonus steps to reset your mindset after 60. I will also guide you through three journal prompts to help you integrate what you are learning.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think you’re open to new things or stuck in what you’ve always done? What would it take for you to reset your mindset and start living a different lifestyle?

I never used moisturizer. Then menopause passed me by, and my skin had other ideas. I always loved a good eyeliner. I had that cat eye down. And then my eyelids started to droop, and I might as well have been painting downward arrows on my face, alerting the world to how gravity works.

Gradually, through my 50s I started to realize that the makeup and skin care routines I used all the way through my 40s just weren’t going to cut it anymore.

That was a hard thing to accept for me, but accept it I did. And then I did the only thing I could. I made changes to my routine to celebrate the woman I am today – not to hide anything, but to highlight the strength, wisdom, and beauty of this chapter. Here’s how I changed it up after menopause, and how it helped me find confidence in my vanity mirror once again.

Skin Shifts After Menopause

I had oily skin most of my life. I mean oil slicks by lunchtime kind of oily. So, I never, and I mean never, would have thought of adding to that by using moisturizer. But after menopause, all that changed, and I have to admit, I wasn’t prepared for it. Now my skin drinks up anything I feed it like a thirsty animal.

Lack of estrogen causes a variety of issues after our 50s. One of them is changes in our skin. We all probably have experienced:

• Crepey skin and wrinkles
• Dry skin
• Sagging skin, especially around the eyes and jawline
• Sun damage becoming more obvious due to thinning skin
• More sensitivity

How to Change Your Skin Care Routine After Menopause

For me, it was all about finding the products that made me feel confident, healthy, and vibrant. I wasn’t looking for miracle creams to make me look 29 again. (Seriously, who wants that!) The changes I made? I went from…

• Washing my face with body wash to using a gentle face wash with antioxidants.
• No moisturizer to rich lotions with lots of antioxidants and emollients.
• From chemical sunscreen to physical sunscreens. (Chemical sunscreens can cause reactions.)
• Added an eye cream with hyaluronic acid. (It holds 1000 times its weight in water, so naturally plumps up skin tissue.)
• Added an antioxidant nighttime routine before bed, including serums and rich eye creams. I also use peptide products to help long-term with crepey skin. I tried retinol products but found them too harsh.

These changes helped me see skin that was replenished, protected, and felt more youthful.

How My Makeup Routine Changed After Menopause

My makeup routine in my 20s-40s seemed tried and true. I loved my look, and I felt it expressed my personality well. But when I started to see changes in my skin, my eyes, even the shape of my nose, I knew it was time to change some things up here, too. I went from…

• Using no primer, to using primer for smoothness and sunscreen religiously.
• Heavy full coverage foundation to tinted moisturizers that don’t cake and make pores more noticeable. You can check out my post Best Foundation for Mature Skin for what I use.
• Using harsh black eyeliner and a cat eye technique that visually drew down my eye and made it look smaller and droopy to creating a natural lash line with eyeshadow and a wet brush.
• Using no contour and highlighter to using a subtle contour under my cheekbones, around the edges of my face, and on the side of my nose, and a light highlighter just above my cheekbones for more radiance.
• Using thick lipstick that looked outdated, to lighter lip stains and gloss to add color and shine.
• From a full, made-up look every day, to a natural look that brought out the youthfulness in my face, and saving heavier makeup for special nighttime events.

How It Changed My Confidence

Let’s face it, ladies, none of us wants to be seen as the older woman with too much makeup, trying to hang on to the past. Sometimes it’s hard to see that changes need to be made when you’ve had the same routine for so long. But finding a way to roll with the changes aging offers us helps us to actually bring out the best of who we are right now. And that woman is pretty awesome.

Don’t let aging be a dirty word. Offer yourself some grace and kindness and look into that mirror with confidence and empowerment. And when you are done at the makeup table, jump into your closet and check out Flattering Summer Dresses for Women Over 50+. I mean, why stop the routine shake-up with just your face, right?

I Love to See Your Comments:

How has your skincare and makeup routine changed after menopause? What things did you keep from the old days?