Month: July 2025

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Originally posted at: Phaedra Park Multi Colored Bustier Top & Pants

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One morning back when I was in my mid-50s, I realized two things… the first was that I had no good female friends. I mean, I had acquaintances. People who would be happy to jump in and help if I needed it. But no one I could call and chat with about my feelings, my struggles, and my joys.

No one I could text and say, “Miss you, Friend!” or “I’ve had the best day!” No one who knew me. You know, the real me. The truth is, I raised a family of 5 kids, mostly on my own, and frankly, I didn’t have time for friends. What I mean is, I didn’t have time to nurture friendships. Not the way they deserved to be nurtured.

The second thing I realized was that once my kids were adults, I really began to feel like I was missing something. That, for the first time in my adult life, I truly craved close friendships with women I could connect with. And I started to realize a truth…

That as women, we need each other.

We need to be there to lift each other up, to help each other through, and to share each other’s big moments and small ones. No one can understand what it’s like to be female more than another female. Don’t get me wrong, one of my very best friends is a man. But my circle was missing something.

Finding Your Circle

One of the unexpected consequences of growing older that most women don’t expect is waking up one morning and realizing that making new friends is hard. Most of our lives friendships probably happened as a result of natural consequences… You might have met other women at your kids’ events, at the office, or as a couple with your spouse.

You cheered in the stands together, you carpooled each other’s kids to swim lessons, you slipped out of the office early on Fridays for drinks. But as your lives changed, you may have drifted apart. Kids leave home, jobs and careers end, and we often change our very interests and values as we age.

Here is the good news. At this stage in our lives, we now have the time to really nurture and appreciate adult female friendships. Now, how to make new friends as an aging woman? Especially if you are retired or out of the workforce?

How to Make New Friends in Midlife and Beyond

It is hard to open yourself up to making new friends. Many of us have been burned in the past by friendships gone bad. We may have a history with other women that has been difficult. We may be a little stuck in our routine.

But not only is it possible, it’s vital for our wellbeing, according to an article published by the NIH which explains that older women who value friendship and make socializing a priority are less likely to have issues with health and memory.

Here are some easy ideas for learning how to make new friends as an older woman.

Be Proactive – Reach Out

First things first… If you are waiting around for another woman to make the first move, don’t. They are probably waiting for the same thing. It’s hard being vulnerable, but so worth it!

Reach out to ask a neighbor to tea, be bold enough to ask to exchange numbers with a woman you hit it off with, or start a local group around your interests and invite women from your community. If it’s difficult for you to be proactive, here are some more ideas on how to build your confidence as an older woman.

Find People with Common Interests

Most of us want friends who share our interests, so make sure you spend time around people who enjoy yours. Join a book club, take a class, or volunteer somewhere you are passionate about. Need ideas? Check out my post on hobbies for women!

Use Technology to Find Friends

Don’t be afraid to use technology to open up new doors to friendship… Online support groups, online communities for women in midlife+, or maybe even Google for a retreat you can join with like-minded women.

Find Friends from the Past

Had an amazing friend back in school you lost touch with? Chances are, you may be able to find her on Facebook or Instagram. Reach out!

Do Female-Only Outings

Have couple friends with your S.O.? Ask the female half of that combo out to coffee, lunch, or a fun outing, and develop a friendship apart from your other halves. (And it will make the times you get together as couples all the more fun!)

Friendship Isn’t About Numbers

Remember back in school when the popular girls had dozens of girlfriends? Well, life isn’t high school, ladies. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have; it’s the quality of friends that matters. Make sure you take the time to nurture the friendships you create and develop deep relationships.

We’ve been around long enough to know that shallow small talk and shopping trips aren’t what we are looking for at this point in our lives. We want connection. We want to feel heard. We want someone who understands the unique problems a midlife+ woman deals with.

It’s OK to Be Lonely

If you are feeling lonely as an older woman, that’s ok. It’s nothing to feel self-conscious about; we all feel that way at times. But do something about it. You are not too old, and you are not ridiculous for wanting to make new friends at this point in your life. Band together with girls that are your tribe, your people, your cheerleaders, your supporters. And maybe for the first time, like me, find female friendships that will last your lifetime. And yes, you still have a lot of that left. Don’t spend it in loneliness!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Would you say making friends after 60 is hard? Has it always been hard for you to make friends, or is this a post-60 development? Where do you think might be the issue?

Bezos also responded to rumors he cheated on his ex-wife with Sanchez.

Do you ever stop and think what make a good marriage good? I don’t think about it often, especially as I have been married for what seems like forever.

(I got married when I was 21, with little enthusiasm from my parents – who could blame them? – and yet here we are 62 years later happy as can be.)

I suspect it is the kind of question one addresses when one is considering the possibility of starting a marriage – or, perhaps, ending one.

The obvious answer is ‘love’, but then you really need to define what love means. And that is not only very difficult but the answer changes over time.

In the early days, ‘love’ is all mixed up with an admiration of the other’s qualities combined with a heady attraction fuelled by hormones. Indeed, it is often suffused with the excitement that comes from realising that you are yourself the object of affection.

As one grows older, love tends to grow into something much deeper as two lives are intertwined, with a genuine concern for the welfare of the other person.

Neither of these states work to explain what makes for a happy marriage. Some people get cute and say things like ‘separate bathrooms’ or ‘divorce is expensive’. But it is too serious a question for that.

See one effort to work out a meaningful definition in the most unlikely circumstances.

A Story Told Against Myself

Some long time ago – probably more than 20 years – a friend in my choir was planning to marry. I knew the guy, who was also in the choir.

She had the (correct) impression that my husband and I were happily married and asked, suddenly during our brief coffee break, what was the formula for a happy marriage.

Well, that’s a difficult question, I responded. I thought for a minute and said what came into my mind.

It was all about dealing with the negatives. You need to talk about things when they went wrong. You need to be understanding. You need to learn to cope with different ways of thinking about things. You need to compromise.

Nothing wrong with those answers, but they were a bit weak. Lacked something.

After I got home that evening, I told my husband about our conversation, including my answer.

“Oh no,” he said, “it’s much simpler than that. I just find you very interesting.”

Yes, I thought. He hit the nail on the head. Forget everything else (well, not completely, but you know when you’ve hit something important).

We both find each other very interesting. We talk all the time – at meals, in bed, pausing the TV to explore an issue – just anywhere.

Indeed, I recently came home from a lunch with a friend, and my husband and I got talking about something that arose at the lunch. We talked for 45 minutes in the hallway, not even sitting down.

We want to know what the other thinks. We want to explore new ideas together, to clarify our thinking. We just spend a lot of time this way.

I went back and told my friend. She liked the answer. She found her husband-to-be interesting. And they are still together.

Is That All There Is to It?

No, that isn’t all. It was a great answer, in my view. It seems simple and it covers a lot, but there is more, much more.

You also need touch. A lot of it. The simple squeeze of the arm or stroke on the back. Holding hands. Every day. More than once.

My husband once read a newspaper article that said you should kiss for a least seven seconds every day. We tried this. We began counting the seconds. It always ended in laughter. Perhaps that was the point.

And whatever your age, I am a strong believer in sexual activity of some kind. Not every couple wants this, and I wouldn’t argue. I am not a marriage counsellor – just a simple human being.

But sex wasn’t invented for nothing. It does great things for your body, for your relationship and for your soul.

Don’t tell me it’s too late for all that stuff. Read this post about my father.

And I am a great believer in laughing. Make fun of each other. Make fun of yourself. Have a laugh. It, too, does great things for your body, your relationship and your soul.

And sprinkle on a good bit of luck.

We all need it.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you – or were you – happily married? What do you think is the secret? What would you add to my list?