Month: September 2025

Let this 39-piece lineup put a spell on your home with the help of the Evil Queen and Maleficent.

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Originally posted at: Stassi Schroeder’s Polka Dot Dress

Let this 39-piece lineup put a spell on your home with the help of the Evil Queen and Maleficent.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

At 67, Clare realized that she’d been asking herself the wrong question her entire life.

Fall was settling into Oregon, the morning light filtering through Douglas firs where the first leaves were beginning to turn. The season here held a quiet grace, so different from the dramatic autumn of her youth in Alaska. For an instant she felt again the expansiveness of watching the moving spectacle of the Northern Lights.

Life Transitions Based on Marriage Experience

Five years had passed since the end of her marriage to John – a long relationship that had dissolved slowly when she finally accepted their philosophical incompatibility. He always spoke convincingly of change but expected her to mold herself to his vision of their life.

She had married twice. Her first had ended when she and Tony acknowledged they had committed to each other prematurely. They were too young and inexperienced. Not having yet developed the skill of resilience, he in particular, and she, too, had resented being inconvenienced by having to make adjustments for the marriage.

In her marriages, Clare had believed her partners shared the values she held close and had tried to live by, the ones she had taught her children: honesty, conscientiousness, and flexibility. She believed strongly that personal growth throughout life is essential – that when people stop learning, they become, no matter what their physical age, brittle and old.

Being thoughtful by nature, she didn’t see these endings as failures; no – though there is sadness when couples cannot find common ground – they were necessary signals that she needed to deepen her perception of herself and others.

A Clash of Perceptions

A realization had struck her yesterday afternoon at the coffee shop where she liked to take a book and spend an hour or so journaling. She’d been reading at a corner table when she overheard a mother complaining about her son’s career decision.

“He was pre-med at Stanford, but he threw it all away to become a park ranger,” the woman said, her voice pitched with disapproval. “All that tuition money down the drain.”

Her friend resignedly nodded in agreement: “At least you tried.”

A fierce heat bloomed in Clare’s chest, a protective shield against the mother’s words. Her hands tightened around her cup, and in her mind, she conjured a defiant response.

“What if he’s doing exactly what he wants? What if he’s following his own star, not letting his dream slip away by conforming to your selfish trajectory of his life?”

Being Responsible to Yourself

Sitting here now, a bigger question arose: How much conforming had she herself actually done? We must all adapt to an extent to live together, but that should not require distorting ourselves.

In the quiet aftermath of this questioning, Clare felt a more profound responsibility welling in her. Not the responsibility to loved ones – a dedication she had shown in her life – but the obligation she owed to her own existence. She was the only person in the history of the world who could be Clare Norton. Not an approximation, not a version shaped by external desires, but the irreplaceable original.

The question wasn’t whether she was happy, successful, or admired. The question was simpler and more urgent:

Am I being the Clare only I can be?

Knowing Yourself Helps with Relationships

She thought of her two daughters, each caught in her own wrestling with the tangled knot of modern life. She pictured Dana, 34 now, still seeking approval from her father that would likely never come, her voice strained during their Sunday phone calls. Then she saw Danielle at 28, who’d sent a photo from her latest research station in Sitka – windblown hair, mud-stained boots, a small figure against the vast sky.

Danielle had chosen her own path, but Clare wondered if her daughter was using that independence to avoid the vulnerability of more intimate connection, the way she changed subjects whenever anyone asked about her interests outside work.

Perhaps being herself was the primary way she could truly guide them now.

Are We Brave Enough?

Clare walked to the window, watching a squirrel scurry, gathering stores for the winter ahead, wondering if Ashland would get snow this year.

She would not waste this gift of a singular life.

The question that mattered wasn’t whether she was good enough, but whether she was brave enough. Clare understood that being herself was the one responsibility that belonged to her alone.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you know yourself? What have your learned about yourself that you didn’t know when you were younger? How did you learn it? Do you interact with others based on what you know about yourself now?

I found Sixty and Me at 63, and the voices of women around the world carried me gracefully through my 60s with wisdom and great ideas. Now, I’m turning 73 this month and noticing interesting things as I’ve entered my 70s. For each of us, the journey is a bit different because we each have unique trajectories with our interests, our health, and our families.

As I look at friends who are also in their 70s, I see that everyone has health challenges. My friend told me the senior version of the children’s song, “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes,” is “Back, Shoulders, Hips, and Knees.” And another friend pointed out that we begin visits with our contemporaries with an “organ recital” as we elaborate on the recent acquisition of a hearing aid, dental implants, or newly replaced hips or knees. My father, who lived until 93, used to say, “I am glad I am here, I am glad I am anywhere!”

Might as well laugh about it!

So, I came up with a few tips for myself and to share with you about transitioning from the 60s to the 70s.

Adjust Expectations

Recently, some friends joined us for a trip to Yosemite, the spectacular national park with its valley of ancient rock formations. We didn’t hike because my husband’s knee could not take it. We didn’t go in a boat, because my friend gets dizzy. So, we took walks in the valley, found hidden places along the river, and dipped our toes in the crystal-clear water.

We planned to eat in the early evening, so we took a rest on a bench to get a second wind. I did not mind because I adjusted my expectations. That way, I wasn’t disappointed and was able to get the most joy out of the experience.

We can change our expectations to match our energy levels, and even select locations so we won’t get stuck in traffic or have trouble finding parking. It’s a joy to adapt and find new ways to enjoy life.

Indulge Yourself

Many of us spent years meeting the needs of our parents, our children, significant others, and co-workers. Now, we can take time to indulge ourselves.

I am very picky about pillows; not too firm, not too soft. Also, I buy 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzles and enjoy the hours putting them together. I grow milkweed, collect Monarch butterfly eggs, watch caterpillars hatch and grow fat, and make a chrysalis. Eventually, a beautiful butterfly emerges.

Oh yes, and I watch more TV and Netflix series; I prefer that to going out at night. Many indulgences cost very little money but offer pleasure and comfort. It’s a liberating feeling to prioritize our own needs and find joy in simple pleasures.

Let Go of Things You Have Done in the Past and Find New Pastimes

At one time, I took a guitar with me everywhere. I loved singing with others. When I was a school principal, kids thought I was the music teacher because I would come into classrooms to sing with them. Then I had vocal cord surgery twice, and it left me with scar tissue, a raspy voice that cracked when I sang higher notes. So, now I sing along with music in the car, and that part of my life has changed.

But, when I retired, I was able to pursue my love of writing that had been stagnant since my high school teacher wrote, “I can’t wait to see you in print” when she graded my essays. She would have had to wait over 50 years, and sadly, by then, we had lost touch. Now, writing brings me so much excitement. It’s a relief to let go of past pursuits and embrace new ones, opening up a world of new experiences and excitement.

Compartmentalizing

Sometimes, the problems of friends and family or conflicts in the world that are beyond our control keep us up at night. Compartmentalization involves creating mental boundaries to keep different aspects of life separate and distinct. For example, we can compartmentalize to keep the problems and stresses of the world from impacting our home life. We can choose not to be bombarded 24/7 with horrific images and news items with seemingly unsolvable problems.

By compartmentalizing, we don’t have to feel everything around the clock. By compartmentalizing, I can get up in the morning and feel joy as I water my garden, knowing that compartmentalizing doesn’t make me a bad person. We can do what we can for the people we love, help others, and work to improve the world without feeling guilty.

Let’s Reflect:

Have any of you noticed changes moving from the 60s to 70s? How do you manage your expectations?  What do you indulge in that makes you feel good? What have you let go of, and what have you taken on? Do you have anything to share about compartmentalizing?