Month: September 2025

I help women design their next chapter of life – a chapter filled with joy, purpose, and connection. But the biggest obstacle I see is the struggle to set boundaries. Without them, it’s almost impossible to live the life you imagine. This article – and the free resource at the end – will help you set boundaries with more confidence.

The Pain of Saying Yes When You Want to Say No

Have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no? Most of us have – and afterward we feel drained or resentful. I’ve gotten better at protecting my time, but like many women, I know how easy it is to sacrifice myself for others. For me, it shows up when someone’s negativity drains my energy, and I don’t say anything to shift the dynamic. Or when I feel guilty about not spending enough time with my aging dad.

Take one of my clients. She often collapses onto the couch before dinner. She loves friends, fitness, and activism – but her plans are often hijacked by last-minute babysitting requests. Each time guilt wins, her own plans are pushed aside – and she ends the day depleted.

Another client shared that she’s always the listener. Her friends talk about their grandkids and health but rarely ask about her. She wants deeper, more reciprocal relationships, yet doesn’t voice her needs.

Why do we do this, even now? Because we’re wired for connection. We want to be loved, included, and thought of positively. The prospect of losing that connection – or making someone upset – can feel scary. But over time, the cost of constantly saying yes is resentment, exhaustion, and relationships that don’t feel fulfilling. After decades of working and giving to others, we deserve better.

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me at the same time.” —Prentis Hemphill

I love this reframe. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re an act of love that protects you and your relationships. Without them, you risk not only your health and joy, but also the strength of the connections you care about most.

Why Boundaries Make Life Better

Saying yes out of guilt or habit can quietly erode your well-being. Boundaries flip that equation. By saying no to what drains you, you create space for the experiences and people that give your days meaning.

That’s the gift of boundaries: they let you design days with intention – whether that’s lunch with girlfriends, a creative project, volunteering, or being with people you love.

5 Practices for Healthier Boundaries

Name the Hidden Cost of Yes

When you say yes to please others, something builds up – resentment, fatigue, or loss of self. It’s like the soap scum I finally cleaned off my shower caddy after 11 years – small build-ups eventually demand attention. 

Tip: Before saying yes, pause and ask: “What will this cost me?” If it’s your peace or energy, consider saying no.

Design the Room You Want to Walk Into

Boundaries aren’t only about pushing things away. They can be about pulling the right things in. For the client who wanted reciprocal friendships, we brainstormed a flyer for a retired professional women’s circle. She described a community of women interested in meaningful conversation, mutual support, and new ideas. By naming those qualities, she began attracting the relationships she wanted. 

Tip: Picture the space, relationship, or day you want. Take one step to make it real.

Try a Mini-Boundary

Decline an invitation, ask for what you need, or calmly name when a boundary is crossed. Notice the relief – that’s data you can trust.

Tip: Practice in low-stakes situations (like skipping a store credit card). It builds the muscle for moments that matter.

Protect Your Energy, Not Just Your Time

We manage our calendars but forget our energy. Notice how much energy you have for what renews you. One way I help clients see this is through an “energy audit” – tracking what fills and drains them over a week.

Tip: Keep a list: “What fills me / What drains me.” Use it to guide your yes and no.

Ask What Your Future Self Will Thank You For

Our time horizon is shorter than it used to be. When you say yes or no, consider yourself 10 years from now. Will she be grateful you protected your joy n or wish you hadn’t? 

Tip: Imagine your future self writing you a thank-you note. What boundary would she thank you for?

Turning Points

My client who was exhausted from babysitting realized she needed to protect her energy. She told her adult child she’d help one day a week, but not at the last minute. Setting that limit brought relief and showed her the power of a clear, loving boundary.

My client who was always the listener decided to try a mini-boundary: when her friend finished talking about her grandkids, she said, “Can I share something I’ve been working on lately?” That shift began to reshape the dynamic – and gave her hope that she could create the kind of friendships she really wants.

It can feel scary to speak up, especially when your fears are louder than your courage. But practicing boundaries, even in small ways, can lighten your load and help you reclaim time and energy after years of giving to others.

Putting It into Practice

The more you practice boundaries, the more freedom you create: freedom to laugh with the right friends, to start projects that matter, to protect your health, and to savor your days. That’s not selfish – it’s intentional.

That’s why I created a free guide: The Boundary Builder: Protect Your Joy in This New Chapter. It tackles the problem so many of us face – knowing we should set a boundary but freezing up when the moment comes. Inside, you’ll find a quiz to uncover your go-to style, scripts for tricky situations, and ways to practice saying no that feel authentic.

Download The Boundary Builder here.

Let’s Discuss:

What has worked for you in the past when you’ve set a boundary? What’s one boundary you’ve recently set, big or small, that created space for joy or connection?

Style Stealers

!function(d,s,id){
var e, p = /^http:/.test(d.location) ? ‘http’ : ‘https’;
if(!d.getElementById(id)) {
e = d.createElement(s);
e.id = id;
e.src = p + ‘://widgets.rewardstyle.com/js/shopthepost.js’;
d.body.appendChild(e);
}
if(typeof window.__stp === ‘object’) if(d.readyState === ‘complete’) {
window.__stp.init();
}
}(document, ‘script’, ‘shopthepost-script’);

Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Originally posted at: Heather Dubrow’s Facial Steamer

Over recent months, I have been finding that I get decidedly out of breath when I climb the stairs or, indeed, any incline. We have an old town house on three levels, so I am frequently going up the stairs.

(We should have downsized long ago, but that’s another story, no pun intended.)

Moreover, I live in a hilly part of London, so it is hard to avoid walking up (or down) a slope. Even when I just go out of my house and head up the road to the shops or to public transport, it’s a small hill. I do that most days for one reason or another.

But I am 83. So, what’s new? We all know that older people have problems climbing the stairs and hills. It is a natural part of ageing.

I wasn’t bothered. It was a nuisance, but it was nothing to worry about.

But my husband was worried. He’s always concerned about my health. “Please go see a doctor and get yourself checked,” he urged.

So, being an obedient wife, I did.

Visit to the Doctor

During my appointment explained the situation to a kindly woman doctor. “I get out of breath climbing the stairs,” I told her. “I think it is just part of growing older, but my husband is worried that something might be wrong.”

“Oh yes, he is right,” she said, “always worth getting things checked. There might be something we could do.”

So, she duly sent me for tests of my heart and my lungs.

Over a period of weeks, I had a blood test, an x-ray, an ECG, an echocardiogram and possibly something else, I can’t quite remember. Lots of those little checks they can give you concerning the heart and lungs.

One by one, the test results came back. All fine.

So, I was then asked to see the lung specialist, who had a student doctor in attendance. He asked me to blow into various plastic tubes. They reminded me of watching my then small son do similar puffs 40 years ago when he was being diagnosed with asthma.

The doctor had several different gadgets, evidently checking different metrics. They could even measure the volume of my lungs.

“Take a deep breath and blow as hard as you can,” he said.

I did. I blew for England.

The Diagnosis

The doctor pored over the information gained from all that puffing. There was a brief pause while we waited for his diagnosis.

“Well, Mrs Richardson, I can tell you that your lungs have 15% better capacity than those of other people your age. Nothing wrong with them at all.”

I wasn’t altogether surprised that my lungs were healthy. I have sung in a choir for 30 years, with weekly rehearsals. That’s a lot of lung exercise.

Not to mention my weekly yoga, which I have been doing for even longer. That gets to all the parts that other exercises don’t reach, including the lungs. Some readers will know that I can stand on my head. (You can see me do so here, three years ago, age 80: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/why-does-anyone-stand-on-their-head.)

“Well, doctor,” I asked, “what is wrong with me, then? Why do I huff and puff when I go uphill?”

He smiled. He looked at the student doctor watching the process with just a little embarrassment.

“I think it is just old age,” he said.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you find yourself deteriorating in small ways? Do you put them down to age or do you get them checked out?

Have you ever finished applying your makeup, looked at yourself in the mirror and thought: Something’s off here. My makeup just doesn’t look quite right.

It might be that your complexion products just aren’t working well, or something might be off with your brows. Or maybe, later in the day you notice that your blush and lipstick have disappeared, your makeup looks a bit cakey or your lipstick has migrated into one of those lines around your mouth.

Well, if any of these things have ever happened to you, there are some makeup artist tips and tricks that can truly make a difference, and I’ll share them with you today. The last two that I demonstrate in the video are ones I’ll be trying for the first time.

Two Critical Skin Prep Steps

We all know that the skin preparation we do before we apply our makeup is crucial – especially as we get older. Knowing this, let me share two tips that I think will make a huge difference for you.

The first one concerns product layering; that is, always apply the thinnest products first. With skincare, first apply serums, then moisturizer, then sunscreen and then makeup.

The second tip is to apply the right type of moisturizer on the face and under the eyes before you apply makeup.

For many of us, our skin gets drier as we get older, so we often gravitate toward thicker, richer moisturizers. And those are fantastic to use at night. However, thicker, richer creams dry down slowly. So, if your moisturizer doesn’t totally dry down before you apply your makeup, the makeup products can literally sink into it and disappear. If you then apply more makeup, it may end up looking cakey, streaky or splotchy.

Believe it or not, it can sometimes take anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes for a thicker moisturizer to totally dry down. So, if you’re in a hurry, the best strategy is to use a light moisturizer both on your face and under your eyes.

Furthermore, I would suggest sticking with a light moisturizer when you’re applying makeup and saving those richer moisturizers for when they’ll do the most good and can thoroughly sink into your skin – which is at night.

Even with all of the above in mind, a lightweight moisturizer can still be a little too much for the under-eye area. My favorite product to use here is a much lighter weight moisturizer called Prequel which is half and half peptides and ceramides and is a thin, lightweight substance which is what we really want under our eyes.

Tip for Our Brows

I’ve recently noticed that I’ve developed some flaky, dry skin under my brows. The solution is applying a drop of moisturizer under my brows as well as over them.

Unfortunately, moisturizer products can often migrate into our brow area which can wreak havoc in brow product application. A quick and easy solution to this challenge is to first press a Kleenex over the brows and then take the smallest amount of setting powder on a brush, tap off any excess and then apply it over the brow area. I like to use the powdered brush not only across the brow but also back over the brow in the opposite direction to ensure that the brow products will be easier to apply.

Be sure to check out Elise’s YouTube channel which specifically focuses on makeup tips, techniques, and product reviews for those of us 50+. Don’t forget to subscribe!

The Question I Get Asked Most Often

A question many women ask is, “How can I get my foundation to stick to my nose?” Fortunately, there are two relatively easy ways to solve this problem. The one that works best for me is to avoid applying moisturizer to the nose and instead tap on a small amount of Benefit’s Porefessional primer.

Next, rather than applying foundation, I tap on concealer. You may have to try a couple of different concealers to determine what works best for you, but my go-to is Catrice’s True Skin Hydrating Concealer. For no known reason, this particular concealer adheres really well to the skin on my nose. I usually let it dry and then tap setting powder over it and skip foundation application on my nose.

Another option that can work for many people is to tap a setting powder on the nose and then tap foundation over it.

Lip Fix Solutions

For many of us, lipstick tends to migrate into those fine lines around our mouth or disappear very quickly – or both. I have a major issue with lipstick migrating into the fine lines around my lips, so I take several steps to keep this from happening.

You can try each of the below suggestions separately or in combination to see what works best for you.

Option one is to stretch out your lips and apply concealer around the outer edge. This helps to fill in some of those lines.

Option two is to stretch out your lips and apply a light dusting of setting powder around their outer edge.

The third option is to use a lip liner which also helps to create a barrier.

Finally, apply a matte lipstick. Many matte lipsticks are now far more comfortable than they used to be.

To make your lipstick more long lasting, separate a piece of Kleenex into two layers, press one of the layers across your lips and then gently tap on a small amount of setting powder. Then apply a second coat of lipstick.

Since our lips get smaller as we get older, adding some gloss helps them look larger and brighter, but only apply it to the center of the lips so it doesn’t migrate into those fine lines I mentioned above. Some of the best glosses I’ve found are from the clean beauty brands Lawless and Catrice.  

Blush Tip for a Beautiful Glow

The last tip today comes from celebrity artist Nikki LaRose and has to do with blush. A lit-from-within blush looks especially beautiful on mature skin. So, besides using a glowy liquid or cream blush to achieve this look, there’s an additional option you can try.

You can first apply a powder highlighter followed by a cream blush. Often just using a powder highlighter on its own doesn’t look as natural as a cream or liquid highlighter since it can sometimes look splotchy –especially on dry skin. But applying the cream blush over the powder highlighter will hopefully create a beautiful natural looking glow.

If you enjoy watching videos that focus on makeup artist tips, here’s another video featuring tips from other celebrity makeup artists that you might also enjoy. And one other thing you might enjoy is my weekly newsletter where I offer additional tips as well as some fun articles and movie, TV, book and podcast recommendations.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your biggest makeup problem? Have you found products that help you particularly well?

Minimal effort, maximum impact.