Month: October 2025

The empty nest isn’t just about missing your kids. It’s about missing yourself.

For decades, you knew exactly who you were – the one they needed, the one who kept things running, the one who showed up no matter how tired or invisible you felt. Your days were measured in loads of laundry, homework deadlines, packed lunches, and whispered prayers.

And now? The house is quiet. The laundry stays folded. The phone doesn’t ring as often. You look around and think, If I’m not needed anymore, then who am I?

That question doesn’t just ache – it shatters. Because it’s wrapped in a grief so heavy you can hardly breathe. Some days, the loneliness feels like it will swallow you whole. Some nights, you replay the past, haunted by “what ifs.”

And if your children are distant or estranged, that pain takes on another layer entirely. It’s not just missing their presence – it’s missing the connection you thought was unbreakable. You wonder, Did I do something wrong? Did I love too much or not enough? Will they ever come back?

These questions echo through your heart like a prayer with no response.

The Courage to Name the Pain

Here’s the truth: this hurts. It’s not a small ache. It’s a soul-deep rupture.

Pretending you’re “fine” won’t heal it. So, give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Grief, anger, disappointment, fear – they’re all welcome. They’re part of the process of becoming whole again.

Write it down. Speak it aloud. Tell the truth you’ve been avoiding:

“I feel invisible.”

“I feel forgotten.”

“I feel afraid of what’s next.”

Naming your pain is not weakness – it’s courage. It’s the moment you stop carrying it alone.

Finding Joy in Pieces

Joy doesn’t come rushing back all at once. It returns in fragments – soft, quiet, unexpected.

It’s the warmth of sunlight on your face during a morning walk. The smell of coffee brewing in an empty kitchen. The laughter that escapes you while watching a silly movie. The moment you realize the peace in solitude isn’t so scary anymore.

These are not trivial things. They’re sacred reminders that life still pulses inside you. That your story is still unfolding.

Practical Ways to Rebuild

When everything feels lost, start small. Healing begins with motion – not rushing, but gentle forward movement.

Say Yes to Curiosity

Take a pottery class. Sign up for watercolor. Try that yoga class you’ve always postponed. Let curiosity lead you toward delight.

Nurture Your Body

This body has carried you through storms. Now let it carry you into renewal. Walk. Dance. Stretch. Move in ways that remind you you’re alive.

Build New Circles

Join a women’s group, a travel club, or a local book circle. Don’t underestimate the healing that comes from being seen by other women who understand.

Dream Forward

Write down the places you want to visit, the adventures you want to try, the passions you want to explore. You’re not done dreaming – you’re just out of practice.

And here’s a tender truth: rebuilding doesn’t mean replacing what you lost. It means creating something new from who you are now.

The Adventure of Becoming

Your first act was about building a family. This act is about building yourself. You’ve spent years giving, nurturing, and holding others together. Now you get to pour that same love into your own becoming.

Maybe you’ll travel alone for the first time and discover you love the freedom. Or you’ll move to a smaller home filled with art, plants, and peace. Maybe you’ll write the book, paint the canvas, or start the project that’s been whispering in your heart for years.

And maybe you’ll fall in love again – with life, with God, with someone new.

You don’t have to fill your life with what’s gone. You can fill it with what’s possible. This season is not an afterthought. It’s not the leftover chapter. It’s the second act – and it can be radiant, rich, and deeply meaningful.

Your nest may be empty. But your heart, your time, your possibilities? They are wide open.

So, take a deep breath. Step into the sunlight. And whisper to yourself the truth that changes everything:

“I’m still here. And there’s so much more ahead.”

You are not alone! Read more at www.realmomlife.com.

Let’s Reflect Together:

What are some ways you have been stepping into the sunlight in this season of life? What are your new adventures or interesting exploits? Let’s talk about them here.

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Originally posted at: Tamra Judge’s Black and White Asymmetric Pants and Poplin Top

Are they okay?

Why maybe? Because, let’s be honest, it’s never guaranteed. The stars have to align, the timing has to be right, and sometimes, the moon needs to be sitting in just the right corner of the sky.

We build friendships throughout our lives, layer by layer. When I look at my closest circle, most of my oldest friends have been around for decades. Some since high school, others since I was three years old. One lived down the street, our mothers were friends, and we shared the same religion. She’s still in my life today. Another friendship began on a ski trip in Grade 9. One more was born in university, and we ended up working together and connecting through the local art community.

When I look at my newer friends, the ones I’ve made in the past 10 years, I see the same pattern. We’re around the same age, live in the same area, and share a similar lifestyle. In my case, that means being expats living on a small, remote island.

The Three Conditions

Over time, I’ve realized that most friendships start when three things overlap: a shared situation, shared interests, and shared timing.

But even when those three boxes are checked, there’s still no guarantee. You can’t seek out someone, thinking: They’ll be my new best friend! Friendships don’t work that way.

They have to grow. Like plants, they move through stages: the initial seed (that first meeting), then nurturing, growth, and eventually – stability. Not all of them make it. Many drop off somewhere along the way, often for reasons we never really understand.

The Birth Stage of Friendship

New friendships are fragile. People I’ve met recently, within the past year, are still in that early, “birth” stage. I call them friends, but I know these connections are new, delicate, and need gentle attention. Not smothering attention; just enough to keep the connection alive. Because let’s face it: too much enthusiasm can scare people off.

And, in those early stages, friendships can feel a little transactional. Not in a bad way. It’s just human nature. We’re both quietly asking, Is this worth my time and energy? Do I feel good around this person?

Planting Seeds and Letting Go of Expectations

Last weekend, I met a woman at my Happy Cat booth. She noticed my t-shirt, it was from Provincetown on Cape Cod, one of my favorite places (right after Koh Lanta). She’d been there too, and suddenly, we were chatting like old friends about travel, handmade art, and life abroad.

We had a great conversation, laughed a lot, and discovered we had plenty in common. She said she’d follow my Substack and be in touch.

Will this turn into a friendship? I have no idea. And that’s okay. The seed was planted. Maybe it’ll grow, maybe it won’t. There’s no point in trying to predict how another person feels or thinks. I barely understand my mind some days!

So, I move on, grateful for that pleasant interaction. That’s the key – keep planting seeds. Some will take root, others won’t. The important thing is to keep sowing them, again and again.

Why It’s Harder Now

Here’s the tough part. Finding new friends these days can feel harder than ever.

People are distracted constantly. Some are glued to their games, others are buried in podcasts or social media. Many fill their schedules so completely that there’s no time left to truly connect. And if we’re being honest, some people just aren’t open anymore. They’ve built protective walls after too many disappointments.

So yes, the climate for new friendships is rough. But that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. It just means we have to try differently.

Here are 7 ways to maybe make new friends.

#1. Be Open – Always

This sounds simple, but it’s not. Being open means allowing yourself to be seen. It means smiling at strangers, saying hello, or striking up a small conversation even when it feels awkward.

If you shut down the possibility of meeting new people because it feels uncomfortable, you’re also shutting out potential joy. Every friendship begins with a single moment of openness.

#2. Notice the Common Ground

Look for at least three things you have in common with someone. Age, location, and shared experiences are classic starting points, but it could also be humor, hobbies, or a love of cats.

Three common points aren’t a guarantee of friendship, but they do plant the seed. The key is to let it grow naturally, without forcing it.

#3. Keep It Natural and Know When to Let Go

Some connections click instantly, others feel awkward or forced. That’s your signal. If a conversation feels heavy or one-sided, that’s okay, it’s not meant to be.

And here’s something important: if someone doesn’t respond to your messages or calls, don’t take it personally. Life is busy, and not everyone is in a place to nurture new friendships. It’s rarely about you. Let it go gracefully, and move on to the next seed.

#4. Nurture Your Interests

Friendships often grow out of shared passions. Love gardening, hiking, or writing? Join local or online groups where people talk about those things. Attend a workshop, take a class, or volunteer.

Even if you don’t find a best friend, you’ll still be expanding your world, and that in itself is fulfilling.

#5. Try Something New (Yes, Even Pickleball)

Pickleball is the game of the moment, and not just for kids. It’s become a social lifeline for retirees everywhere. You don’t have to be athletic or competitive. You can join just to help with court bookings, bring snacks, or cheer people on.

If sports aren’t your thing, find a local club, community garden, or creative group. Trying something new gets you out of your comfort zone, and that’s where friendships often begin.

#6. Connect Through Community

Many towns have community centers, senior resource groups, or volunteer hubs that organize activities. Call or visit them. Ask what’s happening nearby. A walking club, art class, or discussion group could be just what you need.

The key is to tell them you’re looking to meet others. There’s no shame in that. They’re often thrilled to help make introductions.

#7. Don’t Give Up

This might be the most important one. Making new friends later in life takes time, patience, and resilience. It’s not about collecting names; it’s about finding genuine connection.

Each attempt is a step toward growth. Some will fizzle; others will flourish. But all of them expand your understanding of yourself and others.

Think of friendship as gardening. You plant seeds, nurture what you can, and accept that not every plant will thrive. But oh, when one does… it’s beautiful.

Final Thoughts

Friendship is a two-way street, built on trust, effort, and timing. It can’t be rushed or forced, and it certainly can’t be predicted.

Sometimes, the stars align and you meet someone who just fits. Other times, despite your best efforts, things fade. That’s okay. Every interaction teaches us something, even if it’s just how to stay open to the next one.

So, keep showing up. Keep smiling. Keep planting those seeds. You never know which one will take root, or when the moon might align with the stars and help out.

Click for free access to my Substack, Retired Way Out There, where I publish a bi-monthly newsletter and provide handouts.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you find it difficult to make new friends? What about keeping close connection with friends you’ve known for years – or even decades? What seeds have you planted in the past month?

Of all the belief systems I have shared with you this year, Christianity is the one I’ve experienced most directly throughout my life. Suffice it to say, it’s been a complicated relationship. Raised in the Church of Scotland, I have gone through periods of dutiful attendance at every Christian denomination’s churches, along with seven years of diligently studying both the Hebrew and Christian scriptures.

The flipside of these has been bouts of disillusionment with doctrines or a feeling of alienation from the rest of the congregation. I’ve been “saved” by a preacher more than once, and when I lived in southern Africa, I attended the Pentecostal Assemblies of God and exercised the gift of speaking in tongues.

With the benefit of a lot of hindsight, I can see now that for much of my life I got tangled up in the parts of the faith that actually matter least. Because now, at 92, re-examining the religion in the light of what I’ve learned from studying other faiths, I can see that Christianity’s beauty lies in its emphasis on just a handful of simple values.

What Underpins It All: Love

John 13:34-35 captures what I’m talking about. It reads: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”

Here, we’re not being asked to master complex philosophies or perform elaborate rituals. At its heart, it simply invites us to love, doing so actively, daily, especially when it’s difficult, being there for others, again and again, with empathy and an open heart.

This message of love, expounded by Jesus of Nazareth across Judea and then taken further afield by his disciples, was revolutionary in its part of the world, challenging as it did both religious authorities and social conventions. Jesus ate with outcasts, touched the untouchable, and suggested that love mattered more than strict rule-following.

But I think what makes this revolutionary for us today, at every life stage, is how love challenges us to keep growing when it would be easier to become set in our ways. How many times have we had to choose between being “right” and being kind at a family gathering? Between holding onto a hurt or extending grace to a difficult relative or friend? Love for ourselves is what lifts us up from failure and helps us be our best selves. That, as they say, is where the rubber meets the road.

Forgiveness and Redemption

Love is what underpins another vital Christian value: forgiveness. After decades of carrying certain hurts, we reach a point where the weight becomes too heavy. Forgiveness, I’ve learned, isn’t about saying what happened was okay. It’s about accepting life as it is, and setting down the burden so we can walk more lightly through our remaining years. Like a river that gradually smooths sharp stones, forgiveness softens the edges of old wounds.

Forgiveness is an example of what perhaps most distinguishes Christianity from the other belief systems I’ve examined over this year: front and centre, non-judgemental love, with emphasis on values that help people who are at their lowest rise back up. Love being the support it demands we give these people in that journey.

Redemption is another key value in this respect. The story of Paul the Apostle perfectly embodies its place in Christianity. Here was a man who’d made persecuting Christians his mission, convinced he was protecting religious purity. Then, on the road to Damascus, everything changed. A blinding light, a voice asking, “Why are you persecuting me?”, and suddenly the persecutor became the greatest advocate for the very faith he’d tried to destroy.

How many of us carry shame about who we used to be at some point in our lives? Perhaps we can see now we were too critical of our children, or that we put our careers above loving our spouse, or that we became absent from our friends? Paul’s transformation suggests that our past doesn’t define our future.

What Paul understood was that redemption is about love transforming imperfection. The famous verse from John’s gospel captures this: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” By embracing this love and dedicating their lives to loving God and others, believers become what Paul called “new creations,” already participating in eternal life.

Love’s Universal Echo

To tie my reflections in with the other faiths I have explored with you this year, I find it striking how Christianity’s message of love echoes through so many traditions. The Hindu practice of seeing the divine in everyone, the Buddhist emphasis on compassion, the loving concern Confucius had in the creation of happy families and strong communities, the Jewish commitment to repairing the world: these too are all a matter of love.

Perhaps this is just my own upbringing and exposure to Christianity talking, but its particular contribution to my spirituality is that, in conveying love through the story of Jesus, it makes love for God and other people intensely practical and personal – something we bring into being through our actions vis-à-vis others.

Questions for Reflection:

How has your understanding of love evolved through the decades? What daily practices help you embody it, even when it’s difficult? What wisdom about forgiveness would you pass on to younger generations?