Month: October 2025

A close friend of mine recently lost his father. It was sudden and without warning. His dad was in his early 70s, still full of life, about to retire, and looking forward to future trips they would never get to take. It made me remember, people don’t always pass away in the order we expect.

In this case, the dad did not outlive older relatives, as he was the named agent under a power of attorney for a relative 20 years older than he was. Thankfully, there shouldn’t really be any surprises, since the relative used more traditional estate tools like a revocable living trust with a pour-over will. But this situation reminded me how often we rely on papers that we assume will just work, even though we do not fully understand the intricacies of the fine print.

What Is a Transfer on Death Deed

In the simplest terms, a Transfer on Death (TOD) deed is a legal document that lets the owner of a home name the person they want to receive the home after they die, with the goal being the house not going through probate. At a quick glance, it sounds great: a form from your state, often no attorney or court involvement, and the property will transfer automatically to the named beneficiary or beneficiaries once the required paperwork is filed.

With more states now allowing for TOD deeds, they have increased in popularity since they’re simple in theory and avoid the cost of setting up a trust.

When a “Simple” Solution Becomes Riskier

A few weeks after my friend lost his father, I attended a financial planning conference that included a session on estate planning. During the session, an audience member mentioned preferring TOD deeds for their clients because they’re “cheaper” than setting up a will or revocable living trust.

And while saving money is appealing, that comment caught my attention. Sometimes what sounds simple or inexpensive can come with serious trade-offs.

With estate laws being different in each state, I started looking more closely at how TOD deeds work in different states, especially in states known for difficult probate processes. I soon discovered just how different TOD deeds are depending on the state. For instance, some states include a provision for what happens if a beneficiary dies before the homeowner, while others do not.

That means if a homeowner names more than one beneficiary, and if one of the beneficiaries dies before the homeowner, you would think the deceased beneficiary’s share would automatically go to their children or heirs. But it doesn’t, and their share of the home simply vanishes. If the homeowner does not update the TOD deed, assuming they are still mentally able to do so, the outcome could be very different from what the homeowner intended.

In legal terms, this protection is sometimes called “anti-lapse” rules (or statutes). This small detail, which some states currently omit from TOD deeds, likely for simplicity, can have big consequences for families.

The Impact of Aging and “Updating Documents”

One might say, “Fine, I’ll just update it if something terrible happens.” But for anyone who has seen aging parents or grandparents, you know how quickly one’s health can change.

If something terrible happens, are you going to have the time and energy, or even remember, to update your legal documents? Some of us will, while some of us won’t. Dementia, illness, or even a sudden accident can make it difficult or impossible to update legal documents later.

And while many people might not like the thought of estate planning (who likes thinking of death, right?), it is important to understand not only what you’ve signed but what happens under your state-specific rules.

What to Keep in Mind

For some homeowners, a Transfer on Death deed might be the perfect solution. And for others, it might result in gaps that are only realized after it’s too late. Ultimately, the point isn’t that TOD deeds are “bad” but that one-size-fits-all solutions don’t exist.

Every family is unique, and state laws are also unique. What works in one situation might not work in another situation, even if the end goal is the same.

That’s why asking questions is important:

• Does my state allow for TOD deeds, and if yes, how does it handle them?
• What happens if I only have one beneficiary?
• What happens if one of the beneficiaries dies before I do?
• Can I list backup beneficiaries?
• With the changes in my life, does my plan still accomplish what I want?

And if needed, reach out to an experienced estate attorney or financial planner who will take the time to listen to your questions and make sure your documents truly reflect your wishes.

How Clarity and Peace of Mind Are the Real Goals

For many people, the reason they create an estate plan is to minimize confusion and conflict among their loved ones. But as this one example of a TOD deed shows, even if your intentions are good, if we don’t understand the details, it can result in surprises.

The goal isn’t picking the “cheapest” or “quickest” option, it’s picking the one that works for your unique situation and will still work when life doesn’t go according to plan.

Even if you have a TOD deed, a will, or a revocable living trust, or some combination, it’s important to review your estate plan from time to time. What made sense 10 years ago, might still make sense today or might need a simple – or serious – update.

Estate planning is rarely an easy process, as most of us don’t think (or want to think) about death. But these are important questions to consider while you still can. And as I remembered when my friend lost his father, life keeps moving even if you don’t have your paperwork in order.

A Few Questions to Think About:

When was the last time you reviewed your estate documents? Do you know how your state handles certain situations, like a Transfer on Death deed? If the unthinkable happens and one of your beneficiaries passes away first, what happens next? Have you told your family (and friends), not only who gets what but why?

What happened?

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Originally posted at: Mary Cosby’s Chain Print Cover Up Dress

At 65, I have reached elderhood. It constantly surprises me as I honestly don’t truly relate to the concept of being an elder and yet according to the World Health Organization, a person over age 65 is often referred to as elderly.

And yet, I don’t feel elderly. If I were to listen to the way that the media often portray ageing, I might have believed that, at this age, my passion for dance, for writing and for life, might have reached its peak, and I would be on a slow decline into taking it easy or stepping back from my life in some way.

And yet, this isn’t me. This is not how I feel. If anything, I feel more alive and passionate about life than ever before. In my 20s, I had all the time in the world to create my dreams and forge ahead with what called me. I took it for granted that I could achieve what I desired and that I would always have the energy to do so. And so, here I am, wondering how on earth I got to be 65 and amazed at the vitality that I feel for life and gratitude for every day in my life.

Three Score Years and Ten

My dear mother would always talk about living three score years and ten (if you were lucky). This long-held belief came to fruition when she died at age 70 – exactly three score years and ten.

As a body confidence and age empowerment coach/author and movement presenter it made me wonder about the energy of ageing and how the old narratives and stereotypes need to be changed as more and more women are tapping into their own creative spark and life force at 60 and well beyond.

You Are Not Your Age – You Are Your Energy

Don’t get me wrong. My energy today is different from the girl of my youth. I no longer desire to stay out until 3 a.m. or burn the candle at both ends. I know when I need to rest, and I have got so much better at looking after myself. What I am talking about is an energy that is born from who we were and is evolving into who we are and who we are becoming.

This is the extraordinary energy of elderhood – a vibrant, unapologetic, and wise force that lives within the 60-plus woman. This is not about clinging to youth, it’s about stepping into a deeper power that was always meant to be yours.

Tending to the Flame

For me, this energy is like a sacred flame that lives in every woman – ancient, untamed, and enduring. Through the seasons of life, it flickers and flares, grows and softens, sometimes buried beneath duty, silence, or survival. But it never dies.

And then, one day, around the sixth or seventh decade of life, something stirs.

The world may speak of aging as decline, invisibility, or irrelevance – but our sacred fire knows better. Elderhood is not an ending. It is a return. A remembering. A magnificent reawakening of the original, authentic self. This is the time when the flame once dimmed begins to burn with new heat – slow, steady, and utterly unstoppable.

This is the extraordinary energy of elderhood – and it is magic.

Re-Enchant Yourself

I read a beautiful quote the other day about how ageing wasn’t about retirement – it was about re-enchantment. I loved that. What if we could re-enchant ourselves and fall in love with each year that passes, growing more radiant, confident and steeped in vitality?

Our culture often underestimates the vitality and power of the older woman and yet we see her everywhere – in the grandmother tending her garden with hands that have known both hardship and harvest, in the activist who still marches for justice with a fierceness honed by years of persistence, in the teacher who continues to shape young minds long after retirement.

We see her in boardrooms and community halls, in hospital wards and art studios, her presence steady and assured. She is the friend who gathers others when things fall apart, the neighbour who remembers everyone’s name, the writer who finally finds her voice at 60 and refuses to soften her truth.

Being Full of Life

By the time we reach our 60s, we have navigated the diverse terrain of careers, families, caregiving, relationships and societal expectations. Our elderhood is rich with stories, steeped in learning, powered by our courage and shaped by our longings. We are not fading – we are rising. We are, in essence, literally, full of life.

To be full of life at 60 and beyond is not just a poetic sentiment – it’s a lived truth. We carry the stories of our past: the heartbreaks, the breakthroughs, the lessons learned through pain and joy, the love we’ve given, and the strength we’ve cultivated through challenges of all kinds. These aren’t weights that slow us down – they are the roots that make us unshakable. They give us the right to bloom now, in ways we may never have dared to before.

More and more women are reclaiming this identity – not as a return to the past, but as a necessary medicine for the present. In an anxious and disconnected world, your steady hand, your perspective, your love, vitality and authenticity are needed more than ever.

4 Beautiful Tips to Boost Your Vitality

1. Energy Through Connection

One of the most underestimated sources of energy in elderhood is community. Women in their 60s and beyond often rediscover or newly form deep bonds – sisterhoods built not on superficial chatter, but on soulful connection.

These relationships are a wellspring of energy. They are where laughter becomes medicine, storytelling becomes legacy, and presence becomes a shared ritual. Whether around a kitchen table, in a book circle, on a hiking trail, or travelling to far off places with a group of like-minded people, or through the quiet intimacy of handwritten letters, these connections remind you that we are more powerful (and joyful) together.

Start your own women’s circle – in person or online. It can be as simple as tea and truth-telling, or as magical as moon rituals and poetry nights. Or find one that already exists. Listen for soul resonance. Keep it sacred. Make space for depth, silence, belly laughs, truth, and magic.

2. Reclaim Your Inner Wild Woman

The wild woman in you wants to move, laugh, sing, touch the earth, and defy expectations. Creating a ritual that celebrates this untamed part of you feeds your energy and reminds you of your freedom.

Boost your wild energy by:

• Choosing one thing each week that feels deliciously free for you. Ideas: dancing barefoot in the kitchen, skinny dipping, wearing red lipstick to the grocery store, speaking a truth you’ve long held back, or starting that creative project you were told was “too late.”
• Treating yourself to the Wild Queen journal and spend some beautiful reflective time with your thoughts, dreams, hopes and inner whispers.

3. Write Your “Elder Essence” Letter

Elderhood brings clarity – you know things now that your younger self never could. Writing a letter from your elder self to your current self (or even to your younger self) helps anchor your energy and access your wisdom.

How:

• Begin with “Dearest you…” and write as if you are the wise elder version of yourself – or your current self, writing to the woman you used to be.
• Share what you now know. Speak with kindness, courage, humour, and deep love.
• Keep this letter close. Read it often. Add to it as your vitality and power grows.

4. Rest, Rejuvenate and Replenish

As much as we give to others, we also need to give back to ourselves. Replenish your energy and vitality by allowing yourself to slow down, daydream, sit quietly or indulge in a beautiful meditation practice.

• Even five minutes of sitting quietly and allowing yourself to focus on your breathing can have a powerful, uplifting and replenishing effect. Breathe in through your nose for three counts and out through your mouth for five counts. Extending the exhalation can have a calming effect on your nervous system.
• For a deeper experience indulge yourself in my beautiful guided mediation, “Romancing the woman you’re becoming.”

I would love your company. If you would love more inspiration and connection do join me on Instagram. You would be most welcome.

You may also like to read Empowered Aging: How to Feel Fabulous as We Grow Older.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you know about yourself now that you could not have known 20 years ago? Have you shared your life experiences in written form? Are you planning to?

Here are their favorite formulas to give this holiday season.