Month: November 2025

I have always been very fortunate with health, so I am not complaining at all, but it was a bit of a shock to receive not so positive news. I had travelled all over the world, much of it on my own, and loved it. So when I found that travel, as I knew it, would be difficult, it felt like the beginning of the end.

It Really Got to Me

For four weeks I just stayed in the house. I was exhausted all the time, feeling a bit sad, and a little afraid of what might happen if I ventured out into the big wide world. I felt my focus had to be on my physical health.

But I forgot that health is multifaceted and I needed to take care of its emotional side as well. I had never been one for staying inside, always preferring open spaces, nature, lakes and beaches. Also, although I loved my little 400-year-old cottage, the tiny windows made it dark throughout the whole day. I knew I had to come up with a plan.

First Things First

So, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I had to get motivated. I had to stabilise my physical health, go to the doctors, hospital, have tests, etc. Take the medication. Rest when I needed.

The hardest thing for me was accepting that my much awaited operation would have to be postponed. A few years back, while staying in a Buddhist Monastery, I carried sacks of rice (yes, I know at my age I should know better!). Unfortunately, I tore my meniscus quite badly, and as a result, I needed a total knee replacement. I had been getting ready for the surgery when the current health predicament popped up.

In the Meantime

I am not able to walk very far these days, so for now, I have to accept things as they are. In an effort to keep myself happy until life could, hopefully, return to some sort of normality, I decided to build an adventure book of all the things that I would love to do. Maybe not quite climbing up Everest, but there are still so many things to do, and places to see, that would make me happy.

I am fortunate to live in a beautiful part of the world, so I decided to focus on what is close by, rather than flying halfway around the world! I started writing a list of all the wonderful things I could do for the next year.

National Trust

My starting point was joining the National Trust, which costs less than a hundred pounds per year. This gives entry to around 500 historical properties and delightful gardens including Dunster Castle, The Giants Causeway and Hill Top Farm, the home of Beatrix Potter. Car parking is, generally, free so even if I am not having a great day I can sit in my car and imagine all the wonderful history. 🙂

‘One Day’ Places

I added to my book many places I had promised myself I would visit… one day. Somehow that ‘one day’ didn’t happen but now here I am with a whole year to explore them! Durdle Door, The Minnack Theatre, Shakespeare’s Globe, The Lake District, Westminster Abbey, Exmoor, The Isles of Scilly. My list was becoming very lengthy!

My Book of Hope

Of course, the chances of me visiting them all is very slim, but the reason for making the adventure book was about hope. Hope for the future. Somewhere I could look forward to going, somewhere I could dream about. Hope that, even at my age, with some health issues, I could still find purpose, enjoyment and joy.

Life is not over until it is over. We may have to modify what we do, may need to alter how we do it, but that is the challenge, and, in a way, half the fun. 🙂 Whatever life has in store for me, I hope to live, really live, until the very last day!

Join the Conversation:

Have you changed what you do as you become older? Do you have a list of adventures still to do? What door would you like to open?

Seen in Brown on Sutton Stracke

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2nd Photo: @madisonlecroy / 1st Photo: @suttonstracke

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Originally posted at: Madison LeCroy’s Tan Fur Star Print Jacket

A no-B.S. guide. Because I don’t have time for that.

Tamra Judge’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Heather Dubrow’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Emily Simpson’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Gina Kirschenheiter’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Jennifer Pedranti’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Katie Ginella’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Shannon Beador’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Gretchen Rossi’s Season 19 Reunion Look

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Originally posted at: Real Housewives of Orange County Season 19 Reunion Looks

They don’t prepare you for this part of parenting in any baby book. Nobody tells you that decades after you’ve stopped cutting grapes into quarters and checking for fevers, you might face the hardest parenting decision of your life.

I was in my 60s when my phone rang with my daughter calling from county jail. In my wisdom years – when I should have had this parenting thing figured out. In my 60s, when I’d already survived the terrible twos, turbulent teens, and terrifying 20s.

But here’s what I’d learned: Sometimes wisdom looks like doing absolutely nothing.

The Pattern I Couldn’t See

For years, I’d been caught in what therapists call “enabling.” I prefer to call it “loving my daughter to death.” Every time she stumbled, I caught her. Every time she fell, I built a safety net. Lost her apartment? Move back home. Lost her job? I’d make some calls. Lost her way? I’d find it for her.

I thought I was being a good mother. I was actually being a barrier between my daughter and her own life.

I’d spent the last several years in a constant state of anxiety. Would she be okay? Would this be the crisis I couldn’t fix? I was pouring from an empty cup, and we were both drowning.

The 2 AM Choice

When she called from jail, my first instinct was pure mama bear. I was already mentally calculating bail money, rehearsing what I’d say to the judge, planning how I’d get her back on track – again.

But then something different happened. Maybe it was exhaustion. Maybe it was the clarity that sometimes comes at 2 a.m. Maybe it was grace. But I paused.

In that pause, I saw our future if I kept rescuing her: more crises, more calls, more years of both of us locked in this painful dance. I saw that my “love” was actually destroying her chance to grow up and my chance to have a life of my own.

So, I said the words that tore my heart out: “I love you. But I’m not coming.”

What the Pause Technique Taught Me

That night marked my introduction to what I now call The Pause Technique. It’s not about being cruel or punishing our adult children. It’s about creating space between their crisis and our response – space for them to grow and for us to breathe.

Here’s what the pause gave us:

• For her: The opportunity to face consequences without my buffer. To call a public defender instead of Mom. To reach out to the recovery community she’d been ignoring. To discover she was stronger than she knew.
• For me: The chance to remember I’m not just her mother – I’m Christine. I have dreams, friends, a life I’d put on hold for years of crisis management. I learned that loving her didn’t mean destroying myself.
• For us: A relationship based on reality instead of rescue. Today, we talk as adults. She’s proud of what she’s built, and I’m proud of her – not despite the struggle, but because of what she did with it.

The Pause at Our Age

There’s something particularly difficult about practicing tough love in our 60s. We’re acutely aware that time is precious. We wonder: What if this is the last chance? What if something happens and I wasn’t there?

But here’s the truth I learned: Being there doesn’t mean doing everything. Being there can mean stepping back so they can step forward.

At our age, we’ve earned the wisdom to know that some lessons can only be learned the hard way. We’ve lived long enough to see that character is built in struggle, not cushioned in comfort.

How to Start Your Own Pause Practice

If you’re caught in the rescue cycle with an adult child, try this:

• Recognize the pattern. Write down the last five “emergencies” you solved. Do you see a theme?
• Calculate the cost. What is constant rescuing costing you – financially, emotionally, physically?
• Start small. You don’t have to start with jail. Practice pausing before you respond to smaller requests.
• Build your support. Find other parents who understand. You need people who will hold you accountable to the pause when everything in you screams to rescue.
• Remember this: You can love them fiercely and let them struggle. These aren’t opposites – they’re partners.

The Life After the Pause

It’s been years since that phone call. My daughter is 36 now, living in her own apartment, working a job she’s proud of, building a life on a foundation she laid herself.

And me? Late in my 60s, I’m finally living my own life. I work. I travel. I write. I have energy for my friends, my interests, my own dreams. I’m not waiting for the next crisis call.

Our relationship is built on truth instead of rescue. She knows I love her. But she also knows I trust her to handle her own life.

The pause broke both our hearts. But sometimes things need to break before they can heal properly.

If you want to dig deeper into the rescue-and-regret cycle and how to get out, please look into my program, The Marriage and Motherhood Survival Method.

Your Story:

Have you struggled with letting an adult child face consequences? You’re not alone, and it’s never too late to change the pattern. Have you been able to practice the Pause?