Month: November 2025

In my 60s, I finally understood why my body had been screaming at me for 30 years.

The tightness in my chest wasn’t “just anxiety.” The knot in my stomach wasn’t “overthinking.” The exhaustion that followed every interaction with my adult child wasn’t “getting older.”

It was my nervous system trying to tell me something I’d spent decades refusing to hear: This isn’t sustainable. You’re not safe. Something has to change.

I wish someone had told me this 30 years ago. But since no one did, I’m telling you now.

The Pattern I Couldn’t See

From the outside, I looked fine. I showed up. I helped. I stayed calm during every crisis. I was the steady one, the reliable one, the mother everyone could count on.

Inside, I was falling apart.

Every phone call felt like a threat. Every text from my adult child sent my heart racing before I even read it. I couldn’t relax during visits. I couldn’t sleep after conversations. My body was always braced for the next disaster.

And I felt ashamed of it.

“She’s doing better now,” I’d tell myself. “Why am I still so anxious? What’s wrong with me?”

I thought the anxiety was the problem. Turns out, it was the solution my body had been offering all along.

What Nobody Tells You About Parenting Through Trauma

When you’ve parented through addiction, mental illness, abuse, or chronic chaos, your nervous system doesn’t reset when the crisis ends.

Your body remembers:

• The 2 AM phone calls.
• The hospital visits.
• The terrifying uncertainty.
• The impossible choices.
• The times you couldn’t fix it no matter how hard you tried.

Even when things calm down on the surface, your body stays on high alert. Because it’s learned something critical: This can go wrong at any moment. Stay ready.

That’s not anxiety disorder. That’s adaptive response to repeated trauma.

Your body isn’t broken. It’s doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep you alive.

The Moment Everything Changed

At 60, after a particularly brutal week left me unable to eat or sleep, I started working with The Marriage and Motherhood Survivor Method.

And I learned to ask a different question.

Not: “What’s wrong with me?”

But: “What is my body trying to tell me?”

The answer was immediate and devastating: You’re not okay. This relationship is costing you your peace. You’ve been abandoning yourself to manage someone else’s chaos. And you can’t keep doing this.

My anxiety wasn’t irrational. It was truth-telling.

Listening to the Messenger

Here’s what I started noticing when I stopped fighting my anxiety and started listening to it:

The tightness before phone calls? It’s my body saying, “This relationship has a history of unpredictability. Protect yourself.”

The exhaustion after ‘fine’ visits? It’s my system telling me, “You’re still managing their emotions while suppressing your own. That’s depleting.”

The dread when they ask for help? It’s my nervous system remembering, “This pattern has hurt you before. Proceed carefully.”

My anxiety wasn’t betraying me. It was informing me.

The Practice That Changed Everything

The Marriage and Motherhood Survivor Method taught me something revolutionary: I could acknowledge my anxiety without letting it control me.

I learned to pause between the feeling and the response:

1. Notice: “My chest is tight. My body is speaking.”
2. Name it: “I’m feeling anxious because this situation reminds my system of past chaos.”
3. Ask: “What do I need right now to feel safe?”
4. Choose: “I can respond when I’m ready, not when anxiety demands it.”

This wasn’t about ignoring my child’s needs. It was about not ignoring my own.

What Happened When I Started Listening

The anxiety didn’t disappear. But something more important happened: I stopped being at war with myself.

I set boundaries without guilt – because my body told me when I was overextending.

I stopped rushing to fix everything – because I learned to distinguish real emergencies from manufactured urgency.

And I found peace – not because life got easier, but because I wasn’t fighting my own nervous system anymore.

Some relationships deepened. Others had to change shape. And yes, that was painful.

But the alternative – continuing to abandon myself to manage someone else’s chaos – was killing me.

The Truth About Anxiety

Your anxiety isn’t the enemy. It’s the part of you that’s been trying to save your life.

Before your brain catches up, your body knows. It remembers. It warns you. It tries to protect you.

The work isn’t to silence it. The work is to finally, finally listen.

You’re not too old to change this pattern. You’re not too far gone. You’re not broken.

You’re just finally ready to hear what your body has been trying to tell you all along.

Let’s Discuss:

Can you recognize when your body is sending you signals that something is not right? Are there healthier ways you can learn to respond to these signals?

For decades, I hid a problem that I never talked about… and the holidays only made it worse.

As a dietitian, I knew what I was “supposed” to be doing. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop myself from eating the sugary comfort foods that kept piling on the weight – especially during the holidays.

I Still Remember Some Very Vivid Moments

#1: The Peanut Brittle

The plate of peanut brittle a neighbor dropped off… which I secretly ate before my husband came home. I managed to leave some cookies on the plate so it wouldn’t look suspicious, but I never mentioned the peanut brittle.

#2: The Pumpkin Pie

Being nervous about going to a relative’s house for Thanksgiving… because how was I going to get enough pumpkin pie and whipped cream? (It was truly embarrassing how much whipped cream I had to have!) I was so thankful when the host sent me home with 4 pieces of leftovers, which I devoured later that night in the privacy of my own kitchen.

#3: The Cookie Dough

Baking cookies to give as gifts and making myself sick gorging on the raw cookie dough in the process. I actually got food poisoning years ago from eating raw cookie dough, and so did my entire family. But this didn’t stop me! I just started buying raw cookie dough from the store because the eggs had been pasteurized and were “safer” to eat. Despite the dangers, I found a way to get my “fix”.

For years, I told myself I didn’t have an emotional eating issue because my regular meals were so healthy.

But the truth was, I did.

I was using food to calm, soothe, reward, and comfort myself – especially during the stressful, emotional, sugar-filled holiday season.

Why Cravings Hit So Hard Over the Holidays

There are several reasons that your cravings intensify over the holidays.

Stress Can Raise Your Adrenaline and Cortisol Levels

The holidays can be an emotional roller coaster, amping up your stress response. And higher cortisol and adrenaline levels create the perfect storm for triggering cravings and store belly fat.

Fatigue Can Increase Your Hunger Hormones

Lack of sleep raises ghrelin (the hunger hormone) and lowers leptin (the fullness hormone), which makes cravings harder to control.

Food Becomes a Coping Mechanism

The truth is that food does soothe us. But it’s temporary. And it never addresses what’s underneath – the loneliness, the overwhelm, or the holiday-triggered memories.

But please remember – your cravings are not a personal failure. Your brain and body are doing their best to help you cope with the stress, fatigue, and emotional overload.

And for so many of us, food has been the answer.

What Finally Worked for Me

What finally helped me wasn’t another diet.

It was learning how to calm my stress response and gently rewire my brain to change the way it thought about food.

Once I did that, everything changed.

Instead of being a season full of temptation and stress, the holidays became a season of comfort and joy – and I no longer had to use food to cope. I was able to stop my cravings and emotional eating, lose the weight, and keep it off.

Over the past 20 years, I’ve helped countless women do the same – and I’d love to help you, too.

You can find my emotional eating articles right here on Sixty and Me. They will help you begin your journey.

If that’s not enough, and you’d like more individual help, I can offer you my Weight Loss Success Program, which I’ve worked to discount specifically for Sixty and Me readers. Use the coupon code sixtyandme to get the entire program, plus amazing bonuses, for the very special price of $97. I can’t wait to see you!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What changes have you noticed in your eating habits around the holidays?

Some seasons arrive quietly and undo us.

This November has been one of those months for me.

At the beginning of the month, I lost a long-term friend unexpectedly.

My 93-year-old mom, who has been slowly disappearing into Alzheimer’s for four years, entered hospice and is now nearing the end of her life. My dad – her husband of 71 years – sits by her side as she slips further away.

And as life would have it, my husband is also grieving a significant loss in his own family. It’s been one of those months when grief doesn’t arrive one at a time – it comes in waves, from all directions.

I find myself somewhere between grief and relief, depending on the hour of the day.

It’s a strange thing to hold so many contradictory feelings in one body. But this month, I’m learning that sometimes the only way through a season like this is to stop trying to choose one emotion over another… and simply let them all live together.

The Things We Never Expect to Carry at the Same Time

Grief rarely comes one piece at a time.

It has a way of arriving as a cluster – layered, tangled, overwhelming.

One moment, I’m laughing with my husband about something small and silly, and the next I’m crying because the sound of my dad’s voice on the phone shattered me completely. I’m grateful my mom is being cared for. I’m devastated she’s leaving. I’m relieved her suffering may soon be over. I’m heartbroken that this is how Alzheimer’s steals someone you love.

It’s emotional whiplash, and I’ve stopped trying to make it neat.

If you’re navigating a heavy November too, please know this:

You’re not doing it wrong. Life is just asking a lot of your heart.

The Gift of a Final Goodbye (Even When You’re Not Sure It’s Heard)

Recently, my family gathered on a video call with my mom.

We shared memories, told her how much we loved her, and said goodbye – whether she understood the words or not.

My dad was beside her.

It was tender and excruciating at the same time.

Watching a 71-year marriage reach its final chapter is a kind of heartbreak that doesn’t have language. There’s grief for my mom, yes… but also grief for my dad, for the life they built, for the roles they won’t get to play anymore.

And in the middle of all that, strangely, there’s gratitude – that they had a love that lasted that long, that deep.

Letting Grief Take Up Space – Without Letting It Take Everything

If you’re grieving this month – whether from loss, anticipation of loss, or the weight of someone else’s pain – here are a few things helping me stay upright that might help you, too:

1. I’m Letting Myself Feel Whatever Shows Up

Not judging it. Not forcing it to make sense.

Some days grief is loud. Some days it’s quiet. Some days it’s mixed with laughter.

2. I’m Finding Small Moments of Humor On Purpose

Not because it fixes anything… but because it gives my nervous system a break.

3. I’m Keeping Things Simple

Fewer expectations. Softer plans.

More space to breathe.

4. I’m Letting People In

A text, a hug, a walk, a messy conversation.

Connection is medicine.

5. I’m Practicing Gratitude in the Smallest Possible Doses

A warm blanket.

A kind message.

A shared memory.

A moment of calm.

That’s enough.

Why Gratitude and Grief Can Coexist

I used to think gratitude meant “stay positive.”

Now I think gratitude means “notice the good without pretending the hard isn’t happening.”

Grief doesn’t cancel gratitude.

And gratitude doesn’t cancel grief.

They sit side by side, like two hands resting in your lap – one heavy, one light.

This month, gratitude has shown up in unexpected ways:

• in the strength of my dad’s love;
• in the peacefulness of my mom’s hospice care;
• in small moments of connection with my husband;
• in the tenderness of friends who check in;
• in the reminder that life is fragile, and so are we.

You don’t have to feel grateful for the pain.

You only have to be grateful within it, when it’s possible.

Letting This Season Change You – Gently

Here’s what I’m learning:

Grief has a way of sanding us down to what matters.

It makes us softer in some places and stronger in others.

It sharpens our priorities.

It reminds us how deeply we love.

It wakes us up to the moments we still have with the people who are here.

November has broken my heart… and it has also shown me just how many people I love, how much life I’ve lived, and how tender this season can be.

A Question for You:

If you’ve had heavy months, let me ask: What small thing is helping you get through the day right now? Your answer might be exactly what another woman needs to hear.

What did the People’s Princess say about him?

There are several themes that have recently come up in my coaching practice. Though they are certainly not exclusive to women, they do seem consistent among several of my women clients – often revolving around value and visibility. Why is this? Here are some clues:

• Society often equates value with roles women are leaving.
• Age and gender bias create a kind of double invisibility.
• In so many cases, women have been conditioned not to self-promote.
• Networks seem to shrink at the exact moment women need them most.
• Skills and contributions have been undervalued for years.
• In this moment, women often face a major identity transition.
• Women often prioritize others (e.g., parental and/or partner caretaking) – even when entering retirement.

Retirement Shouldn’t Make You Invisible – But for Many Accomplished Women, It Can Feel That Way

After decades of leading, mentoring, and making things happen, suddenly your voice seems to carry less weight. It’s like the world stops listening. Invitations fade, opinions are overlooked, and the stage where your influence once shone feels smaller. Your opinion feels less valued. You’re still capable, experienced, and insightful – but the “perception” of retirement changes the stage you stand on. Yet your experience, insight, and energy haven’t retired.

The challenge isn’t age, it’s finding new ways to stay seen, heard, contributing and impactful in a life beyond paid work.

You retire. You’ve spent decades leading, advising, mentoring, and making things happen. Then… suddenly, invitations start to fade.

This is social invisibility, a subtle but real challenge for many retired women. It’s not the same as loneliness – though that can appear. It’s the quiet sense that your expertise, wisdom, and influence are no longer being recognized. And it matters. When your voice isn’t heard, it can chip away at confidence, purpose, and connection.

Why Social Invisibility Is a Hidden Retirement Risk

Self-Worth

When others stop seeking your input, it’s easy to start questioning your value.

Missed Impact

Your skills, insight, and experience don’t retire, but opportunities to apply them often shrink.

Disconnection

Social networks that once revolved around your leadership or career may change, leaving gaps in relationships.

It’s not inevitable. Many retired women find ways to reclaim their voice, influence, and sense of purpose. Here are just 5 strategies to reclaim your voice and ensure your influence continues to matter.

5 Ways to Stay Visible, Valuable, and Vital

Curate Your Circles

Join boards, committees, or volunteer organizations where experience is prized. Influence grows when you surround yourself with people who respect it.

Mentor the Next Generation

Offer guidance to younger professionals or peers. Sharing knowledge not only benefits others – it reinforces your role as a trusted voice.

Start a Thought Leadership Channel

Write blogs, speak publicly, or start a podcast. Your insights and life experience are unique; make them visible.

Reclaim Family Influence

Lead family projects, organize legacy initiatives, or champion traditions. Your voice can shape the family culture long after you leave the workplace.

Offer Expertise on Your Terms

Consulting, coaching, or workshops allow you to continue contributing in meaningful ways, often with flexible schedules that suit retirement life.

The Power of a Stage Reset

Retirement doesn’t have to be a curtain call. Think of it as a stage reset – an opportunity to choose where, how, and with whom your voice matters. You’ve earned the respect of your past; now, claim influence in the spaces you care about most.

Your experience is still needed. Your insights are still valuable. And your voice? It’s far from silent.

Leave a Comment:

Did retirement change how you saw yourself? Did it change how other people saw you? How do you respond to that in your daily interactions?