Month: December 2025

Let’s be honest. Most midlife women don’t walk around saying, “I feel like the Holidays are a real drag because I have to do it all.”

Of course not. You love the season. And after all this time, you’re good at it. You’ve got your routine. You’re capable. The woman everyone trusts to hold everything together.

But under the surface, there’s a quiet truth many women never admit, even to themselves.

The Holidays ask more of you than they ask of anyone else.

And you carry it. Because you always have.

This article is the final piece in my four-part Sixty and Me series on staying grounded through the holidays.

If you missed the earlier pieces, you can find them here:

• Part 1: Holiday Food Everywhere? Here’s Why It Feels Impossible to Resist
• Part 2: The Invisible Load of the Holidays: Why Midlife Women Feel So Responsible
• Part 3: The Bare Minimum Holiday Plan That Keeps You Steady

Here’s the part most women never talk about: that mix of resentment, heaviness, and “why does no one see how much I’m doing?”

It might feel embarrassing to admit it – even to yourself. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

And if holidays are “your favorite time of the year,” that can be true… AND you can also feel unseen and overloaded.

Both Things Can Be True

That’s how holiday stress works for many women. It can sit beneath the surface of a season you genuinely love.

What I’ve learned – in my own life and in nearly two decades of coaching – is that what we call resentment often has a companion emotion. A softer one we don’t want to admit to. A kind of self-pity that whispers, “Why does it have to be me? Why is no one helping?”

Most women push that feeling down because it feels weak or indulgent.

It’s not.

It’s a signal.

A cue.

A moment of honesty that can change everything about how you move through this season.

And once you can see it – without shame – you finally get to decide what you want to do next.

How You Became “The One Who Handles Everything”

No woman wakes up one day and decides, “I’ll just do everything myself!”

No. It happens slowly. Quietly. Over years of being competent… organized… the one who remembers things other people forget.

At first, you liked being that woman. It felt good to be dependable. You created systems. You made the Holidays beautiful. You knew how to pull everything together in a way no one else could.

But competence has a shadow side: When you do something well, people stop offering.

And little by little, you become the go-to:

• The planner.
• The fixer.
• The emotional load-bearer.

Not because you failed – but because you were good. And because repetition turns into identity.

This is how something called ‘over-functioning’ takes hold. Not in a dramatic moment, but in ten thousand small ones:

• “I’ll just do it.”
• “It’s easier if I handle it.”
• “They’ll only mess it up.”

And before you even notice the shift, doing everything yourself becomes normal. Expected. Automatic. You love your family, but you also feel trapped inside this role you mastered.

Nothing is wrong with you.

This is learned behavior – reinforced by years of praise, habit, and silence around all the emotional labor women carry.

You didn’t choose this pattern. But you can choose what happens next.

The Cost of Carrying the Season on Your Back

When you’re the one holding the entire season together, it doesn’t just drain your time. It drains your body. Your mind. Your capacity to feel like yourself.

Holiday burnout shows up in ways most women never link to the stress they’re under. You start sleeping poorly. You wake up already tired. You grab whatever food keeps you going, then wonder why you feel puffy, wired, or desperate for something sweet at 7 am. You lose patience faster. You snap at people you love. You feel foggy, depleted, and behind before the day even starts.

This isn’t a reflection of your abilities, nor is it about willpower or discipline. It’s health for the stage that we’re in.

Your nervous system is carrying too much. Your hormones feel the strain. And by January, you’re not just tired – you’re wiped out in a way that makes “getting back on track” feel impossible.

Most women blame themselves.

But the truth is simple: no one can carry this much emotional and mental load without paying for it somewhere.

And it’s not your fault.

It’s the weight you’ve been asked to hold.

The Truth No One Likes Hearing (But Every Woman Needs)

Here’s the part that stings a little: You can’t have peace and also hold control over everything.

Most women don’t like hearing that – especially women who’ve built a lifetime on competence. But it’s the truth that changes everything.

The belief that “they’ll do it wrong” is powerful. It keeps you in charge, but it also keeps you exhausted. It forces you into a role you never meant to audition for: the woman who handles it all, even when she’s falling apart inside.

And yes, letting others try – and fail – is uncomfortable. Watching someone wrap a gift badly or load the dishwasher “wrong” feels painful. But every time you step in, the cycle continues. You stay overextended. They stay under-involved. And resentment grows quietly in the background.

This isn’t a character flaw, but a pattern you’ve learned. And that means you can unlearn it.

Letting go of control isn’t weakness, but a midlife boundary – one that protects your energy, your health, and your sanity.

What Choosing Yourself Actually Looks Like

Choosing yourself doesn’t start with a dramatic announcement. It starts with tiny shifts that feel almost too small to matter. Doing less. Simplifying. Setting boundaries during the Holidays that protect your sanity instead of everyone else’s comfort.

It means letting someone else take a task – and resisting the urge to hover.

Maybe your partner buys the stocking stuffers this year, even if the choices make you cringe.

Maybe your adult child brings a side dish, and you let it be whatever they choose, not the perfect recipe you would’ve made.

Maybe the gifts are wrapped crooked, and you leave them exactly as they are.

This isn’t selfishness but giving up control and allowing others to participate.

This is leadership.

Real leadership means stepping back so others can step forward – even if they wobble a bit at first.

And yes, it will feel uncomfortable. Your brain will scream that it’s easier to just do it yourself. But “easier” is how the cycle stays alive. “Good enough” is how you break it.

You don’t need to overhaul your entire holiday. You just need one experiment at a time. One place where you decide, I don’t have to be the hero here.

When you start doing less, something shifts.

Your stress softens. Your body unclenches. Your mood steadies.

And for the first time in a long time, the holiday starts to feel like yours again – not another performance you’re responsible for staging.

Where to Go from Here

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary – especially in midlife, when your health, energy, and peace matter more than ever. And as we wrap up this four-part Sixty and Me Holiday series, I want you to hear this clearly: you don’t have to keep doing the season the way you always have. You can choose a version that lets you breathe.

If this article hit a nerve, and you want deeper support, I recorded a full podcast episode on this exact topic. You can listen to episode 4 of the Holiday Health Series: The Martyr Myth here or on your podcast player of choice. It will help you understand why these patterns show up and how to shift them gently.

And if you want someone to walk you step-by-step through simplifying your holidays, reducing holiday stress, and learning how to enjoy the Holidays without burning out, the  Feel-Good Holiday Playbook is your guide. You can find it by clicking this link.

You deserve to enter January rested, not depleted. Steady, not scrambling. In control of your choices – not controlled by the season.

That version of the holiday is available. And it starts with choosing yourself.

Let’s Reflect:

What would “good enough” look like for you this year, if you let yourself try it?

The Rearview Mirror is a series born from age, clarity, and the courage to finally say the quiet parts out loud. It’s about looking back not to reopen old wounds, but to understand them – and in this particular installment the feelings that return every December. It’s about revisiting the seasons, the rituals, and the moments that shaped us.

Read the first installment in this series here:

Rearview Mirror: Looking Back and Seeing Clearly – The Agency That Shined Bright and Cast Long Shadows

The Rearview Mirror: Revisiting December

I have been waiting to write this. I think I have been avoiding the inevitable roller coaster of emotions I experience every December since 1992. That was the year my beloved mother passed – December 10, to be exact. I have written about this many times through blogs and articles, yet each year brings its own mix of reflection, nostalgia, and grief.

December 1992 marked a personal awakening for me. I had heard of it vaguely as a very young woman, but that year I experienced it firsthand. I remember my mother feeling a bit sad at this time of year, especially on Christmas Eve. One year, I asked her why the tears? There were boundless presents under the tree, the smell of fresh-baked goods filled the air, and tomorrow would bring friends and family to the dinner table.

She explained that while she experienced tremendous joy at Christmas, she also felt a profound sadness. She missed her parents, especially her mom, and nothing could ever fill that void. The pain was organic – a truth we all eventually experience as we journey through life.

We All Have Expectations

For me, the holiday season is now a mixed bag of emotions and always will be, as I am sure it is for many of you. The expectations the season imposes can be hard to navigate. Every year is different. Social and professional obligations force fun onto us. We are expected to put on a happy face when it may be the last thing we want to do. We often spend more than we should, not on special indulgences, but to meet social expectations, doing the “right thing” at any cost.

For some, the holiday season also carries professional and financial anxiety. When I worked in corporate America, December often brought trepidation, as layoffs, performance reviews, and lack of bonuses became increasingly common. I was laid off from a job I had held for over 10 years at this time of year, an experience that remains with me to this day. I have many friends still navigating the corporate grind with fear, and I feel their anticipated pain each December. The Holidays can be a reminder of the unpredictability and fragility of our lives and careers.

Many Carry Pain

For many, the holiday season sadly has never been a purely happy or nostalgic place, but rather a painful flashback – a time to relive what some would rather forget. Not every childhood was idyllic; not every tree (if there even was one) presided proudly over colorfully wrapped packages; not everyone had a meal to eat, and not everyone felt loved. It is a reality of the season and a reflection of everyday life. Unfortunately, it is part of the human condition, a result of living in a world where fairness and opportunity are often illusions for many.

A Tradition We Have Forgotten

One tradition that speaks to the passing of time is the sending of Christmas cards. My mother, deeply religious, always sat down on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception – December 8 – to write her Christmas cards. There were stacks of them, and many went beyond a simple salutation and “Merry Christmas.”

She wrote personal messages to so many of her friends and relatives, taking her time, without hesitation. It was an almost sacred ritual. Back then, if you did not hear from someone at Christmas time, it often meant there had been a loss in their family that year – an unspoken acknowledgment of grief. I no longer send out cards, opting instead for electronic wishes, and over the years, the circle of relatives and friends has shrunk with each passing season.

Collective Sense of the Holidays

There was also something magical about watching holiday classics on one channel at one time. Families across the country tuned in together – there was no streaming or on-demand. Everyone watched A Charlie Brown Christmas at the same moment, sharing the same moments of laughter and reflection, creating a collective sense of holiday presence that is hard to replicate today.

And of course, the food was amazing – how could it not be? My father was Italian, and we all know how amazing Italian food is, and my mother being of Armenian descent the food was different but equally amazing.

Every year my mother would take me on the train to NYC to see the Radio City Christmas show, visit dad at his office, shop at the Armenian food store and visit St. Patrick’s Cathedral and St. Vartan Armenian Apostolic Cathedral. My mother would always take a small piece of straw from the nativity scene and tuck it into her purse to keep throughout the year. I, of course, started to do the same.

Today, it is even harder to live up to holiday happiness expectations. Social media floods our feeds with “perfect” families, HGTV homes, and abundance on steroids. Intellectually, we know about IG filters and orchestrated FB posts, yet it is hard not to let some of it in. After all, we are only human.

The Clear Rear View

As we grow older, and with more holiday seasons behind us than ahead, the rearview mirror offers a clear view of what we have gained, what we have lost, and how much the world has changed. Nostalgia is inevitable. I remember a world without cell phones or the Internet, when letters arrived with excitement, landline calls required patience, and the anticipation of a visit or a card was magical.

Today, our porches are often flooded with Amazon boxes, a far cry from the anticipation of carefully chosen gifts arriving by hand or mail. Decorations were imaginative, not curated for Pinterest or Instagram. Family gatherings took effort, and the slow pace brought a kind of magic that is harder to find today.

Even amid these changes, the rearview mirror reminds us of continuity. The essence of the season remains: reflection, gratitude, and connection. For some, it is also a spiritual reminder of birth, renewal, and hope. The holidays invite us to embrace both joy and sorrow simultaneously, honoring what has been lost while celebrating what remains.

Some Gains, Some Losses

This year, for me, carries another new layer. As I wrote in my recent piece When Faith Falters, my belief in a higher power has been hit with a blow in ways I never expected. This Christmas will undoubtedly mirror some of that loss. But I sincerely hope the new year will help me find my way back to believing again.

It is not my intent to depress, but to validate your feelings and open the door to all emotions. Above all, this is a time to be kind to yourself and practice self-care. In my work as a life coach, I see firsthand how deeply this season can weigh on people. Many of my clients carry quiet pain, unresolved grief, or complicated memories as the Holidays approach – reminders that none of us are alone in our struggles. Please take comfort in that.

As this December unfolds, let us view this time through a new lens. Yes, it is a time to look ahead, but with realistic expectations. Be gentle with yourself. Handle what you can, change what you want, and accept what you cannot. Do not compare. Embrace your imperfections. Love who you are. Enjoy the time you were gifted. And each day, carve out your living legacy – even as the rearview mirror gently reminds you of the Holidays that have passed.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do the Holidays mean to you? Are there more losses or more gains to count this year?

As this year comes to a close and the festive period is fully upon us, there may be mixed feelings about the 12 months we’re leaving behind.

Some people will look back feeling proud, grateful, and full of joy. Others may be carrying heartache, loneliness, overwhelm, or grief. For some, Christmas brings connection and warmth. For others, it brings pressure, memories, or a quiet dread they don’t always feel able to name.

And if you’re somewhere in between, that’s okay too.

Christmas has a way of amplifying whatever is already there. The emotions, the tiredness, the expectations, the sense that everything should feel a certain way.

If this time of year feels harder than you expected, there’s nothing wrong with that… or you. It happens to many of us. Including me.

A Lot Has Changed for Me Over the Last Few Years

When I look back now, I can see how much has shifted. Not all at once, but gradually, over time. My career path, my outlook, my direction and happiness, have all changed for the better.

But that doesn’t mean the journey here has been easy or that this time of year doesn’t still stir things up.

Back then, I knew I wanted more from life, but I couldn’t put my finger on what wasn’t working. On paper, everything looked dreamy. I was working for a great coaching company, surrounded by good people. Yet, after a while, inside, something felt off.

My energy slowly drained. I didn’t notice it happening at first. I just kept ploughing through. Until one day I realised I was waking up exhausted, unmotivated, and disconnected from myself. I was at a crossroads in my life and most certainly felt “lost.”

Our Surroundings Can Give Us a 180

When my planned trip to South America finally came around, it couldn’t have been better timed. Stepping into a completely different environment changed something in me. I felt lighter. More alive. More myself.

That experience taught me something important: how deeply our surroundings affect how we think, feel, and cope.

Christmas, in its own way, is also an environment shift and not always a gentle one.

For some, it’s full of family, noise, and responsibility. For others, it highlights absence, loss, or the feeling of not quite fitting anywhere.

As a single woman with no children, Christmas can sometimes feel disorientating. Friends and family have their own routines, partners, and plans. No one is doing anything wrong. It’s just life… but it can still feel isolating.

And at the same time, I know parents who feel overwhelmed, stretched thin, and quietly wish they could swap places for a moment of peace.

The Grass Really Is Always Greener

This is my fifth Christmas without my mum. It’s only since losing her that I’ve started to understand how Christmas might have felt for her once we were grown. As children, Christmas was magical. Full of music, laughter, traditions, and togetherness.

Now, those memories come with warmth and sadness all at once.

I’ve also noticed that December is often when my body finally slows me down. After months of pushing through, my energy dips, my immune system crashes, and I’m forced to stop. Perhaps that’s my body’s way of asking me to process what I’ve been too busy to feel.

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone…

And you don’t need to fix it.

A Time for Gentleness

This isn’t a time for forcing positivity or pushing through at all costs. This is a time for gentleness. For noticing what’s really going on beneath the surface.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tired, sad, lonely, or emotionally flat, here are a few gentle ways to help yourself feel just 1% better, not perfect, not joyful, just steadier.

1. Notice What You’re Really Feeling

Sometimes overwhelm shows up as exhaustion. Sometimes sadness shows up as irritability. Sometimes loneliness hides behind busyness.

Ask yourself:

• What am I actually feeling right now?
• Where do I feel it in my body?
• What might this feeling be trying to tell me?

There’s no need to judge or rush this. Awareness alone can soften things.

2. Ask What Would Help, Even a Little

Once you’ve named what’s going on, ask:

What would help me feel 1% better today?

It might be:

• Doing less
• Saying no
• Leaving early
• Having a quiet moment to yourself
• Lowering your expectations

When other people are involved, you can’t control their behaviour, but you can choose how you respond. Give yourself permission to protect your energy where you can.

3. Respond Kindly to What You Need

• If your body needs rest, let it rest.
• If you need space, take it.
• If you need connection, reach out, even in a small way.

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to justify your feelings. And you don’t have to make this season look a certain way.

Whatever this Christmas looks like for you, please remember this:

You are allowed to feel how you feel. You are allowed to slow down. You are allowed to put yourself first sometimes.

You can’t keep giving without refilling your own stocking.

So, if this year took more than it gave, let this be a time to pause rather than push.

Wherever you find yourself this Christmas, I hope you make space for what you need most.

Merry Christmas and I’ll see you in the new year.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you glad 2025 is nearly over? Are you looking forward to a new beginning? What are you eager to leave behind?

Photo: @bravowwhl

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Originally posted at: Brooks Nadar’s CD Strap Dress on WWHL

Most women over 60 grew up with music that filled an entire house – vinyl spinning in the living room, radios humming in the kitchen, and songs you could feel in your chest. Today, technology has taken another step forward with something called 8D music. The name may sound technical, but the experience is simple, soothing, and surprisingly helpful for women in the second half of life.

As a songwriter, I’ve also found that 8D music opens me up creatively. Writer’s block used to hit me from time to time. Since listening to 8D, my ideas flow more naturally. The stories show up on their own and turning them into lyrics feels easier than ever.

If you’re looking for new ways to relax, reduce stress, or enjoy a few quiet minutes of calm during the day, 8D music is worth trying. When I listen to it, I often repeat a short mantra I came up with: “Open up the right side of my brain and let the creativity flow.” It keeps me centered and helps clear my mind.

What Is 8D Music, in Simple Terms?

8D music isn’t complicated at all. It’s regular music that has been mixed in a way that makes the sound feel like it’s moving around your head instead of coming from one direction. With headphones on, it creates a gentle, floating sensation – as if the music is circling softly and wrapping around you.

Many listeners describe 8D music as calming, soothing, emotionally grounding, and uplifting. And the only thing you need is a pair of headphones.

YouTube – 8D Audio Example

Why 8D Music Connects So Well with Women Over 60

Women in this age group carry decades of experience, strength, and responsibility. Many are still balancing family, health changes, and full schedules. 8D music offers something rare – a peaceful moment that requires no effort at all.

Deep Relaxation Without the Pressure of Meditation

Not everyone enjoys traditional meditation. Some find it stressful to “quiet the mind.” With 8D music, there’s nothing to do. Just listen. I use it for a few minutes a day, and it sets the tone for my entire morning.

Stress and Anxiety Relief

The gentle movement of sound naturally relaxes the brain. Breathing slows, tension eases, and the body settles within minutes.

Better Focus for Reading and Creative Hobbies

Many women enjoy activities like knitting, journaling, crafting, or reading. 8D music creates a soft background sensation that helps the mind stay present without distraction.

Emotional Release and Mood Support

Music already connects deeply with memory and emotion. 8D music enhances that connection in a gentle, comforting way, often leaving listeners feeling lighter and more open.

A Sense of Presence and Mindfulness

8D music helps bring attention back to the moment – a welcome pause in a busy world.

How to Try 8D Music at Home

Put on comfortable headphones, sit somewhere quiet, play an 8D track, and close your eyes for three minutes. Most people know right away whether it resonates.

Final Thoughts

8D music is an easy, enjoyable way to bring calm, focus, and emotional balance into daily life. At this stage – rich with wisdom and reinvention – a simple tool that restores peace is worth exploring.

I hope 8D music brings you the same sense of renewal it has brought me.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you tried 8D music? If you haven’t, please give it a go, and let us know how you would describe the experience.