Month: January 2026

Live in a northern US location that dips below freezing and gets regular winter snowfalls? Then, trust me. At some point in your retirement life, you’ll consider a seasonal snowbird migration. My husband and I are contemplating it now after arguing against it for years, because we thought:

1. We were too young.
2. Winter’s not that bad.
3. It’s expensive.

Turns out none of the above are true.

How Young Is Too Young to Snowbird?

Nearly 70% of today’s snowbirds begin their winter migration before reaching age 60, according to a survey conducted by Emergency Assistance Plus, a travel insurance company. The flexibility of remote work has led to a dramatic increase in the number of younger people heading to warmer locations during winter.

Sadly, my husband and I did not have jobs that permitted us to jet off when the temperatures dropped in New York. But now that I’ve retired and he’s doing project-based work, it’s a possibility.

It’s Not Buffalo, But…

We live in downstate NY, a 45-minute train ride from New York City. Average February high temperatures are 36 degrees F and lows average 20 degrees F, according to Wanderlog. And we usually get a few 4-6” snowfalls spread out through the winter.

I maintain a daily walking schedule with my German Shepherd, plan a few day outings during the week and force myself to accept dinner invitations to stay social.

But, as the years pass, the urge to hunker down and embrace the Danish hygge lifestyle is getting harder to resist.

Can I Afford a 3-Month Vacation?

Maintaining a second home for a 12-week use seems impractical to me. That’s how old-timers used to fly. Think about your parents and their friends who owned condos in Florida. They’d depart after the Christmas decorations were packed away and return when the daffodils started popping up.

Our friends who recently started snowbirding rent in different locations for a few weeks at a time to check out areas. Whether they’ll ever commit to a purchase is yet to be determined.

Wondering about buying vs. renting? Check out this article: Second Home: Buy or Rent?

Deciding When and Where to Go

I’m watching the long-range forecasts. Hopefully, we can make a break for it before a particularly ominous stretch of weather sets in. We’ll only go for a couple of weeks since it’s our first time, so the expense will be comparable to a normal vacation.

I don’t want to blow our entire 2026 vacation budget.

So, avoiding pricey places like West Palm Beach, Florida, and Scottsdale, Arizona, means focusing our attention on welcoming destinations that are affordable alternatives, like these five sun-soaked locations.

Port St. Lucie, Florida: Budget-Friendly Alternative to West Palm Beach

Spring training home to the NY Mets, Port St. Lucie occupies a central position on Florida’s Treasure Coast, between Jupiter and Vero Beach. Retirement Living named Port St. Lucie as one of its Top 10 snowbird cities for 2025, citing the large number of golf courses, low property crime rates and a warm average temperature of 66.8 degrees from November through March.

Leesburg, Florida: Budget-Friendly Alternative to Orlando

Proximity to Orlando is Leesburg’s draw. The Lake County city of 28,000 has small-town charm thanks to a lively downtown with shops, restaurants and craft breweries. With several lakes, miles of trails and the scenic Venetian Gardens park, there are plenty of ways to spend your days in the outdoors.

Green Valley, Arizona: Budget-Friendly Alternative to Tucson

Home to approximately 22,000 year-round residents, this Tucson-area city swells with retirees during the winter months. Hiking, biking and golf are popular outdoor activities and culture vultures will appreciate the busy calendar of events staged annually at the Community Performance & Art Center.

Yuma, Arizona: Budget-Friendly Alternative to Phoenix

Yuma is located near the Mexico border, guaranteeing warm winter temperatures and sunny days. Tubing and boating on the Colorado River are popular activities. Get to know the plants and animals living in Yuma’s multiple desert parks. And day trips across the border are a fun way to experience Mexican food and culture.

Rio Grande Valley, Texas: Budget-Friendly Alternative to San Antonio

Multiple towns, including McAllen, comprise the Rio Grande Valley, about an hour and a half drive from the beaches of San Padre Island. There’s plenty to see during snowbird season in the region, including the International Museum of Art and Science, the Gladys Porter Zoo and historic missions like La Lomita.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Where do you snowbird? Why did you make that decision? Have you bought a place or do you rent?

As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that some of my most valuable lessons haven’t come from books, workshops, or heartfelt advice from friends. Instead, they’ve arrived quietly, through the soft paws and steady presence of my beloved cat. Somehow, through the simplicity of her daily routines, she demonstrates the kind of emotional clarity and self-care that many of us spend years trying to master.

Right now, she’s curled up beside me, blissfully asleep in a patch of sunlight. She has no hesitation about resting in the middle of the morning. No guilt. No mental argument about whether she should be doing something more productive. She simply follows her needs, trusts her instincts, and carries on.

The more I observe her, the more I realize she has been teaching me how to take better care of myself. Not through inspiration, but through example. Here are the five lessons she’s been teaching me with remarkable consistency.

1. Rest When You’re Tired, Not When You’ve Earned It

Decades of working life trained many of us to push through tiredness, to wait for the approved break, and to ignore fatigue until the day was finally done. Even now, in a later stage of life, that habit lingers. I still catch myself thinking I should finish one more task before sitting down.

My cat has no such internal debate. When she’s tired, she rests. It might be 10 minutes or an entire afternoon, but she respects and protects her energy without apology. Watching her has made me reconsider how much unnecessary guilt I attach to resting. Fatigue is not a failure. It is simply a sign, one that deserves respect rather than resistance.

She has taught me that a quiet pause is not indulgence. It is wisdom.

2. Eat What Nourishes You, and Only When It Does

My cat approaches food with a kind of honesty I find admirable. She eats slowly, thoughtfully, and with full attention. She never eats out of anxiety, boredom, or habit. And she absolutely refuses food she does not enjoy. There is no forcing, no polite nibbling, no “I should finish this.”

She stops the moment she feels satisfied, even if there is still food left in the dish.

Her natural relationship with nourishment has made me look more closely at my own. Over the years, I’ve eaten in haste, eaten while distracted, or eaten foods because they were convenient. My cat reminds me daily that food is meant to support the body, not burden it.

Her lessons are simple but powerful:

• Listen to your hunger.
• Slow down.
• Enjoy your meals.
• Stop when you feel nourished.

These small acts of self-care make a surprising difference in how grounded and balanced I feel about what I eat.

3. Ask for What You Need, Without Apology or Hesitation

My cat is remarkably clear when she wants something. Whether it’s food, company, space, or an open door. She communicates confidently and without delay. There is no second-guessing, no worrying about whether she’s being inconvenient, and no internal debate about whether it’s “the right moment.”

I, on the other hand, have often hesitated to voice my needs. Many of us do. Years of caring for others, children, partners, parents, employers, can make our own needs feel secondary or even invisible. Sometimes I catch myself waiting for someone to simply notice that I could use support, when in truth, a clear and simple request would have taken far less energy.

Watching my cat has taught me that asking for help is not imposing. It is simply communicating. And surprisingly, people are often relieved when we tell them what we need. It removes the guesswork and opens space for genuine connection.

I am learning that clarity is a kindness, both to myself and to others.

4. Set Boundaries with Confidence, Not Guilt

My cat is gentle, but she is not afraid to protect her comfort. When she’s overstimulated by noise, too much company, or too much affection, she simply walks away. She doesn’t announce it, justify it, or apologize. She listens to her limits and follows them.

This quiet boundary-setting has been one of her strongest lessons. As we grow older, our energy becomes something we manage more consciously. The people we spend time with, the activities we commit to, and the emotional weight we carry, all matter more.

Learning to say no, without guilt, without lengthy explanations, and without fear of disappointing someone, is a form of emotional strength. My cat models this with elegant simplicity. She chooses where she places her attention and energy.

I’ve started doing the same. It’s liberating.

5. Stay Curious, It Keeps the Spirit Alive

Despite being a creature of habit, my cat is endlessly curious. A new leaf falls in the garden, and she’s investigating. A cupboard opens, and she must see inside.

Curiosity is her anchor, and her joy.

Her constant exploration has reminded me that curiosity is one of the most underrated forms of self-care. Trying something new, learning a skill, exploring a new place, even shifting a daily routine, can add spark to our lives. Staying curious keeps us mentally flexible, emotionally open, and connected to the world.

It is a reminder that getting older doesn’t mean our world must shrink. In fact, with the right mindset, it can expand in ways we never expected.

What She Has Really Taught Me

My cat may not speak, but she communicates volumes. She reminds me daily to rest when I’m tired, to nourish myself well, to express my needs clearly, to set boundaries confidently, and to stay curious about the world. She has become, in her quiet and unassuming way, a guide for living more gently, more honestly, and more fully.

I thought I was simply caring for her. But somewhere along the way, she began teaching me how to take better care of myself.

Click for free access to my Substack, Retired Way Out There, where I publish a bi-monthly newsletter and provide handouts.

What About You:

Have you learned life lessons from a pet in your home, or even one long gone? Please share your story in the comments below.

Many women, especially those of us over 60, are used to putting other people first. We care for partners, aging parents, grandchildren, and friends. We push through fatigue. We explain away aches, coughs, and changes in our bodies as “just getting older.”

But research shows that this instinct to minimize our symptoms – combined with long-standing gender bias in healthcare – can come at a serious cost.

Across multiple countries and healthcare systems, women are often diagnosed with cancer later than men, even when they develop the same types of cancer. The reasons are complex, but the consequences are very real: later diagnosis often means fewer treatment options and poorer outcomes.

Understanding why this happens – and how to advocate for ourselves – is one of the most important health steps women can take at this stage of life.

The Hidden Gender Gap in Cancer Diagnosis: What Every Woman Over 60 Should Know

For decades, research from the U.S., the UK, and Australia has consistently shown that women experience longer delays between first symptoms and cancer diagnosis than men for several common cancers – including lung, colorectal, bladder, and blood cancers.

This isn’t because women get these cancers less often. It’s because their symptoms are more likely to be:

• Attributed to stress, anxiety, or aging
• Misdiagnosed as less serious conditions
• Investigated later or less thoroughly

In the UK, large population studies have found that women are more likely than men to have multiple GP visits before being referred for cancer testing. Similar patterns appear in Australian research, where women’s symptoms are less likely to trigger urgent investigations.

In the U.S., studies suggest that women – particularly older women – are more likely to experience diagnostic delays even when they report persistent or worsening symptoms.

Why Women Are Still Diagnosed Later Than Men – and How We Can Change That

1. Women’s Symptoms Don’t Always Look “Typical”

Many diagnostic guidelines are based on symptoms that appear more commonly in men. When women experience cancer symptoms differently – or more subtly – they may not raise immediate red flags.

For example:

• Lung cancer in women is more likely to present with fatigue, shortness of breath, or back pain, rather than a persistent cough.
• Colorectal cancer symptoms in women may be mistaken for digestive issues or irritable bowel syndrome.
• Bladder cancer symptoms in women are often misattributed to urinary tract infections.

Research shows that when symptoms don’t match the “classic” pattern, diagnosis tends to be delayed – and women are more likely to fall into that category.

2. Gender Bias Still Exists in Healthcare

Most doctors are caring professionals doing their best under time pressure. But unconscious bias can still shape clinical decisions.

Studies show that women’s symptoms are more likely to be:

• Described as vague
• Considered emotional or stress-related
• Managed conservatively at first

Men, on the other hand, are more likely to be referred quickly for diagnostic tests when presenting with similar complaints.

This doesn’t mean doctors don’t care – it means healthcare systems were historically designed around male patterns of disease, and change has been slow.

3. Women Are More Likely to Delay Seeking Help

Research also shows that women – particularly older women – often wait longer before seeking medical advice. Common reasons include:

• Not wanting to “make a fuss”
• Assuming symptoms are part of aging
• Prioritizing family or caregiving responsibilities
• Fear of being dismissed or brushed off

Ironically, the very traits women are praised for – resilience, caregiving, self-sacrifice – can increase the risk of delayed diagnosis.

4. Screening Gaps and Age Assumptions

While screening programs save lives, women over 60 may fall into gaps:

• Screening guidelines may stop at a certain age.
• New symptoms may be attributed to menopause, aging, or chronic conditions.
• Doctors may assume patients will speak up if something is wrong – when many women hesitate to do so.

Research suggests that women over 50 are particularly vulnerable to having symptoms normalized rather than investigated.

Why This Matters More After 60

As we age, cancer risk increases – for everyone. But delayed diagnosis in older women can be especially harmful because:

• Cancers may be more advanced by the time they’re detected.
• Treatment options may be more limited.
• Recovery can be harder with other health conditions present.

The good news? Awareness makes a powerful difference.

Women who advocate for themselves – who ask questions, follow up, and persist – are more likely to receive timely diagnoses.

How Women Can Advocate for Timely Diagnosis

Self-advocacy doesn’t mean being confrontational. It means being clear, prepared, and persistent.

1. Trust Persistent Symptoms

If something doesn’t feel right – especially if it lasts more than a few weeks – it deserves attention.

Red flags include:

• Ongoing fatigue that doesn’t improve
• Unexplained weight loss
• Persistent pain
• Changes in bowel or bladder habits
• Breathlessness or chest discomfort
• New lumps, bleeding, or swelling

If symptoms continue after an initial visit, go back. Research shows repeat visits are common before diagnosis – persistence matters.

2. Be Specific and Direct

When describing symptoms:

• Focus on what has changed.
• Explain how it affects daily life.
• Mention how long it has been happening.

You might say:

“This pain is new for me, it’s getting worse, and it’s affecting my sleep. I’m concerned and would like further investigation.”

Clear language helps doctors understand urgency.

3. Ask Questions – and Write Them Down

It’s okay to ask:

• “What else could this be?”
• “What tests would rule out something serious?”
• “If this doesn’t improve, what’s the next step?”

Bringing a list – or a trusted person – can help ensure your concerns are heard.

4. Seek a Second Opinion When Needed

If symptoms persist and you feel dismissed, seeking another opinion is not overreacting – it’s responsible healthcare.

Research shows that second opinions often lead to earlier diagnosis, particularly for women.

Knowledge Is Power – and Protection

The gender gap in cancer diagnosis isn’t about blame. It’s about systems, history, and habits that haven’t always served women well.

But women today are better informed than ever. By understanding the risks, trusting our instincts, and advocating for ourselves, we can help close this gap – for ourselves, and for the women who come after us.

Your health matters. Your symptoms matter. And you deserve to be heard.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you had any medical concerns that were dismissed by health professionals? Did the delay in diagnosis cause any complications? On the other hand, have you experienced readiness to be helped by a doctor?

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, I don’t even know what I want anymore… you’re not alone.

And if you’ve ever wondered, Why do I keep attracting the same kind of man? you’re obviously not literally attracting the “same man” – but you may be choosing from the same place inside you.

Many women date by relying on chemistry, hoping things will “work out,” or using vague wish lists that sound good but don’t hold up in real life. If you’re dating after 60, I think you have a precious and poignant chance to choose from a new, clearer place now.

That’s why I want to share one of the most useful tools I teach: a simple three-column chart that helps you define what you want from the only three places that actually matter.

Your head.

Your heart.

And yes… your “hoo-ha” (chemistry).

It’s called the 3H method, and it can change how you choose – fast.

Why Relationships Fail Before They Even Start

Many relationships don’t fall apart because people are “bad.” They fall apart because one of the three voices inside you was ignored. Think of your past relationships that didn’t work.

Maybe your head knew it didn’t make sense – different lifestyles, goals, or values – but you stayed because the chemistry was strong.

Maybe your heart didn’t feel safe, but you stayed because he looked perfect on paper.

Or maybe the chemistry was missing, but you told yourself it “shouldn’t matter anymore.”

When head, heart, and chemistry aren’t all on board, you may end up saying yes to what’s familiar – but not what’s really right for you. The 3H chart is designed to stop that pattern.

What the 3H Chart Is

Draw three columns on paper (or in a notes app):

Head (practical compatibility)

Heart (emotional compatibility)

Hoo-ha (chemistry + physical compatibility)

Under each, list your top five to ten essentials. Not 25. Not 50. Just the core traits or values that actually determine whether a relationship works and feels good in your real life.

This chart isn’t meant to make you picky. It’s meant to make you honest.

Head: Does This Work in Real Life?

The “Head” column is about life structure and logistics – the things that can quietly doom a relationship even when you like each other.

Examples:

Geographically compatible

Similar lifestyle pace or goals

Financial compatibility

Compatible retirement vision

Family situation works for both

Health habits that align

Same relationship goal (casual vs long-term)

You are not looking for someone the same as you, but rather for someone whose lifestyle and dreams can intertwine with yours easily.

Heart: How Does It Feel to Be with Him?

The “Heart” column is about emotional compatibility: communication, safety, warmth, and the day-to-day feeling of being with him.

Examples:

Kind communication

Emotionally steady

Laughs easily and often

Values honesty and growth

I feel safe.

We handle conflict without punishment or shutdown.

Comfortable with the level of closeness/independence I want

This column brings you back to the key question: Does this nourish me and feel good?

Hoo-Ha: Yes, Chemistry Still Counts

Chemistry doesn’t disappear unless you tell it to.

And no, it’s not shallow to want attraction after 60. Intimacy is part of a romantic partnership.

Hoo-ha is not just looks. It’s physical compatibility in a full-body sense:

I like the way we kiss and touch.

I feel desire – and feel desired.

We’re aligned on affection and closeness.

We can talk about sex without shame or avoidance.

The physical connection feels mutual and easy.

Your body gets a vote  – without being allowed to run the whole election.

Four Mistakes to Avoid When Making Your Chart

1) Writing What You Don’t Want Instead of What You Do Want

 “No health issues” becomes “takes care of himself.”

 Words matter because they shape your mindset. Don’t start out negative.

2) Using Clichés Instead of Truth

“Tall, successful, funny” often means you’re chasing a feeling. Ask: What do I think I’ll feel if I get that? Then write the feeling: secure, feminine, joyful, relaxed.

3) Asking for What You Won’t Offer

If you want positivity, bring it. If you want adventure in a mate, live that way. A partner is a bonus – not a compensation for something lacking in you.

4) Describing Your Best Friend Instead of Your Romantic Partner

Many women accidentally write a chart that describes themselves. Keep your girlfriends. A partner should complement your life – not replace your whole friend community.

Your Simple Action Step:

This week, make your chart:

Create three columns: Head, Heart, Hoo-ha

List five to ten essentials in each

Rewrite negatives into positive desires

Replace clichés with the feeling you actually want

Ask: Do I truly need this, or is it “nice to have”?

Ask: Am I willing to offer this in return?

I know it’s hard to believe this person exists but if you can’t imagine him, you definitely won’t find him. And if you haven’t been looking for what you really want then no wonder you have not found him. It’s really never too late if it’s something you want.

Also read, Getting Ready to Date Again: Top 10 Things to Do.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you know what you really want in a man? Are those qualities that you’re lacking, or things you truly seek in a partner?

Not desire. Not infatuation. Not longing. This LUST is quieter – and far more durable. And much more important.

The start of a new year has a way of asking quieter questions than we expect. Not the loud ones about resolutions and reinvention, but the subtler ones that surface when things slow down:

• What am I done carrying?
• What patterns am I ready to loosen?
• What version of myself doesn’t need to come along this time?

For me, the answer came in four words: Love. Understanding. Self. Trust. In short – LUST. Let’s take it word by word.

Love

It isn’t about another person (although I would love to be in love). It’s about my relationship with my life. It’s the recognition that I am right where I want to be – even with the heartache, the past trauma, the wrong turns, and the disappointments that didn’t resolve neatly. Love doesn’t deny any of that. It includes it. It says: This is my life, and I’m not waiting to start loving it once it looks different.

There is a feeling of arrival in embracing this way of thinking. Not as in “finished,” but arrival as in I’m here. I’m no longer living as though this chapter is a placeholder for the real one. Loving my life this way feels especially radical at the start of a new year, when so much messaging tells us we need to reinvent instead of augment. Love, as I understand it now, isn’t something I can postpone until conditions improve. It’s something I practice by allowing this moment – messy, unresolved, ordinary – to count.

Understanding

To put myself in another’s shoes and not judge. It’s about letting others be exactly who they are. Truly letting them. Everyone is standing where they stand because of what they’ve lived, learned, survived, and earned. I don’t have to agree with their choices or like what they see or do. I may even feel hurt by it. And from there I need to elevate, to understand that they are acting from what they need, not from what I want.

This level of understanding is freeing. It releases me from trying to reposition people or pull them into alignment with me. At the beginning of a new year, understanding becomes an act of letting go – of stories I keep replaying, conversations I’ll never have, and expectations that only exhaust me. I stop asking people to show up differently and start accepting where they actually show up and show me who they are. Not with resignation, from clarity and acceptance.

Self

This is the ongoing work of knowing what drives me and what depletes me – what brings me alive and what quietly drains the life out of me. It’s learning how to be true to myself while still existing with others. Compromising without disappearing. Participating without performing. Staying connected without leaving myself behind.

At this stage of life, self-knowledge is less about discovery and more about permission. Permission to structure my days differently. Permission to protect my energy. Permission to admit that what once worked no longer does. The New Year often asks what we want to add. Self asks a different question: What do I need to stop overriding? Honoring myself shows up in small, repeatable choices – declining what feels obligatory, choosing depth over distraction, designing a life that fits who I am now.

Trust

Trust is the belief that where I am is not where I end. That more will be revealed. That lessons weren’t just survived but earned and learned. That I am different now in ways that matter. I can feel it—not as optimism, but as steadiness. Change isn’t just possible. It’s palpable.

Trusting the universe doesn’t mean sitting back or giving up agency. It means believing that life is still unfolding, even when I can’t yet see the shape of what’s next. Especially at the start of a new year, when certainty feels tempting, trust asks me to stay open instead. To move forward without guarantees. To believe that clarity comes through living, not waiting.

That’s LUST.

And it’s not something you resolve to become. It’s something you grow into.

The New Year or a new day or the start of a new season, doesn’t require a new version of you. It asks for space – space created by letting go of old patterns, outdated roles, and familiar ways of responding that no longer serve you. LUST makes that space by changing how you stand in your life.

Here’s how you get there – and some tips on how you don’t.

How You Get to LUST

Stop Treating the Present as a Waiting Room

LUST begins when the present moment is allowed to count. For many of us, life has been lived with an asterisk – this isn’t it yet, this will make sense later, once this part is over. Love takes root when that negotiation ends. The present doesn’t have to be perfect or resolved to be valid. Especially at the start of a new year, this shift creates a sense of arrival: not finished, not settled, but fully here.

You stop treating the present as a waiting room. You get to LUST when you stop living as if your real life is about to begin somewhere else. Love grows when you make peace with where you are – not because everything worked out, but because you stopped disqualifying the present. In real life, this means releasing the constant internal negotiation: Once this changes… once I heal more… once I figure it out… once I have this or that. Arrival doesn’t require resolution. It requires acceptance.

Let Others Stand Where They Stand

My own authenticity and understanding deepens when other people are no longer treated as projects. Everyone occupies their own vantage point, shaped by experience, loss, habit, and survival. Agreement isn’t required. Approval isn’t necessary. What changes is the release of the urge to reposition, persuade, or wait for someone else to grow. Letting others stand where they stand clears emotional space and reduces unnecessary friction.

When I stop trying to reposition people, I can see who they are and appreciate them for just that. I let them have their perspectives, their limits, and their coping mechanisms – even when those don’t align with mine. Day to day, this looks like not chasing agreement, not demanding closure, and not personalizing someone else’s capacity. I may not like what they do. I may choose not to stay close to it. But once I stop arguing with the fact that it’s theirs to do, I can just be with them and give what they need.

Learn What Actually Nurtures You – and Honor It

Self becomes clearer through paying attention to small truths. Over time, patterns emerge. I notice certain conversations restore energy while others quietly drain it; some environments calm the body while others agitate it, some habits empower and others lead to a kind of low-grade sadness. Honoring self doesn’t require dramatic change. It shows up in quieter adjustments – less overcommitting, more discernment, to choose depth over volume. A willingness to accept what is and choose accordingly. The need to compromise fades as clarity strengthens and I stop negotiating with myself.

I learn what actually nurtures me – and how to honor it. Self-knowledge becomes real when I notice what sustains me day to day. When I choose the conversations that ground me, the people that show love and warmth. Living this way might mean saying ‘no’ more often, structuring my time differently, and setting new boundaries for my relationships. I no longer compromise to exist with others – I honor what nurtures me and that flows to others.

Stop Dragging Your Old Self Around

Change builds when behavior reflects learning. Old reactions soften. Familiar patterns loosen. Choices come sooner and with less internal debate. Growth no longer needs to be announced or proven – it’s evident in what no longer happens. Acting from the person I have become reinforces the reality that change is already underway.

When I allow myself to act like the person I aspire to be, I move towards being that person. I trust I will become that person. Momentum builds when I stop identifying with old versions of myself. I recognize that I’ve learned something – sometimes the hard way – and I let that learning change my behavior. In practice, this means walking away sooner, reacting less, or choosing differently than I would have before. I don’t need to prove growth. I now live from it.

Trust That the Story Is Still Unfolding

Trust doesn’t require certainty. It allows movement without a full map to where I am going. Especially in a new year, when the desire for clarity can feel urgent, trust offers something steadier: confidence that more will be revealed through living, not waiting. The future doesn’t need to be forced into view to be believed in.

I trust that this “now” isn’t the end of my story. Trusting the universe doesn’t mean waiting passively for signs or certainty. It means staying engaged while remaining open. I believe that more will be revealed, not because I am owed something, but because life is still in motion. I move forward without needing confirmation of the ending. I live my story as it is being written.

How You Don’t Get There

1. Rejecting the Present

LUST doesn’t take root when the current chapter is treated as something to endure or escape. When life is framed as a mistake waiting to be corrected, love stays conditional. Constant comparison, postponed satisfaction, and future-focused bargaining keep arrival out of reach.

I don’t get there by rejecting where I am. When I treat my current life as something to endure until it improves – it keeps everything I want at a distance. When I tell myself this “doesn’t count” because of heartbreak, loss, or unfinished business, I remain stuck in waiting mode. Resisting the present prevents any real sense of arrival. And now I work to learn from each twist and turn and see the next twist and turn, because for sure they keep coming.

2. Taking Other People’s Choices Personally

Understanding collapses when someone else’s behavior is interpreted as a verdict. Replaying conversations, searching for hidden meaning, or assuming intent creates unnecessary emotional labor. Others act from their own histories and needs; forgetting that turns observation into self-judgment. I heard this recently and I love it: “Q-Tip” = Quit Taking It Personally.

I don’t get there by taking other people’s choices personally. When I strive to understand, it collapses the moment, and I make someone else’s behavior a referendum on my worth. When I replay conversations, search for hidden meanings, or try to correct misunderstandings that don’t actually exist, I carry emotional weight that was never mine in the first place. Letting others be free, frees me from that burden.

3. Confusing Compassion with Responsibility

Empathy becomes unsustainable when it requires self-sacrifice. Staying quiet to preserve harmony, absorbing emotions that aren’t my own, or consistently prioritizing others’ comfort erodes self over time. Compassion that demands disappearance is not generosity – it’s depletion.

I didn’t get there by confusing compassion with responsibility. Empathy becomes a problem when it turns into self-sacrifice. Compassion does not require disappearance. It requires boundaries and taking care of my needs so I have the strength and inner light to be of service to others.

4. Living Out of Alignment with Self

Ignoring what drains energy weakens trust slowly but consistently. Overriding instincts, minimizing needs, or maintaining patterns that no longer fit creates internal friction. Without alignment, self becomes theoretical rather than lived.

Self-erodes when you repeatedly override your instincts and ignore what drains you. Overcommitting, staying in environments that exhaust you, or continuing patterns that no longer fit weakens trust in yourself. And without self-trust, LUST can’t take root.

5. Clinging to an Outdated Identity

Growth stalls when familiarity is mistaken for truth. Repeating old narratives about limitations, mistakes, or roles keeps life anchored to who I once was rather than who I am now. Change doesn’t require permission; it requires recognition.

I was not getting there by clinging to who I used to be. Growth stalls when repeating old stories about a version of myself that no longer exists. Change doesn’t need permission. It needs acknowledgment.

6. Demanding Certainty Before Trust

Trust cannot develop under conditions of proof. Waiting for guarantees delays movement and reinforces hesitation. Trust strengthens through experience – through choosing, acting, and adjusting along the way.

Trust never develops when you require guarantees. If you need proof before you move forward, you stay stuck. Trust grows through experience, not certainty. It strengthens when you move anyway. When you take the next step because you took the last one and the one before that and you are on firm footing.

What’s Next:

The new year doesn’t require a new version of you. It asks for space – space created by letting go of what no longer fits.

LUST is what happens when you stop dragging old patterns into a new season. When you release the need to fix, prove, or resolve everything before moving forward. When you choose different responses, not different resolutions.

This isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about how you stand in your life now.

Not because everything worked out – but because you are changing.

Also read, Where Is Willingness to Do What Is Good for Me?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What type of new year are you expecting for yourself? How are you going to make use of LUST?