Month: January 2026

Many women in their middle to later years thought that by now things would feel easier. Quieter, maybe. But certainly, more settled.

Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for women of this age to feel strangely invisible in their own marriages. Not abused. Just… overlooked. Forgotten. Or, taken for granted.

A neglectful husband doesn’t necessarily look like a villain.

Often, he looks like a man who pays the bills, doesn’t cheat or drink too much, and “isn’t that bad.” And yet – you feel alone. You feel like you’re living beside someone rather than with them.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not dramatic, ungrateful, or “too sensitive.” You’re experiencing emotional neglect, and that matters.

What Neglect Looks Like Later in Life (And Why It Hurts So Much)

At this stage of life neglect rarely looks explosive. It’s more quiet and subtle because it’s crept in over the years.

It looks like a husband who,

• Doesn’t ask how you’re really doing and wouldn’t know what to do with the answer anyway.
• Is absent of curiosity about you.
• Lacks warmth.
• Conversations stay stuck on logistics: appointments, finances, dinner plans – nothing deeper.

Many women of this age say the hardest part isn’t what their husbands do, it’s what they don’t do.

No checking in. No affection unless you initiate. No emotional presence when you’re feeling overwhelmed, grieving, or changing.

Menopause, aging parents, and adult children pulling away are all big life transitions, and neglect during this time can cut especially deep.

But neglect isn’t always intentional. Many men were taught financial support equals good partnership. Emotional availability wasn’t something they saw modeled.

That doesn’t excuse being neglectful, but it helps explain why it can feel so unchangeable.

And the kicker?

Since nothing “terrible” is happening, women often talk themselves out of their own pain.

• Other people have it worse.
• He’s not abusive.
• I should be grateful.

Over time, self-silencing can be more damaging than the neglect itself.

How to Stop the Slow Erosion of Self and Blaming Yourself

One of the most painful effects of a neglectful marriage is how quietly it erodes your sense of self. You start questioning if you’re boring now. Maybe you’re too needy, old, unattractive, or just too much trouble.

Let me be very clear – emotional neglect is not a reflection of your worth, attractiveness, or value.

It’s the result of a relationship that has become emotionally stale, often because one partner stopped showing up.

Many women were socialized to be adaptable, accommodating, and patient. They were taught to lower expectations rather than raise concerns.

Over decades, that can turn into self-erasure. You become the one who adjusts, fills the silence, manages the household, maintains the social ties, all while quietly starving for connection.

If you’ve stopped asking for what you need because “it never changes,” that’s not peace. That’s resignation.

The first step is noticing where you’ve internalized the neglect.

Ask yourself,

• Am I minimizing my feelings?
• Am I telling myself it’s “too late” to want more?
• Am I thinking emotional intimacy is just something I should let go of wanting?

The truth is that you’re allowed to want connection at any age. You’re allowed to want to be seen.

Talking to a Neglectful Husband Without Begging or Exploding

This is where many women feel frustrated.

You’ve either tried talking and nothing has changed, or you’re afraid that bringing it up will lead to defensiveness, dismissal, or further estrangement.

So, what should you do?

Let’s start with what not to do.

• Emotional dumping.
• Listing grievances from the last 20 years.
• Framing the conversation as an indictment of who he is as a person.

These responses will make a husband prone to blame and tune you out. What can work is shifting from accusations to a conversation that has an impact.

Instead of, “You never pay attention to me,” try something like, “I feel lonely in this marriage, and it’s been weighing on me more than I’ve wanted to admit.”

That sentence isn’t about blame. It’s about reality.

Be specific, but not overwhelming. One or two concrete examples are enough.

“When I talk about my day, you don’t respond,” or “Weeks go by without affection, and that upsets me and makes me feel lonely.”

These statements give him something tangible to hear and think about.

His response can tell you a great deal. Does he,

• Show concern?
• Ask questions?
• Make any effort afterward, even small ones?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then it’s quite possible the needle will move and things can improve. It may take time, practice, gentle reminders, even couples counseling, but things can change.

If you answered no you may have a much more difficult time.

Neglect often persists not because men don’t hear what the woman in their life says, but because they don’t feel compelled to change.

Choosing Yourself – Whether He Changes or Not

This is the part no one wants to talk about.

You can’t force a neglectful husband to become emotionally present. You can invite. You can request. You can express your feelings. But you can’t make someone value an emotional connection if they don’t.

That doesn’t mean your only options are misery or divorce, however.

This is where a little ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ comes in. I counsel a lot of men who have no idea what an emotional connection is or what to do to have it. They need help building what is called emotional intelligence. And they all can do it if they’re willing and have the right help.

But what if your husband isn’t willing to change? Then the best choice for you to make is to choose yourself.

Many women, as they age, begin to reclaim themselves emotionally, socially, and creatively, even if their husbands remain largely unchanged.

In other words, they stop waiting to be chosen and start choosing themselves.

Sometimes this shift actually changes the relationship dynamic. When a woman stops orbiting around a neglectful partner and starts standing firmly in her own life, it can wake something up in their partner.

Doing so brings clarity, and clarity, while uncomfortable, is also powerful.

Some women may also reach a point where they have to ask themselves a hard but honest question:

If nothing changes, am I willing to live like this for the next 10 or 20 years?

There’s no right answer – only a truthful one.

Whatever you decide, remember your emotional needs don’t expire at 50, 60, 70, or beyond. Wanting warmth, connection, and to be valued isn’t indulgent or selfish – it’s a valid human need.

Please Join the Conversation:

Do you have a neglectful husband? Have you successfully explained to and compelled your husband to be more attentive? Share your story and join the conversation.

Photo: @rhoc_emilysimpson

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Originally posted at: Emily Simpson’s Grey Fringe Sweater

Forgiveness means different things to different people. In general, it means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It is an intentional decision and is a commitment to change those feelings. It takes conscious effort and sometimes it takes time. In The Book of Forgiveness, Desmond Tutu writes, “Forgiveness is not an effortless task for any of us, and it does not serve anyone to minimize the complexity involved in the work of forgiving.”

Forgiveness as the Path to Love

I have been lucky to travel to many different parts of our world and experience cultures very different from my own. In each, without a doubt, there is a basic need to be loved and respected. We do that when we seek the best for others and the betterment of all human life. For some people it is easy to feel love for others but for most of us there are qualifications. Sometimes there are reasons for our feelings and sometimes not. We hold onto past hurts and anger.

So, what can each of us do to shed our anger and hurt feelings so that we can truly feel love – for ourselves and for others? We can forgive each other! Forgiveness is not easy and yet if we don’t forgive, it will tear us up inside – make us bitter and angry. It can stop us from connecting with other people and discovering their beauty. Likewise, it keeps others from experiencing our beauty.

What Does Forgiveness Entail?

How do we escape from our anger and hurt? The first step is to acknowledge it. Take some time to reflect on how we got to where we are now. I admit that it has taken years, in some cases, to get in touch with my underlying feelings. Tutu suggests, “Tell your story for as long as you need to. Name your hurts until they no longer pierce your heart.”

Talking about feelings was not something I grew up doing nor did I raise my family with open discussions about feelings. I can now see how that causes a person to feel unseen. It took a divorce, a move across the country, a great friend, and time for me to connect with myself. Lots of introspection!

It Doesn’t Happen Overnight

Does that mean that I now do everything right? Heavens, no! Some habits are hard to break, and my mouth still talks before my brain thinks about what I am saying. When I do realize how my actions may have hurt someone, I try to address it asap. Although it is not easy, I also attempt to forgive myself and try to do better. Tutu says, “Grant forgiveness when you are ready to let go of a past that cannot be changed.”

Open communication is a key to forgiveness. If we make an effort to address the issue – after enough time to calm down – and listen with a loving and open heart, it is likely that progress can be made. I know it is not easy to forgive, to make the effort to talk and listen, to admit that we have made mistakes, but the freedom that your heart experiences is so worth the effort.

Questions to Reflect on:

Who do you need to forgive? Do you want to work on those feelings? Do you have a forgiveness success story to share?

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Originally posted at: Kyle Richards’ Flat Top Shield Sunglasses

Everything doesn’t suddenly change overnight going from December 31 to January 1, but because we turn the page of a calendar and get used to writing a new year when we date something, it feels different. The good news is that we get to choose what we give our energy to next. After the rush of the holidays, this month invites us to slow down, take stock, and ask ourselves an important question:

What Do I Choose to Focus on This Year?

Not what you “should” do or what everyone else is doing. But what actually matters to you right now? For some, the focus is stability, and for others, healing, rebuilding, or creating something entirely new. Or sometimes it’s simply wanting to feel calmer and more confident about life.

Here’s a gentle way to set your focus.

If January already feels full, here’s a simple approach that works beautifully:

• Choose one financial focus that would make life feel easier this year.
• Choose one wellness focus that supports your energy, well-being, or confidence.

That’s it! No massive overhaul required. When wealth and wellness work together, real change becomes sustainable. Remember, what we think about, we bring about!

Crucial Starting Point

The one financial and wellness focus will be different for each of us. We are all at various points in our lives, professionally and/or personally, geographically, and certainly financially. So you may be thinking there is not one financial tool for all.

I disagree.

I believe there is one crucial starting point for all women, and that is to have a big picture view of your finances, all in one place, kind of like an inventory of the tools in your toolbox. What financial resources are available for you to use as tools in this life you are creating? Even if you think you know, do you really know?

One Tool for All

I mean do you know where all of your accounts are physically located, how they are titled, who can help you with any of those assets, who receives your assets after you are gone, how those accounts are taxed when you or your beneficiaries use them, and the worth of everything combined? The one tool I see over and over and over again being helpful in so many ways is a net worth statement. I couldn’t find a template with enough detail so I created one: My Net Worth Overview.

Examples of Use

This past month alone I have helped women use it for SO many reasons:

• tracking CD maturities,
• consolidating too many accounts,
• determining which accounts to draw income from,
• same thing for gifting to family,
• identifying charitable options,
• reminding someone about their big picture of financial resources when worried about market volatility or to see the growth realized despite doomsday headlines,
• clarifying with an estate attorney on updates recommended,
• serving as the asset list of To Dos for survivor/family member after a loss,
• and serving as a comprehensive overview for decisions related to a home purchase, business loan, and investing decisions.

And that was all just in the last four weeks!

A Free Tool

My point is that creating your summary serves so many purposes. And once you create it, annual updates are quick and easy! I believe in it so strongly that I recorded the workshop I used to offer monthly and now it is always available on demand (you can watch it at any time of day or night, no matter your time zone!) AND it comes with the downloadable Net Worth Summary tool… all FREE on my website.

My wish for you is that you take one hour to watch the video, with the downloaded worksheet by your side so you get started on it with me as we walk through it together. If you choose that as your one financial focus for 2026, you will be so glad you did and end up using it for so many reasons.

Your Wellness Focus

And you probably already know which wellness focus you most need. The biggest recommendations for better health are often related to sleep, water consumption, exercise, and eating whole, unprocessed foods. We all know our personal challenges. Pick the one you know you feel better when you do it and make it specific.

Maybe you choose to fill your water bottle and drink it three times throughout the day. Maybe you put your walking, yoga, or exercise clothes on first thing when you roll out of bed in the morning (since you’re not likely to NOT exercise if you dressed for it). Maybe you keep a veggie tray stocked in the refrigerator for easy, grab-and-go snacks whenever your mid-day pick-me-up or after dinner urge arrives. What works best for you?

The more we take care of our mind and body, the less we have to worry about running out of money. Good “whealth” costs less. Wealth and wellness really do work together!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What intentional focus is calling your name this year? What matters to you right now? Is your mindset ready to embrace a healthier future with two small changes? Let’s share our thoughts.