Month: January 2026

I’m no expert on women’s issues. I do, however, have women in my coaching practice, and a lot of women in my circle – sisters, in-laws, colleagues and neighbors. They talk with me. I learn. They listen, and they push back… regularly.

So, I want to offer an observation.

Scroll through social media and you’ll see it: women in their 50s, 60s, and 70s sharing selfies. Sometimes they’re polished. Sometimes casual. Sometimes joyful, reflective, or quietly proud.

And almost inevitably, a question follows – spoken or not: Why?

The assumption is often unflattering. Vanity. Insecurity. A desire for attention. But for many mature women, that interpretation misses the point entirely.

A Lifetime of Being Seen for Others

Most women over 60 did not grow up curating their lives visually.

Photos were taken for family albums, holidays, and milestones – often by someone else, for someone else. You showed up, smiled, and moved on.

For decades, many women were primarily visible as:

• someone’s wife
• someone’s mother
• someone’s caregiver
• someone’s professional contributor.

Rarely simply as themselves.

A selfie changes that dynamic. It’s self-authored. Intentional. Chosen.

It says: This moment matters to me.

The Reality of Invisibility

Here’s an uncomfortable truth many women recognize as they age: visibility diminishes. (I’ve written a couple views on this topic before.)

Public attention shifts. Media representation thins. Compliments change or disappear. You can feel present in your own life while feeling overlooked in the world.

This isn’t imagined. It’s cultural.

So, when a woman in her 60s posts a selfie, it may be responding to something very real:

“I don’t want to disappear.”

That’s not narcissism.

That’s humanity.

Selfies as Self-Determination, Not Self-Promotion

For mature women, selfies are rarely about chasing likes.

They’re more often about:

• marking a moment of confidence
• acknowledging a personal transition
• embracing gray hair, lines, and lived experience
• saying, This is who I am now.

In this sense, a selfie becomes less about appearance and more about identity.

It’s not “Look at me.”

It’s “This is me.”

Aging in a Culture That Prefers Youth

Let’s be honest: our culture is changing, but it still struggles to portray aging women well.

So, when mature women share selfies, they’re often doing something quietly powerful:

• refusing to erase themselves
• expanding what aging looks like
• normalizing presence, joy, and strength
• offering real, relatable role models.

These images don’t shout. They simply exist – and that visibility matters.

Confidence Isn’t Shallow at this Stage of Life

Yes, some women post selfies because it helps them feel confident.

After decades of being told – directly or indirectly – that aging makes women less relevant, practicing self-acceptance is not indulgent. It’s corrective.

Confidence later in life isn’t about approval.

It’s about peace.

And sometimes peace begins with allowing yourself to be seen without apology.

A Generational Shift Worth Respecting

Many mature women are doing something they were never encouraged to do before:

• take up space
• claim visibility
• define themselves without permission.

Social media happens to be the tool – but the impulse is deeper than the platform.

This is about agency.

A Thought for Women Reading This

If you’ve ever taken a selfie and hesitated before posting it – wondering what others might think – pause for a moment.

Ask a different question:

Why am I uncomfortable being visible now?

You’ve spent decades showing up for others. You’ve earned the right to show up for yourself. A selfie doesn’t need to prove youth, beauty, or relevance.

Sometimes, it simply says: I’m still here – and I’m not done.

And that, at any age, is worth honoring.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you take selfies? How do you choose when and where to take a photo? What do selfies mean to you?

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a dear friend who remarked that she couldn’t believe her 16-year-old granddaughter had gotten her driver’s license. That comment led to a whole conversation about who we were at 16, back when we were dancing to “Boogie Wonderland” by the Emotions and singing along with the movie Grease at the drive-in theater.

The First Taste of Freedom

Oh, the freedom that came with turning 16 and getting my driver’s license.

It was a small plastic card, but it felt like a passport. Suddenly, the world widened. My ‘63 Chevy Nova wasn’t about transportation. It was about possibility. It was the moment life cracked open and said, Go.

When Life Narrowed

Just a few short years later came adulthood and with it a narrowing of the openness I felt when I first slipped behind the wheel.

Career ambitions, financial realities, single parenting, a mortgage… responsibility stacked on responsibility. Choices became less about desire and more about obligation. Fun became something scheduled, while risk was something to be managed. I didn’t lose myself, but I did move parts of myself to the backseat.

Another Threshold in my 60s

And now, here I am in my early 60s standing at another threshold.

The kids are out in the wide world, the mortgage is almost paid off, and work is loosening its grip. The structure that once dictated my days has shifted. I’m no longer required to prove, provide, or perform in the same way, and the feeling of freedom is creeping back into my consciousness.

It feels a little bit like being 16 again.

Although I have no desire to relive my youth or wipe out all the skills, experience and wisdom that has been hard fought and proudly won, I can feel my heart happily skip a beat when I envision a future not crowded with must-dos.

Why 16 Matters

At 16, we did things for the fun of it. We lingered, experimented, and took risks without fear. We spent hours hanging out with friends simply because it felt good to be together. We followed creative urges without feeling pressure to monetize them. We tried on identities without worrying if they were permanent or practical.

In the magic of later life, we have the opportunity to do that again, only this time with wisdom and experience. Revisiting my 16-year-old self isn’t about nostalgia or regret. It’s about reconnection. What did I love then that still sparks something now? What risks did I take that expanded me? What did I do purely for pleasure, not outcome? These questions aren’t backward-looking. They point forward and can be a valuable guide to living with energy and joie de vivre.

Looking Back in Order to Move Forward

There’s a quiet but radical idea here: aging doesn’t always require reinvention. Sometimes it calls for reconnection and extracting the very best from every age. It’s about revisiting moments when the world felt wide open and possibility rushed in.

Here’s a simple way to reconnect to that wide-open feeling:

Name Your “Wide-Open” Moment

Maybe it was getting your driver’s license. Or graduating from high school or college. Headlining the school play. Winning a championship game. Moving out for the first time. There was a moment, big or small, when something cracked open and possibility rushed in. What was yours?

Remember the Mood, Not the Details

Forget the clothes, the hair, the pimples, the awkward school dances. What did that season feel like? Curious? Bold? Hopeful? Restless? Unburdened? That emotional tone matters more than the memory itself. Need a little help remembering? Pull out an old yearbook, reconnect with a former classmate, or use a search engine to research popular songs, movies, and clothing styles from the era.

Notice What You Did “Just Because”

What did you do for fun back then, when you didn’t need a plan, a reward, or a boost to your résumé? Who did you spend time with simply because it felt good? What did you try without worrying whether you’d be great at it?

Recall How You Related to Risk

You didn’t call it risk. You called it trying, saying yes because… why not? Where were you braver, not reckless, but willing to stumble a bit? How did it feel to move before you had it all figured out?

Look for a Modern Version of That Freedom

The freedom that comes after 60 doesn’t look like a set of car keys. It might be time to rest or explore, enjoy financial breathing room, or relax knowing that there are fewer people depending on you. What doors are open now that weren’t before?

Experiment, Lightly

You don’t need a grand adventure. Try one small thing that echoes that earlier openness: take a class, say yes to an invitation, revisit an old interest, follow a whim for an afternoon. Motion matters.

Carry the Feeling Forward

The goal isn’t to become who you were – it’s to bring forward what felt true about you: confidence, creativity, playfulness, courage. Those qualities didn’t age out. They’ve just been waiting.

In our 60s, we don’t have to gamble everything to feel alive. We get to age with curiosity, experiment wisely, and follow threads of interest for the sole purpose of seeing where they lead.

The road is open again.

And this time, we know exactly how to drive.

Want Weekly One-Minute Sparks Like This?

If this reflection stirred something in you, you’ll love Spark 60, my weekly Wednesday email offering one minute of inspiration for women navigating midlife and beyond. Think curiosity, style, courage, and the small shifts that make life feel wide open again.

Join the Conversation:

What gave you freedom at 16? Have you reached the point where you feel that same freedom creeping in your life again? What does freedom look like for you in your 60s and beyond?

I am blessed to have 3 other siblings to help navigate the current adventure of caring for our aging parents.

My mom will be 78 in February and Dad will be 81 in October.

The plan was they would sell their large 3-bedroom home (2-story) and downsize into the ADU (Accessory Dwelling Unit) my sister is building in her backyard. It was going to be a perfectly sized tiny home on one level with 1 bedroom and a nice big shower.

Then, life, as it normally does, told us our plans would change. Their health began declining faster than we could have anticipated.

So we had to make the decision to move them from living independently to a senior living facility. I am so grateful they could move together.

It all happened very quickly.

We were thrown into the adventure of having to handle their current home, all the stuff in it which had been accumulated for 20+ years, power of attorney, finances, applying for long-term care benefits, planning funeral expenses, helping them get settled into their new normal, hospice care, and whatever else popped up along the way.

Did I mention we did all this a week before Christmas?

Once the adventure began, I quickly learned my parents were broke, bored and had filled their home with stuff they didn’t use.

This article is to share some lessons learned or lessons in progress in our story.

Not to judge them, but to help others ask these questions sooner, while they still have choices.

How Much House Do I Actually Use Each Day?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately. I am the one that is working hard to promote smaller living by showcasing tiny homes.

As we help my parents move into a senior living facility, I’m seeing something I didn’t fully understand before.

Something that solidifies the thoughts and feelings I hope to help others understand.

Many of us spend money on things we don’t really need just to fill space we rarely use.

Many of us have too much space and rooms in our home that we stopped using a long time ago.

• Extra bedrooms filled with boxes.
• Closets packed with things we forgot we owned.
• Cabinets holding items bought with good intentions and never touched again.

This was true of my parents’ home.

If you paused right now and walked through your own home, how many rooms would you truly use today?

Extra Space Costs $$

My parents paid for a lot of extra space in their lifetime.

Heated it, cooled it, cleaned it, insured it, and in the end, much of what filled it will be sold, donated, or thrown away.

That’s not a judgment. It’s just reality.

Watching this unfold made me look hard at my own home. Most of us don’t use our whole house each day. We use it in short bursts.

• We eat for a few minutes.
• We make coffee.
• We get dressed.
• We shower.
• We use the toilet.
• We watch a show.
• We sleep.

Yet many homes dedicate entire rooms to things we barely use.

I see this clearly in my own house.

We don’t eat in our dining space. It’s become a place for plants, a table I don’t love, and a walkway from one room to another.

I started using it to record videos for my YouTube channel, but otherwise it’s mostly unused. That one room makes up about 10% of my home. When I did the math, it really surprised me.

• That space costs me about $150 a month in mortgage.
• Around $20 a month in electricity.
• About $200 a year in property taxes.
• Another $200 a year in insurance.

When you add that up, I’m paying a little over $200 every month for a room I barely use.

And that doesn’t include the time spent cleaning it (sometimes), furnishing it, doing maintenance or repairs.

$200 is a lot of money when you realize in the last decade, I have wasted $24,000 on a space I barely use.

Living Smaller Is Cost-Effective

This is where the idea of living smaller starts to click for many people as they get older.  Not just because they want less space, but because they want to be intentional with the space they actually use.

Tiny living isn’t about giving things up. It’s about protecting your time, money, and energy.

Take eating, for example. Most people say a dining area is essential. But how much space do you really need for daily meals? How much time will be spent eating those meals?

What if your everyday table was just the right size for daily use and when friends came over, you could bring out extra seating or expand the table?

When you weren’t eating, that same space could serve another purpose.

Smaller living encourages this kind of thinking.

• One space.
• Multiple uses.
• No wasted rooms.

It also changes how you think about money.

The Silent Draw to Buy Things We Don’t Need

I’d probably be shocked if I added up how many things I’ve bought, used once, and then forgotten.

Or donated.

Or thrown away.

How much of that money could have stayed in my bank account if I had been more aware?

There’s the quiet habit of buying things we don’t truly need. Often, it has less to do with the item and more to do with how we’re feeling.  Boredom plays a bigger role than we like to admit.

My Dad fell victim to this as the Amazon driver was one of the first people to ask how he was when he didn’t have a package to deliver for 3 whole days.

I even noticed myself get caught up in scrolling things I could buy during the holidays.

My Dad was also bored. He no longer worked, doing hobbies was more challenging mobility-wise and after all, he had the space to fill in his large home.

When days start to feel repetitive, buying something new can feel like a small spark. It gives us something to look forward to, even if only for a moment.

The problem is that the feeling rarely lasts. The item comes home, gets used once or twice, and then slowly fades into the background.

It ends up in a drawer, a closet, or a spare room. We don’t miss it, but we still pay for the space it takes up.

Over time, those small purchases turn into shelves, bins, and rooms filled with things that once felt exciting and now feel invisible.

This is how clutter quietly grows. Not from bad habits, but from everyday moments when buying feels easier than asking what we actually need or want.

I don’t want to even think about the amount of money my parents spent on things that they did not truly need. It basically left them broke.

They are not alone in this. I have spent oodles of money on things I don’t need. I am much more aware now and dealing with my parents’ stuff has only solidified that for me.

What This Has Changed for Me

Going through this experience with my parents has shifted something in me. Seeing how quickly choices disappeared for them has made me more aware of my own. It has also increased the drive I feel to promote smaller living in general. Not because it’s trendy, but because I’ve seen what happens when we wait too long to question how we live.

I’ve also started to question the version of the American Dream many of us grew up with. Bigger homes and more possessions were often seen as signs of success. But as my parents age, I see how that same dream can make later years more complicated.

Large homes take more effort to maintain, and decades of belongings become difficult to sort through when health or care needs change.

It’s made me pause more before buying things. I think about whether something will truly be used or if it’s just filling time or space.

Letting Go of a Burdening Mindset

Letting go of things isn’t always easy. Some items carry memories, and some represent versions of ourselves we’re not quite ready to release.

But I’m learning that keeping everything comes with its own cost.

I notice now how often what I’m really looking for isn’t an object at all, but something to look forward to.

A plan. A place to go. Time with people I care about.

This experience has also made smaller living make more sense to me. Not as a rule, but as a mindset.

Less space encourages better decisions. It reduces mindless spending and makes every square foot earn its place.

That’s why I care so much about helping others see how living differently is possible.

For some, that may mean a tiny home or a backyard cottage. For others, it may simply mean using less space and using it better.

Either way, the goal is the same.

More intention. More freedom. More life in the space you keep.

A Simple Place to Begin

The good news is this awareness can happen at any stage of life. You don’t have to move tomorrow. You don’t have to sell anything. You simply have to start noticing what supports your life now and what quietly drains it.

That awareness alone can change how you spend, how you live, and how free you feel in your own home.

It can look as simple as choosing not to keep things that don’t bring joy, serve a real purpose, or add value in some way. The goal isn’t to live small, just to live smaller. It’s to stop paying for space that no longer serves your life.

Before you think about downsizing or moving, start with a few honest questions:

• How much house do I really use each day?
• Do I buy things I rarely use or don’t truly need?
• What feels missing in my life right now?

The answers may change how you see your home – and your money – entirely.

I wish my parents had asked these questions 10 years earlier, when the answers were still easy to act on.

Let’s Reflect Together:

Is there a space in your home that you rarely use – or not at all? When you think about it, how much of your space do you really use? What have you bought and only ever used once?

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