Month: March 2026

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Originally posted at: Rachel Zoe’s Black Chain Belt Bag

Style Stealers

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Originally posted at: Dorit Kemsley’s Sneakers with Green Laces

Click Here for Additional Stock in Her Hat

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Originally posted at: Erika Girardi’s White Polo Baseball Cap and Jeans

As someone who specializes in marital communication and interactions, I often talk to people about how important voice tone is in terms of a marriage’s overall tone. But I recently realized that there’s another way to improve the tone of a marriage. And that’s through music.

I came to this realization while out for supper with a couple friends, during what turned out to be karaoke night at the restaurant. A self-described “recently dumped” middle-aged woman took to the karaoke machine like a duck to water and belted out the song I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor). By the end of the performance, she was smiling ear-to-ear and had the place cheering for her.

Music Can Influence Mood and Overall Situation

The change on her face and even in the restaurant was palpable, and it’s no mystery why. Music can definitely affect our mood. So if you’re feeling a little down – or perhaps a little irritated with your husband – try listening to a few pick-me-up tunes. It can change your mood and give you the boost of positive emotion, optimism or perspective you need to feel better, and perhaps even avoid an unnecessary argument with him.

Similarly, if your husband comes home in a foul mood, try sweetening it by playing one or two of his favorite songs. This might be a better approach than saying, “Wow, you’re grumpy!” or demanding that he explain his bad mood. Sometimes it isn’t worth talking about. Sometimes the reason is small and insignificant, and it’s better to just let the mood pass and get on with life.

So Can Music Change the Tone of a Marriage?

That depends on the marriage and what issues a couple is facing. It won’t do much to improve the tone of a miserable marriage or solve a serious problem, but it might hit just the right note to make a good marriage even better.

A well-timed, well-chosen song can certainly spare you from a few pointless arguments and nasty interactions. It can prevent you from hurting each other’s feelings for no real reason, or having a long talk when it just isn’t necessary.

Because honestly, by the time we reach middle age, and especially if our marriage has been a long one, we’ve had our share of pointless arguments and long talks that can eat up an evening! In the end, relationship math is elementary. To have a successful marriage, you need more good days than bad days, more positive interactions than negative ones, and more happy songs than sad ones.

Just Play That Song!

If you feel a bad mood coming on, or you see your husband is in one, cue the music and set a happier tone. It won’t work all the time, and it isn’t always the best way to avoid conflict, but it works enough of the time that it’s one more song to have in your marriage playbook.

So pay attention and listen up: when your husband walks through the door, when you’re cooking dinner, when you’re cleaning the dishes… is your space typically filled with silence or sound? If it’s silence, add some background tunes – experiment with different genres and styles – and see what happens.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What kind of music brings up your mood? What music does your husband/partner like? How does music affect the tone of your relationship?

One thing I love about living in an apartment building is that, while I live alone, I’m surrounded by caring humans. We look out for each other. We hold doors, water plants, have the occasional glass of wine, exchange keys, and check in when someone hasn’t been seen in a while. It’s its own kind of chosen community (with the occasional neighbor I’d prefer to live elsewhere…).

I’m 42, not partnered (though looking for setups!), and I live in Brooklyn, NY with my labradoodle, Penny. And while Penny is loyal and loving, she’s probably not up to the task of making healthcare decisions for me (no offense, Penny) AND she herself (probably… or I could be projecting) wants to make sure that she’s also covered if something happens to me.

What Is Living Solo About?

Lately, I’ve been thinking more about what it means to be a solo ager. It’s not just being single or without children (by choice or circumstance) but recognizing that families shift. People move. Estrangement happens. Sometimes the support system we expected to have just… isn’t there in the way we imagined.

When my parents divorced in their late 60s after 36 years together, they hadn’t planned to be on their own at that stage of life. For a few years, they both were. One is re-partnered now, one is asking me for dating advice (I feel half endearing about this and half eyeroll), but it was a reminder that life can pivot in ways we don’t plan for. In those moments, it’s best to already have a plan in place on what aging and care (and how we’re paying for it) looks like in our lives.

Planning for the Future

As an end-of-life professional, I’ve supported many incredible humans (who were technically not alone, but practically, they were) plan their future. Their closest relatives lived far away, or the relationships weren’t strong. In the end, they leaned on friends, neighbors, paid caregivers, and community.

Planning ahead is a gift, whether you rely on your family of origin or your family of choice. And we should all be planning as if we must rely on ourselves and the communities we create. Women especially need to be thinking about this because statistically, we live longer.

Here are some ways that I, as a professional, am trying to take my own advice and plan ahead:

I Have a Healthcare Proxy in Place

This is to ensure that if something happened to me and I needed someone to make medical decisions on my behalf, I am covered. I chose someone I know understands and will honor my wishes, can make decisions under pressure, and isn’t afraid to ask questions or advocate on my behalf.

I’ve Organized My Digital Life

Before the digital age, many people had that desk drawer or filing cabinet that held all the important documents. The insurance policies, the deed or mortgage information, the health insurance information, the will, credit card statements – everything you need to piece together someone’s financial, health and legal life.

Now everything is decentralized and scattered amongst dozens if not hundreds of websites. It’s important to have an inventory of what you have, and how to access it. That’s why I have a digital password manager and digital vault that a trusted person can access if I need help while I’m alive or for my executor after I’m gone. Is it perfect? No. But will it leave someone with a fairly clear map of what’s important? Yes.

I Have a Plan for My Pet

If something were to happen to me, I have neighbors with keys who can help. Recently, I had to go to Urgent Care when I stepped on a shard of broken glass. I was making coffee in the morning and all of a sudden, I couldn’t walk and it was time to take Penny out. I called my sister, who lives an 8-minute walk away, and she changed her morning plans in order to help me out (I have the very best of sisters).

I’ve also created a simple document sharing Penny’s vet information, her feeding instructions, her dog walker, her favorite treats and toys, medication (anxious like her mother) and any quirks that if someone needed to step in, should know. I’ve also left a guardian for Penny in my Will and some money set aside for her care so that she’s not a burden.

I Purchased Long Term Care Insurance

Was it the sexiest gift to myself? No. Will my future self be very grateful I did this? Absolutely. Aging is expensive. Aging well is even more expensive.

I Prioritize My Friendships and Relationships

Community and connection are of the utmost importance as we age. A recent study found that loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I call and facetime my closest circle with regularity. I try and go to lectures, cooking classes and events in my area that seem fun but also push me outside of my introverted ideal night of hanging with Penny on the couch. I know that if I need something, I have a steady group who I can rely on and that is something that most of us have to really work to maintain.

Although I’m child-free by choice, I love having meaningful relationships with my nieces and nephews and my friends’ children – prioritizing doing activities and giving experiences with them rather than just gifts that they will discard.

I Created a Roadmap

For my parents first, and then for myself. A few years ago I created the Plan Well Organizer, to document all the important paperwork, decisions, and wishes that families need to have on record (I’m making it a physical folio this year!). I built it with my parents in mind, to help them get organized in a way that wouldn’t fall on me (or my sister) in a moment of crisis. What I didn’t expect was how much filling it out myself would help ease my own anxiety around leaving a mess behind. I don’t want to be the cobbler’s child, metaphorically of course as my parents were both dentists.

That’s what solo aging really looks like. It’s not about being without people. It’s about being thoughtful about who your people are, and how you want to be supported. We all should be planning as if we’re solo agers.

And that’s something all of us, at any age, deserve to reflect on.

Even Penny agrees.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Whether you’re solo or partnered, what does your “plan” look like right now, and is there a gap you know you need to close? We’d love to hear from the community.